Chapter 11

It was three in the morning when Lana woke up , her hands automatically went to her flat tummy .Caressing her flat abdomen Lana felt as if someone has ripped her out once again, In her last life Ella bribed a maid of King family and changed her nourishing tonic to an abortion tonic , Lana who was young and naive didn't even doubt that maid and drank all of the tonic not leaving even a drop behind .In her previous life she was deeply in love with Xander thus when she found she was pregnant , she was extremely careful and was looking forward to her child's birth .But how could Ella allow it ? 

Lana remembered her pain which was so similar to the one she was feeling now, she was such a failure .Not only did she failed to protect her little baby in her last life she couldn't do so in this life as well .

The more she thought the more heavier her heart became , she felt a stinging sensation in her eyes and a choked sob escape from her lips .

Her tears made her vision blurry , she turned around to grab tissue from her bedside when she caught his glimpse .

He was looking at her in a desolate manner, his eyes held sympathy and pain .He was only a few step away but she could she his worried expression .

Lana looked at Xander and knew that she was hallucinating , she knew that Xander would never worry about her .Lana's lips curled in a mocking smile , look at her how pathetic, she nearly died , list her child but still she desired Xander 's comfort .

"You are not real are you? Xander will never look at me so gently " Maybe it was her medicines or maybe it was her pain but she started speaking her mind .

Addressing her imagination she once again looked at Xander 's image .

"Yes , he won't worry about me . You know , Xander always thought that I only married him because he was rich , only I know how long I have loved him .I have been carrying a torch for him since I was fifteen " 

Lana looked at her imaginative Xander but he didn't moved there wasn't even any change in his expression as he looked at her .

"Yes , he might not remember me .You know whats the most hurtful thing ? It's the feeling when you realise that the person you loved for so long doesn't even remember you. " 

By now Lana had stopped taking glances at Xander , she was only speaking what was in her mind 

"I still remember when he came to that shop where I worked . It was a small cafe called Hotch's pot , I was fifteen then , I lied you know about my age since I was in urgent need of money .My days were all same going home ; going school , going to work.Then he arrived ; just like me Xander also lied about his age, he twenty three but made himself look just like eighteen years old . And God he looked so handsome , I was smitten with him at first glance ." 

"I had a crush on him from the moment he set foot in that shop. But I was shy , I never told him about my feelings , but still I was so pathetically in love with him that I would skip my classes just to work in the morning shift with him. I only stopped when my teacher threatened me that she will have me suspended, but I didn't give up even then I would wake up early and wait outside of the cafe to catch a glimpse of him .Whether it was raining or snowing , I would be there " 

"After a week I was finished with my final exams , that day I was so happy that I could work with him again , however; when I reached the shop I found out that his grandmother has passed away .I was truly shocked and felt a lot gulitier for not being there When he was so alone and sad .That day I went back home and cooked his favourite dish , that stupid pasta ; I only knew how to cook chinese dishes but When I saw that Xander only ate pasta dishes mostly , I started to learn cooking it . But when I reached his apartment, nobody opened up . However sounds of someone in pain came from within.I was so scared that I instantly called someone who can open locks . And there he was all sprawled down on the floor , groaning and cluthcing his stomach " 

"I reacted the fastest way possible and brought him to hospital . His phone was password protected, so I was not able to call his family but he needed money for surgery. My savings barely fulfilled but you know what was my first thought? As long as he is alive it will be worth it .I didn't even thought how I was going to survive the next few months , I only cared about Xander" 

"For next few weeks I tended to him. He said thank you and returned the money he owed to me but I never cared about his money , the only thing that was in my mind was his gentle smile when he thanked me .I knew it was out of courtesy but I still loved those two words he said to me in the past six month of our working together ." 

"Maybe it was late December but I fell sick after taking care of Xander .I still remember that I was suffering from high fever , do you know who came to my aid ? It was him , the man who looks so much like you , whom I desire so much but can never have him. He took care of me , brought me medicines and cooked for me . I knew that he was just returning the favour then but I still naively believed that he treated me differently from other woman , I don't blame him , after all no one exact my brother treated me so warmly " 

"I wanted to confess my feelings for him but when I returned at my job . He was no longer there , the manager told me that he quit .I was heartbroken but I still remembered that he gave me his number , when I asked him during his stay at my place . But you know what ; that number was a fake " 

all her memories came rushing down at her andshe found new energy as she started crying once again .

"It was horrible , I dialed that number for a month before I realized that he gave me a fake .After that the man named Xander vanished like a thin vapour of smoke . All I had was a fake number , his name and his fake age . It was six month later when I saw him again , he was standing by his father's side as they were being interviewed on the television ." 

"I was so shocked when I realized that the man I fell in love with was no normal man . However I still earned for him , it was his twenty fourth birthday when my family recieved an invitation for his party, as always I wasn't allowed to go but I wanted to see him , I hid in the car trunk and sneaked in his house that was so much like a palace .I was mistaken for a maid but I didn't cared as long as I could see him , I served , cleaned and bowed and then he came . But he wasn't alone , by his side was a beautiful woman and that woman was Ella . My heart shattered into pieces right then and there . As I saw the woman who stood so closely by his side .She was so gorgeous, just like a princess and I was there standing among the crowd wearing a battered down dress that lost its colour from being washed too much . It was then I realized that he and I were world apart , he would never belong to me . " 

Fresh tears stained her face as she remembered that particular night .Xander was her first love and first heart break .

"I was beaten when I went back home, my father caught me sneaking into Xander 's party . I couldn't rise from my bed for two weeks but I still loved him .Ne, You are my imagination of Xander right , can you tell me why , why do I have to go through this?" 

Lana turned her head to where her hallucination stood but he remained silent , her question remained unanswered as always .

"You're so cruel Xander .You're so cruel , why ? Why can't I give up on you ? Why are you still in my heart ? Why can't I forget you ? just like you did. Why are you still in my thoughts , my blood , just why !" 

"You must be quite happy sitting in your office right ! After all my child's dead , you no longer need to take responsibility , Yes you must be thanking your luck right now , having dinner with Ella like always , completely forgetting that I even exist ! Xander ! Xander ! Why can't I hate you just like you hate me ? Why do I still love you " 

By the end of her monologue Lana started to yell , her tears streaming down her face as looked at her imaginary Xander , his gaze has turned cold .

"Yes this is how you look at me , how you have always looked at me but I still wanted that child ! I know you hate me but I still wantes to give birth to that child! even if you never saw me again , even if you divorced me , I would have given him birth just to keep a part of you with me!" 

Now Lana was screaming , screaming her grievances that she suffered for two life times.

Hearing her commotion , a nurse rushes in . She checked Lana's pulse and knew that Li Yun was agitated. Not wanting to let her hurt herself , the Nurse sedated Lana .

The medicine kicked in and Lana finally calmee down , not realizing that she just showed her heart to the real Xander King .