All Chapters of Toast With Jelly: The Tragedy of a Lesbian Confused: Chapter 11 - Chapter 20

Fiana flung the apartment door open, leaving Pam poised with her house key in hand. She gave Pam a haughty look and turned, walking back into the living room.“I know what you’re doing,” Fiana spat.The flame of the cigarette lighter towered over the end of the cigarette that balanced precariously in Fiana’s mouth before disappearing into nothingness when she snapped the lighter shut.Pam followed Fiana into the apartment and kicked the door closed. She poured herself a glass of Wild Turkey whisky from the open bottle on the coffee table. Savoring the burn of the liquid as it slid down her throat, she watched Fiana pace the room.“How’d you do today?” Pam asked.“I hate it when you ignore me!”  Fiana roared. “Don’t fucking ignore me, bitch. I said I know what you’re doing, damn it.”“Christ. What now?” Pam reached out, when Fiana’s pacing bro

“Here it is,” Pam said as she freed herself from the arm lock she shared with Darryl and stumbled onto the first step of her brownstone apartment building.Darryl stepped back and on the sidewalk and craned his neck to look up. “What floor are you on?”“The third,” she replied as she sat down on the step with a thud. “Do you think we’ll make it?”“You mean, you. I better catch a cab,” Darryl said as she seated himself, a little more gracefully, next to Pam.“Oh, come on up,” Pam begged.  “You can get a little coffee down you and meet your net friend, Fiana. I’m sure she’s still up.”Her hand flew up to cover her mouth as she hiccupped and blushed.Darryl seemed not to notice Pam’s hiccup, or distress over it, as he looked past her toward the building’s entry door.“Does she have dark, scary hair?” he asked

Pam fumbled in the kitchen cabinet for a clean glass. The apartment was getting out of control. What had Fiana been doing the whole time she was gone? That was a silly question. She was drinking, of course. All Fiana seemed to be doing these days was drinking.She reminisced about the early days when she and Fiana met. Fiana rarely touched a drink back then. She was a freelance writer for some of the top papers and magazines on the country; running all over the world to get the greatest and best stories.Pam noticed a change when Fiana returned from her trip to South America. Something happened during her trip, but Fiana refused to talk about it; denying there was any difference in her.Pam drew a glass of water from the faucet and popped two aspirin as far back into her mouth as she could without choking. She hated taking pills. She always felt that they would stick in her throat. But, she needed something to ease the throbbing in her temples that started durin

The lights of Ida’s six thousand square foot home twinkled invitingly as Pam’s cab made its way up the long, winding, tree-lined drive. Every muscle and nerve in her body stood at attention in readiness to face her mother. Ida’s estate gate keeper had forewarned her of Pam’s arrival so she was already waiting for her at the door.The soft music that was religiously piped into each room filtered past Ida through the open doorway and into the night.  It gave the scene an artificial feel. Then, almost everything about Ida was artificial. She had artificial nails, artificial hair color, an artificial face lift, artificial breast implants and, most definitely an artificial personality. The only thing that Pam could think of that was real about her mother was her very real love of money. And why not? How else could she maintain such an artificial lifestyle?Pam pushed her way past the older woman, ignoring Ida’s outstretched arms, and bound

The smell of hospital cleaners assaulted Pam’s nose as she lay in the exceedingly uncomfortable bed and slowly focused on her surroundings. She winced in pain as she felt the bandages on her head, rib cage, and abdomen. Now she knew what the saying ‘I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck’ meant.“Hello, my love. How are you?” Fiana said as she put down the vase of fresh flowers she’d carried into the room and rushed to Pam’s side. “Ida, she’s awake!”Ida rushed into the room, followed by the two nurses she was talking to.“Oh, honey,” Ida wept. “Oh, you’re awake, how wonderful!”Two nurses hurried Ida and Fiana out of the room while they scurried about checking Pam’s vital signs and notifying the doctor of her consciousness.Ida paced the corridor while Fiana struggled with the vending machine at the end of the hall. It had been several hours since s