Chapter 3

I thought I won't be seeing myself on this vacation. But here I am, traveling with my mother and my sister for God knows how many hours. I groaned in annoyance.

"What's wrong, Claudia?"

Everything about this is wrong. I looked at my sister sitting on my lap.

"Let me drive us there. I want to drive instead of being a pillow for this girl," I said in a disgusted tone.

"Hold her for another hour. Malapit na rin naman tayo."

I cursed inside of my head. Namamanhid na ang binti ko at hindi rin ako makagalaw dahil sa bigat nitong si Sofia. I drew a long breath. I have no choice and let this slide.

An hour had passed and an hour again. After three hours, my mom stopped in an old big house.

"I didn't know Grandma's house is bigger than ours."

"This is my father's house. The other one we visited when you were younger was your grandmother's, do you still remember?"

Tiningnan ko ang mga mata ni Mommy. Umiling ako.

"No. It's a long time ago. Come on, my legs are killing me."

Dahil sa hindi ako makalakad ay nanatili na lang ako sandali sa sasakyan. Inilagay ko ang earphones sa tainga ko at pumikit. Nakatulog ako sa hampas ng hangin sa akin mula sa labas ng bintana.

Makalipas ang ilang minuto ay napakinggan ko ang malakas na pagbuhos ng ulan. Napatingin ako sa labas.

"What the heck?" I screamed when I saw a guy shouting at me outside.

Hindi ko naman mapakinggan kung anong sinasabi niya kaya hinayaan ko na lang siyang nababasa ng ulan. Itinaas ko nang tuluyan ang bintana at niyakap ang katawan ko.

Nangunot ang noo ko nang mapakinggan ang malakas na pagbukas ng pinto ng driver seat.

"Oh, my gosh! Who are you? Get out of this car now!" I yelled at the guy who was outside earlier.

"Makikisilong muna ako. Sandali laang."

I shook my head. "You're getting our seat wet. Basa ka na rin naman, hayaan mo nang mabasa ka pa."

Tiningnan niya ako nang mariin. His jaw tightened when he observed my body. Niyakap ko lalo ang katawan ko.

"Get out. Now."

"Huwag kang masyadong arogante. Hindi ka rin naman maganda."

Nanlisik ang mata ko sa sinabi niya. Kinuha ko ang bag ko sa back seat.

"Hindi ka lalabas? I'm going to hit you with this bag! Mabigat 'to!"

Tumawa siya bigla na ikinagulat ko. Suminghal ako at ibinagsak na lang basta ang bag sa tabi ko.

"O? Nagsawa ka na kaagad? Tindi! Makikisilong lang ho ako. Hindi kita pagsasamantalahan."

I made a face and crossed my arms. We got quiet after. I wrapped myself in my arms and watched the rain that has kept pouring for half an hour. I found myself sleeping again with no assurance that the guy beside me will take advantage of me or not.

"Claudia, anak!"

Nagising ako sa malakas na katok sa bintanang malapit sa akin. Kinusot ko ang mata ko at binuksan ang pinto.

"You should go inside. Let's go. Your grandmother has been waiting for you."

Hindi ako sumagot at tahimik na kinuha ang bag sa tabi ko. Napatingin ako sa driver seat. Wala na ro'n ang lalaking pumasok kanina. I shrugged and went outside with Mom.

When we entered the old house, I was fascinated.

"This looks vintage," I whispered in awe.

Iniwan ako ni Mommy sa sala. I looked at the wooden floor, two wooden benches and a table were in the center of the room, the windows were old unlike in our house, and the ceiling is lower.

"Claudia, apo."

My eyes darted at the old woman. She was holding a rod and wearing a long dress.

Lumapit ako sa kanya at tipid na ngumiti. I stared at her eyes, it was the same as Mom and mine. Her smile makes me want to smile too. She held my hand and grasped it tighter.

"Napakalaki na ng batang ito, oo. Ang liit mo pa noon, hija. Nagtatatakbo ka pa riyan sa bakuran noon kasama si Son. Kumusta ka na, hija?"

"Okay lang po ako," nahihiya kong tugon.

Hinila niya ako palapit sa kanya at niyakap ako bigla. I felt my body got warm when she hugged me.

"Ilan taon ka na, hija? Hindi ba bente ka na?"

"Nineteen pa lang po."

For the whole hour, I've learned so much from her. About this house and about my mom that I didn't think I would know about.

"Hindi ko akalain na magkikita pa tayo. Sana ay maging maayos ang pananatili mo rito."

After our talk, Mom let me stay in the room and rest again. Now that I thought, it's alright to stay here and have my peace of mind. I felt relaxed but still bored.

At dinner, we ate together. It's my first time having dinner again with Mom and Sofia. I would rather choose to eat outside than be with them back then.

"Hanggang kailan kayo rito, Josefina? Itong pag-aaral nitong si Claudia ay maaantala."

Napatingin ako kay Mommy.

"We can stay for a month, Mama."

Nanlaki ang mata ko. Naibagsak ko ang kutsara sa plato ko. Tumingin sa akin si Mommy at Grandma.

"I thought we're only staying here for a week? You lied to me, Mom! I can't stay here for a month. I have nothing to do here!" I protested.

Nagulat ako nang ibagsak ni Mommy ang palad niya sa lamesa.

"If I say so, you don't have a choice but to follow."

Nagtiim-bagang ako.

"Mga hija, nasa harapan tayo ng pagkain. Mamaya n'yo na pag-usapan iyang mag-ina."

Umikot ang mata ko sa inis. Tumayo na ako at nagpaalam.

"Apo, ubusin mo ang pagkain na ibinigay sa 'yo," mariing utos ni Grandma.

"I can't. I lost my appetite. I wish I didn't choose to be here."

Tumalikod ako at bumalik sa kwartong tutulugan ko. I got my phone on the bed and dialed my dad's phone. Nagri-ring 'yon hanggang sa mapakinggan ko ang malalim na boses ni Dad.

"Dad...." I stammered.

I gripped at the bedsheet and blew out my cheek.

"Anak? Bakit ka tumawag? Aren't you in Batangas with Josefina?"

I took a deep breath and laid down. "I don't want to be here, Dad! I wanted to be with you but Mom, arghh!"

"Claudia, I had an accident."

My eyes widened. "What? What happened? Are you okay? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Your mother chose not to. Anak, makinig ka na lamang sa ina mo. And I...I can't take care of you and your sibling. I have my own."

Napailing ako sa pagiging honest ni Dad. How could they walk away from their responsibilities as a parent?

"I don't need both of you, Dad. I hope you'll be okay. Bye."

As I ended the call, tears fell off my eyes and flooded my cheeks. In silence, I regret having this kind of family.

"Hija?"

Napabaling ako sa pinto. Pinalis ko ang luha sa pisngi ko at nagmamadaling binuksan 'yon. Nagkatitigan kaming dalawa ni Grandma, I know she could sense that I'm crying.

"Maaari ba kitang makausap?"

My mouth snapped shut and nodded. I watched her entered the room with her rod. Inalalayan ko siya sa kama at magkatabi kaming umupo roon.

"Tatapatin kita, hindi ko nagustuhan ang pagsigaw mo sa iyong ina kanina. Anong rason at bakit ganoon ang galit mo sa kaniya?"

I avoided her eyes and looked at the door.

"You never witnessed my parents fight every day. You didn't know how much I wanted to run away from our house. You have no idea how I loath them. They only fight. They don't care about me. When I learned that my father was cheating on Mom, I thought...they're better off divorcing. Besides, I don't need them. Worse, they have Sofia. My mom has never cared about me. She only has her eyes on my sibling."

I balled my fists. "Ang gusto ko lang naman ay magkaroon ng taong magmamalasakit sa 'kin. Mahal ba nila ako? How could they not care about me? I've never felt I have a family."

My grandmother wrapped her hands in me.

"Naiintindihan kita, hija. Ang tanging inaasam ng isang anak ay kalinga at aruga mula sa kaniyang mga magulang. Pagpasensyahan mo ako at wala ako sa tabi mo noong ika'y nahihirapan at nalulungkot. Hindi ko ginustong maramdaman mo iyon. Ngunit mananatili laang ang iyong galit kung hindi mo patatawarin ang mga nanakit sa iyo, hindi ba?"

I frowned. I stood up.

"Did Mom ask you to talk to me?"

"Hija..." She stood up as well and held my hand. "Ako ang may kagustuhang lumapit sa iyo rito. Huwag mo sanang masamain ang panghihimasok ko."

I took a deep breath.

"Well, if you want me to be okay...I prefer dealing with everything alone."

I dragged my feet to the door and went out. I scampered downstairs. My footsteps were heard in the house but I didn't care if Mommy realizes I'm running away again.

I don't need someone to feel sorry for me and my experiences. I just need someone to be there for me! Hindi ba 'yon ang gusto ng mga kabataan ngayon? They're supposed to know that because they've gone through this phase. Look at me now, alone.