" Will you hold my hand? "
It's the second time she is saying this. I'm sitting beside her hospital bed." You know it's not that serious, I'll get well soon and we can eat grilled chicken and pasta on New year's Eve," she says.
" Do you think they'll let you go home by that time?" I ask her.
" Of course" she says. "Are you doubting,"
" No, it's only that you are getting worse, can't they change your treatment," I reply.
" No, I only started, the pain killers ain't helping, but they gave me another dose,"
" Okay,"
" Now sleep and don't worry yourself so much," I say kissing her forehead.
" In case of anything, will you place take care of your siblings for me and be the responsible one?"
" What? Why? Nothing is going to happen,"
" Just promise me,"
" I will, I say, a sharp pain stabbing my chest,"<
You're dumb if you think I never cared, because God knows how many times I broke my heart for you.I drug my feet up the front door heaving. I've never been this tired. I open the door and I'm greeted by emptiness.Cindy's absence chooses to Dawn on me right now.So she really left. I get in and head to my bedroom, it's neat as always. I like having my things in order. All my clothes are always pressed and folded, without any wrinkles. My shoes are neatly arranged, everything is in order.Cindy always said I have a disorder of wanting everything to be perfect. She called it a psychotic disoder, I can't remember the exact term she used.I open my luggage and sort everything out and return the bags to the shelves. Taking my towel I get into the shower and close my eyes. The water is warm and I soak my hair. With soap and shampoo. I get out of the shower and wear my favourite Rabbit
Twain take care of the baby, I'm going out with your sister,'" Can I go with you,""Keep quite, no more of your voice, we are going shopping with your big sister"' Don't go out and make sure he isn't crying,'' Okay, will you buy me crayons,'' No,'I step back, the pain inside my eyes and heart threatening to pull me under.Elaine my elder sister steps out and sticks her tongue out at me. I look at her, not angry, because I want to paint her face on canvasThe moment they step out the front door, Mike let's out an ear piercing scream. I take him out of the crib and begin straddling him. She said she'll be back after two hours. But he won't stop crying.I begin singing some lullaby.
I'm flowingI'm floatingI'm lovingI'm going " Hey, I have a class in one hour time," I shake Steve and he groans loudly caressing me with his honest eyes, blue like tropic skies. Maybe it is just me, but eye movements mess me up. " That's alot of time," he replies with a deep, raspy morning voice. " No, get up, you have that class with me, " I plead and he pulls me towards him before flipping our positions with me beneath him, thanks to his robustness and athleticism. Staying the other night wasn't a bad decision after all. At least there was someone who could help to save me from myself. Listening to the sad beats of my heart alone was boring. But perhaps I didn't need saving. When so much hate and evil has been projected towards a person, they become that. Li
I move along the pavements towards the library. Deep down I know whatever that girl said was true. But I still don't want to admit. It might be that to surrender to happiness,was to accept defeat, but it was a defeat better than many victories of human bondage. Or was I wrong. This was the problem of letting other people into your world, right now I felt vulnerable to him. In a way, he was holding my universe together. One move and my world would Crumble down. The sons of Adam had proven to be unreliable and full of deception in history and I wouldn't let that happen to me. All I wanted was him to just lay in bed together with me, and talk about nothing like we did the other night. With him rubbing my hair and back. Just us against the world. Listening to the beat of each others hearts and music of th
I climb down the rickety wooden stairs and they give way to cement and brick winding their way down to the basement. In this basement their was a feeling of real safety, a calm sanctuary, a dependable sense of home. My foot hit the wooden floor and I smiled to myself inhaling the cold and dank air. This catacomb had walls of a castle, string grey rock that provided the house a firm foundation. What made me happy was the solitude. Down here I could be alone and happy like I always wanted without anyone breaking into my small space and energy and sucking me out of it. No one would guess j was here or come looking for me. The grey walls provided great company and soon I was afraid I would start taking to the walls. However I was wrong. Because the devil always squeezes themselves into cracks inoder to get through to a person. &n
I wake up with a jolt and find myself outside under the moonlight. I scream harder as I take in my environment confused. Their is a rustle of grass behind me and I take off again to God knows where crying. I could feel the flight responses in me kick in, increasing my heart rate flooding me with added adrenaline " Twain! Wait it is me Steve," " Am with you stop running," I can't hear the words and I'm thrown off balance landing on the ground. " Twain, I need you to listen, this is Steve, we are here for mini camping we are together," he continues trying to steady his breath and calm the panic in his veins. " You need to breathe, you are hyperventilating." " That monster in your dreams is not real, you are here with me." After some time my breath comes back to normal and I try tearing myself away from Steve. He is hesita
You ever experienced that part where you lick ice cream and it melts down your fingers.Its the sweetest feeling but deep down you Know it is short lived because as soon as the ice is over, the feeling of ecstasy will be fine with it. Well, let's call it that, we never went to clubs again. But we spent every day together. I rarely slept alone except on rare nights when he went out with friends. And even when he did we would talk the whole night and he would call drunk saying he missed me. I know you think it's a happy ending. No it is not. We never made anything official. We just clung to each other like our whole life depended on it. And still, we never had sex again. All he did was hug me and cuddle on most of the time. And he would kiss my forehead goodnight. It was my kind of perfect. Well perfect until. Perfect is overrated. As usual
I dialled Elaine's phone several times and it just kept ringing. She was Mama's favorite child and she of all people shouldn't be off. The campus had just been closed down yesterday due to the covid 19 pandemic, when I was still mourning a relationship that never existed. I slapped myself in the head three times forcing my anxiety, distress and emotions to work together with me and solve the current issue. I could fix my broken heart alone but I can't fix Mama's illness so she can get well. I felt bad at myself remembering the earphones incident at the hospital when I couldn't hear her calling me. Dear God, just this once help mama get well, I prayed frantically.
Everything breaks, hearts break, promises break, biscuits break and so does determination and strong resolve. " Goodnight," My father whispered as he kissed my forehead. " Goodnight papi ," I whispered back as he helped me to tuck myself into bed. As he stood to go I called again. " Papi, I love you," I said. He stopped moving and stood still in his trucks before turning around. " Sweet heart," he began, " Tommorow we are going to appear before a judge, I know this may come as a shock to you, this may not be what you expected, but whatever happens, whatever I say, you just have to know that I love you so much," he breathed. " Okay papa," I whispered back. I wondered when I became such a professional liar and shook my head slowly. Did I deserve all this love? Most of all, wa
As flowers blossom in spring, happiness blooms in emotional warmth.I gasped as my breath hitched in my mouth."Oh my God," I gasped again.He was wearing the cutest smile in the world as he looked into my eyes and held my gaze their." I know this is a lot to ask but allow me to ask you to be my best friend, my girlfriend, let me be the first person you want to call and see everyday, I want you to let me in, I'm not perfect but i can do my best to make girl happy, Twaine, please be my girlfriend" he finished.He was on one knee and as he spoke i couldn't hide the happiness and smile in my face even if i tried. Everything seemed perfect right now. he was word and emotion perfect. It was true that 9one happy moment could undo all the sad momentsHis blue eyes sparkled with the skin a little wrinkled, round and dark under them, a sign he hadn't been
Steve: Hey, sweet heart, I arrived home safely, take care I love you, let me know when we can face time.I smiled slowly before I typed back, " I miss you, I'll call you, stop smirking or I won't," I typed back." Elaine," I knocked once before trying to open the door." Hello, I'm home," I knocked again and waited for a reply patiently.I knocked again before I decided to push the door. It was locked from inside and their was no sound coming out." Open the door, Elaine," I almost screamed.I counted one to ten again and began knocking again.What was happening to her? I began pounding on the door continuously. The noise would obviously disturb whoever was inside until they decided to open the door.After almost five minutes if banging the door relentlessly, I heard a sound at the key hole and she pulled the door ope
I closed the door to my room and found it neatly cleaned. The sheets and duvets had been changed. The floor cleaned and all the clothes arranged in order.I locked the door and sunk down as my chin met my knees and stayed their, not crying not doing anything.Their was pain that ate you alive, it ate you from inside like cancer and laughed and mocked at you."You thought you could get away from us, you thought you could leave us behind, we are a part of you, wherever you go, whatever you do, you are one with us," my depression and anxiety laughed at me.I finally moved to the bed and covered myself with the duvet so no sounds would come out. I lay their blocking the whole world undecided, trying to stay alive before I went back.I found a razor blade made two thin lines in my thigh before writing a strong clear message.I hate myself.The w
We got to the living room and Michael looked at us smiling knowing. I headed over to him and kisses him in the cheek." How are you?" I mocked." Well, their is no evidence left," he went straight to the point knowing that was what I was looking for.I smiled at him and winked." Thanks you," I curtsied." Why are you so Happy," Luke asked." Because I passed a test," I replied." What was wrong with Elaine," Michael asked me slowly in a low voice." Well, she is pretty stressed up about everything, " I half lied and half said the truth.He looked at me half convinced but choose to let it go.We headed to the kitchen and found dad cooking supper with an apron tied around his waist.Elaine went over to him and hugged him before I did the same." What are you cooking pao?" E
We laughed loudly as we pushed open our gate." You didn't see how her face looked," Elaine breathed." It looked like like a wet weekend," I added as we laughed loudly and giggled like little children.We raced to the house and I let her come first intentionally.We pushed open the front door and we're greeted with a sweet aroma from the kitchen.Michael was sitting with Luke on the floor as he helped him build blocks.The twins were watching a video on YouTube. Something meant for kids and I guess it was johnny Johnny, yes papa." What's the surprise?" We both asked Michael." Well, you won't believe," he started before sniffing the air," you guys are drunk are you?"" No, "Elaine quickly refused as I pulled her back." It was only a few glasses of wine, dies it look that bad?" I asked." Well, if I smelled it, he definitely will and we ain't ready for more tornados and volcanoes here," he j
" I can't thank you enough," Elaine repeated again as we neared our gate." Come on, that's random treat," I shrugged." How was your mini camping?" She asked." Well it was awesome, I mean totally awesome, i don't want to fill your head with rocket science, you'll definitely see the pictures once we get home." I smiled." Well, you think I don't know your are photo phobic, unless someone tied you ATI and took snaps of you as you screamed and wailed," she joked.We passed Cain's house and I watched a figure standing on the balcony. He was home my papa was home.I felt Elaine's eyes piercing holes intoe but I ignored her as I continued looking at him with interest. He stood their looking back neither of us looking away.I lifted my hands to wave so he could wave back but all I got was a brief nod that I imagined inside my head
Steve: Hey, sweet heart, I arrived home safely, take care I love you, let me know when we can face time.I smiled slowly before I typed back, " I miss you, I'll call you, stop smirking or I won't," I typed back." Elaine," I knocked once before trying to open the door." Hello, I'm home," I knocked again and waited for a reply patiently.I knocked again before I decided to push the door. It was locked from inside and their was no sound coming out." Open the door, Elaine," I almost screamed.I counted one to ten again and began knocking again.What was happening to her? I began pounding on the door continuously. The noise would obviously disturb whoever was inside until they decided to open the door.After almost five minutes if banging the door relentlessly, I heard a sound at the key hole and she pulled the door open.
I arrived home feeling high up in the clouds. As soon as Like saw me he ran up to me and hugged me tightly." Where is my present?" He asked." Oh my God, it seems I forgot," I joked. "" What? You forgot?" He almost wept as his mood changed drastically." Well, let's see if I didn't forget," I winked as I got into the house and headed upstairs.The living room was empty and Luke followed me upstairs. As soon as I arrived the all came rushing in.Luke, the twins and Michael.I pulled out Luke's present and he looked at it happily. A handkerchief with the logo of batman and another with the logo of superman. It was Steve's idea to buy him those handkerchiefs. Then an expensive robot car with it's remote.He grinned from ear to ear and couldn't help jumping up and down bragging. Next the