JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEW
“Hello, sir, what can I help you with?” A tiny guy, not taller than 5 ft 6, and not heavier than 110 pounds, with brown curls that fall over his brown eyes, asks me with a smile on his freckled face.
“I have a flat tire, and some warning light popped up on the dashboard. I have to drive to Massachusetts, and I don’t want to--” I don’t get to say what my problem is because the guy’s eyes went wide, and interrupted me with a squeal and a high-pitched tone of voice.
“You’re Jamal Jones! The billionaire, with the apps and games!” He exclaims enthusiastically, and on a normal basis I wouldn’t mind talking to him, but I’m in New fucking Jersey, and every minute spent here means more chances to see them, and I already had more delays than I wished for.
“Yes, I am. Now please, I’m in a hurry.” I plead, trying to remain polite and not blow up because the poor guy did nothing to me, but as I said... gotta get out of here.
“Yes, sorry. Bring the car in, and we’ll take care of it.” He talks in a professional tone, but still keeps a huge smile on his face.
He’s nice. I will give him a big tip.
I bring the car in, and I can’t help but chuckle when I see him opening my door.
“You didn’t have to do that. I’m not royalty, I actually grew up in the ghettos around here.” I explain, and a jolt of pain strikes my chest as I remember... other things, and he looks at me with wide eyes, shocked.
“But the media... they said that you--” I shake my head and interrupt him.
“The media assumes, and I don’t bother to tell them otherwise because they’ll have it their way anyway,” I explain again, not really knowing which story he heard, but none is true, so it doesn’t really matter.
“I don’t want to offend you or your shop, but do your workers know how to fix Rolls-Royce cars?” I ask, hoping that he’ll not get offended, but the truth is that Rolls-Royce’s are not so easy to fix.
I do regret taking this car and not one that has no sensors, but I like to take this one when I drive for hours because it’s very comfortable.
“Yes. I do. We have a guy that can fix the first car ever made and the last model of any car you want. He’s really amazing. He doesn’t have a diploma, but he’s the best mechanic I’ve ever seen.” He says, calming me.
It’s not that I care about the car, but if they don’t fix it, I will have to go to some dealership, and either rent one or buy one, and that takes time, and it would mean that I would have to drive around town, and I would rather not.
“Okay,” I decided to trust him with my mental health.
“YOO! TRISTAN, I HAVE A ROLLS-ROYCE FOR YOU!” At first, my brain didn’t quite get the name he called because I was too amused by how he changed his way of talking from professional to YOO, but when it did, I think it short-circuited, and the heart that it's shattered and barely beating, started fucking racing at an abnormally high speed.
I'm cursing, so that says something. Well, I cursed a lot ever since I came here, so one more doesn't matter.
But it can’t be him. I mean, there are a lot of other Tristans in the world. Besides, he never worked as a mechanic, so there’s no need to panic.
No panic.
At all.
I’m calm.
Very calm.
I follow the little guy’s gaze, and I see a big, filled with tattoos arm coming from under a car, and I realize that, for the first time since the guy called that name, I get to breathe.
Tristan has no tattoos, he never said he wanted them, so I’m safe.
That was a very close one!
But I hope that this one breath will keep me alive for a little longer than a breath normally would, because when the guy slid from under the car on one of those things that resemble a skateboard, -I think it’s called a creeper seat-, I saw that unique light brown hair with dirty blond highlights, tied up in a man bun, just like he used to wear it.
But maybe... he has a scrub... a sexy one and Tristan was always shaved...
Nope! There is no maybe! It’s him.
IT’S FUCKING HIM!
HIM!
TRISTAN!
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!
I’M GONNA DIE!
I’M DYING!
I try to turn and get inside my car, but I’m literally unable to move, talk, or breathe for that matter.
He's still taller than me, not by much because I got pretty tall myself, but I can tell that he still has a few inches over me, so I guess that he's 6 ft 4, and I'm 6 ft 2. He's wearing a black jumpsuit that makes him look... well... it makes me swallow hard.
Do not swallow hard! You don’t want him! I don’t want him!
He’s looking down at the rag that he uses to clean his oily hands, and again, I want to go before he sees me, I really do, I swear I do, but I literally can’t.
“What’s the problem with it?” The deep and baritone voice sounds like a smooth song sung by some supernatural being, and just like the first time I heard it, and like every goddamn time, it sends shivers down my spine and makes my organs flip and jump all over the place, giving me the feeling that I’ll throw up every single one of my useless organs, faint, then die.
Tristan... it’s... Tristan...
“A flat tire and some warning light popped up.” The guy explains as Tristan places the rag under his mechanic's belt, then looks up, glancing at the car, at the guy... and then... our eyes locked.
He stopped abruptly when he saw me, his eyes went wide and his mouth fell open, and I don’t know how I look, but I’m really not feeling ok.
“B.b.bambi?” He stutters as he looks at me as if I’m a ghost, and I want to curse him, tell him not to call me that, but I also want to do and say things that I swore that I’ll never even think about, and for once, I’m grateful that I can’t talk or move because I really don’t know what I would do.
My jaw is clenched, it actually hurts, so to say a word would be impossible. My breathing stopped a while ago, and my racing heart became violent, trying to get out of my chest, and hurting my ribcage. every beat echoes through every inch of my pained and weak body, giving me the feeling that I’ll literally crumble and fall to the ground.
“Tristan, are you okay?” The guy asks in a worried voice, and if he weren’t next to me I don’t think that I would have heard him because my heart is beating way too loudly in my ears.
“Y.you... here...” He says some other incoherent words but without taking his eyes off of me, and I force myself to get out of his baby blue eye’s trance, look away and find the strength to go.
“I... sorry, but... I don’t need... I’ll go.” I blabber, trying not to sound and look just like I did. A teenage boy with speech impediments.
“Why? He can fix it, I promise.” The guy tries to convince me, and I want to tell him that Tristan can only break things, but I don’t because I don’t trust my voice, I don’t trust myself to be around him.
“No,” I reply shortly, afraid that if I say more words they will have nothing to do with my car, and before I turn, I look at Tristan one more time, who’s now fisting his jumpsuit with one hand as if he’s trying to reach inside his chest, and the other is around his throat while gasping for air.
“Oh, shit!” The little guy exclaims in a worried voice as Tristan dizzily stammers back and struggles to breathe, but it looks like his airways are blocked.
I felt my anger dissipate as worry took over, and my first instinct was to go to him, help him, and I almost did.
Almost.
“DEE, COME HERE! TRISTAN HAS ANOTHER EPISODE!” That was what stopped me.
JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEW The pain I felt when I heard Dee's name can’t be put into words. My eyes haven’t stung like this since the day I caught them. My insides, which were already broken, feel like they are put in a blender, which destroys me all over again, this time even worse if that’s even possible. I see Dee, or a blurred image of him, fact that tells me that I’m about to cry, and I bite my cheek hard in order not to and focus on the pain and the metallic taste of blood that floods my mouth, then close my eyes shut for a second to push the tears away, and without wanting, my eyes land on him again, examining him, trying to see what he has that I don’t, trying to figure out why Tristan chose him. We look different, but he’s also black, just a darker shade than me, he has a buzz cut, he's taller than me and even Tristan, and bigger, he always was. He's about 6 ft 6 and has around three hundred pounds of muscle. Maybe
JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEWWe barely managed to carry him. Dee is way stronger than me, so he didn't have a problem, but I lost my breath, and my back hurt by the time we reached the destination. It's a decent-looking room that has a dark wooden table for six surrounded by six chairs, and a few feet away there’s a dark green sofa, where we lay him, and I, -unfortunately-, reluctantly let go of him, let go of his arm, which falls, touching the ground.For reasons I do not wish to discuss, I took his arm to place it on his broad chest, which moved as he breathed, and something got my attention.A tattoo that goes along the inside of his forearm.The date when we first met, when he rescued me from those bullies, is written in beautiful calligraphic numbers, which is followed by regular, strong heartbeats, then the date when I caught them together, but these numbers are ugly written and broken, and they are followed by erratic heartbeats which get further apart and smaller by every half an in
“You want to say how much he loved me,” I emphasize the word ‘loved’, and my heart stops again, my eyes land on Tristan, then I look back at Dee, hoping that he’ll contradict me.Is it possible that he still loves me?“J.J., he never touched anyone since then. I’m no doctor, but I think he developed a phobia because except for his kid, well, brother, his adoptive kid, who is Sean’s boyfriend, and me, he doesn’t even shake hands with anyone.” He explains, and I don’t even bother to hide the smile or the tears that are still rolling down my face to my neck, wetting my shirt.But Dee’s expression changed into a remorseful one as he continued talking.“I’m sorry... but it was so hard to see him crumble day by day, and after one year, I tried to convince him to try and get over you, go on dates, but I got myself a black eye. The second year, on my birthday, I managed t
JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEWI rub my eyes to see if I’m seeing things, but the watch, money, and Santa's hat are still there, nicely placed on the seat. But to really be sure that the watch is mine, I turn it, and my eyes get even wider when I see my initials.J.J.Am I going crazy?But I know that I gave my watch and money to the homeless guy... but he was white... Santa was black... how?I get out of the car and run outside, even though I know that the possibility of seeing either of them is non-existent, but my brain needs answers. Logical answers, not fairy freaking answers.As expected, no one was there, or at least none of the men... with that thought, their eyes came into my mind. Cerulean green.But it can’t be... right? I mean, one was white and the other black... but the eyes... then the conversations...“I will, but first, I need to help someone that helped me.” Was the homeless guy talking about me?“I’ll make your biggest wish come true.” Santa’s voice echoes in my head over a
JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEW“Sir... I...” The shaky voice of the woman makes me turn, and out of nowhere, I get another hug, which I reciprocate with a smile.God, I got hugged today more than in the last five years. I hope I’ll get another hug... the most important of them all...“I wasn’t actually going to work...” The woman says as she pulls back and barely looks at me.“Ok...” I trail off, confused about why she’s telling me this, and after she wipes the rest of her tears, she continues with a guilty voice and guilty eyes.“I switched shifts with a coworker, that’s why I wouldn’t have been able to spend Christmas at home... and today... now... I should have gone to... God...” She trails off as she looks away nervously, fidgeting with her hands, then she opens her mouth to continue, but nothing comes out, and she looks at me apologetically as if she’s sorry that she can’t finish the sentence.“You don’t have to tell me if--”“No. I want to. I want you to know what you did today...” I loo
TRISTAN'S POINT OF VIEWI wake up with the familiar headache and the excruciating heartache that for ten years only increases.“Hey, T., are you ok?” Dee asks with a smile on his face while sitting on the end of the sofa, and I shake my head as in no but regret it as soon as I do because my brain feels like it’s stabbed with each shake.“Do I look ok?” I ask rhetorically while trying to sit up, hardly succeeding.“Well, you look like shit, but... don’t you remember anything?”“Oh, God, Dee... your honesty is...” I trail off trying but failing to find the right words, and he chuckles.I love him, I don't know what I would have done without him all these years, but sometimes... sometimes...“I know, I know, I’m special. But enough about the awesome moi, well, not enough because what we’re going to talk about is gonna involve me as well, and once you hear me out, you’ll make me a statue and worship me until the end of your daaaayssssssssss.” He prolonged the words and changed his voice i
TRISTAN'S POINT OF VIEWThe way home is endless, and I’m not sure if I want the time to fly or to freeze because I don’t know what his intentions are.Will I survive if he’ll just come, get his answers, and leave?As I scrub my skin almost raw due to the nerves that don’t seem to give me a fucking break, I remember that he has someone, and my heart sinks so fucking low that I think that no one will ever find it again, and tears fell so effortlessly that I didn’t even realize that I’m in so much pain that I can’t even stand until I was sobbing on the shower floor.He just wants answers... he doesn’t want me... he never will... and why would he? He's a gorgeous, brilliant, businessman, and I'm a struggling mechanic with two kids.My airways clog again, and I manage to turn the water ice cold before I pass out, and slowly, very slowly, focusing on the coldness that envelops my body, I manage to breathe again, but it’s as hard and as painful as the day I lost him because now I don’t even
JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEWBeing in New Jersey at this time of the year, or any time of the year, or better yet, being in New Jersey at all, ever, was not in my life plan.I hated New Jersey when my mom and I first moved here, and not just anywhere, but in the worst part of it, in the ghettos, not that before we lived in a better part of another city because she liked drugs and she never could hold a job longer than a few weeks, so, we were always poor, but at least in California was warm.Anyway, I hated it until I met him, then, I loved it and wouldn’t have traded it for any luxurious, warm island in the entire world.I met him two days after we moved, I was coming home from school, and two boys picked on me. They were older and bigger, and they pushed me around and ripped my only jacket, which was not very warm as it was, but it was better than the nothing they left me with.I was on the ground when I first heard his loud voice, yelling at them to leave me alone, and when I looked back,
TRISTAN'S POINT OF VIEWThe way home is endless, and I’m not sure if I want the time to fly or to freeze because I don’t know what his intentions are.Will I survive if he’ll just come, get his answers, and leave?As I scrub my skin almost raw due to the nerves that don’t seem to give me a fucking break, I remember that he has someone, and my heart sinks so fucking low that I think that no one will ever find it again, and tears fell so effortlessly that I didn’t even realize that I’m in so much pain that I can’t even stand until I was sobbing on the shower floor.He just wants answers... he doesn’t want me... he never will... and why would he? He's a gorgeous, brilliant, businessman, and I'm a struggling mechanic with two kids.My airways clog again, and I manage to turn the water ice cold before I pass out, and slowly, very slowly, focusing on the coldness that envelops my body, I manage to breathe again, but it’s as hard and as painful as the day I lost him because now I don’t even
TRISTAN'S POINT OF VIEWI wake up with the familiar headache and the excruciating heartache that for ten years only increases.“Hey, T., are you ok?” Dee asks with a smile on his face while sitting on the end of the sofa, and I shake my head as in no but regret it as soon as I do because my brain feels like it’s stabbed with each shake.“Do I look ok?” I ask rhetorically while trying to sit up, hardly succeeding.“Well, you look like shit, but... don’t you remember anything?”“Oh, God, Dee... your honesty is...” I trail off trying but failing to find the right words, and he chuckles.I love him, I don't know what I would have done without him all these years, but sometimes... sometimes...“I know, I know, I’m special. But enough about the awesome moi, well, not enough because what we’re going to talk about is gonna involve me as well, and once you hear me out, you’ll make me a statue and worship me until the end of your daaaayssssssssss.” He prolonged the words and changed his voice i
JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEW“Sir... I...” The shaky voice of the woman makes me turn, and out of nowhere, I get another hug, which I reciprocate with a smile.God, I got hugged today more than in the last five years. I hope I’ll get another hug... the most important of them all...“I wasn’t actually going to work...” The woman says as she pulls back and barely looks at me.“Ok...” I trail off, confused about why she’s telling me this, and after she wipes the rest of her tears, she continues with a guilty voice and guilty eyes.“I switched shifts with a coworker, that’s why I wouldn’t have been able to spend Christmas at home... and today... now... I should have gone to... God...” She trails off as she looks away nervously, fidgeting with her hands, then she opens her mouth to continue, but nothing comes out, and she looks at me apologetically as if she’s sorry that she can’t finish the sentence.“You don’t have to tell me if--”“No. I want to. I want you to know what you did today...” I loo
JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEWI rub my eyes to see if I’m seeing things, but the watch, money, and Santa's hat are still there, nicely placed on the seat. But to really be sure that the watch is mine, I turn it, and my eyes get even wider when I see my initials.J.J.Am I going crazy?But I know that I gave my watch and money to the homeless guy... but he was white... Santa was black... how?I get out of the car and run outside, even though I know that the possibility of seeing either of them is non-existent, but my brain needs answers. Logical answers, not fairy freaking answers.As expected, no one was there, or at least none of the men... with that thought, their eyes came into my mind. Cerulean green.But it can’t be... right? I mean, one was white and the other black... but the eyes... then the conversations...“I will, but first, I need to help someone that helped me.” Was the homeless guy talking about me?“I’ll make your biggest wish come true.” Santa’s voice echoes in my head over a
“You want to say how much he loved me,” I emphasize the word ‘loved’, and my heart stops again, my eyes land on Tristan, then I look back at Dee, hoping that he’ll contradict me.Is it possible that he still loves me?“J.J., he never touched anyone since then. I’m no doctor, but I think he developed a phobia because except for his kid, well, brother, his adoptive kid, who is Sean’s boyfriend, and me, he doesn’t even shake hands with anyone.” He explains, and I don’t even bother to hide the smile or the tears that are still rolling down my face to my neck, wetting my shirt.But Dee’s expression changed into a remorseful one as he continued talking.“I’m sorry... but it was so hard to see him crumble day by day, and after one year, I tried to convince him to try and get over you, go on dates, but I got myself a black eye. The second year, on my birthday, I managed t
JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEWWe barely managed to carry him. Dee is way stronger than me, so he didn't have a problem, but I lost my breath, and my back hurt by the time we reached the destination. It's a decent-looking room that has a dark wooden table for six surrounded by six chairs, and a few feet away there’s a dark green sofa, where we lay him, and I, -unfortunately-, reluctantly let go of him, let go of his arm, which falls, touching the ground.For reasons I do not wish to discuss, I took his arm to place it on his broad chest, which moved as he breathed, and something got my attention.A tattoo that goes along the inside of his forearm.The date when we first met, when he rescued me from those bullies, is written in beautiful calligraphic numbers, which is followed by regular, strong heartbeats, then the date when I caught them together, but these numbers are ugly written and broken, and they are followed by erratic heartbeats which get further apart and smaller by every half an in
JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEW The pain I felt when I heard Dee's name can’t be put into words. My eyes haven’t stung like this since the day I caught them. My insides, which were already broken, feel like they are put in a blender, which destroys me all over again, this time even worse if that’s even possible. I see Dee, or a blurred image of him, fact that tells me that I’m about to cry, and I bite my cheek hard in order not to and focus on the pain and the metallic taste of blood that floods my mouth, then close my eyes shut for a second to push the tears away, and without wanting, my eyes land on him again, examining him, trying to see what he has that I don’t, trying to figure out why Tristan chose him. We look different, but he’s also black, just a darker shade than me, he has a buzz cut, he's taller than me and even Tristan, and bigger, he always was. He's about 6 ft 6 and has around three hundred pounds of muscle. Maybe
JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEW“Hello, sir, what can I help you with?” A tiny guy, not taller than 5 ft 6, and not heavier than 110 pounds, with brown curls that fall over his brown eyes, asks me with a smile on his freckled face.“I have a flat tire, and some warning light popped up on the dashboard. I have to drive to Massachusetts, and I don’t want to--” I don’t get to say what my problem is because the guy’s eyes went wide, and interrupted me with a squeal and a high-pitched tone of voice.“You’re Jamal Jones! The billionaire, with the apps and games!” He exclaims enthusiastically, and on a normal basis I wouldn’t mind talking to him, but I’m in New fucking Jersey, and every minute spent here means more chances to see them, and I already had more delays than I wished for.“Yes, I am. Now please, I’m in a hurry.” I plead, trying to remain polite and not blow up because the poor guy did nothing to me, but as I said... gotta get out of here.“Yes, sorry. Bring the car in, and we’ll take care
JAMAL'S POINT OF VIEWI make sure to take the route that’s the farthest from the ghettos because even though it’s snowing, and people wear hats and scarves to protect themselves from the cold wind and snow, I don’t want to drive around that place and risk seeing him, seeing them, and to be extra careful, I keep my eyes on the road, avoiding to look on the sidewalk or at other drivers, afraid that I’ll see them hand in hand... or...“God, I’ll go crazy here!” I exclaim as I realize just how paranoid I am, but still do not look around.The phone rings in the speakers of my car, and I see that it’s mom, but I’m not in the mood to talk to her right now, so I ignore it.Yes, she helped me tremendously during college, sending me at least five hundred dollars monthly, and giving me thirty thousand dollars when I finished so I could start my company, but that doesn’t mean that I forgot all those years of abuse, all the cold nights, the hunger, or the guys that she brought home, and some beat