food jokes

I am Seranda Williams the uwanted, born from a lineage of slaves, embedded with the mark of Zeranda cursed god of the souls of the dead. A plague waiting to be eradicated. a plague waiting to be destroyed, a celebration at my death, festivity at the sight of my blood. I stare from the open bars of my home, a crumbling place known to others as a dungeon, but I have called this place home for the last 18 years, today is that day, the long-awaited day of my death. I feel nothing, I have been groomed as a sacrificial lamb. am neither the first nor will I be the last, it will soon be time. Nothing is there to be felt, I was neither provided information on why I must die, nothing could break me. No, they can't…can they? Neglected separated front all. Groomed as a sacrificial lamb, what was there to hope for? I am not the first nor will I be the last, it will soon be time. I have lived off scraps of food for the longest time, not like I saw meaning to why I was fed. I was going to be killed either way. I got myself ready, but there wasn't much to be done, I washed my hair with the little water left from the previous day, I have been isolated from humans since my birth. I did not get the chance to be a child like every other kid out there. I was barely given enough to last me for 18 years. The door abruptly opens and hefty men rush in with chains and shackles. “Tie the slave”

Scott had always hated humans ever since the begining of his existence. He believed that they were only good for one thing... As food bags. Alijah was the average human girl who loved her lonely life and prefered peace to every other thing. Her life turned around when she became involved with Scott, a man who seemed to hate her gut for no reason. Some harsh truth became open and Scott was left with no choice than to either become a forced bodyguard or let the entire vampire race be vanquished.

Kang Jae Woon is the youngest prosecutor in his department. With his handsome appearance, outstanding achievement, and powerful family background, he is being admired and envied at the same time by many people. One day, his best friend, Han Ryan is murdered by a serial killer and Jae Woon felt his world is crumbling down. Due to his excessive sadness, Jae Woon drowns himself in alcohol at his house, alone. He drunk and snacking food until his body suddenly convulsed in an allergic reaction. "Shit! Who the fuck put almonds in my snack?! I clearly remind the salesgirl to not put any almond in my baggage! Damn it! Where is my medicine?!" As he's groping around in agony, searching for his precious medicine, Jae Woon felt his body plopped on the bed as his consciousness faded and darkness is embracing his body. How miserable. To think I would die because of a stupid almond...Ryan will be laughing when he heard this. ------ "Wake up, you pig!" A harsh voice is jolted him away from his sleeping state. At the same time, his body is being drenched by a bucket of smelly water. "Since you're a pig, you didn't mind to bathe in poop, right?" Mocking waves of laughter are resounding in the dark, small room. Three boys and one girl are looking down at him with disgusted expressions plastered on their faces. One of the boys is holding an empty bucket. Jae Woon is dumbfounded. Wha...? Where is he? No, no, no. Actually, who are these pompous brats?! How dare they...Jae Woon suddenly felt that something is wrong with his body. He had difficulty in moving around and felt extremely sluggish. What is this?! Since when his slender and sturdy body changed into a piggy in just one night?!

When Annalise came to Great Oaks, it was the worst punishment she ever had. She had known the city to be normal and boring but it was not until she discovered that that normal and boring was just a facade to cover the darkness looming over it. Her view changed when one night, she got bitten by a vampire. She will realize that Great Oaks is swarmed with these creatures. She's human, food for the vampires. But in the city of Great Oaks, things could change. And with change, she will realize she is more than just a human but something greater than she wished to acknowledge.

Faraiah Villegas; a woman with a simple life. Since losing her parents at the age of eighteen, she has learned to work for herself. She provided her own food, daily expenses, et cetera. As she grows, the cost of living she has to maintain also increased. Because of that, she had to find a job that can provide an income that would meet her needs. Luckily, Zarelli's mansion—owned by the richest family in town—was looking for a maid. Without an ado, Faraiah grabbed the opportunity not knowing that it would be the beginning of her chaotic life. After meeting and finding the dark secret of the master of the house—Cleon Reve Zarelli—her world turned upside-down. "The alpha . . . has been chasing me."

“I, Alpha Draco of the Peony pack hereby reject you, Helena, as my mate. I refuse to have anything to do with you anymore. You will be banished from this pack, never to set foot on this land anymore or you will pay for it with your life” his thick voice boomed through the cold and dark cell where I was kept all day with no food or water. My chapped lips parted painfully as the flesh drew each other tightly. I couldn’t even beg or plead for mercy. It was a miracle that I was not even killed because I was probably the most hated person in the pack at that moment. He didn’t allow me to utter whatever I had in mind before he turned his back on me. My finger grazed his cold hand as I tried to hold onto him, I was late. The warm eyes that had always behold me now look at me with disdain. There was no hope anywhere, his extreme sadness was visible even through his back as his footstep retracted into the long distance. At the loud clunk of the prison’s door kissing its hinge, my whole world crumbled. The only thing left in me was the small life breathing in my womb, something Draco never knew of. Right there, I made the resolution to live for my baby and find out the truth behind what happened in the pack that night.

Patrick and Clare wake up trapped in a basement, a thin wall separating their cells. Their captor is mysteriously absent, which at first seems like a blessing. As more time passes with no food or water, they begin to realize a clock is ticking for their survival.They know their captor is still out there, and it is only a matter of time before he returns.©️ Crystal Lake Publishing

*BLURB* Revenge! Revenge! Revenge! That's all he wants. Damon's happiness knew no bounds when he finally found his mate, sadly, he knew nothing about the betrayal going on behind his back. One fateful day, he caught his mate in bed with his younger brother and that was when it all became clear to him, the one he considered his loved ones had betrayed him. He was oblivious of the fact that his mate and brother had also been poisoning his food for a very long time. Seeing he has already found out their secret, what was the need to keep him alive, his brother and mate successfully killed him. Before he gave up the ghost, he prayed to the moon godess to give him a second chance at life. His prayers were answered and now he's back, back to pay those who betrayed him and punish them for their betrayal. But little did he know that fate has something else install for him, a twist in the story came, a twist he wasn't expecting or prepared for.... Will he be able to finish his revenge now?

Living alone can cause a fortune, especially when you are just a student. Bills, food, transportation, academic fees were some of the things you have to pay in order to survive. However, the 18-year old Ysabella had no trouble complying with those as she earns a lot of money from running a business. An application called “Ringo Dingo” is the core of her business. Ysabella created it two years ago to easily communicate with her clients. One acceptance of request is equivalent to tons of pennies. Her business grew and lots of clients were using the service she provides. But the thing is, it is not your typical business. Ysabella, together with everyone involved in it, could get into trouble when the school authorities know about it. Or worse, they might get expelled. Be with Ysabella as she runs her business and unfolds the unexpected turns of events in her life. You are invited to join Ringo Dingo! Accept Decline

When I woke up, I had somehow become trapped in the body of my disobedient daughter. I had sacrificed everything, living frugally to send her to the best school. Yet, she called me almost daily, claiming—like someone trapped in a paranoid delusion—that her teachers and classmates were out to harm her. She was willful and rebellious, picky about food, befriending the wrong crowd, and even dating a troublemaker at a young age. As a sister, she was far from kind, constantly bullying her younger brother. And school? Surely, it couldn’t be harder than working a full-time job. But then, as I lived in her shoes, a group of girls cornered me in the restroom, kicking me mercilessly. Returning home, I was met not with care but with a sorry excuse for a meal. Only then did I begin to understand the pain my daughter had endured...