Chapter 64: Shadows of Doubt Lucas POV

“How long are you going to just sit there and brood?” Elara’s piercing words cut through my mental fog.

I lay on the makeshift bed, my muscles hurting with every little movement, and looked at her. I murmured, “I’m not brooding,” but even I found the denial to be hollow under the weight of my own irritation.

Elara snorted and put down a bowl of something completely unappetizing with a faintly medical fragrance. “Whatever you want to call it. You can’t sleep. It’s clearly seen on your face.”

I didn’t respond. She was not wrong.

Pain, fever, nightmares, and Anna’s anxious face watching me were all part of the last several days, or however long I had been absent. I was both reassured and uneasy by the memory of her palm on my forehead and her voice calling my name.

The helplessness gnawed at me now that the fever had subsided and my head was clear. Every moment I lay here was another moment I failed to keep her safe and secure.

Elara crossed her arms and added, “You’re not doing yourself any favors by overthinking. Take a nap. Get better. If you push yourself too soon, you won’t be useful to anyone.”

I forced myself not to snap back, tightening my jaw. Rather, I concentrated on the slight noises of activity coming from the neighboring room. Anna.

“She’s stronger than you think,” Elara whispered, seemingly reading my thoughts.

I gave a shake of my head. “That isn’t the point. It’s—” With the words tangled in my throat, I stopped myself.

“It’s about you,” she finished for me.

I wasn’t prepared for how hard her comments struck. I looked at the rough wooden ceiling and glanced away. She was not wrong.

I struggled to sit up when Elara finally left the room, ignoring the searing pain that shot through my side. Every action I made was met with resistance from my body, but I couldn’t lie here.

I froze when the door opened quietly and Anna entered, her eyes widening as she noticed me standing up.

She said, “You’re awake,” with a look of relief and probably caution on her face.

I rasped, “Yeah,” my throat feeling dry. “Guess I missed all the fun.”

The smile barely made it to her eyes, but her lips quirked. “Not much was missed by you. It was just me trying to determine whether you would live.”

I said, “Thanks for keeping me alive,” in a heavy and strange voice.

She crossed her arms and shrugged. “Thank you not yet. You’re still in danger.”

Between us, there was a thick hush of unsaid words. I wanted to say anything to defuse the situation, but I was stymied by my own doubts.

Her voice was firm but low as she said suddenly, “Why did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“You risk your life for me. Once more.”

Her question should not have surprised me, but it did. My fingers curled into the rough blanket that covered me as I turned my head away. “Because it’s what I’m supposed to do.”

“Supposed to?” she said in a sharp voice. “Lucas, that’s not a response. You claim to be here to keep me safe, but why? What do you stand to gain?”

I looked straight into her eyes, and I was rooted to the spot by their intensity. With a low voice, I stated, “It’s not about what’s in it for me. It’s about what’s right.”

She relaxed her expression, but not much. “And what makes you so sure you know what’s right?”

The question struck more strongly than it ought to have. With a tight throat, I swallowed. “I don’t. Not all the time. However, I understand what it’s like to let people down and fail. I will not allow that to occur once more.”

She looked into my eyes as though she was trying to decipher what I was saying. To get her to understand, I kept my eyes on hers.

When she finally said, “Lucas,” her voice was almost audible above a whisper. “I’m not sure if I can rely on you. Not entirely.”

Her openness hurt, but I couldn’t hold it against her. Slowly, I nodded. “I understand. I don’t blame you either. But, Anna, I’ll show you. Whatever it takes.”

Her look was unreadable as she stayed silent. Then she turned and walked out of the room without saying another word.

Elara’s movements and the faraway howling of the wind were the only sounds to break the solitude of the hut as the hours passed slowly. With the burden of my own thoughts bearing down on me, I gazed at the sky.

The memories—faces I had neglected to shield, decisions that had resulted in fatalities—came without warning. My past pack, my mistakes, and the wounds that went deeper than my own.

Leaving the Moonstone Pack was meant to be enough to rid me of the guilt, but it followed me about like a shadow. Now it was different with Anna. She was more than simply someone I was keeping safe. My fated partner was her.

Even if she didn’t—or wouldn’t—acknowledge it, our link was clear. However, I could hardly trust myself, so how could I expect her to trust me?

Elara’s voice interrupted my thinking. “Restless again, I see,” and I looked back to see her standing in the doorway with her arms folded.

“I can’t just lie here,” I stated, clearly frustrated.

Her keen eyes narrowed as she took a step closer. “Lucas, you’re not as unbeatable as you believe. Things can only get worse if you push yourself too quickly.”

“I can’t afford to wait,” I answered quietly. “Anna’s in danger as long as we’re here.”

Elara shook her head and moaned. “You’re too stubborn for your own good.”

“Maybe,” I went to say. “But I must take action. I’m unable to sit here and wish for the best.”

Her face softened and quickly took on an almost empathetic appearance. “You’ve been through a lot, haven’t you?”

With the weight of my past bearing down on me like a physical force, I chose not to react.

She said, “You’re carrying more than just physical wounds. And until you face that, you’ll never be able to move forward.”

I was touched by what she said, but I lacked the strength to protest. Rather, I closed my eyes and let myself be enveloped in silence.

The clouds of doubt grew closer as the night grew darker, their weight oppressive. But there was still a spark of resolve below it all.

I would show my worth. To Anna. To me.

And I would succeed when the time came.

But I had to wait for the time being.

And hope it wasn’t too late already.