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“Oh!” Efa squeals, patting my cheek and pointing. Her attention has been caught by a group dancing by the bonfire.The fiddler is bending his bow double speed, and the drums beat faster. The females hold their gowns high so their legs show, their bare feet moving almost too quick to track while they hold their bodies perfectly still from the waist up. The males dance around them, stomping, tossing their heads back, their wolves howling to the hills. This is a pattern, too. The females are the stationary shapes, and the males are the swirls weaving between them.The singed, crackling scent of magic tickles my nose like at Abertha’s cottage, but there aren’t any pots bubbling with potions or herbs hanging well out of the reach of pups. I couldn’t say where the scent is coming from. The ground? The people?Efa giggles, her rump shifting back and forth on my shoulders. Elspeth shuffles beside us, her feet padding a dull rhythm on the table top. She’s dancing. I glance down at my feet. Am
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460

I drop my hand. Justus catches it and brings it back to his face, pressing my palm to his cheek. My skin is so clammy. My thighs clench, trying to tamp the squirmy sensation that’s doing strange things to my pulse and breath and ability to think.“I shouldn’t have left you.” I’m not sure whether he means today or back when we mated, and regardless, I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that. My wolf snorts. She agrees with him, and she’s unimpressed that it took him so long to realize it.“I was fine.” I’m going to assume he’s talking about today.“I was afraid you’d ask me to take you home, so I made myself scarce.”My jaw drops, not much, but enough that I have to close my mouth. Males don’t just admit things. They brood or stomp around or refuse to eat the dinner put in front of them, and then you have to go back to the kitchen and play ‘guess why’ with the other females.Hold on. Back up. Focus. He bailed because he didn’t want to take me home today?“But you will take me back
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461

Justus winds in a figure eight, looping the other females, and then looping me. The males fall in line behind him, their wolves’ sharp yips punctuating the drumbeat.My heart thumps. The males are big and loud and close.Don’t move. Don’t breathe.Or run? Maybe run?I’m an island in a stream, and I’m scared, but also, I’m outside of it all. This is so far beyond my experience that I can’t do anything but watch and listen and try to orient myself in this strange, strange moment.Life is work, right?Bed, bath, kitchen, garden, greenhouse, beehive, kitchen, bath, bed.Work, punctuated with episodes of sheer, unfounded terror.Life is swimming, and if you stop, you drown, and if you think about what might be underneath you, you’ll sink.You don’t leave your work out on the table or your pipe on the seat of your chair. In order to dance.I don’t know how it’s dangerous, but it has to be. My soul says so.Justus passes behind me and then in front of me again. He stops, the males fanning ou
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462

For a minute, I don’t think I’ll say anything, but then, surprising myself, I do. “It’s just in my head,” I whisper.“Good,” he whispers back. “If I had to ask Alroy to back me up, I’d never hear the end of it.”He smiles again. I can’t smile back, but the small muscles in the corner of my mouth twitch, and I get the sense he can tell, even if he can’t see.We keep walking. The moon rises, and the temperature drops. I’m not tired at all.Toward the edge of the clearing, by the stream, we come across a group of males sitting on overturned crates, playing a game with cards and what looks like piles of buttons and human coins.“Alpha,” they all say as we pass. Justus’s wolf grumbles in his chest.“Nice kill.”“That’s one big bull.”“Can I get the tenderloin, Alpha?”Justus chuckles. “Get your own, Calvus.”“Aw, come on,” Calvus whines good-naturedly. “Play me for it.”“You think I’d trade my mate’s company for yours? For what? What’s he wagering?” Justus asks the others.“He’s laid down
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463

“I guess,” he answers, completely unfazed. “I don’t believe that one of us is somehow superior than the others or destined to lead, but I’d let them call me alpha all day, if it made them happy, if it didn’t make us weaker as a pack.”“What do you mean, weaker?”“My decisions aren’t any better than anyone else’s. Well, they’re better than Alroy’s, but other than that—I’m just as shortsighted, just as prone to careless mistakes as the others. I lose my temper. I miscalculate. My pride makes me stupid.” He pauses there and flashes me a look I can’t quite understand.He goes on. “And the second I let them call me alpha, half of them are going to stop disagreeing with me, and there won’t be anyone to point out when my ideas are bad. Or dangerous. A lot of them will rely on my judgment, and theirs will get rusty. If you know our history, you know what can happen.”“Whose history?” I know more about Moon Lake’s than Quarry Pack, and that’s very little. I know nothing at all about Last Pack.
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464

“So the other packs wanted to be like Moon Lake?”“Well, an alpha can’t let another alpha outdo him, can he? The first Alpha Fireside set his pack to building North Border. Malcolm Shaw had his build the compounds on Salt Mountain. Lorcan Bell settled by your quarry.”“But the alpha of Last Pack didn’t want things to change?”“There was no alpha. There was no Last Pack. Just a bunch of folks who didn’t want to jail their wolves and break their backs to live like humans.”So that’s why Last Pack looks so different from each other, like they could be from all the packs. They are.“So these dens—they used to belong to one of the packs?”Justus nods. “This was Salt Mountain’s. Our winter camp belonged to North Border. Moon Lake and Quarry Pack kept their dens.”Little pieces are clicking together. “And this is the way we used to live?”“Mostly. When we joined together, our ways kind of mixed.”“Is that why you steal females? Because they’re descended from the same pack?”“Sometimes.” He g
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465

A female like you would make weak, spindly young.I want to puke, but I don’t dare slow down, not even a little so I can bend over and retch. Justus’s steps thud behind me.I reach the narrow camp entrance and burst through, instantly losing my footing on the steep, rocky trail that leads down to the woods below. My arms windmill as I desperately try to find my balance. Justus growls.“Easy, easy,” he says, so close, too close.I don’t have time for balance, so I lurch forward, surfing the loose pebbles down the slope, keeping upright by staggering from tree trunk to boulder. Almost at the bottom, I trip on an exposed root and crash to a knee. I cry out, scrambling forward on all fours until I can scrabble back to my feet.I’m out of my mind, and I can’t stop.Sightless eyes.Green and white checkered tiles.Red blood.The voice hurls bombs at me, dredging deep in my memories, like horror is fuel, like that’s what I run on.Camphor.Rattling lungs.A white sheet almost flat except for
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466

I can’t do this again.My panic rises, and Justus’s wolf whines. He drops both tail and ears and wriggles forward on his belly, his furry rump working side to side.I stretch my legs straight, my shoulders slumping. He’s not going to hurt me. He’s a sweet wolf. Justus is sweet.I’m the problem.Justus’s wolf sidles up and plops his head on my thigh. He stares up at my face, the angle making it look like he’s giving me a rueful smile.“I wish I wasn’t like this,” I tell him, my eyes prickling with tears.An owl screeches in the distance, and I glance away. In that split second, the wolf disappears, and Justus is there instead, sitting cross-legged beside me, knees up for modesty.I hang my head, my cheeks heating. I was talking to the wolf. I didn’t mean to say that to him.“I don’t wish you were any different,” he says, gruff and gentle.I sniff. “You can’t possibly feel that way. I don’t.”He shrugs. “We see things differently.”That’s his story now. “‘Pathetic coward,’ remember?” I
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467

The aster is dangling from his hand like an afterthought. Like I’ve left him with it.How can I leave him like that? When he’s mine? When all I need to do is reach out my hand?I get a good grip on the gown with one hand, and careful not to move too quickly—he’s a big male, after all—I reach over and pluck the aster from his fingers.He glances over, surprised.I tuck my knees closer to my chest, trying to hide from a sudden feeling of exposure.A smile like a sunrise breaks across his face.I delicately sniff the flower because that’s what you’re supposed to do. “Thank you,” I say and smile politely.“You like that one?” he asks, his whole manner changing, his shoulders relaxing, the furry tips of his pointed wolfish ears perking up.“I do. I like asters.”He reaches into tall grasses around us, plucks another flower, and offers it to me, grinning. “How about this one?”“Queen Anne’s Lace.”“That’s what it’s called?” he asks as I take it.I nod. “Sometimes you’ll hear folks call it w
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468

“It’s a wild geranium.”“Yes, he was. Very wild. He was a very wily foe. Don’t expect me to bag you one of those every day, now.”“I’ll keep my expectations low.” I struggle against a smile.He leans over, plucks another, and gives it to me. “Not too low,” he says.I stop fighting and grin at him. His mouth curves, mirroring mine. “Okay, mighty hunter,” I say.“Now we’re in accord,” he says, rising to his feet, brushing bits of grass off his hairy, bare thighs. I quickly avert my eyes.“Ready to go back to camp, Scout?” he asks, low and gentle. “We don’t have to decide anything tonight. It’ll keep for tomorrow.”I guess it will. I clutch my bouquet in one hand, hold my gown closed with the other, and let Justus help me up by the elbow.“Okay,” I say.I let my mate lead me back to his den, and I am bad at my job because the entire way, despite the pecking voice’s best efforts, I don’t dwell on any dangers.I hold my flowers, and I walk beside my mate in the moonlight.13JUSTUSI hardl
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