funny mom jokes dirty

Ever read a story that made you laugh and cry hard?Jace Roger is the world's biggest flirt and has always succeeded in getting what he wanted with little to no effort at all. He just knew all the right moves and all the right words to say when it came to getting women to do what he wanted. His perfect bachelor world crashes when Ashley comes into his sights. When he is denied and given no reward for his efforts, Jace begins to fear that he has met his match. Determined to get Ashley to at least notice him, he spends every waking moment unleashing every trick in the book to get her to fall for him. In his mission of a lifetime, he begins to discover the very meaning of life and what it means to actually try and put effort in a relationship. Jace's world is turned upside down and he has no idea what to do next. Will he run for the hills in the end or will he begin enjoying her play Hard To Get?

After I was falsely accused of being a third wheel by a fake heiress, she hired a group of people to corner me in the delivery room under the pretense of giving me an intervention. "How dare you, a shameless mistress, hope to secure a place with your child!" "Today, I'm going to make sure that b*stard in your belly is gone for good. Let's see if you dare get into my man's bed again." The group blocked the delivery room door, their faces twisted with malice as they refused to let the doctors deliver my baby. I begged them to let me go, but they only laughed cruelly and forced me down in front of a camera while I struggled through labor. They forcefully pulled the baby out of my belly and killed him right in front of me. I clung to my child's lifeless body, sobbing hysterically, while they posted my miserable state online with the caption, 'This is what happens to mistresses.' Later, I exposed her fake heiress status and revealed the dirty secrets of her and those people who were allegedly giving me an intervention online. Relentlessly attacked by netizens until she had nowhere left to turn, she ended up begging me for forgiveness. I pointed to the edge of the rooftop and said, "Jump, and I'll forgive you."

Hindi alam ni Lia kung bakit napakamalas niya pagdating sa pag-ibig, twenty-eight years old na sya ngunit NBSB pa rin na maging ang mga taong nakapaligid sa kaniya ay nababahala na rin… Na nagtulak sa kaniya para pumasok sa isang night bar. “Don’t be nervous, Lia, matutuwa ka sa main event ng bar na ito!” Saad ng kaibigan niya habang nakatanaw sa entablado. Bago pa man makakibo si Lia at nagsimula ng maghiyawan ang mga babae sa paligid, isang lalaking naka-mask ang lumabas na tanging brief lamang ang suot. “The bidding will start now!” anunsyo ng MC sa gilid. “29 thousands!” Sigaw ng isang babae na nagpatahimik sa lahat. “29 thousands, going twice, going trice, wala na bang hahabol?” Muling tanong ng MC. Hindi alam ni Lia kung ano ang pumasok sa isip niya para itaas ang kamay, “30 thousand!” Sigaw niya bago pa man i-close ang bidding. “30 Thousand, the bidding is close! You’ll have one night with him!"

He smirked, knowing he was on the winning side. "So it's a done deal for three months?" He raised his eyebrows, putting his hand forth for a handshake. I looked at the long fingers and perfectly aligned nails and then at his patient face. Sighing to myself I my own hand into his and ignored the tingles that flowed through every nerve as his fingers curled around my hand and shook it lightly. "Yeah three months." "Goodnight then." He winked, removing his hand from mine and turned to walk away. "Hey wait!" I called out, suddenly remembering something. "You don't have my number." "What makes you think that? I have my ways Smith." And with one last wink I saw him take a turn and disappear from my sight. I let out a long breath, leaning on the nearby wall. Looks like I just made a deal with the Devil. * A sarcastic girl, a cocky guy. Throw in some mystery, murder, filthy jokes, wonderful friends, tons of kisses, secrets, surprises, eye-rolls and a killer on run. And you have got yourself a story never read before. ***So grab a cup of hot chocolate, some chips and a warm blanket and get ready to laugh, cry and bite your lip in anticipation. Enjoy!!

CAN BE READ ALONE!! Growing up, at a younger age my mom would tell me her romantic story of how she and dad met. I fell in love with their love story and would beg her to tell me every night before going to bed. I love her story so much that I could not wait to one day be old enough to find my one true mate; that every full moon, I would stare through my bedroom window and watch excitedly wolves being wandered off into the dark, having only the full moon to guide them. Seeing them, I was even more anxious to turn eighteen and to too meet my mate. The wolf, the moon goddess has blessed me with to spend my entire life with. Before my mom was taken from me, she used to tell me, a one true mate is like an alpha, and that the only difference is that he may not have a pack he's destined to rule and protect, but a single wolf he's destined to love forever. I kept that quote with me and impatiently waited until I was of the rightful age, searching under the beautiful moonlight for my one true mate. It was the most beautiful night and even more beautiful when I lay eyes on a dark hair and blue eyes handsome wolf. I could hear my wolf crying inside telling me that he was mine; that night I thought I found everything that I was looking for and ever wanted, but the next day after my one true mate mark me as his own and took my innocent. Everything wasn't going the way I thought it would be. My mate mostly. His sweet behavior towards me suddenly changes into something terrifying; something I'd never wish upon anyone.

*** He fell in love with her the day he lost her *** Getting bullied for years, being rejected by her own mate, and being threatened to be a pack whore, Crystal finally decided to take her sick mom to leave this filthy pack. To cross the border and get rid of the chasing, she had to accept a deal from a stranger. To be a breeder for some rich family. However, the moment she entered the wrong room, her fate pushed her to another dangerous edge. She had a one-night stand with the wrong guy and got pregnant for him! What's worse, the wrong guy turned out to be the most ruthless Alpha, who would never accept a weak Omega like her to be the mother of his heir! *** 'Alpha Ramos?' Crystal gasped at their words. 'The strongest and the cruelest Alpha in the world!' The moment she realized, the furious Alpha dashed toward her and caught her arms. Now, she had nowhere to run. "A...alpha, I d...didn't mean to..."She tried to explain shivering, but he just stared at her belly harshly. "P...plea...se, don't hurt my..." She wanted to cover her belly and his furious roar echoed in the hall, making her heart drop to the ground with his words, "Puppies, MINE!" He glared at her with anger burning in his eyes, "How dare you an omega steal my seed!"

MICHELL BLAKE THOMPSON IS A CERTIFIED PLAYBOY. GIVEN HIS LOOKS AND CHARISMA, NAKUKUHA NIYA ANG LAHAT NG BABAENG GUGUSTUHIN NIYA. AND THEN ONE DAY, SHE SAW A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY AND HE WAS ATTRACTED TO HER IN AN INSTANT. SINUNDAN NIYA ITO WHEN SHE SAW HER AGAIN AND MUCH TO HIS DISMAY, MAY ANAK NA PALA ITO. A SINGLE MOM TO BE EXACT! ALMIRA MAGALLANES IS A SINGLE MOTHER NA GAGAWIN ANG LAHAT PARA SA ANAK NIYA NA MAY SAKIT. TINANGGAP NIYA ANG TRABAHO BILANG ASSISTANT NI MICHELL AT DOON NIYA LUBUSANG NAKILALA ANG PAGKATAO NITO. MAGAGAWA BA NIYANG TANGGAPIN ANG ALOK NI MICHELL SA KANYA NA MAGING BED WARMER NITO LALO PA AT NASA PANGANIB NA ANG BUHAY NG ANAK NIYA? WILL MICHELL FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGE TO HIMSELF THAT HE FELL HARD FOR THIS WOMAN NA INIWAN NA LANG SIYA BIGLA AFTER THAT SPECIAL NIGHT NA PINAGSALUHAN NILA?

Her hair is a lustrous blond. Her eyes are flashing blue-violet. She is sweet and childlike. They call her Angelina. Though it doesn't feel right. How can she tell them that underneath her innocent personality she feels something more? Something wild. Something dangerous. Something she had been before. But she doesn't understand. ____ He knows she has secrets. Underneath her timid personality. She is something more. She is someone he will be willing to explore. Something he is willing to expose. He calls her Angel. His Angelina.

“I know you are a beast but I need exactly one to protect my child because only one beast can fight another, Mr Hemsworth.” Evan Conon Hemsworth blinked slowly while trying to read her mind but He couldn't. Not that He complained because the girl who had been haunting his dreams for years, was finally standing in front of him willingly, at his mercy. “And what can you do for my protection, Miss Perez!” Helena swallowed the thick lump in her throat seeing his gleaming crystal blue eyes looking at her expectedly. “What you wanted from me before! I will sleep with you!” And the man in front of her, who turns the people’s blood cold with his mere gaze, chuckled darkly. “Nah! Having you under me is my left-hand’s job, Helena Perez. What I want from you is more than just one night.” Helena Perez knew she already entered the lion’s den from where it was impossible to return until He allowed her to. But would He even let her ever go? She paid the price for her son's protection by being stuck between two powerful people who could ruin her in the blink of an eye. After getting an ugly betrayal from her ex-fiance, abandonment from her parents, and humiliation from the world, Helena had to live a tough life of being a single mom with a six-year-old son for whose protection she was forced to make a deal with the beast, A billionaire beast! Ps: This is a stand-alone story but if you want to see glimpses of the main characters you can read my other book “Chaotic Temptations” Otherwise you can enjoy the powerful and spicy chemistry of them here itself.

Menikah karena kesepakatan? Itulah yang dijalani Aldric Andrian dan Fathimah. Aldric hanya butuh keturunan, tapi siapa sangka dia malah jatuh dalam pesona Fathimah. Gadis sederhana yang mengikat Aldric dengan kasih sayang. Takdir, begitu Fathimah menyebutnya. Dia tidak menyangka jika laki-laki lumpuh yang menjadi suaminya. Laki-laki kaku dan dingin, yang berubah menjadi manja. Laki-laki penuh rahasia. Romantisme sesaat yang mereka berdua jalani. Nyatanya, telah menghadirkan ikatan kuat di antara mereka. Status Aldric yang tidak di ketahui Fathimah, membuatnya seringkali dalam bahaya. Pernikahan yang akan menyeret Fathimah dalam pusaran permainan tingkat tinggi. Dalam ketidaktahuannya, dia adalah tumbal dalam kesepakatan antar ketua mafia di masa lalu.