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All-day... All alone...
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2024-10-29 19:42:56I was walking to school followed by two confused gazes. Vian and Jay were curious and confused, but they followed me quietly giving me space. I was processing everything that happened last night. After I heard what he said, I slowly walked to my room without saying anything and went to bed.
I heard whispers of them outside my door until I fell asleep. I guess they were contemplating whether to knock on the door. I was grateful that they decided otherwise. I was neither in the mood nor in the right mind to talk. Strangely I slept very well but everything came back once I woke up in the morning.
It hurts to the extent that I can't even breathe. I want to cry but I couldn't. Something heavy in my chest making me breathe hard and blocking my tears to fall.
I know why it hurts. I can't even imagine him being with someone else. But more than that, it angered me that he didn't confide in me when it comes to his dating life. Jay was cool with it, but I can't. I am not e
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I carefully climbed the tree that was outside my room through the window. With the help of a branch, I climbed up to the roof of my house.I lied down on the sloping roof comfortable enough for the stargazing. This place is my thinking place. I come here whenever I want to hide from the rest of the world.When we were in middle school, Vian found this place. The first time when I came here, I fractured my ankle trying to climb the tree. My mom grounded me for one week and made me promise that I wouldn't do it again. But of course, I didn't listen to her.Today is one of those days when you feel overwhelmed just to get out of bed. I have a lot in my mind to think about, but I don't want to.People used to say that High school is a look-alike of hell. I guess I am starting to feel it. When the boy you have feelings for who is also your best friend is dating your friend and on top of all that you need to stick with them all day faking a smile like you are ho
You are my FLAME Letting him go.
Why the human mind is so complicated? Or is the heart? Does our heart really have the ability to think differently from our mind as people say?Because my mind knows what I shouldn't do but my heart craves for it. Just because I listen to my heart, am I considered weak in this world?I don't know how long I cried that night before drifting off to sleep. I spent that night thinking a lot about which path I should take. After an ample amount of thinking and considering a lot of scenarios, I came to a decision that is good for everyone.I need to get rid of these feelings for Vian if I don't want to mess up my friendship with Vian and Jay. To do that, first I need some distance from Vian, and I need a distraction. Only one person can give me both right now.The next day although the thought of Vian being with Hazel on a date tortured me, I didn't let it take over me. I spent every minute of the day making up my mind about letting Vian go and not getting hurt
You are my FLAME My messenger.
Every year we celebrate the day our school was founded as Foundation day. It feels like a festival and everyone at school looks forward to this day.We have so many clubs at school and each member of the club chosen as a leader takes responsibility for an event conducted by that club on that day.I was in Eco Club, and I was chosen as a leader this time. We planned to plant trees all over the town on that day. Jay and Vian volunteered to help me.Other clubs also organized a food festival in the afternoon and a party by the music club in the evening. Jay and Haze were in charge of that party."So you are not going to talk to him ever?" Jay asked me lying down on my bed lazily watching me rummaging through my wardrobe for a nice dress for the party tomorrow.Jay came back earlier than expected from London. I don't know what Vian said but once he found out that we are in a fight he started pestering to talk it out with Vian."You guys are mise
You are my FLAME Guilty
Dear diary, It's been a long time since I wrote but now I am here since I feel good about everything that's going on. I guess I finally conquered my emotions. I know it's stupid, but I feel like I am doing ok around Vian. He doesn't affect me much anymore.It's been a month since that fight with Ryan or should I say a misunderstanding? Vian and I were keeping our distance at school even though we didn't talk about it.I didn't tell him what happened with Ryan that night. I am pretty sure if I told him he would do the opposite just to rile Ryan up.I also understood Vian was doing it for Haze. He must have liked her a lot. That thought itself sent a million daggers towards my heart a few weeks ago but I guess I am sensitized to it now. Nowadays I could at least smile when I see them together. All thanks to Ryan.He is good at distracting me from my reality. We went out on dates a lot, and I always had fun when I was with h
You are my FLAME First kiss
I tried so hard not to move and preparing myself for the kiss but I couldn't do it. I turned my head slightly at the last second, making his lips touching the corner of my lips."I am so sorry," I said in a croaked voice. I felt so bad to the extent where I was on the verge of crying. I don't know why I can't do it. I want it, but I can't do it... it's like my body has a brain on its own.He didn't let me go immediately. He rested my head on my forehead. "It's okay. I am sorry. I shouldn't have rushed you." He apologized.I nodded my head 'no' since I couldn't form any words. I wouldn't feel so bad if he got angry instead of apologizing."It's just that you make me go crazy sometimes especially tonight. Looking at you in that dress..." he stopped before he could say anything and slowly released me."Let's go watch that movie." He grabbed my hand and pulled me to his bed.He played the movie and joined me on the bed cuddling me. For the first
You are my FLAME SECOND CHANCE
FAST FORWARD 7 YEARSVian’s POVI was standing on the 24th floor, the roof of our company wearing a mandarin collar shirt and crisply creased dark blue trousers paired with a blazer of the same color. I threw my blazer on the wooden bench at the near corner since I was feeling stuffy in it. The wind was strong making my styled hair go wild. I was supposed to be at the photoshoot with my band members, but I didn’t know where to go to escape from my manager. I knew he will find me eventually, but I just have to get some air before that.I looked up at the sky and noticed a couple of moving clouds.“Did she send you? Do you have her message for me?” I talked to myself looking at them imagining that they would a
You are my FLAME SURPRISE KISS.
“Remember this, Ava. Remember I am your first and I intend to be your first in everything.” He said stroking my cheeks and took steps backward… further away after a kiss on my forehead.Have you ever felt like erasing something from your life? It was the one thing that you have wanted for your whole life yet when it’s in your hands you feel like abandoning it and run away. Something inside you keeps shouting at you to turn your back and walk away.That’s how I felt that night after Vian left my bedroom. I walked away to get to the door after begging him with my eyes not to leave. I looked back one last time before I turn the knob of the door somehow knowing that he wouldn’t be there. As expected I heard a loud thud outside my window and I know he is gone… just like that.“Hey, Aves.” Jay was standing in front of my door half asleep with disheveled hair.
You are my FLAME Follow your heart
I couldn’t concentrate on anything else after that. My mind was a mess thinking about the events of last night and that morning. I was confused with my action and ashamed of myself.So I sneaked out of my school during the third period unable to withstand Ryan’s good mood and his questions about my low spirits. I just needed some space, from everything. Suddenly my life felt so stuffy.I wandered around the streets aimlessly trying to run away from my problems. I know they will catch up to me eventually, but I just needed this feeling to be free… however short it might be.I came back to school after hours once I know there will be no one at school. I sat under my favorite tree and started writing my journal to unfurl the complexity of my mind. I always felt like I could think clearly after I wrote everything in my journal.“I thought I would find you here.” I heard Rya
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I blinked a few times to adjust my vision and then I screamed noticing the person who helped me.“Jay!” I hugged him tightly in excitement without believing my eyes. I was relieved that at least Jay was there beside me even though my dad and brother couldn’t make it.“Do you think we would let you get married without dad walking you to the aisle?” I looked around hearing Damon behind me. Willie, Damon, and Dev walked towards me in their black suits and I couldn’t help but get overwhelmed watching them. Since the moment they have taken off the blindfold, it all felt like a dream.“I thought you guys aren’t gonna be there.” I wept like a crazy girl hugging my dad and my brother in elation. Weirdly, even when I was happy beyond words tears kept rolling down my cheeks.“Baby girl, you haven’t said anything about my masterpiece,” Dev said running his hands over my dress. I was surprised an
You are my FLAME You are my Flame.
I was taking an evening walk with Vian towards our high school in the old town. The sun shone brightly on the western sky just before setting like it was ready to give the stage to the moon and the stars. We were walking in silence immersed in our thoughts.A day before, Vian suddenly barged into my office with Damon and took me with him hauling me away from my office without saying anything about where he was taking me and leaving Damon in charge of the company like he owned it.I was busy for the past two weeks, and I couldn’t even properly text Vian on those days. I was trying to finish a deal with a Chinese company that was interested in investing in our company. If I get that deal successfully then, I needn’t worry about paying Ryan’s dad’s debt in a year. With Vian and Jay’s help, I could pay him off within 6 months.I tried my best to refuse Vian and Jay’s help but they somehow convinced me. Jay told me that he was payi
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“Seriously? You are still wearing that?” Vian questioned with a very upset look in his eyes. “I… I forgot about it.” I said feeling guilty and defenseless. “You forgot about it?” he asked me in a mocking tone. “It’s YOUR finger and YOU are wearing it.” He pressed the words pointing at my hand. “How could you forget something like that and it’s been two days,” Vian said with a menacing look. He was right, and I have nothing to say to that but I wasn’t going to stand there looking all guilty and go down without an argument. “Well, you were with me on those two days, why didn’t you say anything about it? You must have seen it at least once. You should have told me something before proposing to me.” I yelled back. It was the most absurd thing that came out of my mouth. “Oh, I am sorry I didn’t notice the ring in your finger because my concentration was elsewhere in your body,” he growled back without thinking. It took him a second to realize what
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Two days. Vian and I ignored this world for two days without giving a fuck about anything and lived off only eating takeouts with little sleep and lots of sex. We didn’t pick up any of the calls we received on our phones. In fact, we forgot where we kept them. Sometimes in the middle of the night or in the early morning and sometimes, at late noon we hear them ringing but completely ignored it just for the fun of it.I used to worry about others than myself usually. If it was some other time I would have thought about how Willie and Damon would be worried without hearing from me for two days and on top of that I didn’t even tell them where I was going. To be honest I didn’t know where I was going when I walked out of my house.But the whole world faded away when I was with Vian those two days. I was madly, irrevocably in love
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I am not sure if I did justice to Vian and Ava's love in this chapter but I do hope you guys enjoy reading it............................................................................“You did. But… You… My name’s written there… striking Ryan’s name… is this what I think it is?” he asked me.“Yes,” I said firmly. I was nervous about what he would say after everything happened.“But… But why? Last night you said… you said…” he tried to say something, but he couldn’t as he was hit with lots of emotions remembering last night’s events.“I am sorry,” I said as my voice croaked remembering the night… remembering how I hurt him with my words.“Why? What happened? What’s changed?” he bombarded me with questions as he was surprised by my change of heart suddenly.“I know wh
You are my FLAME Confessing again.
“Elena!” I was hit with surprise and confusion at the same time.“Your dad let me in.” She said with an awkward smile as she walked in and took a seat beside me on the bed.“I am really surprised to see you here,” I said hoping that she would understand the real meaning of my question. I wanted to know why she came to meet me.But she remained silent thinking about something, fidgeting her fingers. “Do you want anything to drink or something?” I asked her but she politely refused.“I heard you got engaged. Congratulations!” she said with a small smile. It didn’t feel like she was actually wishing me, though.“Thank you.” I said smi
You are my FLAME Let's start again.
Darkness.That was the only thing I could think of when I came to my senses. I have been awake since an hour ago or so, but I stayed in my bed without opening my eyes.Darkness. Sometimes it’s not just something that you only see when you close your eyes or in other words that you can’t see anything in the absence of light but you could also feel it when there is no light in your life.I kept my eyes closed to see the darkness clearly so that I didn’t have to feel it. It awaits just behind the veil of my closed eyelids to engulf me as a whole.I will have to open my eyes anytime soon and let it swallow me but I prolonged the inevitable just by staying in bed with my eyes closed, feeling content as my mind made up an illusion of peace.
You are my FLAME Vian.
Vian’s journal. Dear diary, I am gonna tell you a story about a stupid boy who sacrificed his love twice for his friends. To him, they both mean the world, and he would do anything for them even if it meant hurting himself. I was just a cheeky, naïve little boy when Jay and Ava came into my life. They both loved me regardless of who I was and cared for me like I am their family. In life, nothing can be quite precious in this world as your ideas and experiences to share with someone. Nothing can be more magnanimous than being an inspiration to someone. On that note, I know I must always be grateful to Jay who inspired me with his dreams and ambitions when I was just wandering around in life, and Ava who made me run towards my dreams. To someone who doesn’t know who his mother was and has a father who travels a lot rather spending time with his son, Jay and Ava were the dad and mom to me. Over the years, Jay bec
You are my FLAME Jay.
Jay’s Journal. Dear diary, It’s so hard for me to see Vian and Ava like this. I cannot watch them being in pain, hurting each other. Everything was my fault. If only I hadn’t fallen in love… with her, with my Ava, I could have prevented years of pain for the three of us. Yes, I am in love with Ava, and I have been for quite a while. I don’t exactly remember when I started to grow feelings for her, but I remember the times when I enjoyed her company so much. I crack jokes just to watch her laugh and I tease and annoy her to see her cute pouts. I thought it was just friendship for a while but then I realized I didn’t want to lose her to someone when I lost my mom. She always took care of me and loved me more than my family. I’ve always enjoyed the way she treated me special than others… than Vian. I guess I was just too late to realize that. When we moved to London, I started noticing certain changes with Ava and also V
