Chapter 15

Leo was downstairs having breakfast and he was sort of taking his time since the rain was still coming down heavily. I ignored breakfast because I didn’t want to sit at the table with him, I might just kill him if I do.

I went into the kitchen instead where Maggie was holding a blueberry muffin for me.

“I had a feeling you were going to skip breakfast this morning.”

“I’ll be fine.” But I took the muffin and took a bite before dropping it on the kitchen counter in favor of a bottle of water. For some reason I couldn’t stomach food and it had everything to do with Emerald’s death. How can Leo who is actually friends with her bear to eat?

“Should I keep that for later?” Maggie asked worried.

“Uh – uh,” I said.

I just couldn’t wait to get out of the house and so I snapped the hood of my sweater over my head and went outside to the garage through the kitchen door. Noah was waiting as always, dressed in suit, again. Almost immediately all thoughts about Emerald flew out of the window and I thought about those few seconds shared yesterday.

Noah had his back to me and I was curious to know if he felt my presence or at the very least heard me coming from the kitchen. He is a pack warrior and has gone through some intense training. Its frightening just how alert and ready to fight he can be (I have seen him in action so I know how fearsome he is), that was more than enough reason for me know that he had heard me and was pretending.

I stood at the top step and pulled my hoodie tighter to hide my face. Somehow I didn’t want him to see my bald head. It was the same yesterday. I didn’t care about my head until I saw him, that was the only time I really cared about how hideous I was.

He turned around as soon as I hit the last step. I guess he was tired of pretending especially when he knew I knew he was aware of my presence.

“Hi,” I said and started to rush to take the front seat. At least I’ll have it all to myself before Leo comes to claim it. This way he can have the entire back seat to himself. I hate him for what he said yesterday but I guess I kind of feel bad for what he must be feeling. You may think I get attached to people quickly but Leo gets attached just as quickly as he discards people. It will take a while before he gets over Emerald.

Noah didn’t smile or respond, he just stared and his eyes drifted to my head safely hidden by my hoodie. I squirmed under his gaze feeling as though his eyes were trying to pry the thick edges open so that he could laugh at the strands of hair remaining from my shaggily cut hair.

I fought the urge to dance from one foot to another and became defensive.

“What is it?”

“Is that accepted at Princeton? The hoodie?” he finally asked.

I shrugged nonchalantly but of course I was ‘chalant' – I know that’s not a word but you understand.

As it stands I’m already the ugly center of attention at school, the last thing I want to do is stand out even more.

I don’t know why he asked. Usually Noah and I only ever argue but this was an attempt at normal conversation and I was struggling with it. Believe it or not, I have no problem annoying Noah at any given time of the day but today is not that day.

Noah turned and opened the driver’s side, I thought he was opening it up for me but he leaned down and pulled out the glove compartment where he retrieved a package. He turned back and started to toss it at me, thought better of it and opened it before retrieving something made from wool. It was black and red.

“Here,” he held it out.

“What’s this?” I asked suspiciously. But my hand automatically reached out to collect it and my fingers sank into its softness. I looked up at him waiting for him to say something.

“Why don’t you have a look?”

I pulled the small wool object apart and controlled a gasp that fought to escape my lips. My eyes stung but not with tears, I was fighting the urge to blink and convince myself that this was nothing but a dream. But it wasn’t , the head warmer in my hand was very much real. I turned it over in my hand marveling at the simple ribs and knots.

It was fascinating enough but it was the woolen inscription that really made me what to drop every sense I had and hug him.

Iron Rose.

That was what was written on the black head warmer and it was done in bright red.

I looked up and found Noah watching me. I cleared my throat.

“Thanks.” My voice sounded oddly shy and I was tempted to look around the garage for who switched places with me but it was no one else but just me and Noah.

I started to put it on my head but his voice stopped me. I hadn’t noticed he moved until I looked up and he was right in front of me with his right hand lifted to my head. I wanted to cringe away from his touch but the look in his eyes stopped me. There was no way to describe the look in those hazel blue eyes but all I could see was that the usual anger toward me was replaced with something else, something I didn’t dare to believe.

I held my breath knowing what was coming next.

Noah removed the hoodie to reveal my bald head. But there was no repulsion in his eyes, none of the mocking laugh I had expected to hear.

“Although, personally, I think you look better without.”

I tried to remind myself to breathe. “Without my hair?”

“Without hiding.”

His eyes remained glued to my head and my eyes were raised to his, there was no sign of deceit in them. Now the tears were threatening to come again and I fought hard against them but one stupid tear slid stubbornly down my cheek.

Noah caught the movement and his eyes dropped to my face. The garage suddenly seemed so small, the space eaten away by how close we were now. His hand dropped from my head to my face and cupped the left side of my face, his thumb moving gently over my cheek as he wiped the tear away. That movement led his finger down my cheek to the side of my nose to stop at the top side of my mouth and his eyes followed the movement.

My lips parted unwillingly. I know I have opened my mouth to say something but now I wanted to just shut up and beg him with my eyes to kiss me. His moist lips looked soft and inviting but they remained closed. That’s fine, you can kiss me with your mouth closed too.

But he couldn’t hear my thoughts and so he continued to stare.

That tingling feeling I felt yesterday morning returned and this time it started from my chest like a spark of fire radiating warmth through my chest through my veins and arteries and spreading throughout the rest of my body. It was like a magnetic force pulling me closer to the one man I once vowed to piss off for the rest of my life.

And he was older. I’m 17 nearly 18 and he is 24.

I don’t know which one of us snapped back to reality first. Was it him or was it me? And was it the thought of our age difference that made him pull back ever so slightly?

I realized that it was me. I told you I am good at reading people’s faces and I saw deep in his eyes that he was thinking about just how far out of reach I was from him.

I decided to make it easier for him to pull back. “So did Miss Aurora tell you about my bald head while you were banging in her office or what?”

That succeeded in clearing the dazed look in his eyes completely. He stepped back clearly back to the good old Noah and just in time too because just then the kitchen backdoor was thrown open and Leo came out in dressed in a raincoat that covered his uniform and shoes.

Before Noah went to open the door for him at the other side he said, “That is none of your business.”

I swallowed at the hard time but forced myself to shrug it off. That was what I wanted. He was struggling to leave and I made it easier.

I got into car without saying a word to Leo, he didn’t say anything to me and I wasn’t bothered about his attitude anymore. The silence and awkwardness in the car was it broken by Noah playing some Dido songs and I leaned my head against the glass and drowned myself in the bittersweet lyrics of Life For Rent.