ELEVEN

MASON

I woke up slow, head heavy, body heavier.

For a second, I thought I was dreaming.

Then I felt it — lips on me. Sloppy. Rushed. Too much teeth.

I cracked my eyes open.

Audrey. She got here few hours after my call with Samantha.

Her blonde hair was fanned across my stomach, her hand digging into my thigh. She was trying so hard, too hard.

I leaned my head back against the pillow and stared at the ceiling.

I should’ve been into it.

I should’ve cared.

But the second I felt her mouth touched me, my mind went somewhere else.

To Samantha.

I pictured her instead — that red lingerie she wore for me, the way the lace clung to her hips, the way her cheeks flushed when she looked at me like she hated how much she wanted me.

God.

My breathing picked up, but not because of Audrey.

Because in my head, it was Samantha’s hands on me. Samantha’s mouth making me lose my damn mind.

I tightened my fists in the sheets, trying to hang onto the fantasy.

I could see her perfectly — the way she bit her bottom lip when she got shy, the little sounds she made when I pushed her too far, the way her whole body trembled when she let go for me.

Real. Raw. Fucking perfect.

Nothing like the girl in my bed now.

Audrey kept going, working harder, like she thought she could win something from me.

She couldn’t.

She never could.

Because it was never her I wanted.

Audrey moaned around me, loud and mouthy, like she thought it would make me feel something more.

It didn’t.

I gritted my teeth, fingers digging into the mattress, every muscle in my body wound tight. Guilt crawled up my spine, cold and sticky, even as my body betrayed me.

I hated this.

Hated myself more.

Because my mind wasn’t here.

I squeezed my eyes shut, desperate, and let the memory drag me under. Samantha’s messy hair. Her flushed cheeks. The desperate little sounds she made when she couldn’t hold herself back anymore.

The way she whispered my name like a prayer.

I pictured her, kneeling for me. Not because I asked. Not because I ordered. But because she wanted to.

Because she needed me the way I needed her.

My chest tightened, breath catching.

I imagined her small hands sliding up my thighs, her mouth so soft, so willing, her eyes shining up at me like I was something worth worshipping.

Something good.

A rough, broken groan ripped from my throat.

Pleasure slammed into me without warning, stealing the air from my lungs. My hips jerked helplessly, and I came in Audrey’s mouth, gritting my teeth to keep from saying Samantha’s name out loud.

The shame hit harder than the release.

Audrey sucked me clean then wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She didn’t even look at me.

She just stood, grabbed her robe from the floor, and padded into the bathroom, humming some off-key pop song under her breath.

I stayed frozen, staring at the cracked ceiling, feeling like I was made of glass about to break.

Samantha would’ve stayed.

She would’ve waited for permission before leaving my side.

That thought crushed me.

It made my throat burn and my hands shake.

I sat up, dragging a hand over my face, hating myself a little more with every passing second.

What the hell was I doing?

Without thinking, I smacked my forehead.

The sound echoed in the empty room.

"Stupid," I muttered. "So fucking stupid."

What the hell was wrong with me?

I had Audrey. She was here. She wanted me.

Yet my mind was filled with someone else.

Dragging myself off the bed, I headed for the bathroom. The light was already on, spilling into the hallway.

Audrey was at the sink, brushing her teeth. She tried to dance a little, shaking her hips to some beat in her head. It was clumsy and ridiculous, and somehow... I still smiled.

She caught my eyes in the mirror and gave me a playful wink. Foam sat at the corner of her lips. She looked silly.

Normal.

Not like Samantha.

Samantha would’ve rolled her eyes at me. Would’ve stayed quiet, looking down, waiting for me to tell her what to do next.

I grunted and moved past Audrey, stepping into the shower. I cranked the handle to as hot as it could go, letting the water slam into my skin.

The heat stung.

I deserved it.

I pressed my forehead to the cold tiles and tried to block out everything.

It didn’t work.

The door slid open behind me, and I didn’t have to look to know it was Audrey.

She stepped in, all confidence and perfume.

Her hands slid up my sides, fingers spreading over my chest.

"You’re so tense," she said softly, kissing my shoulder.

I didn't answer.

Her hands moved lower, finding me, stroking slow.

Trying to pull something out of me.

I closed my eyes, willing my body to respond.

Willing my brain to forget.

Audrey pressed her breasts against my back, her hand moving faster.

"Let’s go back to bed," she whispered, biting my earlobe.

I turned around, my hand catching her wrist.

Not rough, but firm.

Her brows pulled together. "What’s wrong?"

"I can't," I rasped.

"Can’t or won’t?" she snapped, voice sharper now.

I dropped her wrist. "Does it matter?"

Her face twisted, hurt flashing there for a second before she covered it with a fake smile. "Whatever. I’m not begging."

She stepped out, grabbing a towel without looking back.

The door slammed shut behind her.

I stayed where I was, the water growing colder, the chill biting into my bones.

I leaned harder into the wall, my fists clenched at my sides.

The steam from the shower clung to my skin, but it didn’t ease the tension in my chest. The heat did nothing to quell the storm inside me. No matter how much I tried, nothing could clear my mind.

I stepped out of the bathroom, the silence in the room almost suffocating.

Audrey lay in bed, almost asleep, her body outlined by the soft glow of the lamp.

She looked peaceful, her breathing slow and steady.

I moved toward her, my steps heavy, like I was dragging my body across thick fog.

She was lying there, almost too perfect. I should have felt something. Desire. Comfort. But all I felt was an emptiness that gnawed at me, deeper than anything I could explain.

I bent over her, my lips brushing against hers, and I kissed her hard—too hard. It wasn’t gentle.

Audrey’s hands found their way to my chest, soft at first, but she could feel the roughness in my touch. Her lips parted, responding eagerly, as if she knew the storm raging in me.

She pulled me closer, her touch soft, soothing in the way only she could be. But it didn’t calm the storm.

I needed more. I needed something to numb me. I wanted to erase the thoughts of her—Samantha.

Without thinking, I ripped off her panties. The fabric tore under my hands, and she gasped, but didn’t pull away.

Her hands slid down my body, tugging at my shirt. She knew what she wanted. She always knew. And somehow, that just made it worse.

She undressed me, taking her time, but it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t the way I wanted it to be. It felt like a need. A compulsion. A force I couldn’t stop. I let her. I didn’t pull away.

I entered her roughly, not caring about the tenderness.

I didn’t care about anything except the release. The mindless, desperate need to forget. I slammed into her, the movement frantic and sharp.

Audrey moaned softly, but it only fueled the frustration inside me. She was too gentle. Too soft. I needed something more. I needed to feel alive.

Her hands gripped my shoulders as I moved faster, the urgency in my body matching the emptiness in my chest.

I kissed her like I was punishing myself.

I pushed harder, desperate for something—anything—that could fill me, even just for a second. But it didn’t work. It never worked. It was never enough.

I felt my body shudder, the tension finally snapping, but the release was nothing but hollow.

When we finished, I pulled away, my body heavy with exhaustion, but my mind still buzzing with the same ache.

Audrey lay next to me, her breathing slowing as she drifted into sleep. But I couldn’t sleep. Not with the weight of the emptiness pressing down on me, suffocating me, wrapping around me like a noose.