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449

My chest tightens. I’ve never been so weak. She holds me in her hands. She could destroy me with a few words.“You’ll be fine here with Elspeth. I’ll be back later,” I blurt and stride off like my heels are on fire.I’m a coward. I’m afraid of a hundred-and-thirty-pound female with a wolf so small she could probably fit in a groundhog hole. I hope she doesn’t ever get that idea in her head. The animals flee when we arrive, but their tunnels are everywhere. If her wolf fled down there, I’d have to dig her out. It’d be a mess.I should turn around. My wolf whines his agreement.No. Annie isn’t going to freak out and hide in the groundhog tunnels, and if she does, she’ll be there when I get back.I make a detour on my way to the bonfire and take great delight in sticking my head into Alroy’s tent and barking, “Bonfire. Five minutes. Bring Khalil.”Alroy was dead to the world. He wakes up in a panic, fighting his blankets. I’m still smirking when I get to the elders sitting in their usual
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450

I didn’t have my sire long, but I’m one to listen the first time I’m told, so his voice is still clear in my head. That’s why I slow my pace as our hunting band leaves the camp, so we can walk side-by-side, and Max doesn’t have to struggle to keep up.I vividly remember traveling from our summer to winter camps one year, and how the alpha at that time took the lead of our long line. My sire hung back to bring up the rear, and I was impatient. I didn’t want to be last.Of course, I whined about it, and my sire said, “Would you rather be in the front with your nose up Alpha’s ass or back here where we can actually see it if a feral snatches a straggling female?” It made sense to me then, and it makes sense to me now, although I think moving as a herd is safer than a line. Much quicker to form a defensive phalanx when you’re already bunched together.The way to the lake grows more difficult as the hours pass. At first, we travel through familiar woods, but soon enough the terrain gets st
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451

I nod. Khalil can fight. Alroy has the potential to be at least as good, but he’s so fixated on his gripes and grudges that he doesn’t have the confidence to dominate in a real fight.“And Khalil isn’t even a challenge, is he?”“He might be, if he were disciplined.”“But he’s not. Not like you. That’s my point.” Max skewers me with his sharp gaze. “You lead this pack, and you say you aren’t the alpha. You have a mate, and you’re acting like you don’t. The sky is blue no matter what you call it, pup.” He sighs loud and long. “What are we doing out here, Justus?”I hold his gaze. I might be afraid of my mate, but I won’t bend my neck to any male on earth, no matter how good a point they make. “Hunting elk,” I say.“Hiding from a female.” He snorts. “And why? Do you even know?”“I don’t want to let her go,” I say almost under my breath. Not because I’m ashamed, not in front of Max. He’s the one who dragged my wolf out of the crevice I burrowed into at the back of my dam’s den after my pa
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452

For a long time, Quarry Pack kept to many of the old ways. Some even lived in dens, and we still ran with them then during full moons. And then, when my parents were young, Declan Kelly came from nowhere, killed their alpha, and took over, in part by convincing them that we were the enemy.Obviously, there were no more runs after that, but until the wasting sickness decimated our numbers, our males would still risk occasional incursions onto their territory. Twice they found runts left to die in the forest, and once, they rescued a female beaten and left for dead in a gulch. One of the runts died, but the other lived, and the female happened to mate the male who carried her back to camp and birthed Alroy before she was taken by the sickness.I love my pack, but I know them. They’re as susceptible as anyone to the lure of a strong male who promises to keep the bad wolves away. They want to believe that someone has the power to keep them safe, and if they were weak and scared again, lik
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453

ANNIEMale! Approaching from your left!I’m sure there is a male approaching. There are folks everywhere. I’m sitting among a dozen females, some gathered around the fire, others working under the canopy or resting in the tent. Pups swarm the ladders and ropes hanging from the branches of the sycamore tree in front of us.Males meander the invisible paths around the camp, going about their business, none of which seems to be urgent. Wolves of all ages lounge and wrestle and groom themselves, and then set off at random on urgent missions that end with them lounging, wrestling, and grooming themselves in a different location.Male! From your left!The pecking voice is back, and she’s been promoted to Captain Obvious.LOOK! MALE!I grind my teeth and glance up from my knitting to shut her up. Griff, the pup who brought the hatbox to me, strolls up to the fire. I wouldn’t call him a male, but the voice has always gone by size, not age.“All right, Ma?” he asks Elspeth, poking at the charc
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454

I’m not too mad about it. Or hurt. I just can’t settle. The breeze is sweet, and the yipping and shouting of the pups as they swarm the sycamore are soothing in their own way, but as the hours wear on, it’s getting to be too much. I’m homesick. I want to lie on my bed with my fan blowing straight on me from my night table and take a few months to work through everything that’s happened in the past two days.The Last Pack females keep trying to be polite and include me, but my calm is wearing thin, and every time they preface a comment with, “Annie,” I jolt and drop a stitch. Being with them is nothing like being with Una, Kennedy, and Mari. They know how I am, and I don’t ever have to worry about offending them with my startles or my silence.My stomach aches with missing them, and it’s not a new feeling. I’ve been missing them a while now. If I were home, they wouldn’t be there. Una and Mari would be with their mates, and Kennedy would be out, training or scouting or hunting. She’s g
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455

“I did, too,” Lelia says, scratching the back of a wolf lounging beside her with her freshly sharpened nails. “Her name was Ryanne. She was a great weaver.”“And so beautiful.” Mabli’s thin, feathered lips curve, her gaze growing distant. “Her hair was so long and red. Just like yours,” she says to Lelia.“It was down past her bottom,” Diantha says. “She could sit on it.”“When she was little, the back would knot up like a beaver’s tail, and she’d holler like you were killing her when you brushed it. Drove your granddam to distraction.” Mabli reaches over and strokes Lelia’s hair. “So soft. So lovely.”Lelia smiles sadly, her shining eyes rising to meet mine. “What was your dam’s name?”“Aileen Murphy,” I say. I haven’t said her name out loud in years. No one has.A strange feeling untangles in my chest. Guilt that it’s been so long. Gratitude that I had reason to speak her name on such a beautiful day with the sky so blue. Grief. Love. Regret.“She was the best cook,” I say.The fema
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456

Diantha continues, “He freed Nessa, told her to hide, and went after her brother. He tried his best, but he was on four legs, and the hunters had a huge lead and guns and numbers.”Nessa takes over. “I found a place I could fit between the roots of an old oak by a dried-up stream. It felt like I was there for hours. Every so often, there would be a gunshot, and I would pray so hard for another one because as long as they were shooting, Bowen might still be alive.”The wolf on Lelia’s lap jumps down and pads over to Nessa, winding between her calves. Nessa’s fingers float down to trail through the fur on the top of the wolf’s head.“Eventually, there weren’t any more shots. And then Justus came back, covered in blood. Weeping.” Tears stream down Nessa’s cheeks. “He said he was too late.”“He killed every single one of those bastards, though.” There’s a fierce light in Diantha’s wolfish eyes.“I wanted to see Bowen. I made Justus take me to him. There was a North Border wolf in the dirt
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457

ANNIEJustus still isn’t back when the sun begins to sink behind the hills to the north. Most of the females ventured to the tables by the bonfire for dinner, but Griff brought a tray for Elspeth and me at the female camp. Nessa’s youngest, the sleepy curly-headed toddler, kicked a fuss when the cowbell rang that summons the pack to eat, so she’s here with us, too, picking off my plate.Her name is Efa, and for some reason, she’s as interested in me as her wolf. She’s the cutest pup I’ve ever seen with her big round eyes and delicate tan whiskers contrasting with her warm brown skin.She’s been talking to me nonstop since she fully woke up from her afternoon nap, but she’s still sporting baby fangs, so I can’t understand a word. She doesn’t seem to notice or mind. She babbles a few words in her raspy little growly voice, and I’ll say, “Is that right?” Or “Oh. Is that so?” And she’s happy. I wish all people were this easy.She grabs a handful of mashed potatoes from the plate balanced
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458

She flashes her plans into my head. It’s a picture of him on his knees, his palms raised in surrender, as she sinks her fangs into his neck.Well. We’re not going to do that. Mostly because in her imagination, she’s about five times her actual size.When we get to the back of the gathering, my feet slow and then stick in place. Efa strains against my hand, but I can’t go farther. I’d have to weave through the males, and I can ignore the voice’s incessant shrieks, but I can’t do that.Turn around now!All of a sudden, Efa makes herself dead weight, trying to move me another step forward. She ends up dangling from my hand, parallel to the ground like an ice dancer. She whines. I get it. I want to see what’s happening, too.Danger. Better run now. Before it’s too late.The pack is excited, almost raucous.“They must’ve got something good,” Elspeth observes, rising on her tiptoes to try to see between the males’ shoulders.Efa wriggles her hand free from mine—my palms are weirdly slick, p
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