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Thirty four
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When the bully falls in love 35
‘‘One two, three, ‘’ I counted and took deep long breaths as I looked at both sides of the hallway. All I needed to do was to get away and exit the building before anyone could see me. It wouldn’t take so long, I was sure. Everyone in the world is afraid of admitting that a great and large part of life depends on luck. Its scary to even think of how much that is out of our control. You go to school and graduate with good grades, but still need luck, you are pretty and kind but still need luck. It’s all just scary. If vampires really existed with their special hearing than I was sure they could hear my heart beat from kilometers away. I looked like a scene from a horror movie. I was holding y towel to my chest because I didn’t have any bag, on the other hand was carrying the remaining liquid soap that I had stolen from the school. I wasn’t going to live it behind, it wasn’t even labeled for me to find out what it was called, all I knew was that it smelt nice and I wasn’t ready to let
When the bully falls in love 36
There is a glimmer of light in the dark caves within us that show us the way every time we lose ourselves. We follow the light, we let it lead us, when the dark confines of our soul are too thick, too flawed for us. There is always light, everywhere, for anyone brave enough to see and follow it. Life is a series of ups and downs. The absolute highs and ups that make us happy, make us feel like we belong. The ups that become happy memories and a few decades or years later turn into bad and pathetic memories. The downs that strike us straight in the heart, the downs that make us want to stop living, the darkness and sadness that hits you so hard, that you realize you can’t even breathe, you have to let it in. Let the sadness and gloom soak your soul. Then sometimes you realize that depression and sadness has always been a part of you. So, you stop fighting them, you let them wash over you, and you feel how dark and lovely it is, to be free, to let the tears flow. To make peace with
When the bully falls in love 37
My eyes were closed and I was drifting off to slumber, dreaming sweet dreams. For the first time there were no nightmares in my life. For the first time there were no dark spaces in my dreams. It felt peaceful, quiet, happy and real. A few rustling sounds came into my imagination and I kept on sleeping. Not yet ready to let go of my new profound happiness or the buzzling feeling of belong with nature. The sun was scorching hot too but I didn’t care, I didn’t want to let go of this moment. I wanted it to be there forever before the bullies and dirty humanity tainted and spoilt it. Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words and never stops at all. That was my favorite line from Emily Dickson and her poems. She was a poet and someday I wanted to be a poet like her too. No matter how dumb I was, cramming her lines and relating to them had never been a problem to me, she was my hero. I related to her in every way possible. My life was a mir
When the bully falls in love 38
‘‘Calm down, someone will get to hear us,’’ a male voice called out as it laughed deeply in a heavy masculine voice. ‘‘What no, no one can hear u, we are at the furthest corner of the school, I could scream for all I want,’’ a lady voice that was awfully familiar called out. The excitement in the voices was evident as they came closer. I looked around for a place to hide. The trees around weren’t too being for me to hide behind them. They were tall and slim which only meant that I would be more than visible behind them. If I decided to sprint to another corner, it would be too late. They would have spotted me already. The male voice wasn’t Vince or the bullies that I knew about. Did he send different scouts, or were they the thieves who stole my clothes. ‘‘How dare you look down on thieves when you are the grand one, remember Sandra’s clothes, the washing soap, this is karma kissing you hard and fast,’’ my subconscious warned and laughed at me. No person could ever be sane when di
When the bully falls in love 39
‘‘It seems we are doomed to talk to each other,’’ Cage commented after his multiple attempts to make nice conversation with me. ‘‘Doomed it is,’’ I replied acting cool. Barbra had left us alone to find me clothes. According to her, her jumpsuits could fit me well, because she went for bigger sizes that stretched. She actually admitted to me that sometimes se wears sponges under her clothes to make her butts and hips look bigger. It was crazy how much she was willing to risk for me. She was sneaking during class hours to find me some clothes. If found she would be sent home to come back with her parents, go too detention and even worse. She was a new student and being found on the spotlight with a mistake wouldn’t look too good. To be honest, I wouldn’t risk my life for anyone in such a wat. I dint think that I could even do it for her. Human beings had proven to be very unreliable lately, unlovable and all sorts of bad adjectives that could fit into a sentence with the noun human.
When the bully falls in love 40
‘‘Another round, the second last one,’’ Barbra pleaded as she insisted that we continue playing the famous game of Truth and Dare. ‘‘But you have been saying that for the last few minutes or is it hours,’’ I mocked. I didn’t want the game to end either. I wanted to keep on playing and laughing with them before going back to my class and terrible reality. I wish they would walk boldly with me in the hallways of the school too. To prove to the world that I was in fact lovable, acceptable and human. Walk with me in the hallways holding hands or anything, to prove to the bullies that I had won. That I had friends and was really happy no matter what they did or said to me. ‘‘We are not here long enough on earth to be living unhappy,’’ C age burst out,’’ so let’s all just sleep in the nearest shade and make stories and laugh until we can’t laugh anymore and our throats run dry. I was vouching with Cage’s idea because I loved sleeping and treated it like a hobby. It was the
When the bully falls in love Forty-one
‘‘Why do you look hesitant, its just tea, no big deal,’’ Barbra nagged my shoulder. I knew it was tea, just simple, perhaps tea and some donuts or cake. ‘‘Its not about the tea, its about the place where we are going to take tea,’’ I sighed. I felt like I was too much, I was already beginning to weigh them down with my problems and my original scared self was coming back too. ‘‘Its just a stupid room where people eat and come out, nothing much, you come out with your belly full,’’ she laughed again. I knew it was a simple room for them, for everyone, but to me it wasn’t. It was the place where I had also experienced my lowest moments on earth. It was the room that was full of bad and pathetic memories. It was the place where Vince bullied me for the first time. We should probably have an anniversary of enmity between us, because bullying me had become his new obsession and hobby, her had been doing it for so long that I even lost touch with being a normal girl. I almost forgot how
When the bully falls in love Forty-Two
It has never been my style to get late for class and make big grand entrances. I dint even like making appearances or standing out in the crowd, like Vince. I was late for class, this round not Mr. Thomas’ boring math’s lesson, but English.Everyone thought she was lovely and beautiful, with her wide smiled, perfectly shaped cheekbones and elegant clothes she wore every day. Not to mention the six inches high heeled shoes that she wore every day. I had been praying for decades for her to fall down and break a jaw or arm, anything. When it comes to terrible teachers, Mr. Thomas was at the top of the list, followed by Madam Caren.English teachers just tended to be too much of themselves, too proud, too beautiful, too happy, too bright smiles. Everything about them was just so much that I always felt like it was choking me. She just burned too brightly and kept wearing bright colors to school every day. Bright yellow tops and dresses, bright red suits, and everything that could shout fr
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When the bully falls in love 152
A person can never go through life waiting for happiness, you have to make your own, for there is nothing stronger and better like a good memory. “Your eyes make you beautiful, but your lips do more than that, you are a beautiful creation. One that took a few more hours to be made, I would say the creator had some free time to spare during that time,’’ he whispered the words in my ear in a slurry base, that was seductive and enticing. “Are you sure, are my eyes that beautiful,’’ I asked more confused than ever. We kept on having normal and sugar sweet conversations at the top of the stairs, the bully has a heart. I moved towards the room I was supposed to sleep in and he followed behind, helping me, making sure I didn’t fall. I pushed the door open and slid into bed before he pulled out the covers and made sure I was neatly tucked in. “You are such a good soul, what demons always take over you every day, what really happens?’’ I asked slowly as I felt sleep taking a toll on me.
When the bully falls in love 151
I pushed the large window to open fully and watched as he jumped in with a loud thud. ‘‘Be silent, someone is going to hear you,’’ I warned in a whisper as I suppressed a little girls giggle. It felt I was torn between leaving my window open so the bully could witness everything. He always made sure he gave me lessons at love with his little conquests every day, by leaving his window open, and putting the lights on so could watch every little detail, every single step as they kissed with him lifting his small whores against and doing all kinds of stuff to them. like I was cheating on him, so I pulled the window closed and turned around. ‘‘Heeeeeeey,’’ he greeted again as he pulled me into a warm hug. ‘‘Heey, ‘’ I greeted back as I hugged him too. ‘‘You smell so nice,’’ he commented as he pulled me closer to inhale his masculine scent. ‘‘Your cologne is also awesome,’’ I complemented, ‘‘What is it called?’’ I asked even though was sure that I would forget the name as soon as he
When the bully falls in love 150
I mouthed an awful goodnight to everyone at the table and didn’t stay behind long enough to hear wherever they would, say. I was just done with humanity and everything about them. ‘‘Don’t forget about tomorrow, its along day,’’ my papa screamed as hr shouted goodnight too. IO smiled and nodded my head before taking the flight of stairs towards my room. I got in closed the door and laid on the floor flat, with my head facing the wall. This room was my safe place, it was one of the only places in the world where I felt whole, The ceiling board was familiar as usual, the normal designs, the walls boring as ever. Boring and me always belonged in the same sentence, my life was boring, terribly boring, nothing about it could spark or raise eyebrows, it wasn’t even spiced up a little. I closed my eyes and just lay there for almost an hour, I wanted to feel nothing, I wanted to be numb to emotion, immune to love or hurt. I didn’t want to be human anymore. My headache was getting even w
When the bully falls in love 149
‘‘Beauty is all around you, all you have to do is open your eyes and see it’’ Dinner was boring as usual; it was just the sound of forks and spoons clinking on the plate as we all savored whatever was left inside our plates. The only time I ever felt alive was when I was eating. Food made me feel whole, it made feel like looking up to the next meal. There was a conversation going on around me, I made myself immune to whatever was being said, I blocked the words from reaching my ears. I had already given up, died inside a long time ago, the only thing I was doing right now was feeling up my body. I did not have a soul. I focused on the sounds the fork and knife made as it hit my plate and objectified my food as I became totally absent from everything that was happening around me. A hand tapped my shoulder and I gasped loudly in shock. ‘‘Sorry, but are you okay?’’ It was my step mama again, what was she even trying to do, by being good to me out of the blue. ‘‘I am fine,’’ I repli
When the bully falls in love 148
Every day, people ask if you are okay. A random stranger inside the bus pretends to care and ask if you are fine, because your palms are sweating, or your lips trembling, from your struggle with anxiety. But most of the time, no one does, its pretense. The moment I got into the house, I wish I didn’t, they all seemed to be in a happy mood, happy for no good reason and I feared they might want me to join them and perhaps, perhaps I wouldn’t be able to, lest they notice that my spirit has given up. ‘‘Hellooooo,’’ my father greeted as he stood up to come and say hi. I was really uncomfortable and he knew, I wasn’t up for all the happy merry, the high vibes, I wanted it low and quiet, I didn’t want anyone to recognize me. That’s how a child grows up when their mother abandons them, it’s the only way for them to cope up, you lay low and lock up all your feelings in a cage, you become numb, because feelings are useless, humans abuse them all the time, you better not have them. ‘‘Hey pa
When the bully falls in love 147
I literally rolled my eyes at the phrase, it was one of the most common things I had heard in school everywhere, despite the fact that I didn’t have much friends. That was so ordinary, it was a common phrase to tell a girl, it could get someone arrested. ‘‘ Girl, now you have standards about what to be done and what not to be done, and yet just recently you didn’t have a chance?’’ my conscience screamed at me after detecting what I had just done. ‘‘That is so lovely, oooouh,’’ I let out a fake mona as I struggled so hard not to laugh or do anything. God, I am evil too, kill me , punish me, make me repent. I laughed inwardly. I was currently doing well, experiencing a series of absolute highs that I couldn’t comprehends. What did I do to deserve all this. Would he have been heart broken if at all I had done it, if at all I had succeeded in taking away my life yesterday, perhaps he would have, perhaps he wouldn’t have. ‘‘ I think I like you,’’ he blurted out. ‘‘ What ?’’ I asked
When the bully falls in love 146
“ Well , that was my mama, she is preparing…’’ oooups, I almost ruined the surprise. “ What surprise, I thought you said it,’’ I asked even more curious and surprised. “ Well, I guess you will just have to wait and trust me on this,’’ she laughed as she threw her hair back while looking at me. “ I got to go, brush my teeth and stuff, I have been sleeping since forever,’’ I cried. “ And yesterday, I tried calling you several times, you weren’t picking.’’ “Really? What time?’’ “ At night, wanted to face time you now, and gossip, and anormal stuff, okay, okay, I can be too much sometimes, let that slide,’’ she spoke fast. “ Is that Barbra feeling insecure?’’ I laughed at the thought. She was one of the most confident human being that I knew who existed in planet earth, confidence and her always belonged in one sentence. “Lol, go get a shower and eat whatever you getting for breakfast, but I warn you, be ready for the surprise,’’ she winked before blowing kisses in the air and han
When the bully falls in love 145
I pulled the window down and drew back the curtains before standing on that position for a while , while just inhaling and exhaling the air around e. It was full of Cage, his scent everything. Perhaps all we need is a little lo9ve, all humanity needs is a little love to save it form drowning some one to care, someone to hug and hold your hand. I coiled in bed and hugged the balloon he had brought. It was laying on my chest with my hands draped around it as it felt warm. He was the sign, a sign form heaven above, a miracle, everything that I had hoped I would have but was too sacred to admit. I pulled up the sheets and turned off the bedside lamp, before closing my eyers. The balloon was still in my arms and my head was supported on the part of the bed where Cage had been sitting, it felt different, it felt better, it still smelt of him, it made me want to try again. *** It was another morning, a Saturday. Saturdays always felt so boring, boring because I was always stuck at home
When the bully falls in love 144
Sometimes all you need is a little love. A big hug, and someone to care. It heals the soul, repairs wounds that are beneath the skin and makes someone want to live again. ‘‘Tell me, what is it like?’’ Cage asked. ‘‘What is what like?’’ I laughed back. We were sitting in a position that I still couldn’t believe. Vince should probably see this, see me happy, see someone treating me like a human being. I wanted a picture of this moment, I wanted to remember it so that the next time the bullies threw a fracas or decided to belittle me, I would literally through the image on their faces and run. Nothing slaps differently and hits hard like seeing your enemy happy, that is why the ice cream incident affected them so much. ‘‘ I mean being you, sleeping in this big bed like a princess and having a magnificent view of the town and street from your window, I can’t imagine,’’ he said as he tickled my nose. He was laying on my bed with his back, with a billow over his lap and me laying on
