funny mom jokes dirty

On the day of my seventh wedding anniversary, my husband's lover gave my son a pet cat. My pregnancy made me allergic to cat fur, and rashes appeared all over my body. Sensing that it might lead to a miscarriage, I told my son to return the cat. "I'm keeping it!" my five-year-old son, Zachary, protested. He pushed me and said, "I hate having you as my mom! I want Aunt Lynn to be my mom!" My husband, Quinton Locke, tore into me. "Why did you have to develop an allergy now, out of all times? Is your jealousy blinding you to the point where you won't even consider your son 's feelings? You're being unreasonable!" He carried Zachary up and left with the cat. They had eschewed me in favor of Lynn Shelbert, Quinton's lover and the 'apple of his eye'. I collapsed on the ground, watching as blood began to soak my pants. At that moment, I knew I had suffered a miscarriage. I felt an unimaginable pain while I was in the hospital. My husband and son went traveling with Lynn, resembling a happy family of three. Lynn sent me a message. [Do you know why Quinton married you even though he's hopelessly in love with me? Well, I wanted a son and a daughter, but I didn't want to bear the risks that come with pregnancy. It's a shame you had a miscarriage.] Despair engulfed me that very instant. I hired a lawyer to prepare the divorce papers and took a flight back to my hometown. My sole wish was to never see Quinton and Zachary again.

BLURB Married at the age of 18, Mila Throndsen gave up everything including her dreams and family prestige for the sake of her childhood sweetheart, Killian. But her husband who once loved her no longer wants to spare her even the simplest glance. Mila did everything she could, even enduring her husband's abuses just so she can rekindle their dying love but it was all in vain. Two months after a passionate one-night stand with a stranger, Mila ended up pregnant. Her husband furiously threw a divorce paper to her face and accused her of cheating Her family disowned and threw her out of their lives too. Devasted and angry, Mila left her hometown, Westwood, for a smaller city, swearing to make everyone who abandoned her pay dearly. Six years later, Mila became a charming model and successful fashionista working in one of the biggest Clothing and Design companies. An enticing business offer brought her back to Westwood but this time around, she wasn't alone. Two adorable little twins accompanied her! Shantel and Leon on the other hand, had another motive, a secret goal, one that Mila wasn't even aware of. "Find a rich CEO for our Mommy, who will also become our Daddy! " Extract; A beam of excitement appeared on Shantel's face as she stared at the handsome man across the street. But there was something else fueling her excitement; this handsome man looked exactly like her twin brother! The little girl rushed over and bumped into the stone ice; Dominic Hartless, the most powerful man of Westwood. A slight frown appeared on Dominic's face as he stared down the cute little thing standing before him. But his frown quickly turned into widened eyes when the little girl proposed; "Excuse me, Handsome Mister, will you marry me? "

After witnessing Ares' accident, Vera had felt she has the responsibility to take care of him. There's a lot of options to do, but she chose to take off the heave on her chest which was to go and look for the reasons why that accident happened and become his bodyguard, nurse and driver. She thought those were the only things she need to handle, but her Captain still demanded her to act as a fake fiancée of her friend for some reasons. Working for Ares made her more attached to him which shouldn't be happening, but will she be able to stay with Ares just like a job and finish her mission-or is her story bound to be more complicated?

•Two brothers, one mate, a curse that binds all three. The goddess plays a cruel trick on Selena, pairing her with two mates who are brothers and bitter rivals. When Alpha Tristan comes to take her as his mate, Selena refuses to go because she has heard horrible rumours about the alpha. Her outright refusal enrages him and he disfigures her face as punishment and takes her captive. Selena is subjected to a lot of abuse at the home of the alpha, but she glimpses her first ray of hope when Zander, the Tristan's older brother, comes back home. Burdened by a curse, Zander has been driven by bloodlust all his life. What he does best is killing and plundering... Until he meets Selena and becomes immensely obsessed with her in all the dark, dirty ways he shouldn't. Would she be the one to tame him or will she pick his brother over her?

Brianna Jackson is beautiful, bold, and fiercely loyal. Growing up with her mom and sister after her father left them, she dropped out of school to help support her family when her mother’s health started failing. But when a tiny mistake gets her fired from her restaurant , she’s back at square one—except her new boss is the same man who got her fired, and he’s determined to make her pay for it. Adrian Carter, CEO of A.C. Organizations, is rich, dangerously handsome, and impossible to please. He has no patience for mistakes and is known for firing anyone who makes one—until Brianna becomes his personal assistant. Her sass and beauty make her hard to ignore, and even harder to let go. As the tension between them blurs into something more, can they keep things professional, or will they give in to the spark between them? Find out in this gripping story of romance, rivalry, and undeniable attraction.

For the erotica readers. Forbidden Desires is the erotica compilation for you then. It is filled with all sorts of one-shots that will satiate your dirty mind. From threesomes to bxg, gxg one shot. Hot stepfathers, and naughty nannies that can't resist their employer. And from the innocent girl who loves all three brothers - Katherine Pierce has nothing on her. Read Forbidden Desires today you won't regret it.

“You can’t love me!” I snapped, tears blurring his handsome face. “Why?” Asher demanded, looking appalled. “Because I betrayed you…” I whispered, my heart breaking apart. “Because I came here to…destroy you.” What happens when the man you were sent to destroy turns out to be your mate and the love of your life? 25 years old Ivy never expected her beautiful life to turn into her darkest nightmare by a man named Alpha Killian Price. After destroying her pack and killing her entire family, except for her father, Killian has an offer for Ivy that could help her piece her life together again. But that offer comes at a price Ivy wasn’t ready to pay. Killian wanted her to destroy GrayCrest, the most powerful pack in the country, in exchange for her father’s life. But how could Ivy destroy the pack whose Alpha was her mate and the love of her life? Her father or her mate…there was a choice Ivy needed to make. But the stakes were too high and time was running out fast. Can Ivy make the right choice before the most brutal war in history claims innocent lives and destroys hundreds of packs in its wake? Sizzling, passionate, funny, and full of unexpected twists and actions… witness a story that will take your breath away!

"Look at you, all grown up and mature, son, opps sorry Alexander. Now, I'm your mother and I'll call whatever the hell I want and you my dear son, will not question it. And what did you say about patience? You are not patient, Alexander, let's start from here. Don't tempt me to inform Zane about this behavior of yours'." Mom states while eyeing my up and down. Herr words were like a trigger for me and eventually the last straw of my control snapped as I gave in the burning rage. "Tell him whatever the fuck you want, Mother. If you want to loose your mate in a one on one duel, I don't see a problem because I'm not gonna loose mine in any fucking condition. Now," ****** It is said that 'Patience is the key' but at times the wait is too long, long enough that we stop waiting or maybe that's what the fate wants. Future is a mystery that would only unravel when we live it but what if that mystery destroys lives, lives that matter the most to you. Is it worth unraveling such mystery, such future? But then again can you stop time, stop the events that are bound to happen? The answer is NO but will that stop us from trying?

"Katie, come to the hospital now! Your mom had an accident on her way to the grocery store. She's in a critical condition." Katie's plans of getting her mother out of this hellhole they lived in, Red Moon Pack, was shattered by that single phone call. Being the illegitimate daughter of the Councilor of Red Moon Pack, Katie as well as her mother had lived a life of pure misery. Arriving at the hospital Katie discovered that something was not adding up about her mother's death. The fact that her mother had the best healing abilities in the entire region was questionable, what made her more suspicious about her mother's death was the fact that her mother's wolf was missing. In an attempt to find out what really happened to her mother, her life took a really drastic turn, as she discovered a series of well kept secrets that changed everything she thought she knew about HERSELF, HER FAMILY and HER PACK in general. With each new revelation, Katie realizes that some secrets are best left buried, and that the real cost of finding out the TRUTH may be higher than she ever dared imagine.

The new girl, Everly, is smart, beautiful, and mysterious. And Jack will do anything to make her leave. When Everly returns to the small town where her mother went missing years ago, Jack, son of the Alpha of the Lichtwolves pack, will do whatever he can to get her to leave before the neighboring pack, the Nachtwolves, get a whiff of her blood. Everly is special. One bit or scratch from a shifter, and she'll turn into something terrible. Is that what happened to her mom? Jack can't let anything bad happen. So even though he's drawn to Everly himself, he tries to make her life at Cook High hell until she'll have to leave town. The only problem is, Jack is falling in love with Everly, and when something terrible happens, and she finds herself drawn in by Slate, the son of the Nachtwolves Alpha, Jack realizes instead of pushing Everly away, he'll have to do everything he can to protect her. Before the high council says she must be destroyed--and that he'll have to be the one to do it. The Wolf Girl and Her Alpha Mate is a first love romance between a not-so-human girl and a hot shifter. It's a slow burn romance that will keep you turning page after page. (Think Twilight without the vampires if both dudes were wolves and there were also mages and other mythical creatures.) From the author of Sold to the Alpha and Mage of Wolves.