Semua Bab Mi Amor: Bab 41 - Bab 50

I didn’t know how the Russian mafia felt about homosexuals. Chances were they would see gay men as weak -- victims to be exploited at bars and bath houses. They wouldn’t want one of their own to demonstrate such vulnerability. Vlad had always been the top in our relationship, and I wondered if that was because he felt he had to be.I realized that Vlad and Javier were doing the same thing. Maybe Javier wasn’t laundering money or messing with Russian gangsters, but both of them were hiding who they were and what they wanted from life. Who knew what problems Javier was lining up for himself. What if he’d married his high school girlfriend, or some other woman who couldn’t satisfy him, bringing children into a false relationship, lying to everyone around him, and then doing stupid things to satisfy his sexual impulses?I rolled over on my back. Was it just coincidence that I was involved with two guys on the down low, or was there something about me that attracted me to men like that? Wa

We gave up around three, and I stumbled home. It was hard to get up the next morning; I had no motivation to drag my sorry, tired ass out of bed. So I slept in, and didn’t wake up until my phone rang around noon.“I need to see you,” Javier said. “Where can we meet?”I yawned. “I’m still in bed.”“Stay there. I’m on my way.”I wanted to roll over and go back to sleep, but if Javier was on his way, I had to motor. I jumped in and out of the shower, blow-dried my hair, tidied the bed, and policed the living room. When he rapped on the door, I answered it wearing a black silk kimono.Javier stepped into the apartment, kicking the door shut behind him, then grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me, hard. I could feel the tension in him like an electrical current. I put my arms around his back as his lips pressed against mine, his tongue forcing them apart.I was panting for breath by the time he pushed back. “What’s wrong?” I asked.He didn’t say anything, just dropped to his knees and

Frank Settle was a year older than I was, a senior at Deerfield when I was a junior. I was pretty out, among my circle of friends, at least. The other guys on the swim team knew that I was gay, and I’d sucked a couple of them or given them hand jobs at drunken parties and on road trips. Everybody was cool about it.Frank was a lacrosse player, and we didn’t have any friends in common. The first time we noticed each other, we were both in the locker room. I’d just finished swimming penalty laps for a prank I’d pulled on the coach, and Frank had been working out with weights.It was late in the afternoon in early fall, one of those golden days when the leaves were turning, the sky was blue, and there was just a hint of the crispness that winter would bring. I came out of the shower to find Frank sitting on a bench, massaging his right calf.“Wicked charley horse,” he said, gritting his teeth. “Can’t rub it away.”“Let me give it a try.” I sat down next to him on the bench and took his c

I’d been determined for years that I wasn’t going to let that kind of thing happen to me again. I kept my relationships casual, and made sure to be the first one to break up. But with Javier Marisco, I’d let my guard down. I’d let myself fall in love, despite all the warning signs. And now here I was, crying my heart out one more time.I wondered if Javier had seen me in the doorway of the restaurant. If he had, what would he do? Would he call with some lame excuse? Pretend it had never happened? Or worst of all, tell me it didn’t matter?I could imagine what had happened. He’d been so freaked out by being outed at work that he’d arranged to make out at a restaurant with a girl just to reinforce his straight cred. Were there other contractors there? There had to be. After all, what’s a show without an audience?I decided I was done with men like Frank, Javier, and Vlad Solonenko. No more closet doors for this gay boy. I was going to be out, loud, and proud.Thursday morning, I was sti

“What are we doing?” I asked Jean-Jacques.“Not we. Me.”“You mean a job job?” I asked. “Not a gig job?”He nodded. “This Haitian entrepreneur from Fort Lauderdale. He needs someone to market prepaid cell phones for him. Someone who speaks Creole and has a lot of personal charm.” He fanned himself. “Like moi.”“Wow. Would you still be able to help out at events?”“I think so.” He stretched his legs and then stood up. “I’m sorry, Adam, this has been a long time coming. But I didn’t want to tell you until I knew for certain. I need to grow up. Get a real job, with health insurance and paid vacation.”“Why? It’s not like you’ve got a family to support.”“But I do. I’ve been paying the rent on my mother’s house. And now my little sister is starting at Miami-Dade, and I’m paying her tuition. I need to be sure I can keep doing that, and with Vlad out of the picture, I don’t see how we’ll keep making money.”I nodded. “I’ve been thinking myself.” I pulled the covers up around my neck. “I’m a