All Chapters of Paubaya: Chapter 1 - Chapter 8

My wet palm landed on my mouth, covering my lips as I inwardly gasped in surprise. Each passing seconds that I am staring at the plastic rectangular thing that I am holding on my other hand-my eyes get blurry because of my sudden tears. "Tangina..." Two red straight line were seen on the pregnancy test that I bought earlier. Natataranta akong binitawan iyon at halos mandiri nang ihagis ko sa lababo ng restroom. My hands trembled in fear and shock as I searched for the other pregnancy tests inside the small paper bag. Nanginginig ang labi ko at halos mag sugat na dahil sa mariin na pagkakakagat ko doon. My face contorted as I suppressed my sobs. My heart was thumping and clenching so bad and I couldn't take the pain that's slowly consuming inside me. Libo libong tanong ang walang humpay na pumapasok sa isip ko. Hindi ko maintindihan, wala akong maintindihan. Hindi ko alam kung totoo ba talaga na nangyayari ito o panaginip lang. Fuck! Hindi dapa

Yttrium brought me to his place. Truth to his words, he really helped me despite of his doubts againts me. He didn't ask nor bombard me a lot of questions, instead, he let me stayed at his place for a week now.I can't help but to think some inappropriate thoughts, like-what if, siya iyong totoong naka buntis sa akin at hindi si Yeshua? Would I be happy? Maybe yes, lalo pa ngayon na natutulungan niya ako.Bahagya akong natigilan sa naisip. Masaya lang ba ako dahil natutulungan niya ako? O masaya ako dahil siya ang totoong ama ng dinadala ko?I sighed. Maybe both. Iyon nga lang, hindi nga siya ang ama nitong baby ko. Kung sana ay siya na lang.Yeshua didn't text nor call me for the past weeks. Hindi na rin ako nag abala pa na i-reach out siya dahil malinaw pa sa tubig na pinamukha niya sa akin na hindi niya kami pananagutan ng anak ko. I don't want to force him even more. Konsensiya na niya iyon. Kung ayaw niya, edi huwag.I can't help but to compar

"Is this the baby?" Yttrium curiously asked while looking at the ultrasound's pictures. I watched how his eyes filled with delighted while staring at it. Parang may humaplos na kung ano sa puso ko. I suddenly wondered, if Yeshua was the one who's with me right now? Ganito kaya ang ekspresyon na makikita ko galing sa kanya? I sighed and slightly shook my head to erase it on my mind. Hindi ko na iyon dapat na iniisip pa. We just got home after we visited at the OB. He already booked for the third check up and also for the paternity test. Kapag naisagawa na iyon, pitong linggo lang daw o mahigit ang tatagalin sa pag hihintay ng resulta. This is our second time that we visited at the OB. Noong una ay iyong pangatlong araw ko rito. Yttrium was also confused and nervous that time, ngayon naman ay ganoon pa rin. "I can't recognize him..." Yttrium pouted his lips, still dubiously staring at the pictures. Binabaliktad niya pa iyon at iniaangat.

"I look fat..."Ngumuso ako habang tinitignan ang repleksiyon mula sa malaking salamin. Suot ang isang maluwang na puting kamiseta noon sa akin, ngunit ngayong magta-tatlong buwan na buntis na ay humahapit na iyon sa katawan ko.I glanced at Yttrium's face with full of amusement through his own reflection on the mirror. His gaze slowly lingered first to my embossed tummy up to my sullen face."You're not fat," the side of his lips turned up.I know. I just feel like I looked like one. Hindi ko naman sinasabi na hindi ko gusto iyon. Naninibago lang siguro ako dahil ngayon ko lang nakita ang sariling katawan na magkalaman. Just by a few months, I already gained a lot of weight. Which is nakakapanibago talaga sa akin.Well, actually that's good. It means that I am healthy as well as my baby. Noong una'y halos wala talagang pag babago sa akin, ngunit ngayon ay medyo nakikita na rin iyon.