food jokes

Jacob is one of those typical guys who never had a thing for girls who weighed over one hundred and thirty pounds. Jacob always assumed that the only thing that big girls are good at is stuffing their faces with junk food instead of eating healthy and staying in shape. That is until he meets a very beautiful two hundred and thirty pound woman named Sophia who showed him the opposite side of a big woman of what he assumed and Jacob falls completely in love with her and who she is

Everybody is different. May it be with the way you look, your sexual orientation or your beliefs and culture. Tori Kingstein has always thought of herself as someone who’s different. She never liked boys. Yes, she's gay. Tori then was sent to her mum’s old school, an all-girls boarding school in hopes of her not getting herself a boyfriend at a young age. But jokes on her parents, cause she actually swings the other way around. And little did she know that entering Whistler High School for Girls would put her on a mission with other girls, like her who aren’t white, to end the discrimination, inequality, too much use of white privileges and the use of wealth and power to stay on top by some students, especially by the school's student council officers. After knowing this, Tori is set on finishing her mum's past role in this group—and that is to destroy the unfair treatment of the school and the student council to students who what they call “aren’t white and as rich as them”, but Tori has a secret. It’s just that... She might have a tiny bit of crush on the student council's president who's no other than Amelia Harriet Williams. What could go wrong, right?

Tyler never wanted an Alpha, especially not someone like Landon Hayes. At Ridgecrest Academy, Landon is at the top of the food chain—dominant, arrogant, and used to getting everything he wants. But Tyler isn’t like the other Omegas who fall at his feet. Defiant and independent, he’s determined to finish his year and leave without ever being claimed. Landon has other plans. The moment Tyler caught Landon’s eye, it was game over. Tyler’s quiet defiance and refusal to submit ignite something in Landon he can’t ignore. For the first time, Landon is chasing someone who doesn’t want to be caught. At Ridgecrest, the rules are simple: the strongest Alpha gets what he wants. And Landon Hayes wants Tyler. *** “You—” he starts to say, but his voice catches. I see his pupils dilate, his lips parting as he tries to push back against what’s happening. I let the red flash in my eyes, just for a second, enough to show him who’s in control here. It’s not about scaring him—it’s about reminding him of the natural order of things. The way this has always been meant to go. “Submit,” I growl. He whines. It’s quiet, barely audible, but I hear it. His body betrays him for just a second, his knees wobbling as his head lowers, shoulders hunching in instinctual submission. His eyes flick away, and I can see it—the brief moment where his will cracks. And god, it’s intoxicating. That split second of submission is all I need to know that he’s mine. He might fight it, but his body knows. His scent tells me everything I need to know. It’s only a matter of time before he breaks completely, before he’s begging for it.

From a young age, she had to live under the pressure of her stepmother, after her father died of an illness, her stepmother became even more domineering, now because she wants to help her beloved son pay off his debts, he forces her to marrying a man old enough to be his father, what a dream! Such a shameless request, Grainne would honestly rather die. But she did not expect, this time Joyce was really cruel, locking her up for two days and two nights without releasing her, nor giving her any food or drink. When she could escape, she wanted to meet her lover - Brian to run away together but discovered he had an affair, too bitter she spent the night out with a strange man and the unexpected. she was pregnant with that man again, the famous cold, dark president - Carwyn

Jessiah is a make-up artist aspiring to break into the modeling and beauty industry. She moves to LA when she lands a job at one of the biggest production companies in Hollywood. On her first week on the job, she meets Jenson Ross, a big-deal actor with a murky past and a dark secret only a privileged few know about. × Genres: Romance, Werewolf, Crime EXCERPT [BOOK I of CALI ALPHAS ] _ _ _ "Dollface," he murmured with a little smirk. He snickered and caressed the back of her head, pulling her closer to his chest. "You're like an antidepressant, in human form." Her breath caught.  Her heart sped up when his hug tightened. His warm face pressed onto her neck, his strong hands lightly squeezing her hips. Moments like this only worsened her attraction to him.  The flirty jokes, the easy conversations, the small smiles, his furtive glances, and his unusually sweet gestures lately... She was in deep trouble. Was he kissing her neck?  Shit. He was no longer thinking straight.  About this. About her. About the consequences. He drew her closer when she tried to pull away. As if he didn't want her out of his sight. While his beard scraped her skin, his thighs touched hers. Her throat ached as he stared into her eyes. "Dammit," he sighed, his thumb tracing the curve of her neck, his touch both gentle and eager.  "Why are you so f-cking beautiful?"  "Joss, I need to g—" "Why now?" he murmured, stroking her cheek. He wasn't acting drunk or playing with her.  Not like this. He wouldn't. Not with her real feelings barely held together by some unspoken truths. Otherwise he wouldn't dare let it get this far.  But why wouldn't he let go? "Just stay. Please. Stay here with me." _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Growing up as a poor ordinary girl, Esther never believed that life could be more intriguing than just working as a housemaid. Her good character almost cost her life because Jina, her aunt feels her husband Richard favours her more than his children. She attempts to poison her but as luck would have it, the gatekeeper eats the poisoned food and dies in her stead. A perfect blend of beauty and character captivates Simon, the only son of the city mayor and he deeply falls in love with her. Despite many obstacles they encounter along the journey, Simon climbs every mountain to prove to the world that true love lasts forever. Gauging on the occurrences in the story, Forever Mine, we can substantiate that love conquers all and true love is eternal.

Mia Johnson's life has been filled with heartache and mistreatment, after her father leaves. Her life takes an unexpected turn when her mother poisons her and her father possesses the antidote to a poison that plagues her, but he remains distant, seemingly never to return. As Mia turns eighteen, her mother devises a shocking plan to secure a business , offering Mia's hand in marriage to a man named Carlos. Trapped and desperate, Mia's life seems destined for misery until a mysterious man enters her life. On a fateful night, a stranger quietly slips into Mia's room, offering food and concern for her well-being. Their chance encounter marks the beginning of a unique connection, one that will leave Mia questioning the true intentions of this enigmatic man named Dave. Days later, Mia meets the same handsome stranger in a shopping mall. She looked up at him. "You were the man in my room that night..." "Do you let men in your room at night? If you don't want visitors, don't skip your meals," Dave responds stubbornly. Mia discovers that Dave is adopted by her own biological father, a man of immense power and influence in the country. But their relationship takes an unexpected turn when Dave confesses his true feelings. "Big brother wants to you, Mia," Dave admits, leaving Mia shocked and confused. Struggling to come to terms with her emotions, Mia rejects the idea of romance with her "brother." However, Dave is determined to shed the brotherly label, longing to become her partner in love. “No… you are my brother and ten tears older than me…” she says while trembling. Dave takes a step towards her. “Who cares about being your brother? I want you… I want to make you mine, forever…”

Su Tze , 26 years old top world assassin. She was known as the Black Rose in the black underworld before she was blown with her two teammates at the ship after they killed all the targets on the ships in year 2040 . After she thought she was died , she wokes up in year year 80th . She is known as Su Ling a 15 years old girl in a poor family . Her father, Su Min is a cripple scholar that send to work in the farming village . Her mother Ling Mei, fourth daughter of Ling family that renowned by the family after Su Min become cripple a year before she transmigrate . She had two younger sister and two younger brother . They live at the foot of mountain in a small house with two rooms . She was transmigration with her spatial space . " Fuh, lucky I had saved many foods and things in my space . Lucky all the things I kept are still in it . " . " She take a breath and vow to make her family had enough food and the richest family in the village . General Xing Li Zhi . A genius young general who become a general when he was just twenty years old . Xing family as the root family of the county city with most of the men in tha family are from the military department . His eldest brother is a minister in his 26 years old . His eldest sister is the succesfull bussineswoman in her 25 years old . His second brother is a mejar general in the Navy . His father is the admiral of the Navy . His mother is the owner of four famous restaurants . His grandfather is the retired military admiral and a respectful veteran with many achievements . His grandmother is the lovely and sweet old lady who admired by all the generations .

As I walk towards the man waiting for me at the alter, I had tears in my eyes. This was'nt the usual kind of tears of joy, it was a tears that comes with pains. Ever since my dream of becoming a plastic surgeon got crashed due to poor financies, I took up another dream to become a popular chef and get married to the man of my dreams, but here I was getting married to a man I know nothing about, he's not just an ordinary man, but a ruthless billionaire and a CEO to one of the biggest food companies in America. Not like I was being forced to get married to him, I willing accepted his proposal. Having a long time boyfriend who broke my heart to the deepest and also a younger sister who needs immediate surgery, I had no choice but to accept his proposal inorder to save my younger sister's life. I looked at my mom and sister and in their faces lies a lot of happiness. They'd think I'm getting married to the man I love, not knowing I'm getting married to my worst nightmare. Will I ever find happiness while living with him, that I couldn't tell, but I'm ready to dance to the beating of the music if is the only way I can be able to save my sister, who means so much to me....

Kim woke up one morning to find that she was dead ... well UNDEAD. Unfortunately, her Vampire after-life is a big mystery. The ones that know are out to kill her and her allies happen to be her food. In order to survive the Vampire Nation, Kim will have to outsmart and out think her enemies. The last thing Kim wants or needs are the three gorgeous men vying for her attention, one chocolate, one vanilla and the last caramel. How do you choose between the gorgeous protector, the charming and tasty food, and the scary dangerous elder? Warning; adult situations, graphic sex and language.Urban Vampire is created by Pepper Pace, an EGlobal Creative Publishing signed author.