VI.

ALESSANDRA

Trust me, I was not fine at that time. I was a bit scared. Well, I say I am always scared around him but letting him not see my fear is another point.

Today I left again without saying anything. Because my service time was over. I came home and went into the room telling my mother about my day. 

It was good. I know I am uselessly scared. 

I went into the room and then fell on the bed. I am tired. I am tired from today. The fatigue of the day, which was singing a melody on my shoulders, calmed down for a moment. As soon as I closed my eyes, my ears also fell silent, which were filled with sound. 

The honking of vehicles in traffic jams, people shouting from behind, dogs barking on the way, the full rustle of the moving wind, all these sounds had settled in my ears. In my ears, the sounds have become like a shelter, as if they are looking for a way to enter my mind. I am really tired. I am so tired that I have heard the voice even in the silent room. 

I lay in peace. The horrible sounds were now quiet. Only the beating of my heart and the buzzing of my breath was reaching me. That is peace. This is the peace I want. 

I take a deep breath once again. I feel my chest heaving up and then going down when I exhale the air along with my stress. The feeling is beautiful but that feeling did not last long when I heard a very deep voice echoing in my ears. 

Alessandra…

My eyes shoot open when I hear that familiar deep voice. Without looking around myself, I get up straight and check around me. 

And there is nobody. 

“God…” I grab my hair tightly and breathe deeply once again. “What was that?” I mutter to myself but unfortunately I do not know the answer. It was unbelievable. I have treated many patients but I have never felt like this in my experience till now. 

This is beyond belief. Flabbergasting. Fatuous. And absurd. Fuck! What the hell is happening with me? Why am I thinking about my patient again and again? 

I shake my head, pulling myself out of half-witted thoughts. Of course, thinking about a psycho murderer is what half-witted mind people do. 

I look to my right, at the alarm clock which is resting on the table beside my bed. It is seven o’clock in the evening. I am surprised it took me an entire hour to calm my mind. I huff. This should not have happened. This lets me know that I am tired and my mind needs to calm down again. I really want solitude so I can shush my mind. 

I get up and go to the bathroom to take a shower. I desperately need a hot shower. Peace reaches my soul whenever I take a hot shower.  

Wearing the bathrobe and knitting it loosely, I came out. As soon as I come out, I feel a really strong urge to look around the room for an important reason. Raising my eyes, I run them across the room but I do not see anyone. 

Really? The skin of my face probably crinkles when I frown too deeply. Gosh! My forehead hurts whenever I do it. But I cannot help it. I really felt someone’s presence in my room. 

My gaze detector rang so loudly in my head that I could not stop myself from running my eyes across the room. This message came to me from the depths of my mind that there was really someone in my room except me. 

Is or was? 

What is happening to me? I shake my head and take a deep breath. My eyes automatically close shut and when I open them, I see nothing different than before. 

Maybe due to fatigue my mind is really playing a game with me.

I walk ahead while drying my hair. I walk around the room, towards the closet while my hands do not stop on my hair. I keep moving them, drying my hair and at last throw it on the bed. 

I swear, I am going to keep it in its place! 

I open the doors and my familiar scent greets me. I could not help but inhale it deeply. It was never this heavy. But today, my closet is smelling more than the rest of the days. I unconsciously smile and take a pair of pajamas. A gray oversized sweater and matching wide pants. 

Closing the door, I put them on the bed and go to slide the curtains. Once I am satisfied, I untie the knot but I feel like someone dropped something on my stomach when I remembered the incident a moment ago. 

Am I sure there is no one here except me? There is no use in questioning myself because I cannot answer myself. It is a shame. Such a shame that drowns me. 

Huffing, I tie the knot and immediately take a look at my room. I should be sorry to myself but I am not convinced. Despite not seeing anyone in my room, I am staring here and there as if there is really someone around me.

But I do not see anyone? Am I going crazy? Do I have the same disease as my patients now?  

“No!” I do not even realize when I shout. My eyes widen when I notice my behavior. 

I literally behaved like a mental patient. I gulp hard and shake my head. 

“No, Allie, there’s nothing like what you’re thinking. Nobody’s here. You’re all alone and just… just tired.” I nod to myself while untying the knot and slipping out of the bathrobe. “Yes, I’m just tired and I’m fine.” Putting it on the bed, I wear my pajamas. 

I sigh once I am done. My tongue automatically flicks out, licking my bottom lip as I feel like I have done the hardest work on this earth. I had to push my heels tonight just to get dressed. What the fuck! 

“Allie, dinner is ready, come downstairs, sweetie!” I hear my mom yelling the next second. 

Raking a hand through my hair, I come out of my room, yelling back, “Coming, mama,” while going downstairs. 

Once I reach down, I walk inside the kitchen and find my mom. She is serving. 

She smiled when she saw me. “Come, sweetie.” She gave me a cheeky smile. I nod and go there. I take a seat and watch her doing her work. 

“I cooked chicken meatballs for you, now smile, darling.” She looked at me and without even my realization, I smiled back at her. I felt so relieved when I saw her smiling. Only she can give me relief. 

“That’s ma girl.” She giggled once and I also could not stop myself from laughing. 

She is done and then she moves towards the fridge. I see she is taking out a bottle of wine and I cannot be happier right now. Sipping wine is one of my relieving activities. 

“You looked exhausted, darling.” She grinned and then sat in front of me after arranging the bottle with two glasses. 

I nodded. “Handling patients is not an easy thing.” I giggled on my own. She nods while filling the glasses half with wine. 

“It’s okay, you’re a great psychiatrist also.” She encouraged me and then gave me the glass which I accepted gladly, telling her a thank you. 

“My pleasure.” She giggled and then took a sip from her glass. I followed her and tasted the wine. 

Pushing it down through our throats, we click our tongues together and then giggle. 

“It was great!” She giggled once again. 

“Yeah!”

“You know your daddy used to do the same thing with a loud voice!” 

“Really? That would have been so much fun!” 

She nodded. “Of course! We used to laugh with each other just like I’m doing with you!” 

I giggled, throwing my head back. She pushes the plate in front of me and I take my spoon and knife. 

“Did you used to spend the whole night like this?” I could not help but ask. 

“No, sweetie, the whole night was spent doing other things than talking. You can understand.” She winked at me and there my eyes widened but I could not stop myself from laughing. 

“I can…” I look down, pulling another bite. “He must have been very energetic in his time.” I mumble, filling my mouth. 

“Of course, he was. You’ve seen him in the pictures.” 

“In person too, mama. He looked like a boxer at that age.” 

“Oh yeah… you know my memory is not so good.” She giggled on her own. I think I have got this habit from her only. I also laugh with myself like a stupid. 

You laugh on senseless things. And there I stopped eating. Once again my brain roamed around those moments. I do not understand why Hades’ stupid comments and his really desirable and deep voice are ringing in my head. 

Whatever the reason is, I have to stop thinking about it all. 

“I want a husband like him.” I mutter, trying to divert my mind. It is good my mother did not notice me thinking about Hades like a statue. 

“Oh really? Did you like his white beard?” She questioned while her mouth was stuffed with food. She looked cute, by the way. 

“Oh c’mon, mama! I loved his beard. Despite being white, his hair had a great volume. I don’t want my husband to become bald in old age!” 

She laughed. “His hair was not only thick but also velvety. I used to sprinkle my life on his hair.” 

“Aww…” A blush crept on her cheeks. 

“When I used to massage his hair, he would smile and never ask me to stop. That’s how I used to relieve his fatigue.” Her voice came out low but her eyes held memories. Vintage memories. Her chin rested on her palm while she was telling me and her other hand was doing the work of stuffing her mouth. 

“And…” I urged to ask because I wanted to listen to her more. 

“No one except me used to touch his hair. Whenever he would kiss me, I would close my eyes and my hands would find their way to his thick and velvety hair. His smile was everything to me.” She stopped and then looked at me. “What happened, sweetie? Why did you stop eating?” 

“No, I was... just listening to you…” I shrugged casually and she smiled. I wanted to know more. 

She nodded before asking, “Do you want to hear more?” 

“Yeah, why not!” I almost sequeled. 

••

I closed my eyes in relief when I lay down on the bed. We talked to each other for an entire hour today and I am happy that I gave her time and took hers as well. 

When I closed my eyes, sleep quickly embraced me. I went into the lap of sleep and woke up the next morning with energy. 

Although even today I felt in my room that someone was looking at me, I got ready and left for my work without disturbing my mind. If I thought of anything strange, my mind would push that thing even further without any hesitation. No one knew that my brain would give me a panic attack because of this small thinking. 

That is why it is better that I do not trouble myself too much. 

I chose a white shirt with skinny pants with front slits from the ankle. I take my crop black jacket with a check pattern and then leave after wearing pumps. 

Gosh, I am never going to forget them. I am obsessed with heels. Even though my feet hurt, I do not stop wearing them. 

“Have a great day, kiddo!” She yells from the kitchen when I come out after kissing her cheek. 

“Thanks, mama, you too.” I yell back from the door and shut it close. Taking a seat inside my car, I turn it towards my workplace. In no time, I reached my workplace. I enter and make my way towards Hades’ room but Arabella suddenly stops me. 

“Professor Robertson wants to see you, Allie.” She makes a serious face which gives me goosebumps suddenly. 

He is in incharge of Hades’ case. But why does he want me? And most importantly, why did Ara make a serious face? 

“Is he angry?” The only question I could ask Arabella. 

“I dunno.” She answered me but her head was still lowered. She was not looking in my eyes and most importantly, she was not chirping like she does every morning. 

“What happened, Ara?” I asked her, going closer because I did not want any other to hear us. 

“Nate… Nate cheated on me, Allie…” her voice cracked on the word ‘cheated’ and I noticed tears brimming her eyes. 

“Really? But… but everything between you two were good and then… suddenly… how?” I could not believe my ears. 

“I dunno… yesterday when I asked him to go out with me, he said he’d be busy. I respected his decision but I thought he must be tired of working all day so I went to his place and…” she brings out her handkerchief and then wipes her tears before continuing, “and there I saw him… with Yami. Both were naked…in the bed, Allie.” She sobbed loudly now. 

I immediately rushed inside and pulled her for a hug. Her loud sobs now turned into low muffles and she tightened her hold around my waist. 

“Calm down, Ara… calm down.” I caressed her back, mumbling into her ear. 

“How can I, Allie? I loved him like crazy…” she mumbled and whimpered loudly. The staff around us watched us but I glared at them to mind their own business. They silently started doing their work while I did not stop consoling her. 

She completely broke in my arms. 

“Loving someone isn’t wrong, Ara. You just gave your hundred percent. It’s not your fault if you didn’t get as much as you paid. You don’t have to cry for that.” 

She stopped whimpering and looked at me. 

It was then I noticed her puffy eyes. She must have cried the whole night. Poor girl.

“Do you believe that?” She pointed at my statement. 

“Of course,” otherwise why would I have said that? But I did not complete it because I wanted to finish myself to let her speak. She needs to speak, to empty the anxiety living inside her. 

She smiled. 

“Okay, so I’ll talk to you later, Ara. Have to go now.” I turned around to leave when I got a nod from her. 

I knock on the door when I reach Mr Robertson’s cabin. “Come in.” His faint voice reaches my ears. I take a deep breath before pushing open the door. Save me, God! I pray inwardly. 

“Sir, did you expect me?” 

He nodded. “Yes, Ms Irad. I want to talk to you about Hades. It won’t take long. Please sit here.” He gestured towards the chair in front of his desk. 

“Thank you, sir,” I mumbled before settling myself. I hope I have not made any mistakes. 

“So, Ms Irad,  I see that in a few days you have brought out a man hidden inside Hades and I am glad to see your work.” 

A smile crept on my lips when I heard him. Thank God, he did not call me to scold me. 

“No psychiatrist could do this so easily and seeing such a change in Hades, when I spoke to the team, we decided that Hades’ psychotherapy should be reduced.” 

“Is that possible, sir?” I asked confidently because till date, even though the desire to be alright in patients has arisen quickly, the days of therapy of such a patient have never been reduced. 

“Yes. In some cases, we can shorten the day by looking at the speed of recovery.” I was still not convinced with that idea. We know that brain diseases are dangerous. Therapy is only one method, while we also know that the disease does not end completely. So how can we trust such patients? 

I mean, we do not doubt the method of our treatment, but we doubt the intentions of man. Such murderers know how to play with others’ minds. You never know if he is in a hurry to run away with us just by pretending to be right? 

Well, why am I thinking as if I am working in a movie?

“Is there any need for my advice?” I ask him in a low voice. I see a smirk forming on his lips before he gestures to me to go on. 

“Sir, I think with such dangerous patients, we ourselves need to be alert. There is no doubt that Hades’ recovery rate is very good and faster than other patients, but we should not reduce his therapy. Why don’t we let a sense of patience arise in him?” The sense of patience will even make him make decisions like a human. 

He sighs. “I am very proud to hear what you said, Ms Irad, that you care so much about your patient, but if the team of twelve members has taken a decision, then it must have been taken after thinking something, don’t you think so?” 

That was enough to stop my tongue. I still think it is fallacious. But I am nobody to question the team. 

I nod, even though I am still not convinced. I can never be convinced with such a decision. For me, it is useless because it will only spoil the recovering patient. But he is right that if the team has made the decision, then it would be wise, right? 

“Savvy, Ms Irad.” He appreciated me and I nodded once again. From the pit of my stomach, I did not consider it a good idea.