3. #Egg_Smash

Courtesy of my gracious heart, I won't like to bore you guys to death with the detailed description of how the last morning assembly for the term went. I know curious fellows that don't mind the saying, "Curiosity kills the cat" will be asking how boring the morning assembly was and what made it boring. For their sake, I will grace thee with few cups of water from the ocean of boredom.

"It's with immeasurable indulgence that I desire to welcome to the "dies ultima" of school for this term. I can conspicuously notice the glistening merry visages of you all and with absolute gratitude, we venerate God Almighty for his altruistic provision of life inter alia to which we tentatively..."

I almost slept off for a moment there. I can't believe I have bored myself with this long talk, I guess it's "readers first". Such are "all in a day's job" for Mr. Okon, our small stature principal who derives joy from the attention he receives from students as he "drops grammar like bombshells".

I still wonder how he ended up not being a Catholic priest or a lawyer with the way he uses Latin maxims. I just saw an "over pumped head of a balloon" that grow with each cheer and shouts of admiration.

As we walked down to class after the assembly, I sighted Jenny, the girl I had a crush on.

Teenage age can be "funny". I'd like to think of myself as a "young adult" although 18 years is still a bit far fetched for me but this teenage crush of a thing makes me rethink on the reality of my young "adultness".

Anyway, back to reality, here am I moping at her angelic face, I bet I heard wedding bells at the "Centre of Wishful Imagination " situated at the north hemisphere of the brain. Is this biologically proven?. Is that?.

I was "teleported" back by a tug on my shoulder from Temi and this was her time to give me, a smug kind of smile. She has been talking to me but I didn't take cognisance of that.

"Why didn't you hear me when I called you?", It was clear she asked to make me feel uncomfortable coz I know that she already knows.

"I..I..I...", I stuttered scratching my head like a confused art student writing a Math test unprepared.

"...Irish potato.", she sarcastically "completed" the "I" that I have been stuttering on.

We walked in, with her laughing at me and me, laughing along to shield myself against the "forces of embarrassment" and of course, the obvious reddening of cheeks was already "smeared" on my face which I do have when embarrassed or blushing( it was definitely embarrassment this time).

The last day of school is meant for collection of results which will also be sent to our parents to their e-mails.

The result was shared and as usual, my humble self inherited my "birthright", all thanks to God for that. Temi took her "comfortable" fifth position as she has always been taking before. My classmates served no serious competition, no reason for you to soak your legs in water as you prepare for test or exams.

The school bell unexpectedly went off, reverberating throughout the school and beyond the school walls.

Whenever we are been summoned to be addressed on something important during school hours which happens once or twice in a week, the bell regulators will derive esctasy in flexing their muscles, leaving it gleaming with sweat under the sun as they go on ringing the big metal bell for "hours" exceeding "instinctual duration" for that ( sometimes...you just have go technical with terms...ermm...even if it's invented).

Sometimes, it takes the principal or a teacher whose ears has been set on edge to call them off from the "esctastic activity".

I sometimes wonder if they do that to get the admiration of girls--one can never tell with my school boys. Making fashionable, our school uniforms cladded with heavy perfumes and what have you to impress girls.

Girls are not left out in this "race of getting attention" though. Special intoned voice and what have you, some even cross the borderline of trying to get attention to trying to get termed as "sexy". Guess we live in a value disoriented/displaced society. Why can't they just love their books, books are sure addictive, am I the only one that thinks that way?.

I deviate too much, don't I?

Everybody's mind was set on edge as we all wonder why on Earth, a "calling" bell will go off when the term was few hours to being over.

Maybe the principal wanted to give us a closing address or rather enjoy the last batch of praises as he blows off "I-can't-do-without-you, my-dictionary" type of words

But was I wrong?...Mr. Ozogbo, the Vice Principal(Special Duties) came up rather to address the obviously patience-worn-out students.

"The Man We Love"(that's what Mr. Ozogo is fondly called, at his back though--calling him that in his presence....one of the 1000 ways to die. How he earned the name?...I have no idea)

"Fellows, I cannot tell how extremely pleased I would have been to see you, little rascals go on long vac..."

"Long vacation" is the equivalent of "Summer holidays".

I'm a kind of person that picks little details that others might neglect, that was why I pondered seriously on the tense: "would have been". Mr. Ozogo was not the type of person to misplace his tenses, so...why would he make...

"...If not for this impromptu activity that came up", he broke into my lines of thoughts by answering my mental question. Murmurs were all over the place as the students were confused on what he meant by "impromptu activity". I could already see my plans for this holiday being egg-smashed against a window by that weird kid that lives down my street who stuffed his nose full with bed foam one time.

A stern look from him made the "market", a "convent". He dabbed his face with a handkerchief, more out of habit than necessity and continued.

"I'm more displeased than you all are. The injunction came from the Ministry of Tourism that all schools in Nigeria are to go on a mandatory...."

He paused a little to let the students swallow and digest the word "mandatory" or rather choke on it like I did.

He continued, repeating "mandatory" again regardless of the noise building up in a crescendo manner.

"...Mandatory excursion to different tourist centres in the country. Schools have been assigned tourist centres, they are to camp in, for one mooonth"

He dropped, stressing the " month" for "stage effect". He grinned teeth to teeth as the students who have thrown all cares to the wind were shouting in disapproval.

That was certainly the reaction he expected. His grinning was certainly the opposite reaction for someone who said that wanted us to go to let him enjoy his "peace".

I do know he would like to tag along, to torment our lives the more. Not that, it bothers me knowing that I keep the school rules(partly because I'm scared of flogging)

It's not like "school activity", it's more of an excursion than a formal school activity, so I don't think flogging will be allowed....or so I thought.

What bothered me was how my long awaited holidays had been brought down to two weeks which I will have to spend part of it to prepare for the mandatory excursion making the holidays less than two weeks.

He continued talking without trying to calm the students down. The school functionaries (prefects) whom would have helped in calming the pandemonium were also protesting. Well, except for the Senior prefect(Head Girl) and some top functionaries who had to maintain their composure as "the face of the school".

It was when I looked carefully at the students that I noticed that the noises were of two different segments: some were actually protesting while part of students were happy about the new development; an avenue for them to socialise(for guys, an avenue to meet new girls--such trivial thoughts!) or for some, an avenue for adventures.

I frowned deeply when I turned and saw Temi jumping up in joy, she was certainly happy because of the adventures that await her there.

"This is in view of the subject; "Tourism" that will be made compulsory next session for all Nigerian schools, we were assigned to a location which will be disclosed to your parents via their emails as the Ministry is yet to decide where. However, we have received information that we will camping with nine different schools in a particular location. The Ministry of Tourism in conjunction with the Ministry for Food and Agriculture have promised to cater for the feeding....."

He paused again, this time awaiting applauds for the "free food scheme", will I say that he was disappointed coz it was only the segment of students interested in the excursion that clapped. Whether he was disappointed or not, he did not show as he went on.

"As I have said before, this tourist programme will run for one month. You'll have two weeks to put your house in order before which you all will gather here on the Friday 15th of this month from where we will take off...", he stopped to dab his face.

"After the programme,you will also have a week to prepare for resumption. It's of utmost importance to note that this excursion will make up the larger part of your cumulative assessment for the subject; "Tourism". Absenteeism is directly proportional to Failure."

The noise went high-pitch as students who hoped on defying the order, that's those that planned to skip the excursion programme gave up on their plans on hearing that it's part of the cumulative assessment.

"Well, see you in two weeks' time. Remember to come with your personal effects: things like clothes, mat, torch, sweater and the rest. The principal sends his regards"

Usually, he would have opened the hand and let the mic drop off(part of the stage effect stuff I was talking about which I think he learnt from Barrack Obama) but strangely, he held the microphone and walked off the podium.

Heading towards the door of the Meeting Hall whilst the students went on with the noise, some breaking into groups and cliques to discuss the new development. Suddenly, he stopped in a halt, reversed like a race car on top speed and said;

"Fail and....!!??"

"Fail out!!",even the unhappy students joined in the chant.

He then dropped off the mic in the "Barrack Obama" style and walked off, grinning teeth to teeth and obviously feeling like a star as the students went on, applauding his "show" as usual.

The "fail and fail out" policy is a rule employed in my school which makes it that once you fail at the end of the session, you will leave the school or on some cases, repeat the class you failed. Once you fail a subject in my school...you have failed, whether you had alphas in the others is none of their business.

I just felt like crying about the whole stuff, my whole holiday plans had been cancelled. People were leaving the hall to their various homes in groups.

I sat put, waiting for the number of people to go down as I didn't do well with tight spaces. So did Temi, probably because of me. She would have loved the rush for the door as she was capable (stamina wise).

People were sweating profusely as they push their way through, the prefects trying in vain to coordinate students whose esctasy of spending long vac which comes only during the third term had been cut short and also those students who had their joy, increased. Well, I guess I just had to take the excursion programme in good fate, it's not like I had a choice.