Chapter Six – A Family Dinner

I was standing in front of my huge closet that was in my bedroom. I had a frown on my face when I saw all the bright-looking dresses. I went further into this closet hoping I could at least find something that was dark. I was going to give up hope and grab a random dress from the closet when I saw something that stuck out from the colorful dresses.

  Getting the dark clothing from the line of clothes I held it in front of me. It was a black dress with white lines near the end of the dress. I felt satisfied with what I was holding and took it out of the closet with me so I could wear it for dinner.

  After I was done picking out my outfit I decided to go back to the black book that my teacher gave me and try to see if I could teach myself a spell. I held the book in my hand for a few seconds before finally opening it. I could feel a small smile on my face when the book opened easily.

 When I looked inside the book I saw that there was one spell on the first page of the book. I could feel a frown replace the smile on my face. I couldn’t understand why the spell Shadow was the first thing I had to learn. What does it even do?

  Trying not to get irritated I got ready to use the spell. I think for me to cast a spell I have to speak in the magic language. I don’t think I know what it is but I have a feeling it would be something that just happens. 

 “Umbra. (Shadow.)” As soon as I went to do the spell I said something in another language and the whole room I was in was covered in darkness. Even though it was dark I could see clearly inside of the room like nothing was wrong with it.

  When I went to move in the darkroom I felt my feet start to sink into the darkness. I was panicking and tried to cancel the spell but I was too slow. I fell into the darkness and felt a small pain in my bottom as I fell onto the ground.

  I held my book tightly as I looked around in the place I was currently in. I was surprised to see I was outside the kitchen door.  I slowly got up and walked from the dark area I was in. I could feel myself get a bit excited when I realized what I could do with this first spell of mine.

   It seems like I can cause an area to become covered in darkness and to travel to the said darkness to somewhere else. I wonder if I could control where I could go with this spell. This was something I would have to practice more.

  After standing outside of the kitchen door for a while I headed back to my room and went to practice using the spell Shadow more. Even though I kept on ending up in different places in my house I didn’t want to stop practicing this spell. It could be helpful in the future if I needed to escape from something or someone.

  After a few hours of me practicing my spell and going to my library to read books on different things about this world and magic, it was finally time for the family dinner. I had a blank face as I was dressed by two of my servants. They even put my long curly hair into a braid that was turned into a hair bun. 

  Mae finished the outfit by giving me a ribbon that had a spot where I could put my magic stone in. I looked in the mirror that showed an expressionless Aurelia. Mae was behind me with a tense smile on her face and I calmed her down with a pat on her hand.

  “I am ready to go now.” I stood up straight and spoke indifferently. Mae gave me a stiff nod and led me to the dining room where  “father” and “brother” were waiting for me. I could smell food coming from the dining hall but it didn’t smell like anything to me.

  When I finally arrived in the dining hall I could see that both my “father” and “brother” were sitting waiting for me with an expressionless face. The air was tense as I made eye contact with my “father”.

  “Good evening father. I hope you didn’t wait too long.” I gave my “father” a polite bow in greeting and walked to my seat at the table. My seat was pulled out by Mae and when I sat in it she pushed me back in. She then went to stand by the wall and became like a statue.

  “It seems that you know manners. I am surprised that you know how to use them. Also, you should learn how to be on time and not late by a minute. It comes off as rude.” The first words out of my “father” mouth were scolding words. I didn’t expect much from him but I couldn’t control the tightness that appeared in my chest. 

  “I am sorry for that. I was busy with reading and practicing my magic, father. I will make sure to be careful next time.”  I force myself to keep my polite tone as I spoke to my indifferent “father”. 

  “Oh, your teacher is allowing you to practice your magic sister? I am surprised to hear that, seeing as you were never seriously doing your lessons before. It is rather strange, isn’t it?” I could feel that my “brother” was insulting me as he looked at me with cold eyes.

  I didn’t say anything as the food was being served to us by my servants. I could feel my body react negatively when I saw what I had to eat. It seems like Aurelia hates soup with a passion. I looked toward my other family members who were eating the soup with no problem. I look towards one of my servants who could only give me a sad look.

  Forcing myself not to feel sick I picked up my spoon and started to eat the soup. I had to force myself to swallow the soup and not to throw it back up into the bowl. I knew, later on, I would be throwing up into my toilet because of this.

  “I heard something interesting from your tutor. He told me that you manage to do all your work with no problem. This is rather surprising news to hear indeed. I see you are trying to live up to our family name and not embarrass us in front of everyone.” My “father” placed down his spoon once he was done with his soup and wiped at his face with a napkin.

  “I am curious as to why you are learning to use your magic. Focus more on your studies and not your magic.” I tightened my grip on my spoon as I saw the disgust on my “father” face as he spoke about my magic. 

  “I simply want to be good in all areas, father. It would be helpful to our family, would it not?” I left my spoon in my bowl, worried I would bend it with how upset I currently was at the moment. 

  “We have your brother for that. He is simply gifted with his water magic. You should know this after all. When people hear our name they remember the son of the family who is gifted in studying and magic.” I was not looking at my “father” as he continued to speak. My hands were in fists on my lap and I could feel my emotions getting a bit out of control.

  “If I get better with my magic I could be on the same level as brother. I also believe I can be good enough in studying as well. I just need to improve myself more.” I force myself to keep my tone respectful as I spoke back to my “father”. I could feel my eyes getting hot but I forced the feelings of the original Aurelia back.

  “Not to be rude sister but with how you are when it comes to studying I doubt that. I would be surprised if you did become gifted. Also, why should you even work on that dreadful dark magic of yours? It may cause people to look down at our family.” My “brother” sneered at me as he said this and I could feel my emotions getting even more out of control.

  I could feel the original feelings of Aurelia appearing in me. Why are they like this to me? Why don’t they like me? What am I doing wrong? I don’t want to be hated. I can be better. Stop hating me. Why are your eyes so cold? Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. Please love me. PLEASE LOVE ME.

I hated the fact the original Aurelia feelings kept controlling me so much. Why can’t she just go away?! I can’t have these useless feelings controlling me all the time. I need to be stronger. No one can look down at me. No one.

  The dining room got dark and everything started to get destroyed when this happened. I could hear the concerned screams of my servant. My “father” voice could be heard along with my “brother”. I didn’t say anything as this was happening. I could feel tears on my face as I just sat with my fists in my lap.

  This is all the original Aurelia leftover feelings, not mine. So why the hell is it so hard to just simply ignore them?!

 ‘How do you know that? How do you know that this is the original Aurelia feelings?’ I felt surprised when I heard another voice in her head. It showed just like my old voice but more child-like.

  ‘How do you know this isn’t your feelings, ▇▇▇▇▇? Poor old ▇▇▇▇▇, unwanted by everyone. Never had the love of a parent. You are so pathetic.’ The voice was sharp as they continued to insult me. I could feel my tears increase as I listened to this voice.

  ‘I don’t care… I don’t need anyone… I always took care of myself without anyone on my side. I don’t need any fucking love from anyone!’ I was trying hard to push down the voice as I continued to try to calm down my emotions.

 ‘▇▇▇▇▇, ▇▇▇▇▇, ▇▇▇▇▇… Why are you such a liar? You hate liars so why are you one? You want to be loved. You want to be accepted. You are like Aurelia so why the hell are you lying to yourself. It's goddamn pathetic!’ The voice kept getting louder in my head and it was getting harder to breathe. My heartbeat was going so fast that I was worried it would escape from my chest.

  I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I am dying. I. AM. DYING! I don’t want to die. Please… Someone help me… I am so scared.

  I had my arms wrap around me as I struggled to breathe. My head was pounding and my eyes hurt a lot. I thought I was going to pass out but I could feel myself being surrounded by a familiar feeling. I could feel my heartbeat slowly calm down but I was still having a hard time breathing.

  “Respira nena. Respirar… (Breath child. Breath…) Está ben. Estamos aquí. Nada che vai facer dano. (It’s okay. We are here. Nothing is going to hurt you.)” I could feel my breathing finally get under control and the panic I was experiencing slowly disappear along with the voice that was in my head.

  ‘I will always be here, ▇▇▇▇▇. Even if you get rid of me today. I will still be with you.’ The voice left with a soft laugh and I finally felt calm again. I was still being held by the being who was rubbing my back in a comforting way that a parent would to their child.

  “Desculpe nena. A nosa maxia adoita ter este efecto nas emocións das persoas. Isto volverá a suceder, pero axudarémosche a descubrir xeitos de manexalo. (Sorry child. Our magic often has this effect on people emotion’s. This will happen again, but we’ll help you figure out ways to handle it.)” The being kissed my forehead again and the dark dining room had light again. I looked around the room and noticed that there were many things thrown around. My “father” and “brother” were on the ground looking slightly hurt. I was the only one who was still sitting in my chair.

  “Aurelia! Are you okay?! What happened?!” I was quickly lifted out of my chair by Mae and she held me against her chest as she rubbed my back. I just let myself be hugged by her, still feeling worn out by the thing I just dealt with.

  “I do not wish to be rude but Aurelia does not look well and I think this dinner will have to end early. Have a good evening sir and young master.” Mae gave a quick bow to my “father” and “brother” before she left the dining room quickly with me in her arms. 

  I was taken to my room and into the bathroom in my room. Mae gave my body a quick but accurate cleaning then changed me into my sleeping clothes.  Mae tucked me into my bed and sat down next to me with a concerned look in her eyes.

  “Aurelia… Are you okay? Did you get scared? I am sorry that I couldn’t protect you during that but I am here now and I will always be with you until you no longer need me.” Mae's voice was talking softly to me as I lay down in my bed still feeling a bit shaken up.

  “...If I ask you to stay with me forever, would you?” I grabbed her hand lightly but I didn’t allow it to be too far from me. I knew I was being childish but I just wanted to be comfortable even if the way I was getting comfort was by lies.

  “If that's what you want then I will do that for you. I care about your happiness, Aurelia.” Mae kissed me on the forehead as she said this. I felt my heart grow warm at this. I didn’t care if she was lying to me. I felt so wanted…

  “I will make sure nothing bad happens to you, Mae. You are my people so no one is allowed to harm you. I promise you that.” Mae just smiled at that but I was being serious. I would become someone that would make sure my people would get bullied by anyone.

  I don’t need approval from people who hate me. I only need to become more successful than them. When that happens they won’t ever look down at me again. I will be the one who is doing that.