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Guilty
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Dear diary,
It's been a long time since I wrote but now I am here since I feel good about everything that's going on. I guess I finally conquered my emotions. I know it's stupid, but I feel like I am doing ok around Vian. He doesn't affect me much anymore.
It's been a month since that fight with Ryan or should I say a misunderstanding? Vian and I were keeping our distance at school even though we didn't talk about it.
I didn't tell him what happened with Ryan that night. I am pretty sure if I told him he would do the opposite just to rile Ryan up.
I also understood Vian was doing it for Haze. He must have liked her a lot. That thought itself sent a million daggers towards my heart a few weeks ago but I guess I am sensitized to it now. Nowadays I could at least smile when I see them together. All thanks to Ryan.
He is good at distracting me from my reality. We went out on dates a lot, and I always had fun when I was with h
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Darkness.That was the only thing I could think of when I came to my senses. I have been awake since an hour ago or so, but I stayed in my bed without opening my eyes.Darkness. Sometimes it’s not just something that you only see when you close your eyes or in other words that you can’t see anything in the absence of light but you could also feel it when there is no light in your life.I kept my eyes closed to see the darkness clearly so that I didn’t have to feel it. It awaits just behind the veil of my closed eyelids to engulf me as a whole.I will have to open my eyes anytime soon and let it swallow me but I prolonged the inevitable just by staying in bed with my eyes closed, feeling content as my mind made up an illusion of peace.
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