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Chapter 1

Author: MisisDaym
last update Last Updated: 2021-07-31 13:49:49

Everyone has a desire in life.

"More! More! More!"

Everyone has a comfort zone.

"Go! Go! Claudia, Go!"

Mabilis kong nilagok ang mga maliliit na baso sa harap ko. I didn't mind the bitterness and the toxic flooding my throat.

"You won, Claudia!" Tiffany screamed at my ears.

Nagmulat ako at nakita ko ang masasayang mukha ng mga kasama ko rito sa club. I can hear their shouts and laughter for me. This is where I belong.

Hindi ko na alam ang sunod na pangyayari. Naghilamos lamang ako pagkatapos ng laro namin nang maramdaman ko ang pangingirot ng ulo ko. Then my eyes went black.

"Claui! Are you okay?"

Naalimpungatan ako sa sigaw ni Tiffany. Kumikirot ang ulo ko. Parang sinusuntok 'yon ng isang milyong kamao.

"Nasaan ako?"

Naupo ako at tumingin sa paligid. I realized it was Tiffany's room.

"Duh...lagi naman kita dinadala rito after you pass out in the club. Masyadong marami ang nainom mo kagabi. Okay ka na ba?"

Hinawakan ko ang ulo ko at hinilot 'yon. Umiling ako. Hinding-hindi magiging okay ang pakiramdam ko ngayon. I almost drank a whole gallon of alcohol!

"Si Tristan? Tinawagan mo ba?" I asked.

"Tristan...I didn't."

Nangunot ang noo ko. Tumingin ako sa kaibigan ko. Ang blonde niyang buhok na pina-dye niya kahapon ay bumabagay sa puti niyang balat. Bloodshot ang mga mata niya at kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay gano'n din ang sa 'kin.

"Nakita mo ba siya kagabi bago tayo umalis?"

Umiling siya at naupo sa tabi ko. Umayos ako nang pagkakaupo para magkaroon siya ng espasyo. Maliit lang itong kama niya na kasya lamang sa maliit niyang apartment.

"I didn't. Do you want me to call your driver to pick you up?" pag-iiba niya ng tanong.

"Yes, please."

Umalis siya sa tabi ko.

Pinigilan ko siya. "Wait."

Her forehead creased and waited for me to speak up.

"We don't have a driver anymore. Mom fired Manong Tio."

"Talaga? Bakit?"

I shrugged and stood up as well. "I don't know what Mom's planning. Pagkatapos nilang mag-divorce ni Daddy ay naging bungangera na siya."

"Hindi ba bungangera naman na talaga si Tita Josefina?"

I exhaled a deep breath and massaged my forehead.

"I can't deal with that situation anymore. No one has ever cared for me since and I don't want to care for them too."

"I understand. If only you could choose your dad."

I squeezed my hands into fists. No one wants me. My mother's busy taking care of my two-year-old sister. My father has a family of his own, simply because he cheated. I'm not mad at him. He has his reasons for cheating.

"Mag-hail na lang tayo ng taxi. Tara."

Sumunod na ako sa kanya palabas. Nararamdaman ko ang dumi sa aking katawan. Gusto ko nang bumalik sa sarili kong kwarto at magkulong do'n.

Pagkalabas namin ay nakita ko si Tristan. He was about to knock on Tiffany's door. Nagsalubong ang kilay ko nang mag-panic siya.

"Bakit ka narito?" pagtatanong ko.

"Hi, Claui." He leaned on me and kissed my cheek.

I looked at Tiffany. She became quiet. I looked back at Tristan who's looking at Tiffany.

"Tell me what's going on."

Tiffany shrieked. Nanlaki ang mata ko. Bumilis ang paghinga ko nang makita ang bitch face niya na sa iba lang niya ipinapakita.

"Hindi ko na kayang manahimik, Tristan," she barked.

"Anong nangyayari?" bulong ko.

I looked at them, back and forth.

"Claudia, I like Tristan."

Nabingi ako sa sinabi niya. Unti-unting kumulo ang dugo ko. Ikinuyom ko ang kamao ko at mabilis na inilipad 'yon sa mukha ni Tristan.

"How could you toy Tiffany and me?!" I shouted.

I gripped Tiffany's hand and pulled her away from Tristan.

"Claudia, wait!"

Tumigil kaming dalawa sa tabi ng kalsada. Inalis niya ang pagkakahawak ko sa kanya.

"Sa akin ka dapat magalit. Not at Tristan. Tristan has nothing to do with this."

"How could you?" I whispered with bitterness in my voice.

"Pinagkatiwalaan kita. Sana sinabi mo na lang noon na gusto mo rin si Tristan. Hindi na sana ako pumayag na ligawan niya ako. Gosh...I can't deal with this right now."

I turned away my face and blew out my cheeks.

"I know...I'm sorry."

Tiningnan ko siya sa mata. "I trusted you. I thought we're friends."

"We are! I'm sorry. I got tempted. Nasa iyo na ang lahat. Mahal ka ng mga tao. Masaya sila kapag nand'yan ka. May Tristan ka. Ako? I have nothing."

I scoffed. "Diyan ka nagkakamali, Tiffany. Insecure ako sa 'yo! Wala kang magulang na magagalit sa 'yo lagi dahil naglasing ka o pumunta ka ng club. Walang kokontra sa gusto mo. Marami ring nagmamahal sa 'yo. And me? I don't feel like I belong to someone."

She sniffed and wrapped me with her arms. Sumama na rin ako sa pag-iyak niya.

"I need some time to think. I'm still mad at you."

Nagbitaw na kami. Hinayaan niya akong mag-hail ng taxi. Bago ako pumasok sa loob ng sasakyan ay sinulyapan ko muna ang kaibigan ko. With bitterness, I smiled at her.

Everyone has someone that they belong to. Seeing Tiffany with Tristan makes me realize that no one could ever love me. I have no one.

"St. Village po, kuya," I informed the taxi driver.

Nakita ko pa ang pagkaway ni Tiffany sa akin. I didn't wave back. I felt cold within me. I felt broken.

Pagpasok ko sa loob ng malaking bahay namin ay nakita ko si Mommy sa sala kasama si Sofia, ang kapatid ko. Masaya silang naghahabulan sa malawak na silid. Hindi nila ako napansin na naglalakad pataas ng hagdan. I felt invisible.

Hindi pa ako tuluyang nakahahakbang sa itaas ng hagdan ay tinawag na ako ni Mommy. I felt relieved that she can see me. Though, I know she's going to lecture me again.

"Where have you been? I've been looking for you, Claudia!"

I rolled my eyes and faced her. Her face upset me again. I can't deny that she looks like me. Ang kanyang mata na kulay itim at ang matangos niyang ilong ay katulad na katulad ng sa akin. Kahit ang kanyang makapal na labi. I always admire her beauty when I was a child. Look at me now, hating every bit of similarities that I have on her.

"Nasa apartment ako ni Tiffany," maikli kong explanation.

"Bumaba ka rito."

Sumunod ako sa utos niya. Tumalikod sa akin si Mommy para buhatin ang kapatid ko. As if it was my cue, I ran upstairs, defying my mother's order.

Nagkulong ako sa kwarto ko. Pakinig ko pa ang sigaw ni Mommy sa labas. Hindi na ako muling bumaba para makinig sa sermon niya.

"Claudia, let's talk."

Tumingin ako sa pinto ng kwarto ko. I jerked my head in the opposite direction and laid comfortably on my bed. I closed my eyes and recalled everything before when we're still a whole family. Noong wala pa akong kapatid at ako lamang ang inaasikaso nila.

Noong dumating si Sofia, para siyang malas na dumikit sa pamilya ko. My parents were fighting all day long and Sofia fueled the fire. They didn't plan Sofia. As much as I'm concerned with that baby, mas lalo lang umusbong ang galit ko sa kanya dahil siya ang dahilan kung bakit naghiwalay ang magulang namin.

"Am I too immature?"

Bumagsak ang luha sa mata ko. I wiped it away and let my hangover drifted me off to sleep.

I woke up feeling the emptiness of my stomach. I turned to the clock on my nightstand. It's past lunch.

I looked at the door and decided to go downstairs for food. Humarap ako sa vanity mirror ko at sinakop ang makapal at wavy kong buhok. I made a bun and put a lip balm on my lips.

Bumaba rin ako kaagad. I know they won't be here downstairs because my mother has a routine for Sofia's nap time.

Huminga ako nang malalim. Katulad nang inaasahan ko ay wala nga ro'n si Mommy at Sofia. Dumeretso ako sa kusina at kumuha ng tatlong loaf bread sa pantry. Kumuha rin ako ng isang basong tubig.

Hahakbang na sana ako paalis doon nang mapakinggan ko ang boses ni Mommy sa laundry area.

My forehead creased. She looked like she's talking on the phone. Hindi na sana ako mangi-eavesdrop pero napakinggan ko ang pangalan ni Daddy.

Ibinaba ko sa kitchen island ang pagkain at baso. I moved to the laundry door and opened it slowly. I saw Mom with a phone in her ear. I could see her back and her foot tapping the tiles. Is she nervous to talk with Dad?

"I said we need to go to Mama, Leandro! I'm only asking for a week. I can't take care of Mama, Sofia, and even Claudia!"

I could feel the tingling ache inside my heart. I formed a fist and listened to what she's going to complain about me. Bakit ba kasi hindi na lang niya ako payagang doon na lang ako kay Daddy? She's so selfish.

"Can't you just hear me out? Mama is not going to live any longer. She's weak and I need to be with her. I'm asking you to take care of Sofia."

I exhaled a sigh. I turned my back and closed the door with a bang. Alam kong mapakikinggan 'yon ni Mommy at wala na akong pakialam.

Kinuha ko ang mga pagkaing kinuha ko at umakyat na sa itaas. Isinarado ko ang pinto ng kwarto ko at naupo sa kama. Ipinatong ko ang baso sa nightstand at tahimik na inubos ang tinapay sa bibig ko.

"Claudia?"

Bumaling ang ulo ko sa pinto. I stared at it and didn't think of opening it.

"I need to talk to you. Just this once, young lady."

I rolled my eyes and stood up. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinakabahan. What could make me uneasy about what Mom's going to tell me? What could make her words change my life forever?

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    Bok and I hugged each other as we said our goodbyes. I will miss him. He was the only person who was by my side for years."Ibigay mo ang sulat na ito kay Penna." Inilahad niya sa akin ang isang piraso ng papel.Tumango ako at yumakap muli sa kanya. "I hope we could meet again.""We will."Tumalikod ako sa kanya. Hinawakan ko ang doorknob at huminga nang malalim.I thought about my family.Kumusta na kaya si Sofia at si Mommy?I have so much to explain to them."Claudia!"Napalingon ako sa tumawag. Lumayo ako sa pinto at lumapit kay Yaya Esther."Naku, buti na lamang at nakaabot ako sa 'yo. Heto, ibigay mo kay Sofia." Tinanggap ko rin ang papel galing sa kanya."Thank you for everything, Yaya Esther."She wiped her tears. "Mag-iingat ka. Sana makita mo na si Writan at maging masaya kayong dalawa."I smiled bitterly at her. Destiny is our great contender. I thought we'd last for a long tim

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