1000 Funny Ways To Die

"Don't do this to me please, why are you treating me like this?" She asked him but he ignored her and looked away. She attempted to draw closer to him but he gave her a stern look "Don't you dare touch me! I can't love you Lisa, how many times do I have to tell you this? I don't want you coming anywhere near me ever again....I'm in love with your sister and you know well that our wedding is few months from now. Why are you bent on spoiling our happiness?" "Stop saying that! I met you first, remember? Why do you have to treat me like trash because of her? I love you Dave, my life will not be complete without you! I've always dreamed of carrying your baby! But now you despise me because of her that stole you away from me!" She said as tears rolled down her cheeks. He couldn't utter any more word till he saw her beginning to undress while getting closer to him. Damn! She was going to seduce him with her skimpy dress that revealed too much of her huge breasts, bulging out of it. "What are you trying to do Lisa? Are you insane?" He retorted, drawing away from her reach. "Yes I'm crazy Dave, I'm crazy for you!" She replied as she got further closer to him within touching distance and before he could utter any more word or take further action against her, her lips were pressed forcefully against his as her huge breasts crashed against his hard chest!

Dario Morello came from old money in Santria City—but his family was cursed. Every guy in that bloodline dropped dead before twenty-five, like something sucked the life out of them. The only way out? Marry someone with a rare fertility gene. In my last life, my adopted sister Serena jacked my wedding dress and took my place at the altar. I exposed her right there in front of everyone. She became Santria's biggest joke. Then she killed herself. My parents said I was heartless. Cut me off without blinking. Dario? He hated me too. On the anniversary of Serena's death, he locked me in a basement, strapped me with explosives, and snapped, "That fertility gene lie? You made it up for clout and cash. Serena was pregnant with my kid. You killed them both. So now—you're going with her." Next thing I knew, I was waking up on the morning of the wedding. This time? I helped Serena with the veil and wished them a perfect life.

The witch told us my older sister would die at sixteen, and her prophecies had never been wrong. From that moment on, my sister became the most important one in the family. The best venison was saved for her. The rare white fox fur was given to her. Every night, our parents told her bedtime stories. I knew she was pitiful, but I still felt hurt and resentful. Then, on the day she turned sixteen, a sharp pain spread through my chest. Afraid I would cause trouble, my parents locked me in the basement. “Mom, please…” I cried, pounding on the door. “I can feel my wolf spirit getting weaker. Let me out…” However, Mom said without hesitation, “No! Today is an important day for your sister. “She only has one day left. Just bear with it…” When I finally closed my eyes and my soul drifted out of my body, I saw the living room filled with warm candlelight. My parents were holding my sister who was alive and well as they cried. Only then did I realize that the witch’s prophecy had never been wrong. The one meant to die was never my sister.

At the Costa family's annual capo banquet, Marco Costa declared the family would extend protection to one woman only: Rosa Frost, his childhood sweetheart, newly divorced and newly returned to the family fold. One by one, the other women slipped away into the night with their money, their dignity, and fresh protectors already lined up. I, Viola Rossi, once his Donna, was severed from the Costa family entirely, with nowhere left to go. Twenty-one years prior, The System ripped me into this life with a brutal mandate: make one of four made men fall irrevocably in love with me, and I'd earn my way back to my real life with a healthy body. I failed. Every single one of them chose Rosa. The system's final mercy: die here, go home. I stood in a rotting Brooklyn dock warehouse, gun in hand, and closed my eyes. Right as darkness closed in, a raw, raging scream of my name tore through the silence, like the man shouting would burn the whole world apart to reach me.

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I paid Curtis Robinett 200 thousand dollars a month to be a standby blood donor. My fiancée, Eden May, thought it was a waste of money. So she reassigned him to work part-time as her personal assistant instead. When Curtis accidentally submitted my marriage license appointment as a divorce filing for the 99th time, I kicked open Eden's office door. She didn't even look up. "We're in no rush to get married anyway," she said calmly. "Curtis is just careless. That's how he's always been." Later, in the emergency room, I called Eden while doctors rushed around me, my throat shredded from yelling. "Where's my emergency medical kit?" I rasped. "What did you do with it?" Curtis answered instead, his voice warm and smug. "You mean the expensive leather bag you kept in the cabinet? I swapped it out for a large party snack box. It holds everything just fine, and honestly, it looks a lot more cheerful. "Ms. May's brother and sister-in-law are both career soldiers. Your bag didn't really match that image, so I thought this would be more appropriate." My vision dimmed. My hands shook as I told Curtis to come donate blood. Eden laughed softly and cut in, "Stop pretending you're anemic just to get attention. If you're actually sick, deal with it. You're at the hospital; I think the doctors are fully capable of keeping you alive. Curtis is afraid of needles. He's not coming." Then, she hung up. She didn't appear until the surgical lights finally went dark. "Curtis had me bring you chocolate milk," she said. "It's good for recovery. It's not that he didn't want to help. He just faints at the sight of blood." She placed a settlement waiver on my bed. "I was the one who told him not to come. That 200-thousand-dollar monthly salary is his pay as my assistant. It has nothing to do with you. You didn't have to call the police for that. Sign this, and I'll go get the marriage license with you." I thought of what I had just seen in the operating room. Eden's brother, Harvey May, was bleeding out on the operating table, waiting for a lifesaving drug that never came. In the final moments of surgery, he could do nothing but lie there and die. I looked at her and said evenly, "You're the immediate family. It's not my place to sign that."

Elena Carter once had everything, a brilliant career, a respected name in medical research, and a family she believed was worth sacrificing everything for. As a pioneering pediatric immunologist, she was on the verge of a breakthrough that could save thousands of children suffering from a rare and deadly genetic disorder. But for love, she walked away from it all… choosing to become a wife, a mother to a fragile child who depended on her for survival. She believed her sacrifice meant something. However, she was wrong. Her husband, Marcus Thorne, lies a truth Elena never dared to see, a truth that begins to unravel the night a stranger sends her a message that changes everything. What starts as suspicion soon turns into something more devastating than betrayal. It isn’t just about another woman. It’s about stolen time. Broken promises. A decision that will cost Elena more than she ever imagined. When tragedy strikes and the truth finally surfaces, Elena is forced to confront a reality so cruel it shatters everything she once believed in love, loyalty, the man she trusted with her life. With nothing left to hold her back, she walks away. But she doesn’t leave empty-handed. She takes with her the one thing that still matters to her. Years later, she returns… no longer the woman he once overlooked, but a force the world cannot ignore. A doctor who saves lives. A woman who rebuilt herself from ashes. Fate brings them face to face again Marcus is left with a truth he can no longer escape: The woman he once took for granted… Is now the only one who can save what he holds dear. But some losses don’t fade. Some wounds don’t heal. And this time. Elena Carter may choose herself.

In the legend she was meant to be cold and unfeeling, a killing machine only meant to destroy and kill and the two races knew this and was more than ready to use her for their selfish reasons. She was meant to be the doom of the whole universe, until she met him…and became his doom instead.

In order to save Alpha Varkon Stormclaw, who was poisoned with wolfsbane, I've used my life force to trade for the antidote with the witch. After the transaction, I become unusually weak. My wolf sinks into a deep slumber as well. Because of that, the elders have cast me out of the Moon Goddess Church. Nyla Ironcrest, the newly-appointed Luna, locks me up in a silver cage that's filled with wolfsbane. "How could a lowly and filthy defective she-wolf like you be a good match for the prestigious Alpha?" Varkon, who has once loved me with all his heart, gets tricked by Nyla into thinking that she's his savior. Not only does he sever our mate bond from me, but he also turns a deaf ear on my pleas for help. Defeated and devastated, I breathe my last breath in the silver cage. However, Varkon kneels before my corpse later on. He's struck with so much pain in the chest that he goes crazy. At the same time, he keeps spitting out blood. But I can never hear his confession of atonement ever again.

The night before our wedding, word spread like wildfire through high society that my fiancee had thrown herself a bachelorette party with ten virgins. When I storm into the villa, I find her nestled in the arms of my chauffeur's son, her skin blotched with fresh red marks. "It's just a wild night before the wedding. You get that, don't you?" Melissa Young says. She looks up at me with indifference, not bothering to explain herself. I catch the smug challenge in the eyes of the man holding her. My eyes burn red as I hurl the wedding invitations to the floor. "The scandal is everywhere! Have you even thought about what tomorrow's wedding will look like?" I yell. "This isn't just about you and me. It's about the future of both our families' businesses! Call a press conference and explain yourself." She frowns, irritation flickering in her eyes, but gives a grudging nod. Yet the next day, the internet explodes with a new bombshell—the Zucker heir is impotent, leaving his fiancee unsatisfied. When I demand answers, Melissa puts her foot down, her voice dripping with venom as she says, "All I see now is Nicky." She snaps, "No matter how many times you threaten to pull your investments, my mind's made up!" In that moment, the last ember of love I feel for her goes out. I call my dad, my resolve steeled. "Cut off all funding to Young Group, and buy out every one of her partnerships at triple the price!"