I never thought someone like Sasha would be word and emotion perfect like she was today. She just seemed too perfect to me, too good for that. Her steps came closer to the spot where I was standing before she finally came fully into view. If I thought she was broken and crying, that was a big underestimation. She had her composure together, head held high, as usual, only a small sign that she might have been crying. “Hey,” I attempted a greeting, throwing one of my best smiles.Her pupils dilated for a second, probably in disbelief. Then her eyes began to dance around my whole frame. She looked at my legs, waist, chest, stomach, hair, everywhere except my face. Her expression was disgust and disdain, with her mouth curved upwards. “You are trying to pat a snake with your bare feet?” she asked, still eyeing me with a face mirrored in disgust.I looked down to confirm what would have pissed her so much in my body. “Your face, I can’t look at it, it might pop up in my dreams and give
More than half of my life has been spent trying to prove that I'm also human. The other parts have been spent crying in locked spaces, weeping under basements, pretending to be okay, trying to fit in. Trying to convince the universe that I'm worth it only for it to throw sand and lemons back. I swear I love the world; I love my classmates, including Vince, Ryan, Sasha, and Edrin; I like them too much. But they don't love me back; Love is a strong word; they don't like me back. I like Maslow High school. The problem is that it doesn't like me back, never has. A part of me had always thought that if I walked alone if I moved on my own lane, did me such that all my failures were on me, no one would care, no one would notice me and my insecurities. The bullies would forget that I existed, perhaps find new victims or be saved if there is such a thing as saving. Being a lone soldier didn't make me invincible. It made me more visible. It was as if I was always walking with bright red light
Science class again. I couldn't be happier. I've always been fascinated by the numerous theories about plants and animals. The cool experiments. Except that my fascination and love for science never gave me a good grade. I've always loved science, but it didn't love me. One particular term, I spent more hours studying that subject every day, and I still came last. As soon as the science test was placed in front of me, all the knowledge I had gained during the term disappeared and returned to where it had come from. If there was anything that I feared more than earthquakes and caterpillars, it was the word pair up with a partner and work together. The famous phrases of the science teacher. His face always got evil when he was about to say it. Which teacher was too lazy to teach and paired up students daily to teach themselves.That wasn't all; he always paired up people who came from parallel universes. How the hell does someone decide to partner the brightest student with the dumbest
‘‘Currently, we have a volunteer and charity mission going on, and it requires the involvement of students. The problem is that no one has come forward to participate in the charity mission. Fighting is taken very seriously and can lead to suspension or even expulsion for those with bad records.’’I already knew what he was insinuating. Mr. Collins wasn’t serious. The charities offered by Maslow High were seriously outrageous. There was a time they made a group of volunteers help clean a museum out of a good heart. Other times, they took students to squalid and crime-infested neighborhoods to clean the environment.I didn’t have such a good heart; I wouldn’t do it even with half a good heart.‘‘Perez, we both know you aren’t in the good books, and Fiona, you aren’t better; please inform me if you like detention more or volunteer work.’’‘‘Excuse me, sir, I have sessions with the school counselor every day, and I can’t miss any. It’s an order from the school principal,’’ I explained rem
Life is a mirror. You smile at it; it smiles right back. You frown at it; it glares right back. So yeah, it's all about positivity. Isn't it weird how one positive thing in life can make a significant change? Right now, every news station would be filled with pictures of Perez, the arsonist who burnt the whole school to ashes, if it wasn't for Barbra. I would be trending all over, and I don't know if my papa would have been heartbroken or relieved. It's hard to tell when so many reactions are everywhere, and everyone keeps avoiding you. They laugh or make personal jokes on the first chance they get to interact with you. I swear I'm a killer; one day, I will murder someone in cold blood. It won't be the first time. All the mosquitoes and cereals I've killed can testify. So yeah. Everyone has the burning out point. It reaches a point where you can't take it anymore, and you snap into oblivion and do what you have always needed to do, what fate has always laid before you. "Fatrez, Fatr
I took the stairs two at a time before getting into my room and shutting the door. The internet was full of stories of kids and teenagers addicted to their phones. I always wondered what they are addicted to. Was it candy crush saga or motor racing that made me sick? To be blatantly honest, my phone had been lying inside the drawers for almost a week untouched. Everything made me sick. The biggest torture my dad had given me was buying me the phone. The buzz and excitement on my face as I unwrapped it from the gift box was out of this world. Then the reality hit me: Who would I call or text. At first, it was Fiona, Paul, and then Fred, my deskmate. Then after a while, no one. The group chats were fun, only when anyone was willing to reply. It was during that time that it hit the harsh and brutal reality. I was lonely, unlovable, and miserable. The loneliest person in the world lived in a house full of people. Lonely in crowds, group works, and around people. It felt better when I w
Soft knocks on the door interrupted my short nap and absolute highness. I was about to roar at Sandra before my step mama pushed her head in. "Hey, I didn't mean to interrupt your sweet nap, but your daddy needs you downstairs," she gently requested before closing the door softly. Something was wrong; I knew it. After every happy or high moment in my life, a very pathetic, sad, or chaotic incident always followed. I thought the angels would prove me wrong this round. For one, there was nothing soft or gentle with my step mama when it came to dealing with me. She barely uttered nice words to me when we were together. It was always snagged remarks under her nose or sarcastic comments. After today with Sandra, it wasn't normal for her to be that nice. What games were the angels playing with me this round? Or was it fate and not the angels right now. It was already seven twenty and supper as always at seven-thirty; my nap was sweet. Taking one staircase at a time, I descended the stai
May the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, the love of God, and the fellowship of the holy spirit be with us now and forever more. Amen.“Amen,’’ everyone else at the table repeated as we stopped holding hands. It had always been an unbreakable tradition to hold hands when praying before eating every day. And it always felt like torture to me. All of a sudden, they were friendly at night, thanking God so they could get it all done with and go back to being mean.The atmosphere at the table was tense as we looked at each other silently.If they gave me a chance, if they at least saw something in me, the world would too.If my stepmama, Sandra, and Papa gave me a chance, other people would too. But they wouldn’t. They would choose a stray cat or dog over me anyway, that, I was sure.Sandra sat on the opposite side of the table with a few bruises and was trying to look miserable to win public sympathy. On the other hand, I looked strong, healthy, huge, and awful, with two horrible extra fron
A person can never go through life waiting for happiness, you have to make your own, for there is nothing stronger and better like a good memory. “Your eyes make you beautiful, but your lips do more than that, you are a beautiful creation. One that took a few more hours to be made, I would say the creator had some free time to spare during that time,’’ he whispered the words in my ear in a slurry base, that was seductive and enticing. “Are you sure, are my eyes that beautiful,’’ I asked more confused than ever. We kept on having normal and sugar sweet conversations at the top of the stairs, the bully has a heart. I moved towards the room I was supposed to sleep in and he followed behind, helping me, making sure I didn’t fall. I pushed the door open and slid into bed before he pulled out the covers and made sure I was neatly tucked in. “You are such a good soul, what demons always take over you every day, what really happens?’’ I asked slowly as I felt sleep taking a toll on me.
I pushed the large window to open fully and watched as he jumped in with a loud thud. ‘‘Be silent, someone is going to hear you,’’ I warned in a whisper as I suppressed a little girls giggle. It felt I was torn between leaving my window open so the bully could witness everything. He always made sure he gave me lessons at love with his little conquests every day, by leaving his window open, and putting the lights on so could watch every little detail, every single step as they kissed with him lifting his small whores against and doing all kinds of stuff to them. like I was cheating on him, so I pulled the window closed and turned around. ‘‘Heeeeeeey,’’ he greeted again as he pulled me into a warm hug. ‘‘Heey, ‘’ I greeted back as I hugged him too. ‘‘You smell so nice,’’ he commented as he pulled me closer to inhale his masculine scent. ‘‘Your cologne is also awesome,’’ I complemented, ‘‘What is it called?’’ I asked even though was sure that I would forget the name as soon as he
I mouthed an awful goodnight to everyone at the table and didn’t stay behind long enough to hear wherever they would, say. I was just done with humanity and everything about them. ‘‘Don’t forget about tomorrow, its along day,’’ my papa screamed as hr shouted goodnight too. IO smiled and nodded my head before taking the flight of stairs towards my room. I got in closed the door and laid on the floor flat, with my head facing the wall. This room was my safe place, it was one of the only places in the world where I felt whole, The ceiling board was familiar as usual, the normal designs, the walls boring as ever. Boring and me always belonged in the same sentence, my life was boring, terribly boring, nothing about it could spark or raise eyebrows, it wasn’t even spiced up a little. I closed my eyes and just lay there for almost an hour, I wanted to feel nothing, I wanted to be numb to emotion, immune to love or hurt. I didn’t want to be human anymore. My headache was getting even w
‘‘Beauty is all around you, all you have to do is open your eyes and see it’’ Dinner was boring as usual; it was just the sound of forks and spoons clinking on the plate as we all savored whatever was left inside our plates. The only time I ever felt alive was when I was eating. Food made me feel whole, it made feel like looking up to the next meal. There was a conversation going on around me, I made myself immune to whatever was being said, I blocked the words from reaching my ears. I had already given up, died inside a long time ago, the only thing I was doing right now was feeling up my body. I did not have a soul. I focused on the sounds the fork and knife made as it hit my plate and objectified my food as I became totally absent from everything that was happening around me. A hand tapped my shoulder and I gasped loudly in shock. ‘‘Sorry, but are you okay?’’ It was my step mama again, what was she even trying to do, by being good to me out of the blue. ‘‘I am fine,’’ I repli
Every day, people ask if you are okay. A random stranger inside the bus pretends to care and ask if you are fine, because your palms are sweating, or your lips trembling, from your struggle with anxiety. But most of the time, no one does, its pretense. The moment I got into the house, I wish I didn’t, they all seemed to be in a happy mood, happy for no good reason and I feared they might want me to join them and perhaps, perhaps I wouldn’t be able to, lest they notice that my spirit has given up. ‘‘Hellooooo,’’ my father greeted as he stood up to come and say hi. I was really uncomfortable and he knew, I wasn’t up for all the happy merry, the high vibes, I wanted it low and quiet, I didn’t want anyone to recognize me. That’s how a child grows up when their mother abandons them, it’s the only way for them to cope up, you lay low and lock up all your feelings in a cage, you become numb, because feelings are useless, humans abuse them all the time, you better not have them. ‘‘Hey pa
I literally rolled my eyes at the phrase, it was one of the most common things I had heard in school everywhere, despite the fact that I didn’t have much friends. That was so ordinary, it was a common phrase to tell a girl, it could get someone arrested. ‘‘ Girl, now you have standards about what to be done and what not to be done, and yet just recently you didn’t have a chance?’’ my conscience screamed at me after detecting what I had just done. ‘‘That is so lovely, oooouh,’’ I let out a fake mona as I struggled so hard not to laugh or do anything. God, I am evil too, kill me , punish me, make me repent. I laughed inwardly. I was currently doing well, experiencing a series of absolute highs that I couldn’t comprehends. What did I do to deserve all this. Would he have been heart broken if at all I had done it, if at all I had succeeded in taking away my life yesterday, perhaps he would have, perhaps he wouldn’t have. ‘‘ I think I like you,’’ he blurted out. ‘‘ What ?’’ I asked
“ Well , that was my mama, she is preparing…’’ oooups, I almost ruined the surprise. “ What surprise, I thought you said it,’’ I asked even more curious and surprised. “ Well, I guess you will just have to wait and trust me on this,’’ she laughed as she threw her hair back while looking at me. “ I got to go, brush my teeth and stuff, I have been sleeping since forever,’’ I cried. “ And yesterday, I tried calling you several times, you weren’t picking.’’ “Really? What time?’’ “ At night, wanted to face time you now, and gossip, and anormal stuff, okay, okay, I can be too much sometimes, let that slide,’’ she spoke fast. “ Is that Barbra feeling insecure?’’ I laughed at the thought. She was one of the most confident human being that I knew who existed in planet earth, confidence and her always belonged in one sentence. “Lol, go get a shower and eat whatever you getting for breakfast, but I warn you, be ready for the surprise,’’ she winked before blowing kisses in the air and han
I pulled the window down and drew back the curtains before standing on that position for a while , while just inhaling and exhaling the air around e. It was full of Cage, his scent everything. Perhaps all we need is a little lo9ve, all humanity needs is a little love to save it form drowning some one to care, someone to hug and hold your hand. I coiled in bed and hugged the balloon he had brought. It was laying on my chest with my hands draped around it as it felt warm. He was the sign, a sign form heaven above, a miracle, everything that I had hoped I would have but was too sacred to admit. I pulled up the sheets and turned off the bedside lamp, before closing my eyers. The balloon was still in my arms and my head was supported on the part of the bed where Cage had been sitting, it felt different, it felt better, it still smelt of him, it made me want to try again. *** It was another morning, a Saturday. Saturdays always felt so boring, boring because I was always stuck at home
Sometimes all you need is a little love. A big hug, and someone to care. It heals the soul, repairs wounds that are beneath the skin and makes someone want to live again. ‘‘Tell me, what is it like?’’ Cage asked. ‘‘What is what like?’’ I laughed back. We were sitting in a position that I still couldn’t believe. Vince should probably see this, see me happy, see someone treating me like a human being. I wanted a picture of this moment, I wanted to remember it so that the next time the bullies threw a fracas or decided to belittle me, I would literally through the image on their faces and run. Nothing slaps differently and hits hard like seeing your enemy happy, that is why the ice cream incident affected them so much. ‘‘ I mean being you, sleeping in this big bed like a princess and having a magnificent view of the town and street from your window, I can’t imagine,’’ he said as he tickled my nose. He was laying on my bed with his back, with a billow over his lap and me laying on