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41: Haulover Beach
Last Updated:
2025-03-03 00:57:15
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Mi Amor 42: Cold Water
I didn’t know how the Russian mafia felt about homosexuals. Chances were they would see gay men as weak -- victims to be exploited at bars and bath houses. They wouldn’t want one of their own to demonstrate such vulnerability. Vlad had always been the top in our relationship, and I wondered if that was because he felt he had to be.I realized that Vlad and Javier were doing the same thing. Maybe Javier wasn’t laundering money or messing with Russian gangsters, but both of them were hiding who they were and what they wanted from life. Who knew what problems Javier was lining up for himself. What if he’d married his high school girlfriend, or some other woman who couldn’t satisfy him, bringing children into a false relationship, lying to everyone around him, and then doing stupid things to satisfy his sexual impulses?I rolled over on my back. Was it just coincidence that I was involved with two guys on the down low, or was there something about me that attracted me to men like that? Wa
Last Updated : 2025-03-03Mi Amor 43: Real or Imitation Gold
I spent Tuesday looking for work. I trolled the Internet, made phone calls, dropped in on past clients. Nothing. I didn’t know if it was the connection to Vlad, or the economy, but nobody had any party plans.Jean-Jacques spent the day doing the same thing, and we met up at the Starbucks on Lincoln Road late in the afternoon to compare notes. “I’ve got nothing,” he said, bringing his Frappuccino over to where I sat in the front window.“Me too. And to add to our trouble, I went up to the FBI again yesterday.” I lowered my voice. “Agent Green knows I was having sex with Vlad.”“What did you do?”“I mooned him.”“You what?”I smiled. “I turned around, dropped trou, and showed him my ass.”Jean-Jacques threw back his head and roared. “And what did he do?” He made lapping motions with his tongue.“Not exactly.”“He wanted to, though, I’ll bet,” Jean-Jacques said.“Him? You kidding?”“Oh, my God, even your gaydar is failing. Agent Green is a special agent, all right.”I remembered how Gree
Last Updated : 2025-03-03Mi Amor 44: Need to See You
We gave up around three, and I stumbled home. It was hard to get up the next morning; I had no motivation to drag my sorry, tired ass out of bed. So I slept in, and didn’t wake up until my phone rang around noon.“I need to see you,” Javier said. “Where can we meet?”I yawned. “I’m still in bed.”“Stay there. I’m on my way.”I wanted to roll over and go back to sleep, but if Javier was on his way, I had to motor. I jumped in and out of the shower, blow-dried my hair, tidied the bed, and policed the living room. When he rapped on the door, I answered it wearing a black silk kimono.Javier stepped into the apartment, kicking the door shut behind him, then grabbed my face in his hands and kissed me, hard. I could feel the tension in him like an electrical current. I put my arms around his back as his lips pressed against mine, his tongue forcing them apart.I was panting for breath by the time he pushed back. “What’s wrong?” I asked.He didn’t say anything, just dropped to his knees and
Last Updated : 2025-03-03Mi Amor 45: Buying Gold
I made a baked brie while Jean-Jacques strung up some gold streamers, uncorked the wine, and set out the glasses. At five, Moishe Kapinsky showed up with his bodyguard, Dean. You might think from his name that he’d be a wizened old man with a stoop and a jeweler’s loupe perpetually attached to his eye.Instead he was a young Orthodox Jew, in his early thirties, wearing a business suit and a blue and white yarmulke decorated with stars of David. He worked at his father’s jewelry store on Lincoln Road, and I met him when I found a gold bracelet outside a club and wanted to sell it.When he discovered I was a party planner, he asked me to put together a gold party at Score. It was a big success, and we’d gone on to do a party every month or so for him, moving from neighborhood to neighborhood around the beach. As the economy worsened, and the price of gold rose, a lot of people were ready to sell tarnished jewelry and broken dreams.He paid cash for gold and silver, so he had hired Dean
Last Updated : 2025-03-03Mi Amor 46: Lacross Player
Frank Settle was a year older than I was, a senior at Deerfield when I was a junior. I was pretty out, among my circle of friends, at least. The other guys on the swim team knew that I was gay, and I’d sucked a couple of them or given them hand jobs at drunken parties and on road trips. Everybody was cool about it.Frank was a lacrosse player, and we didn’t have any friends in common. The first time we noticed each other, we were both in the locker room. I’d just finished swimming penalty laps for a prank I’d pulled on the coach, and Frank had been working out with weights.It was late in the afternoon in early fall, one of those golden days when the leaves were turning, the sky was blue, and there was just a hint of the crispness that winter would bring. I came out of the shower to find Frank sitting on a bench, massaging his right calf.“Wicked charley horse,” he said, gritting his teeth. “Can’t rub it away.”“Let me give it a try.” I sat down next to him on the bench and took his c
Last Updated : 2025-03-03Mi Amor 47: Ski Interlude
I’ve never been a big fan of the cold, which is one of the reasons why I love living in Miami. But Frank was a major skier, and I could make my way down a slope. Every morning we skied for a while, then went back to the chalet. We fucked in each of the bedrooms, the living room, the master bathroom, the kitchen, and the sauna -- though not all on the same day.It was like we couldn’t get enough of each other’s bodies. All the pent-up desire and frustration from having to hide at Deerfield exploded, and for twelve days we had our own little porno adventure. We tried everything our fertile brains and overactive libidos could come up with, including those water sports Frank had mentioned the first time we met.Eventually, our Sex 101 class had to end, and we went back to Deerfield. Frank was cagey about where he was applying to college, but I figured it would be somewhere in New England, and I’d be able to do some road trips. My parents were buying me a car for my senior year, so I could
Last Updated : 2025-03-03Mi Amor 48: Score
I’d been determined for years that I wasn’t going to let that kind of thing happen to me again. I kept my relationships casual, and made sure to be the first one to break up. But with Javier Marisco, I’d let my guard down. I’d let myself fall in love, despite all the warning signs. And now here I was, crying my heart out one more time.I wondered if Javier had seen me in the doorway of the restaurant. If he had, what would he do? Would he call with some lame excuse? Pretend it had never happened? Or worst of all, tell me it didn’t matter?I could imagine what had happened. He’d been so freaked out by being outed at work that he’d arranged to make out at a restaurant with a girl just to reinforce his straight cred. Were there other contractors there? There had to be. After all, what’s a show without an audience?I decided I was done with men like Frank, Javier, and Vlad Solonenko. No more closet doors for this gay boy. I was going to be out, loud, and proud.Thursday morning, I was sti
Last Updated : 2025-03-03Mi Amor 49: Job Offer
I didn’t fall apart until I got home. I threw off my clothes and stepped into the shower. I turned the water on hot, stuck my head under the flow, and started to cry.After I broke up with Frank Settle, I didn’t have another boyfriend at Deerfield. I fooled around with a few guys, but it was just sex. It wasn’t until halfway through my freshman year at Oberlin that I went on a real date with another guy. We had dinner at a French café in town, and then we went to a late movie. We sat in the back of the theater and made out. We didn’t even have sex.But I wouldn’t go out with him again. I started a pattern -- meeting a guy, dating him for a while, having lots of sex, then dumping him. Sometimes, the feeling was mutual; neither of us wanted to see each other again. But there were guys who couldn’t take a hint, who kept calling and e-mailing me, trying for something more.The pattern continued when I moved to South Beach. There were so many guys there, and an awful lot of them just wante
Last Updated : 2025-03-03
Latest chapter
Mi Amor 84: A Little Situation
The morning of our wedding, Javier and I were up at first light. We went for a run together along the beach, then out to brunch, where we toasted each other with mimosas. “This is probably the last time today we’ll have time to ourselves, mi amor,” Javier said. “So I have some things I want to say to you.”I sipped my mimosa. “Yes?”“I love you, but you know that. You encourage me, you frustrate me, you make me see things differently, you force me to open up my heart and confront my emotions. I am so glad that you have come into my life.”I felt myself tearing up. “I love you too, Javier. When I was cruising along without much direction to my life, you came along with a strong hand and a warm heart. You looked beneath my surface the way few people have been able to do. Every day I want to be a better man so that I can deserve you.”We lifted our glasses again and clinked them together. “Then let’s get married,” Javier said.We drove up to the Ancient Spanish Monastery, a beautiful sma
Mi Amor 83: Medicare Fraud
A few weeks later, I was in the living room when Liana called Javier. He put the phone on speaker so I could hear. “That doctor Papi was going to in Hialeah,” she said. “He’s been arrested for Medicare fraud! The clinic closed down. Mami is so frightened the police are going to come for them.”“As long as she doesn’t expect anything from me,” Javier said. “They’ve both made it clear that they don’t want Adam and me in their lives.”“They’ll come around eventually, Javier,” she said. “Unless they die first,” he said.“Javier!”I was as surprised as Liana was. I knew that Javier was upset that his parents had shut him out, but I hadn’t realized how deep his feelings ran. They talked for a few more minutes, but he wasn’t willing to budge on his parents.If they didn’t approve of our marriage, I didn’t want their names on the invitation. So I found an invitation template that didn’t mention parents, brides or grooms. Just Adam Beller and Javier Marisco invite you to join in the celebrati
Mi Amor 82: Ancient Spanish Monastery
I woke up early on Sunday morning to find the house empty. Where was Angus? Why was everyone in my life abandoning me?Whoa. I needed to stop pitying myself and figure out what to do. A few minutes later, Angus came in, sweaty from an early morning run. I thanked him for his hospitality and said I needed to get back to Javier’s.“Take things easy,” Angus said. “Give Javier some time, and I’m sure he’ll come around.”There was little traffic on I-95 so early on Sunday morning, and I made good time back to the beach. I parked in one of the guest spaces at the Madrigal, and noted that Javier’s BMW was in its regular spot. That didn’t mean much, of course. He could have gone off on his scooter, or on foot.Or he could be upstairs.I took a couple of deep breaths. I couldn’t go on in limbo like that, not knowing how Javier felt.I rode up in the elevator and used my key to unlock the apartment door. Javier was sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a mug of coffee. I could smell the fragran
Mi Amor 81: Best Man
My mouth dropped open. He was kicking me to the curb? Where would I go, at nine o’clock on a Saturday night? To a hotel?I hadn’t wanted to tell Javier because I knew he had his own money problems, but I’d been running through my savings at an alarming rate as I sustained both of us until money began to flow in from Wynwood Columns. I had credit on my plastic, but very little in the way of ready cash.I called Jean-Jacques, but went right to voice mail. He was probably out on the town somewhere, or maybe cuddled up with that new boyfriend of his. I ran through my list of old friends. Most of them had moved on, or were likely to be out partying on a Saturday night. Then I remembered Angus Green.He picked up the phone after one ring. “Hey, Adam, long time no see. How’s everything?”The kindness in his voice broke something open inside me, and I began to cry, telling him how stressful the last months had been, about my botched attempt to talk to Javier’s parents, his anger with me.“Com
Mi Amor 80: Mi Hijito
“I have something I would like to show you about Javier, if you would allow me,” I said, when she and I were in the living room with Javier’s father. They didn’t seem to know how to say no, so I hooked everything up, chatting nervously in a mix of English and Spanish, until I had a picture of Javier as a little boy up on the screen.“Ay, mi hijito,” his mother said.I launched into my story. Javier as a boy, cleaning up at construction sites, playing baseball, graduating from high school with honors. His parents were smiling and happy, adding in their own comments to each other.The last pictures were of Javier and me together—dancing at a party on South Beach, walking barefoot on the beach during one of Javier’s summer visits to New Jersey, us posed together in front of the Wynwood Columns sign.I left that last picture up on the screen. “Javier loves you very much, and I know he misses having you in his life right now. Wynwood Columns is his biggest success so far, and it would be s
Mi Amor 79: Presentation
I pulled up in front of a thrift store run by an Episcopal church, only open two days a week for a few hours at a time. Jean-Jacques made a beeline for the jewelry counter, where the sweet old lady who looked like a gerbil, with white hair and pink skin, seemed to know him well.I browsed the rest of the store, coming up with a couple of items for Jean-Jacques to consider: a pair of commemorative coins issued by Masonic chapters; a belt buckle with an airline slogan from the 1960s; a wooden box covered with colorful labels that had once held Cuban cigars. Jean-Jacques nodded approvingly and bought all of it.We worked together all afternoon, driving from store to store, and by the end of the day he had a decent haul. I researched and wrote descriptions of the items as he photographed them. Around six, I texted Javier that I was with Jean-Jacques, and we slumped in his living room over a bottle of wine, a box of crackers, and a log of goat cheese.“I’ve been thinking about how you appr
Mi Amor 78: Just Because It's Legal
We fell into bed together and slept until mid-morning Sunday, when I got up, fixed us omelets and bacon, and we hashed over the details of the night before. Javier had a half-dozen solid prospects for the condos, and he’d impressed a number of local real estate agents. The buzz at the party had been superb, and it looked like we were going to be a great addition to the Wynwood scene.I waited until a few days had passed, and Javier had contracts on two more of the condos, before I brought up the question of setting the wedding date again.“I don’t know, mi amor,” he said. “Maybe it’s not such a good idea right now. Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s right for us.”I opened my mouth to argue. What had happened to “I’d marry you today if I could?” But I already knew what the problem was. His parents. Until they came around to the idea of their precious boy married to another man, my wedding plans were on hold.Over the next few days, I thought about the issue. It wasn’t about the
Mi Amor 77: Party Boy
The next morning I met Leslie at Wynwood Columns. That day’s T-shirt read Be kind to animals or I’ll kill you, and her pinky fingernails were painted in tiger stripes.“The walls look amazing,” I said, after we’d kissed hello. Then I held the ladder for her as she began to hang a couple of her complicated mobiles.Javier came through while we were working, showing off the retail space to a rep from a national drugstore chain. “This is Adam Beller, who’s handling all my marketing and public relations,” Javier said when he introduced me.I noticed that he didn’t say “partner.” But we hadn’t formalized any business arrangement between us so I wasn’t a partner in Marisco Enterprises. I didn’t even have a salary or a job title.There was no time to stress over it, though. Before I could blink it was the Saturday night of the grand opening. We rented one of those big searchlights and set it up across the street. We hired a valet company to handle the parking, a jazz trio for background musi
Mi Amor 76: Sour Taste
I woke with a sour taste in my mouth. What if Wynwood Columns was a big flop, and its failure destroyed Javier’s business, because he’d bet everything he had on it? That could leave us both out of work. And because Javier had mortgaged the condo at the Madrigal, we could be homeless as well. And of course the wedding would be off. We couldn’t afford a party if we couldn’t put a roof over our heads or food on the table.We had only a week to go before the grand opening of Wynwood Columns, and Javier spent all his time on the mainland, leaving behind the beach, while I was at the office most of the time, handling dozens of small details from chasing down attorneys and leases to sourcing party favors. It was doubly hard because everything had to be done on the cheap, and I called in every favor I was owed, relying on every emotion from guilt to greed to get what I needed.Late one afternoon I was all alone in the office, and I started to worry. What if this physical distance was just a m
