I felt something twist and turn inside me, making me feel like I had eaten something bad. Then I went to hold my chest, and that wasn't the case. It was my heart that was breaking, sinking into my stomach. Sinking because love couldn't save it, it was unlovable, and the acids were probably feeding on it, making my insides burn. When I was young, and Mama and Papa used to fight, I had one safe place, a dark hole where I would hide. The attic. It was my favorite place until it started appearing in my nightmares. At that time, when Dad would crush the table, break glasses out of anger, and everything, I would run into the attic and hide. My favorite song used to be London Bridge before everything fell apart. Before my family was crushed down, before Papa let it all go without crying, he didn't even make an effort for all of us. He just sat back and watched it break. Every day before I went to sleep, she would sing it for me slowly and gently. We had our own version of the song, differe
Twenty-OneNo matter how hard I thought, I couldn’t figure out why he would throw me out on a rainy night. Why would any father do that? I probably don’t know, because I’ve never been a father or mother and all kids suck, that I’m sure, not all at least most. And in guess I’m one of the kids who do.The window across the street had some light. The curtains flew open and the owner slid his window to take his head out. Vince. Across the street I could see him looking at me keenly, with a glare that I’m sure reeked anger, death and pure hatred. Whatever he hated in me, I wasn’t sure. He would probably be good for a boyfriend in such cold weather. Perhaps my prince charming to be sent down at such times of need to come and rescue me from everything. Kiss me in the rain, hug me like I did matter, breathe hot air on my neck. Love was only a big theory in my world. A theory that I hoped would be practical.The wind blew drops of rain towards me and I snapped back to oblivion to find that I
Twenty-twoThe main door flew open and a few minutes passed before a careful image of Sandra trying to wear high heeled shoes came into view. Where was she going. It had stopped raining except for a few drops. I was now shivering like a stray cat with my lips dancing crazily.She walked down the stairs carefully trying not to make noise. The headlights of a car beamed and indicated once before going off. Her face brightened up a little before she hurried off, climbed the front seat, then they drove off.So, she had been sneaking out, it seemed this wasn’t the first time. But that wasn’t my business. Even if the whole family took a vacation to another country, and I had all the freedom laying carelessly in my hands, I wouldn’t have anywhere to go. Nowhere to go for a sleep over or a boyfriend to sneak around and do erotic scenes with.I was a hopeless romantic.I moved to the door and found it unlocked. Was she all over sudden doing me a favor? Or the angels confused and barred her rea
The sound of my alarm woke me up with a jolt. I stretched my hand, picked it up and smashed it on the wall. I hated the sound of alarms but God knew if I didn’t set one, I could sleep for a century.The moment I tried to lift my head up, a sharp pain shot through my downside making me maintain my original position. I had a headache and severe stomach ache. This could probably cramp or menstrual pain. The one we had been told about more than a hundred times in school.Take pain killers, drink enough warm water, rest, eat fruits and exercise if possible. Do anything to boost your mood. That was the original drill. I covered my head with the sheets hoping the headache and pain would go away but they persisted and even got worse.I got up slowly trying o nurse my stomach ache and notice red stains all over the bedsheets.A good part of the beddings was full of blood and I didn’t even want to look at them. I didn’t want to be a girl anymore. My nightdress was also stained with dark red and
Twenty-fourHell was here on earth and it was standing right next to me. The apocalypse had even begun.I covered my head with the duvet, trying to figure out what the problem was. Trying to find out why I’m always the problem, always in a problem or always causing problems. Whatever was happening today was way out of my league. What audacity did my best enemies possess and have enough to pose as my friends, did they miss me that bad? Wasn’t their any kid that they could bully in school today?Maybe this was all a dream and if I just counted one to ten everything would come back to normal, I would wake up and realize it was some bad dream, smile, go downstairs for breakfast and head to the terrible school.I breathed in and out again with my eyes closed tightly, hoping it was all some magic and fantasies created by my head. After counting, I pulled the duvet down again and looked around. Everything was the same. The same wicked faces that taunted me every day were lined up in my room,
The signboard written Maslow High School always gave me the kind of bad butterflies that can make you pee on your pants. It wasn’t just a signboard to me. It signified entry into a warzone with the bullies, signified the beginning of my misery and doom.It marked the end of my problems at home and ushered me into bigger realer ones. Another Monday, another new day, a fresh week to wake up and suffer.‘‘Go hard or go home,’’ that was a signboard that appeared in many gym halls, including the one in our school. I fi went home it wasn’t better, if I stayed in school, it was worse, there was no middle, it was just awful and bad all over.‘‘Remember you bragged about moving to another planet, you even hit his brother,’’ my subconscious mind screamed at me. I was going to get killed, literally murdered by the bullies today.If one of the young boys I had pushed on the Road was his sibling, then he was planning something big, grand and memorable for payback.I was as walking dead corpse, at
I used to love school, you know, it used to be my sanctuary and safe place.I used to run to the school bus happily with my pigtail’s hair floating freely in the air. It was all pure magic and fun. Not anymore, its different, the air smells different, sometimes it even smells like death, danger always lurking in the air.Sometimes I missed having someone who I could love, someone who could just look at me like I matter. Anything that wanted to grow old with me even if it was just a mere flower.But it was useless missing something that you have never had. Something thatI continued spiting in the skin as I tried to rinse my mouth. The smell of soap kept on lingering even after rinsing it with water more than ten times. I blew some vapor in my hand and tried to smell it, to confirm if I had bad breath like rotten meat.I was standing inside the ladies’ washrooms, in front of the sink, facing the mirror. My eyes were tightly closed as I did everything. I couldn’t stand looking at me at
27I stood still utterly dumbfounded by the new plot twist. Was this real, I couldn’t kiss her back. She stole my first kiss, not that I was mad. This was the biggest favor that anyone had ever done to me in the planet.Her breath was fresh, full of some substance that I didn’t know about. If this is what Vince meant when he said fresh breath then I was way below their line and grade cleanliness. This was the highest form of love that I have ever received in person, after watching Vince and his pretty girls do it every day.She pulled back and I looked sideways, too embarrassed, with my face flushing bright red, did I even have a face to boast of being bright red. I could feel energy buzzing in my veins everywhere, happiness soaking me inside, and it kept growing bigger and bigger, until I couldn’t handle it anymore and felt like screaming and bursting.I was holding back tears of joy, tears of happiness because this once, someone had done something that showed that I really mattered.
A person can never go through life waiting for happiness, you have to make your own, for there is nothing stronger and better like a good memory. “Your eyes make you beautiful, but your lips do more than that, you are a beautiful creation. One that took a few more hours to be made, I would say the creator had some free time to spare during that time,’’ he whispered the words in my ear in a slurry base, that was seductive and enticing. “Are you sure, are my eyes that beautiful,’’ I asked more confused than ever. We kept on having normal and sugar sweet conversations at the top of the stairs, the bully has a heart. I moved towards the room I was supposed to sleep in and he followed behind, helping me, making sure I didn’t fall. I pushed the door open and slid into bed before he pulled out the covers and made sure I was neatly tucked in. “You are such a good soul, what demons always take over you every day, what really happens?’’ I asked slowly as I felt sleep taking a toll on me.
I pushed the large window to open fully and watched as he jumped in with a loud thud. ‘‘Be silent, someone is going to hear you,’’ I warned in a whisper as I suppressed a little girls giggle. It felt I was torn between leaving my window open so the bully could witness everything. He always made sure he gave me lessons at love with his little conquests every day, by leaving his window open, and putting the lights on so could watch every little detail, every single step as they kissed with him lifting his small whores against and doing all kinds of stuff to them. like I was cheating on him, so I pulled the window closed and turned around. ‘‘Heeeeeeey,’’ he greeted again as he pulled me into a warm hug. ‘‘Heey, ‘’ I greeted back as I hugged him too. ‘‘You smell so nice,’’ he commented as he pulled me closer to inhale his masculine scent. ‘‘Your cologne is also awesome,’’ I complemented, ‘‘What is it called?’’ I asked even though was sure that I would forget the name as soon as he
I mouthed an awful goodnight to everyone at the table and didn’t stay behind long enough to hear wherever they would, say. I was just done with humanity and everything about them. ‘‘Don’t forget about tomorrow, its along day,’’ my papa screamed as hr shouted goodnight too. IO smiled and nodded my head before taking the flight of stairs towards my room. I got in closed the door and laid on the floor flat, with my head facing the wall. This room was my safe place, it was one of the only places in the world where I felt whole, The ceiling board was familiar as usual, the normal designs, the walls boring as ever. Boring and me always belonged in the same sentence, my life was boring, terribly boring, nothing about it could spark or raise eyebrows, it wasn’t even spiced up a little. I closed my eyes and just lay there for almost an hour, I wanted to feel nothing, I wanted to be numb to emotion, immune to love or hurt. I didn’t want to be human anymore. My headache was getting even w
‘‘Beauty is all around you, all you have to do is open your eyes and see it’’ Dinner was boring as usual; it was just the sound of forks and spoons clinking on the plate as we all savored whatever was left inside our plates. The only time I ever felt alive was when I was eating. Food made me feel whole, it made feel like looking up to the next meal. There was a conversation going on around me, I made myself immune to whatever was being said, I blocked the words from reaching my ears. I had already given up, died inside a long time ago, the only thing I was doing right now was feeling up my body. I did not have a soul. I focused on the sounds the fork and knife made as it hit my plate and objectified my food as I became totally absent from everything that was happening around me. A hand tapped my shoulder and I gasped loudly in shock. ‘‘Sorry, but are you okay?’’ It was my step mama again, what was she even trying to do, by being good to me out of the blue. ‘‘I am fine,’’ I repli
Every day, people ask if you are okay. A random stranger inside the bus pretends to care and ask if you are fine, because your palms are sweating, or your lips trembling, from your struggle with anxiety. But most of the time, no one does, its pretense. The moment I got into the house, I wish I didn’t, they all seemed to be in a happy mood, happy for no good reason and I feared they might want me to join them and perhaps, perhaps I wouldn’t be able to, lest they notice that my spirit has given up. ‘‘Hellooooo,’’ my father greeted as he stood up to come and say hi. I was really uncomfortable and he knew, I wasn’t up for all the happy merry, the high vibes, I wanted it low and quiet, I didn’t want anyone to recognize me. That’s how a child grows up when their mother abandons them, it’s the only way for them to cope up, you lay low and lock up all your feelings in a cage, you become numb, because feelings are useless, humans abuse them all the time, you better not have them. ‘‘Hey pa
I literally rolled my eyes at the phrase, it was one of the most common things I had heard in school everywhere, despite the fact that I didn’t have much friends. That was so ordinary, it was a common phrase to tell a girl, it could get someone arrested. ‘‘ Girl, now you have standards about what to be done and what not to be done, and yet just recently you didn’t have a chance?’’ my conscience screamed at me after detecting what I had just done. ‘‘That is so lovely, oooouh,’’ I let out a fake mona as I struggled so hard not to laugh or do anything. God, I am evil too, kill me , punish me, make me repent. I laughed inwardly. I was currently doing well, experiencing a series of absolute highs that I couldn’t comprehends. What did I do to deserve all this. Would he have been heart broken if at all I had done it, if at all I had succeeded in taking away my life yesterday, perhaps he would have, perhaps he wouldn’t have. ‘‘ I think I like you,’’ he blurted out. ‘‘ What ?’’ I asked
“ Well , that was my mama, she is preparing…’’ oooups, I almost ruined the surprise. “ What surprise, I thought you said it,’’ I asked even more curious and surprised. “ Well, I guess you will just have to wait and trust me on this,’’ she laughed as she threw her hair back while looking at me. “ I got to go, brush my teeth and stuff, I have been sleeping since forever,’’ I cried. “ And yesterday, I tried calling you several times, you weren’t picking.’’ “Really? What time?’’ “ At night, wanted to face time you now, and gossip, and anormal stuff, okay, okay, I can be too much sometimes, let that slide,’’ she spoke fast. “ Is that Barbra feeling insecure?’’ I laughed at the thought. She was one of the most confident human being that I knew who existed in planet earth, confidence and her always belonged in one sentence. “Lol, go get a shower and eat whatever you getting for breakfast, but I warn you, be ready for the surprise,’’ she winked before blowing kisses in the air and han
I pulled the window down and drew back the curtains before standing on that position for a while , while just inhaling and exhaling the air around e. It was full of Cage, his scent everything. Perhaps all we need is a little lo9ve, all humanity needs is a little love to save it form drowning some one to care, someone to hug and hold your hand. I coiled in bed and hugged the balloon he had brought. It was laying on my chest with my hands draped around it as it felt warm. He was the sign, a sign form heaven above, a miracle, everything that I had hoped I would have but was too sacred to admit. I pulled up the sheets and turned off the bedside lamp, before closing my eyers. The balloon was still in my arms and my head was supported on the part of the bed where Cage had been sitting, it felt different, it felt better, it still smelt of him, it made me want to try again. *** It was another morning, a Saturday. Saturdays always felt so boring, boring because I was always stuck at home
Sometimes all you need is a little love. A big hug, and someone to care. It heals the soul, repairs wounds that are beneath the skin and makes someone want to live again. ‘‘Tell me, what is it like?’’ Cage asked. ‘‘What is what like?’’ I laughed back. We were sitting in a position that I still couldn’t believe. Vince should probably see this, see me happy, see someone treating me like a human being. I wanted a picture of this moment, I wanted to remember it so that the next time the bullies threw a fracas or decided to belittle me, I would literally through the image on their faces and run. Nothing slaps differently and hits hard like seeing your enemy happy, that is why the ice cream incident affected them so much. ‘‘ I mean being you, sleeping in this big bed like a princess and having a magnificent view of the town and street from your window, I can’t imagine,’’ he said as he tickled my nose. He was laying on my bed with his back, with a billow over his lap and me laying on