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When the bully falls in love Forty -three
My head remained on the locker with my hands clutching my clothes tightly. The voices around me were louder and people hadn’t finished laughing, this was fun, so much fun for them. I felt helpless as a hot open debate began on the next row. A debate loud enough for me to hear. People debating what size my panties were and others speculating that I was bright to have poked holes there to breathe.‘‘Have you noticed that she rarely smells since Vince taught her how to bathe and poke holes in her pants to breathe,’’ a voice said as thunderous laughter followed.‘‘Has anyone noticed that she dresses like a seventeenth century grandmother or its just me?’’ ‘’How did she even recite the whole poem perfectly; something doesn’t add up?’’The discussions were hot and lively as I sat their quietly.I lifted my head up to look around and noticed that the bully was missing. Not the bully, almost the whole class was full of bullies, but the chief bully was nowhere to be seen. Was he even their
When the bully falls in love Forty-four
`The end of lesson and lunch bell rung and everyone got up to pack their books when the teacher was still talking. He wasn’t done with the announcement yet but no one gave a dime about that. He could talk to himself and they could leave him in class to teach the lockers all day. That was very normal at Maslow high school. The students were only afraid or feared a specific teacher. The rest were walked over like a door mat and bullied beyond oblivion. Reaching my desk, I sat down and placed my head on my locker and gently clutched my clothes with my eyes closed. I didn’t need to go for lunch or anything of that sort. I was tired, honestly tired. The number of I stood up from the group discussion and moved to my desk slowly, looking down and minding my own business. It would be one great world if everyone paid attention to the things that concerned them and let other people be who they want to be, let other people be fat, skinny, ugly and beautiful. students in class decreased until i
When the bully falls in love Forty-five
12th - April - WHEN THE BULLY FALLS IN LOVE Dear diary, I think that I am finally in love, finally in love. His name is Vince, I know you will be surprised but it is my mission to turn and bring lost souls to light. In the eyes of the world, he is evil, to me, I see more, more than a bully, more than a rude and violent boy. I see someone who needs love, I see someone who craves for attention, I see someone who wants to be given a chance. And I am going to be that girl. I see it in his eyes, the way he looks at me before he turns his facial expressions to confuse the world. Vince loves me and I love him. But no one is ready to admit that. So dear diary, I am writing this, to tell you about the bully, to tell you that the bully will finally fall in love with me. When the bully falls in love and admits it, you’ll be the first one to know. Because I can’t wait for the day when fate and destiny will bring us together. When fate and destiny will bring our lips together. The list of word
When the bully falls in love forty-six
The world we live in is a place of dreams, from the squads we roll in, to the clothes we wear, to what we drive and to some extent who we love or let love us. Sometimes the dreams come true, other times they crush so hard and burn, and break us, into pieces. Dreams make us, and break us too. So, we tend to hold on to dreams like broken winged birds. Like our whole lives depend on it, we imagine people in our dreams, imagine success in our dreams, envision our lives in dreams before they become what they really are. Dreams are dangerous, they can make us or break us. My dream to be with the bully had broken me. How would I live after what happened today, how could I call myself a person? I was sitting inside the toilet, on the floor, with the door locked. A group of students who saw me come in were standing outside, reading the lines of my diary loudly. They had been dropped inside the washrooms too. Whoever had done this had do a great job. It was expensive but great, perfect. I a
When the bully falls in love Forty Seven
I was seated quietly ,trembling, not knowing what to do. Was the bully secretly in love with me too? What could be the problem? What could have transpired. He looked confused today, her couldn’t decide whether to be sweet, rude or arrogant the way he was every day. It was unlike Vince to be anything other than rude, violent and abusive. He was a mixture of all three. All three blended at once to produce a very rude bully who didn’t want to see me win or succeed in life. The whole class couldn’t picture what was going on yet? They couldn’t find something to laugh about too. Everyone was looking at us, not at us but at Vince specifically, demanding answers, answers of why he hadn’t done something big yet, answers of why he hadn’t made a big super human move yet. My crimes were great, they were big, I doubted if Jesus himself would have agreed to die for me today, if at all he came back and God asked him to save Fatrez specifically, would he have died for me. Let alone die, would he hav
When the bully falls in love Forty-eight
Sometimes, we are not proud of what we did, other times we are ashamed, of the scars we carry. Each scar resembles pain. Each scar has a story behind it. The fact that wounds healed and scars were left behind reminds us of everything. It reminds us of how short we have fallen. How short we have fallen on everything. How unworthy we have become. Deep down I felt bad, I felt hurt. Nobody liked me, I was sick in the head. Sick everywhere, socially sick, emotionally sick. I wasn’t even angry at anything; I was in pain. The pai n was too much and it felt like my heart had been plastered over. Like a hole had been drilled in my heart and it was bleeding. At this point, I didn’t even want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop. I wanted to stop feeling lost, stop feeling damaged, stop feeling screwed up. Stop feeling unworthy, stop feeling so down in the dumps. It felt like I was in another planet and I was an alien. A radioactive material that people kept trying to get rid of, but wouldn’t
When the bully falls in love Forty nine
Sometimes it felt like everyone else around me had their whole life figured out. They fitted in easily, moved with masses, they didn’t struggle like I did. They didn’t try so hard, they just fit. Pieces of their puzzle just found each other. They made friends easily, got good grades easily, their parents loved them without drama, their families weren’t dysfunctional either. They were just happy and okay. Happy even though they didn’t deserve it. Happy, so happy that I was jealous. They didn’t have to pretend to be okay, pretend to be human. Pretend that they were okay without friends or lie about being an introvert to cover the lack of friendships. Lie that they lived being a loner or anything like that. Faults are usually thick where love is thin. The faults in my life were thick, too thick for me to break out or see the way forward. It only meant that the love in my life was thin, it was hardly there. I didn’t even love myself and kept looking down on me every day. How could anyone
When the bully falls in love fifty
‘‘Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.’’ We were sitting on the rooftop with Cage, apparently, he had been watching me all along. Watching me come in and take slow guided steps towards the edge, curiously. ‘‘So how did you discover here?’’ he asked shrugging his shoulders. ‘‘I don’t know, I have always known this place exists at the back of my mind,’’ I answered trying to mask my emotions or the fact that I was going through midlife crisis with myself, midlife crisis that I couldn’t solve or deal with. ‘‘Come on, that is not enough, I’m an overthinker and you cannot give me answers that aren’t leading, I’ll just think and think until I get depressed or my head bursts,’’ he joked. ‘‘I love rooftops, I love the sky and the fresh air that only comes along up here on the rooftop, though I have never been here, I have always guessed it is the same as my favorite rooftop and balcony,’’ I smiled. That was half true, at least I tried. I genuinely
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When the bully falls in love 152
A person can never go through life waiting for happiness, you have to make your own, for there is nothing stronger and better like a good memory. “Your eyes make you beautiful, but your lips do more than that, you are a beautiful creation. One that took a few more hours to be made, I would say the creator had some free time to spare during that time,’’ he whispered the words in my ear in a slurry base, that was seductive and enticing. “Are you sure, are my eyes that beautiful,’’ I asked more confused than ever. We kept on having normal and sugar sweet conversations at the top of the stairs, the bully has a heart. I moved towards the room I was supposed to sleep in and he followed behind, helping me, making sure I didn’t fall. I pushed the door open and slid into bed before he pulled out the covers and made sure I was neatly tucked in. “You are such a good soul, what demons always take over you every day, what really happens?’’ I asked slowly as I felt sleep taking a toll on me.
When the bully falls in love 151
I pushed the large window to open fully and watched as he jumped in with a loud thud. ‘‘Be silent, someone is going to hear you,’’ I warned in a whisper as I suppressed a little girls giggle. It felt I was torn between leaving my window open so the bully could witness everything. He always made sure he gave me lessons at love with his little conquests every day, by leaving his window open, and putting the lights on so could watch every little detail, every single step as they kissed with him lifting his small whores against and doing all kinds of stuff to them. like I was cheating on him, so I pulled the window closed and turned around. ‘‘Heeeeeeey,’’ he greeted again as he pulled me into a warm hug. ‘‘Heey, ‘’ I greeted back as I hugged him too. ‘‘You smell so nice,’’ he commented as he pulled me closer to inhale his masculine scent. ‘‘Your cologne is also awesome,’’ I complemented, ‘‘What is it called?’’ I asked even though was sure that I would forget the name as soon as he
When the bully falls in love 150
I mouthed an awful goodnight to everyone at the table and didn’t stay behind long enough to hear wherever they would, say. I was just done with humanity and everything about them. ‘‘Don’t forget about tomorrow, its along day,’’ my papa screamed as hr shouted goodnight too. IO smiled and nodded my head before taking the flight of stairs towards my room. I got in closed the door and laid on the floor flat, with my head facing the wall. This room was my safe place, it was one of the only places in the world where I felt whole, The ceiling board was familiar as usual, the normal designs, the walls boring as ever. Boring and me always belonged in the same sentence, my life was boring, terribly boring, nothing about it could spark or raise eyebrows, it wasn’t even spiced up a little. I closed my eyes and just lay there for almost an hour, I wanted to feel nothing, I wanted to be numb to emotion, immune to love or hurt. I didn’t want to be human anymore. My headache was getting even w
When the bully falls in love 149
‘‘Beauty is all around you, all you have to do is open your eyes and see it’’ Dinner was boring as usual; it was just the sound of forks and spoons clinking on the plate as we all savored whatever was left inside our plates. The only time I ever felt alive was when I was eating. Food made me feel whole, it made feel like looking up to the next meal. There was a conversation going on around me, I made myself immune to whatever was being said, I blocked the words from reaching my ears. I had already given up, died inside a long time ago, the only thing I was doing right now was feeling up my body. I did not have a soul. I focused on the sounds the fork and knife made as it hit my plate and objectified my food as I became totally absent from everything that was happening around me. A hand tapped my shoulder and I gasped loudly in shock. ‘‘Sorry, but are you okay?’’ It was my step mama again, what was she even trying to do, by being good to me out of the blue. ‘‘I am fine,’’ I repli
When the bully falls in love 148
Every day, people ask if you are okay. A random stranger inside the bus pretends to care and ask if you are fine, because your palms are sweating, or your lips trembling, from your struggle with anxiety. But most of the time, no one does, its pretense. The moment I got into the house, I wish I didn’t, they all seemed to be in a happy mood, happy for no good reason and I feared they might want me to join them and perhaps, perhaps I wouldn’t be able to, lest they notice that my spirit has given up. ‘‘Hellooooo,’’ my father greeted as he stood up to come and say hi. I was really uncomfortable and he knew, I wasn’t up for all the happy merry, the high vibes, I wanted it low and quiet, I didn’t want anyone to recognize me. That’s how a child grows up when their mother abandons them, it’s the only way for them to cope up, you lay low and lock up all your feelings in a cage, you become numb, because feelings are useless, humans abuse them all the time, you better not have them. ‘‘Hey pa
When the bully falls in love 147
I literally rolled my eyes at the phrase, it was one of the most common things I had heard in school everywhere, despite the fact that I didn’t have much friends. That was so ordinary, it was a common phrase to tell a girl, it could get someone arrested. ‘‘ Girl, now you have standards about what to be done and what not to be done, and yet just recently you didn’t have a chance?’’ my conscience screamed at me after detecting what I had just done. ‘‘That is so lovely, oooouh,’’ I let out a fake mona as I struggled so hard not to laugh or do anything. God, I am evil too, kill me , punish me, make me repent. I laughed inwardly. I was currently doing well, experiencing a series of absolute highs that I couldn’t comprehends. What did I do to deserve all this. Would he have been heart broken if at all I had done it, if at all I had succeeded in taking away my life yesterday, perhaps he would have, perhaps he wouldn’t have. ‘‘ I think I like you,’’ he blurted out. ‘‘ What ?’’ I asked
When the bully falls in love 146
“ Well , that was my mama, she is preparing…’’ oooups, I almost ruined the surprise. “ What surprise, I thought you said it,’’ I asked even more curious and surprised. “ Well, I guess you will just have to wait and trust me on this,’’ she laughed as she threw her hair back while looking at me. “ I got to go, brush my teeth and stuff, I have been sleeping since forever,’’ I cried. “ And yesterday, I tried calling you several times, you weren’t picking.’’ “Really? What time?’’ “ At night, wanted to face time you now, and gossip, and anormal stuff, okay, okay, I can be too much sometimes, let that slide,’’ she spoke fast. “ Is that Barbra feeling insecure?’’ I laughed at the thought. She was one of the most confident human being that I knew who existed in planet earth, confidence and her always belonged in one sentence. “Lol, go get a shower and eat whatever you getting for breakfast, but I warn you, be ready for the surprise,’’ she winked before blowing kisses in the air and han
When the bully falls in love 145
I pulled the window down and drew back the curtains before standing on that position for a while , while just inhaling and exhaling the air around e. It was full of Cage, his scent everything. Perhaps all we need is a little lo9ve, all humanity needs is a little love to save it form drowning some one to care, someone to hug and hold your hand. I coiled in bed and hugged the balloon he had brought. It was laying on my chest with my hands draped around it as it felt warm. He was the sign, a sign form heaven above, a miracle, everything that I had hoped I would have but was too sacred to admit. I pulled up the sheets and turned off the bedside lamp, before closing my eyers. The balloon was still in my arms and my head was supported on the part of the bed where Cage had been sitting, it felt different, it felt better, it still smelt of him, it made me want to try again. *** It was another morning, a Saturday. Saturdays always felt so boring, boring because I was always stuck at home
When the bully falls in love 144
Sometimes all you need is a little love. A big hug, and someone to care. It heals the soul, repairs wounds that are beneath the skin and makes someone want to live again. ‘‘Tell me, what is it like?’’ Cage asked. ‘‘What is what like?’’ I laughed back. We were sitting in a position that I still couldn’t believe. Vince should probably see this, see me happy, see someone treating me like a human being. I wanted a picture of this moment, I wanted to remember it so that the next time the bullies threw a fracas or decided to belittle me, I would literally through the image on their faces and run. Nothing slaps differently and hits hard like seeing your enemy happy, that is why the ice cream incident affected them so much. ‘‘ I mean being you, sleeping in this big bed like a princess and having a magnificent view of the town and street from your window, I can’t imagine,’’ he said as he tickled my nose. He was laying on my bed with his back, with a billow over his lap and me laying on
