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1. Here we go

Penulis: Daviferous
last update Terakhir Diperbarui: 2020-08-27 00:53:25

For one, I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to write this. I guess it was out of boredom, those kind of boredom that can make you count the number of passers-by wearing blue tops(which I did until I got tired).

These events, I'm about to write, took place exactly 300B.C, during the reign of Empe...just kidding, it took place three months ago.

So, it was about me going somewhere, eem..Lekki Conser...oh, sorry, where are my manners?

(sips cof--CapriSonneโ„ข๏ธ, feeling all "professional")

๐Ÿ”น๐Ÿ”น๐Ÿ”น๐Ÿ”น๐Ÿ”น๐Ÿ”น๐Ÿ”น๐Ÿ”น๐Ÿ”น๐Ÿ”น๐Ÿ”น๐Ÿ”น๐Ÿ”น๐Ÿ”น

Staring at my reflection in the mirror, my overactive imagination kicked off its starting gear.

Mr Jones lets out a wry smile as he pulled my sad cheeks twice.

"Smile, my boy. Don't be sad. This is the last day of school for this term. You ain't gonna be bullied again...emm...at least till next term. How 'em quote put it, emm..'He that lives to fight another...emm...he that fights to live another day..."

Yawns

"...I can't even remember how it goes. What I'm trying to say is that you might be able to stand up to Osmosis by next term, a lot can change during this long vacation, you know", Mr. Jones muffled, chuckling intermittently.

He let out a smile again flashing his tobacco stained teeth(I really messed up in his storyline).

I let a small chuckle as his smile reminded me of an emoji, the emoji's smile had all 36s showing in a funny manner.

P.S: let's be reminded that the colour of his teeth and that of the cute smiley emoji can in no way,come into mind at this comparison, that subject is significantly abrogated from this context as we limelight the focus; the similarity between both smiles.

All that understood, say "aye"(sits patiently as he waits for an inline comment).

Mr. James straightened his tie, cleared his voice and fixed a closed gaze at me, "For the first time in my life, I agree with Mr. Jones".

He turned towards Mr. Jones who was fiddling with his cowboy ropes, as he noticed Mr. James's stare on him, he looked away.

Those two were known for their daily squabble, never agreeing on a thing. Mr. James is a lawyer; egocentric, high sense of fashion(anything cooperate--tuxedos were his favourite),pessimistic in the manner of thinking while Mr. Jones would considered quite a perfect opposite. He is a cowboy--a retired one though.

Mr. James would be like "opportunity doesn't come knocking at your door with a bag of candy and a thank-you for-accepting-me note". He would often say that life is full of gravity-tasty ups and earth-core downs. He believes that life will never offer you anything good until you prove you earned it.

On the contrary, Mr. Jones was a when-we-get-to-bridge-we-will-cross-it type of person, he lived in the moment. His dressings-most often, faded striped long-sleeve shirts and grey trousers, fitted cowboy boots and a hat. I just change the colours once in a while, sometimes, I would add a jacket.

Both are what is called in French, "mon invรฉnt de l' imaginรฉ"

Pardon my French, mon gens.

In English(coughs), "figments of my imagination". This will be said to be because I had no friends--I just had one, my childhood friend, Temi.

Don't pity me. On the contrary, I enjoyed the tranquility and loneliness--well, when I don't have to deal with my sassy younger sister who derives pleasure in draining people's life force.

It was the last day of school and my heart was deeply troubled knowing that Osmosis might have something up in his sleeves for me, even from the movies, bullies never take a day off, if they had the opportunity of being your present for Christmas, they would gladly sit still in the box and wait for you to unbox your demise.

I know questions might be popping in your heads on why the heck someone will answer "Osmosis". I just guess he is too dumb to know that "Osmosis" is a lame nickname. A biological term which he probably overhear one of those "once in a blue moon" days that he decides to listen in class, which comes mostly when the teacher whoops little amount of sense (note the emphasis on the "little") into him.

Three harmonious taps on the entrance door downstairs broke into my line of thought. I already knew who was at the door; the indomitable Temi. She has a special way of knocking--too much of spy and military movies, I can't blame her.

My ear drums awaited the shrilling voice of my mom which I knew would call out to me soon to inform me of Temi's arrival.

As I predicted, shouts of "Dubem!!" rented the air, "Dubem" is my native name, she prefers that to "Sam" while my father goes for "Sam" which he claims connects him to his "root"--not like his real roots, has an unflinching love for Westlife movies and all.

My mom's ability of talking without any microphone in a place where it's required, yet commanding the attention of the audience made her feel like a superhero.

She would often brag about having a "Cathedral voice" when we complain of her "shouting prowess which could wake a man on anaesthesia" but as I would love to stare at her and give the "are you kidding me ?" face, I would always find myself smiling and admiring the great woman of a mother instead.

I slid down the stair rails leading to the sitting room downstairs, buttoning up the last button of my shirt at the end of the rail and there was Temi, chubby as always with her black headphones in her right hand standing in front of my mom with her cheeks held by my mom who was throwing question after question at her--you know, questions like "how are you, my baby", "how's your mom?,I didn't see her in our last women's meeting".

She was obviously getting shy and her reddened cheek smile reminded me of the little China doll I used when I was little(don't give me that look, my mom did the picking for me).

When Mom was done, exchanging pleasantries with her, Temi moved towards me, having an unconscious blushing smile from the whole emotional saga pulled up by mom.

I'm used to mom's show of love, I without doubt believe that she can peck me in front of my classmates regardless of my age and class, she fondling with Temi's cheeks is a tip off the iceberg.

Maybe my cornered smile made Temi feel I was mocking her "baby show"(which of course, I was doing unconsciously) because as I came forward to greet her, she gave out a devilish smile but before my brain neurones could process her facial expression, her "fufu" shaped hands were already squeezing tight my palm, I whimpered out in pain.

I have given up trying to act like a "man" in this kind of situation coz Temi is the kind of person that will never stop until she feels that her "mission objective" which is to inflict you with "pain" is fulfilled. My mom turned towards our direction and gave out a chuckle;

"Temi baby, stop bothering your brother, Osmosis is enough trouble already"

The mention of "Osmosis" sent my stomach on the 4th of July sensation, that feeling you have after eating thirty seven wraps of chocolate candies coz your mom and dad are on the other side watching the fireworks display. My mom knew I was being bullied by Osmosis, but she didn't see it as something serious, I didn't let her see it as anything serious. Temi slowly released her grip on my hand and ruffled my hair with her hand.

I looked up to mom to come to my rescue but she intentionally avoided eye contact with a mischievous smile stuck to her face. I gave up on receiving "backup" from Mom, Temi was already climbing the stairs towards my room so I followed suit.

"And this is the last day of school, I'm so......happy", she trailed off and went back on again.

I looked at her and smiled mischievously, she frowned her face in a playful manner. She trailed off because she had to, to avoid using the "f word" which she is used to and wanted to stop. I think it's from too much American movies that she watched.

I turned backwards as I approached the door of my room, Mom was arranging the table for the morning breakfast.

Temi was already lying on my bed as if she owns the bed with me, her bag, she flipped to the chair, Mr. Jones, one of my imaginary friends was sitting on before. I took up my perfume and was spraying it.

"Do you think Osmosis will do something mischievous today?", I asked awkwardly.

I turned back as no response came forth, that was when I realised that I just talked in vain coz she was in "another realm", realm of music to be specific. She had her headphones on and was swaying her arms to the melody of the song she was listening to. When she realised that I might have said something to her, she pulled off the headphone.

"Huh?, What did you say?", she asked, still moving her arms to the rhythm of the song.

"I asked if you..." I was sharply interrupted as mom called out to us to come down and have breakfast.

We both picked up our school bags and went down. My little sister was already seated at the dinner table, poking the egg with her fork. She sneered at Temi and Temi sneered back at her.

The two were just cats and dogs, well, me...I was just the rat-age wasn't a factor here. She is the cat that pesters my life. I have always thought of how delighted I would be, if I come home one day and Dad tells me that he has "shipped" Mmasi away-"What Joy Shall Fill my Heart".

"Mmasi, greet your sister and stop being a knucklehead", Mom frowned at her. Temi is so close to the family that Mom takes her as our sibling, she is not only my childhood friend, her mom and mine were childhood friends too, I guess that's why the bond is too tight. She joins us to eat whenever she visits.

"Good morning, young lady", she greeted Temi in the "best way" possible. I chuckled, my little sister's behaviour never ceases to amaze me, she acts above her age. Temi fondled with Mmasi's left cheek in response to the greeting-cold greeting to be exact.I couldn't help but notice a little babyish smile that pulled up her face when her cheek was fondled, a child will still be a child, I guess.

Mom left us to attend to other things, she only joins us at the dinning table when Dad is around, and at the moment, Dad was away on a business trip. We hurried over the food and went off towards to the door.

"Bye!!, mom", I shouted. We didn't wait for a response before we went off to school. Mmasi's primary school had closed for the session, which meant she would be staying at home with Mom.

We decided to walk instead of taking a taxi since it was the last day-moreover, I won't like to grow old in the traffic like I do every day. Lagos traffic can make you remember the events of the thirtieth day of the second month of the previous year.

I was almost hopping as though I was "drunk with new wine". Well, I was, with the "wine of excitement". I wasn't the only one drunk, something was drunk with bad fate!--MY MORNING!!(lol, I think I overreacted there).

๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…๐Ÿ”…

Fufu: a locally prepared food made from cassava. It is regarded as "garri" in its fine state. When prepared, it is eaten with soup.

Bab terkait

  • The Variable Life of Sam   2. Manning up, not for me

    We walked to school, walking as though the world doesn't exist. I guess we were basking in the euphoria of the last day of school, I was almost sure I heard "one jam of a song playing in the background"(it certainly sounded like John Cena's theme song) and we "walking in slow motion, Temi flinging her long hair like fashion models while I took my time to take steps like that of a gangster who got "promoted to gang leader's lieutenant position".The jam playing in the background ended abruptly with a "rewind tune" as I sighted Osmosis and his gang of friends on their bicycles, riding to school.(coughs)Before I forget, Temi doesn't have long hair but braids--wild imaginations sure take a toll on me a lot.Most unlikely, my brain popped up Mr. James, at this moment...the least person I needed to see was Mr. James, he would go on about knowing your rights and all and sure did it this time, he was like "Stand your gro

    Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-08-27
  • The Variable Life of Sam   3. #Egg_Smash

    Courtesy of my gracious heart, I won't like to bore you guys to death with the detailed description of how the last morning assembly for the term went. I know curious fellows that don't mind the saying, "Curiosity kills the cat" will be asking how boring the morning assembly was and what made it boring. For their sake, I will grace thee with few cups of water from the ocean of boredom."It's with immeasurable indulgence that I desire to welcome to the "dies ultima" of school for this term. I can conspicuously notice the glistening merry visages of you all and with absolute gratitude, we venerate God Almighty for his altruistic provision of life inter alia to which we tentatively..."I almost slept off for a moment there. I can't believe I have bored myself with this long talk, I guess it's "readers first". Such are "all in a day's job" for Mr. Okon, our small stature principal who derives joy from the attention he receives from students as

    Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-08-27
  • The Variable Life of Sam   4. The In-between

    I will gladly take up the argument that two weeks during school session and two weeks during holidays are not the same.The way time went(quite an understatement)...spinned (now we're talking) off fast baffled me.I watch the seconds-hand move, reassuring myself that we weren't in "Spy Kids: All the Time in World" situation--you know, sci-fi has a knuckle for coming true sometimes, like that of Teleportation did, It is now a possible way of transportation developed by Elon Musk.Though it's not yet available for public use, Elon Musk Group of Companies are on a contract funded by the United Nations, to install the "transport tube" at least two par street in every country of the world. The transport tube through a mechanised process of cell division brings the body to the lowest unit of life; that is "cells" and then through a process called "hyperventilation", morphs back the cells toget

    Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-08-27
  • The Variable Life of Sam   5. How not to Meet Jenny

    "Honey bunny, hope you've packed in, a toothbrush,you don't want to be using chewing sticks, do you?", Mom asked with all concern, as she was packing in snacks in one of my bags."Yeah, mom...did that like last week, remember?", I looked up and at that instant, she had the same concerned look, Mary, Sheldon's mom from the "Young Sheldon" series would have some times."What of mosquito net, would you be taking that, you know mosquitoes can be very...""Moommm", I grumbled, giving her the "I'm fine" look"it's alright, my baby", she smiled wryly, the smile itself was radiating worry.Mmasi came down from her room in her pyjamas, leaned against the door post of my room."Mom, Dubem is leaving today, right?""Yes, my dear. Will you like to accompany him to school?", mom asked, zipping up the bag she was packing stuffs in, before."Yeah, of course....on the day pigs will fly", she bluntly replied as she turned sluggishly towards the bathroom."...and probably become the George of the Jungle

    Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-08-27
  • The Variable Life of Sam   6. 9-1-1, Emergency!

    Fast forward to the bus trip, I had not recovered from the embarrassment, my cheeks were still red. Temi had given up pretense and was releasing muffled laughs, she would look from where she was seating, chuckle and turn back, Jenny did not behave as though a mother petting her 16 years old son in S.S1 was anything related to Old Uncle Weird, she just kept on smiling...as before.The bus lined up like a convoy starting from S.S.3 down to J.S.S.3, with different buses for art and science classes too, our Principal sure spared no expense--well, that's the official version; the unofficial, he's a chronic showoff.All the drivers were maintaining a pace as instructed by the school each filing up behind the other, we were probably gonna contribute a tally to the overwhelming traffic.I was seating at the second to the last seat by the right, particularly by the window side.Since we were assigned seats, Temi go

    Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-08-27
  • The Variable Life of Sam   7. EGUNGUN, be Careful

    A SHORT NOTE ON THE TITLE'S MEANINGSome might be confused on what the title means. it's a song title from a Fiji Nigerian musician, Obesere. On the completion of the warning in the song's lyrics, it says "Egungun, be careful, na express you dey go". This simply warns Egungun, the persona(a Yoruba masquerade) in the song to be careful that he's going on an expressway. I guess you can be pretty much figure out the proverbial meaning yourself?ENJOY!!??????????????Dingggg!!!!My heart took on his heels until the arteries and capillaries, he was connected drew him back."What kind of alarm is this!?", I asked furiously to no one in particular, holding my chest as my heart was still pounding. Others in my room woke up too, well...less g

    Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-08-27
  • The Variable Life of Sam   8. Push ups, Number Swaps and Coco Pops

    We have established the fact that I barely escaped there-goes-a-nerdy-pervert tag(didn't have the heart to make that, a cliffhanger), now moving back to the morning exercise.It was something I had never experienced. I saw my heart leave me and walk back to the hostel. Coupled with the fact that I was troubled about the event that took place that morning, it was just terrible.We started with running round the upper field five times, it was like a group of people running a marathon. I tried blocking out the thoughts of being jostled and stampeded by people until I turn flat like the cartoon characters, Tom and Jerry when slammed flat by an object or something.No wonder, they asked people if they had any health challenges coz the health challenged had their mild exercising activities going on on the farther end of the field. Before we could finish with that, the sun was already coming up, should be around 5:57am o

    Terakhir Diperbarui : 2020-08-27
  • The Variable Life of Sam   9. Chyking Gone Wrong

    *Chyking* is a slang for wooing a lady??????????????After the weekend, the next thing that came up on Monday was the Orientation, where bunch of people with microphones churn out objectives, acknowledgements, dos and don'ts, blah blah blah. The upshot, it's where Boredom hugs people and signs his sleep signature as an autograph on their faces.Looking at us from the top of the school's mega auditorium where we all were sitted, we looked like an army of insects marching to conquer a cube of sugar before the owner of the house sweeps it away.The "good boys and girls" came with pen and jotter to note down things, while some boys were looking for where the pretty girls were sitting.The whole place was up in a cacophony that I could barely hear my thoughts, a very bad place to

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Bab terbaru

  • The Variable Life of Sam   Author's Note

    Sam: We are at the altitude of 100 feets above mean sea level. Prepare for touch down. All seat belts should be tightened.Osmosis: (looks up from the novel, "The Variable Life of Sam" that he's reading and stares blankly at Sam, clears throat, says nothing as he goes back to the book)Sam: Flight 201. Requesting permission for landing. Over.Osmosis: (glares at him, switches on the transistor radio) All alighting at Daviferous Humour Station. We have reached our destination. Remember to take along, your bags and luggage. Thank you for journeying with us.Sam: (alights and stretches himself) Finally, a touch of the open sky. Lemme go have meself, a well deserved meal.Osmosis: (raises an eyebrow) Where do you think you are going to?

  • The Variable Life of Sam   Epilogue (The Benefit Boyz Saga)

    A Short Note on the Meaning of "Benefit Boyz""Benefit Boyz" is a trending phrase on social media (as of 2020) in Nigeria. It is used to refer to S.S.3 students who got rich(bought cars and the rest) during the lockdown period and thus, when they resumed school to write their WAEC exams, they became "lords". But well, the reality of this, is largely unconfirmed. Enjoy.???????????????Temi: Mic's on. Hello, guys. Welcome to...Sam: (looks up from the video game that he's playing)Temi, It ain't a video. (more to himself) I wonder how this book would have turned out if I had included your POVs in the main chapters.Temi: I heard that!(waits for him to resume the game. Shakes his arms violently as soon as he doe

  • The Variable Life of Sam   22. The End or the End of the Beginning?

    Oprah Winfrey once said, "'Great Expectations', a book written by Charles Dickens in all its beauty and my ignorance of the contents therein, forgot the sweet, sensational and great expectation of going home".It was the great day I had waited on from the first week of this tourist programme, the day to finally go home.The departure day was just like arrival. Students were excited and everywhere was busing with activities.A brief "Vote of Thanks" programme was conducted before we were allowed to go. Also, presentation of prizes to their winners.By prizes, they also acknowledged those who pioneered different clubs that night, meaning that Everly got awarded for the pioneering a club and winning the event game."Certificate of Participation" was presented to all those that played in the Hunger Games event.Schools started leaving once the programme was over as they were t

  • The Variable Life of Sam   21. The Hunger Games: Kiss or Kill?

    There has been one common theme in the theatrical history from time immemorial; "The Antagonist's Speech".Dr. Thanos Doomsday (Bs.C, Ph.D, Mc.U, Dc.U, An.T) in his famous monologue said and I quote;"What is a villain without his villainous tales?Or an antagonist without his antithesis?For to see a villain is to see a poetBefore his last act of mischief to serve in a trayHis evil masterminded plans to relayTo the awe of the captured protagonistAs he bemoans his clouded perception by the evil mistHave you ever heard of "good mastermind" before?For long have we been margi..."Unfortunately, he was shot three times in the head with a "Stormbreaker M14" by an U.N.N agent(not to be mistaken for a tertiary institution in Nigeria, click 70765 times for disambiguation), Agent Stark before he could finish his monologue. Our condolences go to the family especially his now widowed wife, Mrs. Hela.Coming to us, we blame the antagonists for their foolishness as they waste precious time th

  • The Variable Life of Sam   20. The Hunger Games: Good Riddance, Fella

    Newton's third law of motion states that "when one body exerts a force on a second body, the second body simultaneously exerts a force equal in magnitude and opposite in direction on the first body".Here in this case, I was the second body. She was the body that exerted the force. Well, as the law states, I exerted a force equal in magnitude which sent her landing to the ground in the opposite direction. Talk about practical science.On a reflex reaction to the announcement, I cocked my gun and had it facing her as she was still on the ground.She squinted her eyes as she lay still with hands raised shielding her face (we had helmets on though) in anticipation of the pellet that would hit her.My heart melted instantly. I couldn't bring myself to shoot her. My years of PUBG failed me there. To further complicate things, I recognised her to be the pretty leader of the psychology club from that night.

  • The Variable Life of Sam   19. The Hunger Games: May the Odds be "Miss Everly" in Your Favour

    Did they save the best for last?, well, they did. As much as I would love to barge into the story, I won't, without our daily dose of creative start--talk of young habits growing grey hairs.Churchill Winston once said, "Life is like a suya. Sweet to the eyes. Sweet on the tongue. It is so sweet that you continue reading this quote without realising that I don't know what in the heavens, a suya is!".Let's go one more, shall we?There are two things that are the heart desires of every Goodnovel reader.The first one is most important, while the second would be considered the less.The first one is the ability to go through chapters without those annoying video ads playing up.You weren't expecting that, were you? But since when did most humans start getting their priorities right?Just kidding, the second is the most important--well, depends on who you ask though, I don't think those that have watched every single "Cinderella Story" movies would agree with me on that.You know what?, w

  • The Variable Life of Sam   18. "Battle of Wits: War Against Bullies"

    For today's daily dose of creative start, we will be looking at: "The Writer as a Basketball Player".Without doubt, our daily dose of Creative Start was "inspired" by the great African literary giant, Chinua Achebe's work: "The Novelist as a Teacher".There comes a time in the life of a writer that, that basket-like waste-bin is filled with crumpled papers, each page screaming "writer's block!" as they nosedive their way into the waste-bin--let's all ensure that their life be recycled for...a better nosedive tomorrow, this time screaming "9-years-old-4.5-ft-tall, brown-eyes-coloured-boy's phlegm".I didn't promise to make any sense, did I?. I only said it was "inspired"... Well, we cannot deny the fact that there is a "sense" in "non-SENSE", with that, we will quadratically simplify to bring out the "sense" in the "nonsense"I, as a writer was at that point. Well, though pages weren't screaming their way into the waste-bin, a blank space had been staring at me dejectedly as I type and

  • The Variable Life of Sam   17. Campfire: History's Rappers and Bible's Scientific Psychologists

    There are as many philosophies in life as there are jellof rice in a Nigerian wedding party. Two of these philosophies have always intrigued me. One being the "Philosophies of Reviews". E. Thade once said, "Reviews are like the mirror that reflects our true self. A man that cannot do his reviews cannot fend for his family".Don't think too much about it, it isn't as "awesome" as you think. Just meet that weirdo guy in that Wattpad book club of yours that is hammering on doing your reviews like...like that carpenter that lives on Drury Lane.The second being the "Philosophy of Creative Start". Speaking on that, Euphrates said, "A dive into the actual contents of a work without beating around the bush, not considering whether the bush is a different one from that to be hunted on, is like taking a bath more than once in a year".You should have pretty much figured out by now that I was just churning out a bunch of nonsense. And yup, that was my own creative start--you can argue that with

  • The Variable Life of Sam   16. Campfire: Hollywood's Poetic Footballers

    The next remarkable event on the list was the night we camped outside under the open sky, that was on the Saturday of the second week.Oh, and for Osmosis, he was now one of our friends. We all(Temi, Jenny, Thelma, Hillary, Lasisi, Osmosis and I) were gang of friends. Temi found it hard to comprehend what happened to Osmosis, but she later came in terms with the change and ooh, some weird stuffs was happening too.Osmosis was crushing on Temi, Temi was crushing on Lasisi, Lasisi was crushing on Jenny, Hillary was crushing on Temi, I too was crushing on Jenny(old news, I know), Jenny was crushing on ...emm...I don't know while Thelma was crushing on me(at least, that's what Hillary keeps saying while Jenny would punch him to that effect). Really weird, huh?Well, that was how we saw things. That aside. To the story of the day, we go.It wasn't really an outdoor camping, it was an activity meant to last from

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