I wake up with a jolt and find myself outside under the moonlight.
I scream harder as I take in my environment confused. Their is a rustle of grass behind me and I take off again to God knows where crying. I could feel the flight responses in me kick in, increasing my heart rate flooding me with added adrenaline
" Twain! Wait it is me Steve,"
" Am with you stop running," I can't hear the words and I'm thrown off balance landing on the ground.
" Twain, I need you to listen, this is Steve, we are here for mini camping we are together," he continues trying to steady his breath and calm the panic in his veins.
" You need to breathe, you are hyperventilating."
" That monster in your dreams is not real, you are here with me."
After some time my breath comes back to normal and I try tearing myself away from Steve. He is hesita
You ever experienced that part where you lick ice cream and it melts down your fingers.Its the sweetest feeling but deep down you Know it is short lived because as soon as the ice is over, the feeling of ecstasy will be fine with it. Well, let's call it that, we never went to clubs again. But we spent every day together. I rarely slept alone except on rare nights when he went out with friends. And even when he did we would talk the whole night and he would call drunk saying he missed me. I know you think it's a happy ending. No it is not. We never made anything official. We just clung to each other like our whole life depended on it. And still, we never had sex again. All he did was hug me and cuddle on most of the time. And he would kiss my forehead goodnight. It was my kind of perfect. Well perfect until. Perfect is overrated. As usual
I dialled Elaine's phone several times and it just kept ringing. She was Mama's favorite child and she of all people shouldn't be off. The campus had just been closed down yesterday due to the covid 19 pandemic, when I was still mourning a relationship that never existed. I slapped myself in the head three times forcing my anxiety, distress and emotions to work together with me and solve the current issue. I could fix my broken heart alone but I can't fix Mama's illness so she can get well. I felt bad at myself remembering the earphones incident at the hospital when I couldn't hear her calling me. Dear God, just this once help mama get well, I prayed frantically.
" She's an angry child. Sometimes I try to understand her but it feels like I lost her long ago. She won't talk or show emotion. She won't even play with other kids and hides from them. Even after I came back she couldn't admit to loving me, her own mother. I don't know what really happened to her or changed her those few years when I was away." " Have you ever thought about seeking closure and talking to her, you know, about her childhood," her friend asked. " No, " " Maybe you should apologize for what you did and tell her the truth, because she could go down the same path." She was just a child, she can't remember, and I have changed, I'm making up for my mi
Everything breaks. Hearts break, promises break and pencils break too. Some just take longer before they do. Lovers also break. Tall buildings break because of a small tremor.The world is crumbling under us and its the solid ground beneath our feet that's an illusion. When everything is stripped down its essence and the illusions go away, we are all going to crumble down like some landslide and be buried in our own fantasies.I walk into the emergency section of the hospital and find everybody standing in a line like a wall. They are all looking at me, not sure who is going to break the news." Twain, we tried, the doctors tried too, but things happen according to God's will. "The voice gets distant as he continues speaking. I feel myself floating in space watching from a distance.Fate can not be so cruel. To he'll with fate.What about what I want. What about her getting well." We just arrived and she was trying to be s
I could feel everything inside me building up yet I was just turning a valve. It made me think of my mother when she made cookies in the oven. She would prick little holes all over them so the cookies would breathe. I was just breathing letting out some desperation. I closed my eyes anticipating each thin cut, feeling the wash of relief when it was done. When I said I was hurting I wanted to see and touch the place that was hurting, not just feel it. " Twain! Twain" I could hear Luke, my baby brother yelling from a distance. Nobody was going to rob me of my little world of ecstasy. Everything good I had didn't last and this time round I would fight to keep this feeling. The cuts were pulsing and looked like ties in a railroad track. Like towers of stairs you would find on stage. I pictured a parade of ugly people like me and wondered where these steps would lead. The
Dear no oneDear diary, I'm sorry I ignored you for a while and I haven't been writing here.This only means that things are not okay.I have been bottling up my feelings and that is dangerous. Because these emotions and hate will build up on each other until I can not take it anymore and explode killing someone.But don't you worry, what we have with you, no one could ever understand or take that away from us because you are my best friend who listens to me without judging me and I am grateful for that.Dear no oneToday, I accidentally cut my wrist with a blunt blade and had to wear a pullover through out. My partner in science class probably saw it and made fun of me the whole day with his friends saying I was nose bleeding.But I am used to that, everyone making a fun of me. it used to hurt me until it does not anymore, and I kind of miss that hurt, because I am lost without it.
" Their are more pages of this, " Steve exclaimed and I looked up in time to see a glint of sadness in his eyes, an emotion that disappeared as soon as it came.Looking down I knit my fingers together and slammed my eyes shut as guilt and shame washed over me. " Don't hate me please, " I whispered lowering my gaze and orbs to avoid meeting his stare. I could feel his eyes burning bright like flaming torches pierced through me. " I think right now they have finished processing your discharge papers," he said looking away staring at the blue sky. I tightened my hold on my diary afraid of opening it. I never read an entry I had written twice and he probably read some pages. " I'm sorry about your diary, I thought I would hold it for you, because it seemed to me you wouldn't be happy if someone else found it." "How do you wake up everyday and walk around like you are okay? "he asked his eyes dull as dar
Change is a series of small moments that build up on each other like steps on the side of a mountain, it is inevitable and does not happen in a day.Perhaps their was change and saving for me after all." Hello James, I heard, I am sorry about your daughters accident," came a neighbour as we entered the house." It is fine right now, you know, once the acid spilled on her hands and burned her, the skin their started bubbling up like some hot water and she tried to scrap it off with a razor. " I listened to my dad reply without a silver of emotion. He knew how to keep his cool.Deep down I just hoped everybody bought the story in case that was what people knew. Because I Could not stand unnerving kindness and sympathy from everyone." Poor thing, That is so unfortunate. " a sorry voice exclaimed." Is she okay now? " another woman asked."Yeah, their is just a little damage. ""S
Everything breaks, hearts break, promises break, biscuits break and so does determination and strong resolve. " Goodnight," My father whispered as he kissed my forehead. " Goodnight papi ," I whispered back as he helped me to tuck myself into bed. As he stood to go I called again. " Papi, I love you," I said. He stopped moving and stood still in his trucks before turning around. " Sweet heart," he began, " Tommorow we are going to appear before a judge, I know this may come as a shock to you, this may not be what you expected, but whatever happens, whatever I say, you just have to know that I love you so much," he breathed. " Okay papa," I whispered back. I wondered when I became such a professional liar and shook my head slowly. Did I deserve all this love? Most of all, wa
As flowers blossom in spring, happiness blooms in emotional warmth.I gasped as my breath hitched in my mouth."Oh my God," I gasped again.He was wearing the cutest smile in the world as he looked into my eyes and held my gaze their." I know this is a lot to ask but allow me to ask you to be my best friend, my girlfriend, let me be the first person you want to call and see everyday, I want you to let me in, I'm not perfect but i can do my best to make girl happy, Twaine, please be my girlfriend" he finished.He was on one knee and as he spoke i couldn't hide the happiness and smile in my face even if i tried. Everything seemed perfect right now. he was word and emotion perfect. It was true that 9one happy moment could undo all the sad momentsHis blue eyes sparkled with the skin a little wrinkled, round and dark under them, a sign he hadn't been
Steve: Hey, sweet heart, I arrived home safely, take care I love you, let me know when we can face time.I smiled slowly before I typed back, " I miss you, I'll call you, stop smirking or I won't," I typed back." Elaine," I knocked once before trying to open the door." Hello, I'm home," I knocked again and waited for a reply patiently.I knocked again before I decided to push the door. It was locked from inside and their was no sound coming out." Open the door, Elaine," I almost screamed.I counted one to ten again and began knocking again.What was happening to her? I began pounding on the door continuously. The noise would obviously disturb whoever was inside until they decided to open the door.After almost five minutes if banging the door relentlessly, I heard a sound at the key hole and she pulled the door ope
I closed the door to my room and found it neatly cleaned. The sheets and duvets had been changed. The floor cleaned and all the clothes arranged in order.I locked the door and sunk down as my chin met my knees and stayed their, not crying not doing anything.Their was pain that ate you alive, it ate you from inside like cancer and laughed and mocked at you."You thought you could get away from us, you thought you could leave us behind, we are a part of you, wherever you go, whatever you do, you are one with us," my depression and anxiety laughed at me.I finally moved to the bed and covered myself with the duvet so no sounds would come out. I lay their blocking the whole world undecided, trying to stay alive before I went back.I found a razor blade made two thin lines in my thigh before writing a strong clear message.I hate myself.The w
We got to the living room and Michael looked at us smiling knowing. I headed over to him and kisses him in the cheek." How are you?" I mocked." Well, their is no evidence left," he went straight to the point knowing that was what I was looking for.I smiled at him and winked." Thanks you," I curtsied." Why are you so Happy," Luke asked." Because I passed a test," I replied." What was wrong with Elaine," Michael asked me slowly in a low voice." Well, she is pretty stressed up about everything, " I half lied and half said the truth.He looked at me half convinced but choose to let it go.We headed to the kitchen and found dad cooking supper with an apron tied around his waist.Elaine went over to him and hugged him before I did the same." What are you cooking pao?" E
We laughed loudly as we pushed open our gate." You didn't see how her face looked," Elaine breathed." It looked like like a wet weekend," I added as we laughed loudly and giggled like little children.We raced to the house and I let her come first intentionally.We pushed open the front door and we're greeted with a sweet aroma from the kitchen.Michael was sitting with Luke on the floor as he helped him build blocks.The twins were watching a video on YouTube. Something meant for kids and I guess it was johnny Johnny, yes papa." What's the surprise?" We both asked Michael." Well, you won't believe," he started before sniffing the air," you guys are drunk are you?"" No, "Elaine quickly refused as I pulled her back." It was only a few glasses of wine, dies it look that bad?" I asked." Well, if I smelled it, he definitely will and we ain't ready for more tornados and volcanoes here," he j
" I can't thank you enough," Elaine repeated again as we neared our gate." Come on, that's random treat," I shrugged." How was your mini camping?" She asked." Well it was awesome, I mean totally awesome, i don't want to fill your head with rocket science, you'll definitely see the pictures once we get home." I smiled." Well, you think I don't know your are photo phobic, unless someone tied you ATI and took snaps of you as you screamed and wailed," she joked.We passed Cain's house and I watched a figure standing on the balcony. He was home my papa was home.I felt Elaine's eyes piercing holes intoe but I ignored her as I continued looking at him with interest. He stood their looking back neither of us looking away.I lifted my hands to wave so he could wave back but all I got was a brief nod that I imagined inside my head
Steve: Hey, sweet heart, I arrived home safely, take care I love you, let me know when we can face time.I smiled slowly before I typed back, " I miss you, I'll call you, stop smirking or I won't," I typed back." Elaine," I knocked once before trying to open the door." Hello, I'm home," I knocked again and waited for a reply patiently.I knocked again before I decided to push the door. It was locked from inside and their was no sound coming out." Open the door, Elaine," I almost screamed.I counted one to ten again and began knocking again.What was happening to her? I began pounding on the door continuously. The noise would obviously disturb whoever was inside until they decided to open the door.After almost five minutes if banging the door relentlessly, I heard a sound at the key hole and she pulled the door open.
I arrived home feeling high up in the clouds. As soon as Like saw me he ran up to me and hugged me tightly." Where is my present?" He asked." Oh my God, it seems I forgot," I joked. "" What? You forgot?" He almost wept as his mood changed drastically." Well, let's see if I didn't forget," I winked as I got into the house and headed upstairs.The living room was empty and Luke followed me upstairs. As soon as I arrived the all came rushing in.Luke, the twins and Michael.I pulled out Luke's present and he looked at it happily. A handkerchief with the logo of batman and another with the logo of superman. It was Steve's idea to buy him those handkerchiefs. Then an expensive robot car with it's remote.He grinned from ear to ear and couldn't help jumping up and down bragging. Next the