Beginning

After taking the train to the City Hall Station that brought us here in Manhattan's Civic Center, the New York City Flag hoisted high caught my attention. While the male tourist guide is accompanying us all the way to Brooklyn Bridge, Indra called me.

"Amorelle, kuhanan mo ako ng litrato dito dali," she excitedly beamed while giving me her light blue polaroid.

She made a different pose, grinning from ear to ear and flexing her long down puffer coat, fringe scarf, skinny jeans and suede booties. Nakangiti ito nang malawak at mukhang masayang masaya sa ginagawa.

"Ang ganda…" Manghang manghang wika niya sa mga litratong nakuha ko habang naglalakad kami rito sa Washington Street.

I was in awe when we arrived and started walking here in Brooklyn Bridge. The views around this bridge that connects two great New York City boroughs, Manhattan and Brooklyn are very phenomenal. The whole place is in between different beautiful architectures.

"Paano ba 'yan? Sa susunod hindi mo na ako makakasamang pumunta rito, Amor." Natatawang wika niya pero hindi maikakaila na sa likod ng boses na 'yon ay may bahid ng lungkot.

"Hindi na ba talaga pwedeng mabago, Indra?" umaasang tanong ko, nagbabakasakali.

Mapait itong ngumiti sa akin.                       

"This is my fate. I need to accept it wholeheartedly, cous. Pagkatapos ng araw na 'to wala na...tapos na," halos maubos ang boses niya ng sabihin niya 'yon. Hindi ko maiwasang humiling na sana sa pagkakataong 'to, nagkamali lang ng desisyon ang tadhana.

"B-Baka may magagawa pa tayo—

"Ano ka ba, Amorelle! Pinapaiyak mo na naman ako, e. Do you remember that we went here in New York to celebrate my last day? Mag enjoy na lang tayo kasi marami pa tayong pupuntahan," sinubukan kong ngumiti kahit na mahirap at pagkatapos ay kinuhanan siya ng iba't ibang litrato.

This is the main reason why I love taking photographs of someone important to me. That person might be gone but photos will be a lifetime evidences that can make their memories alive.

Sinubukan ko ring kuhanan ng litrato ang iba't ibang New York landmark's and areas habang naglilibot ng tingin. This bridge offers a great view of different veritable work of Art including the Empire State building and Statue of Liberty. This made this place very special and a glorious public space not just an engineering triumph.

After of almost an hour of walking, we headed to Sweetgreen to order her favorite organic salad. She’s a vegetarian ever since before. She’s also the one who influenced me to quit my unhealthy habits.

"Nakakainis! Final na ba talaga 'to? Wala ng bawian? Tegi na agad? Paano ba ako mamamatay nito pagkatapos?" reklamo niya habang kumakain kami. We didn't mind the people looking at us. Hindi rin naman siguro nila naiintindihan ang sinasabi ng pinsan ko.

"Hindi ko pa nakikilala ang soulmate ni Amorelle, e! Napakadaya naman," pagpapatuloy n'ya pa at pagkatapos ay hinagip yung kamay ko. Mabilis ko naman 'yong binawi mula sa kanya.

"When will you find him? Bakit ayaw mong ipakita sa'kin yung marka na nakasulat?"

Hindi ko magawang makapagsalita dahil sa sinabi n'ya.

Napatingin ako sa dalawang palad ko. Here in this world, we are all born having this clock birthmark which indicates the date of love and the date of death. The date written on my right palm is the time when will I find my soulmate. On the opposite palm indicates the exact date of my death. We live in a world where everything is predicted. Cruel isn't it?

"M-Matagal pa naman Indra. T-Tsaka ayoko munang isipin," sagot ko bago ibinalik ang tingin sa pagkain.

My cousin is five years older than me. I never called her ate since she preferred being called by her first name only. She's also a CPA Lawyer who lost her boyfriend because of a road accident two years ago.

Pagkatapos nang mahabang oras ng paglilibot namin sa New York City, sumakay na kami ng eroplano pabalik ng Pilipinas. Naghihintay sa amin si daddy sa airport dala ang kanyang van para sunduin kami.

"Kamusta ang hangin sa New York? Nag enjoy ba kayo?" tanong niya na katulad ko ay nalulungkot na rin.

Hinubad ni Indra ang kanyang suot na mahabang puffer coat bago tumingin sa amin.

"Yes naman, tito. Hayaan mo pupunta ulit kami r'on ni Amorelle sa sunod. Right, cousin?" she laughed at her own joke. Wala sa sariling tumango ako.

Pagkabuhat ni Daddy sa mga bagahe namin, pumwesto na kami sa backseat. It's already 10:00 pm. Mom texted us asking where we are because she prepared a dinner.

"Kamusta ang pakiramdam mo?" Nag aalala kong tanong sa pinsan ko. I'm still clueless about everything that will happen next. Natatakot ako kung sakaling mangyari na naman yung bagay na madalas naming iniiwasan noon.

"I'm alright and please, calm down." Pinisil n'ya ang kamay ko para pakalmahin ako.

"I already told you that it's my fate. At kahit anong mangyari, hindi natin 'to pwedeng takasan. This is the end for me, Amorelle. I wish that you'll be very happy spending all the years with the person that you'll love."

I felt hot salty droplets in my cheeks while holding her hand. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kaliwang palad n'ya.

"Dala siguro 'to ng hangin sa New York. Masyado tayong pinagod ng lugar na 'yon. Iidlip lang ako ng kaunti, cous. Gisingin mo na lang ako pagnakarating na tayo."

Indra lied to me. She told me that she will just take a nap without knowing that it will be a permanent sleep. Just like what happened before, I lost a cousin again.

Iyak nang iyak si mommy habang pinapatahan siya ni daddy pagkarating namin rito sa bahay. It's too hard seeing them in this kind of painful situation. Dumating yung iba naming kamag anak mula sa ibang bansa. Nagkulong naman ako sa kwarto habang umiiyak. Indra is not just my closest cousin. She's also a sister for me. We grew up with each other. She was always there to enlighten me during those points when I'm so fucked up with my decisions.

According to them, we live in a lucky world. They also said that finding your soulmate is the most awaited part of growing up. It will totally give you an everlasting love and a genuine happiness. In my case, I considered this world as a curse. I keep on asking myself why we have to live in a world having these two birthmarks on our palm to rule our lives.

It's been a week since Indra died. I'm in the middle of staring at her photos in her blue polaroid when someone enters my room.

Nang mag angat ako ng tingin ay nakita ko ang pinsan kong si Aziel.

"Everything happened is just normal, Amor. Among our family members, you're the only one who locked and caged yourself inside this room. Indra will probably get mad at you," he consoled before putting the straw in the binggrae he's holding.

"Drink it. I travelled Korea just to buy that."

Tinanggap ko naman 'yon para gumaan ang loob ko kahit papaano.

"Thanks, Az."

"Can I see the date in your palm? I'll just find your soulmate so you'll not be alone, here."

Lumapit siya sa akin para sana kuhanin ang kamay ko pero mabilis kong iniwas 'yon mula sa kanya.

"Az, lumayo ka." I warned that made him chuckled.

"Alright, I gave up. Just go outside and take a bath. Mabaho ka na." Pagsisinungaling n'ya bago ginulo ang buhok ko.

Out of curiosity, nahawakan ko ang palad n'ya bago tiningnan kung ano ang date na nakasulat dito.

"You'll see her today?"

He plastered a wide smile after I asked that question.

"Ofcourse, Amor. Today is a very special day. Nakita ko siya, kanina lang."

Tumango naman ako. This is maybe the reason why his smile is very different.

Katulad nang sinabi ni Aziel, lumabas na ako ng kwarto at nagbihis. Nagpaalam ako kay mommy na pupunta ng photo lab para magpadevelop ng pictures ni Indra mula sa mga luma n'yang camera. This is what I promised to her before she died. I'm going to make a hand-made album.

"Sweetheart, ayos ka lang ba? Maputla ka," puna ni daddy habang nakaupo kaming dalawa ngayon sa frontseat. Sa likod namin ay si Aziel at Lissy na kanina pang nakatingin sa mga palad nila.

"A-Ayos lang po," tipid na sagot ko.

"Amor, look at this. Parehong pareho."

Nilingon ko ang pinsan ko na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin makapaniwala. The two of them have an identical clock birthmark in their right palms meaning to say that they are really destined for each other.

I remember what mom told me the last time. Two people with different clock birthmarks will never end up with each other. It will always be the fate's choice. If you tried to change your destiny then it is just a waste of time.

—because no matter how much you tried to change something, everything will act according to what's bound to happen.

On the other hand, there are also some people who are born with no birthmarks in their right palm. It only means one thing —they are born to stay single until the end. The good thing about having this blank birthmark is, luck follows all throughout their way that will give them a secure future and a successful career.

Nakasunod sa akin si Daddy hanggang sa makarating kami rito sa photo lab at naghihintay. Maya maya pa ay nagpaalam ako na gagamit lang ng comfort room sandali.

"Shit, sorry." Napatingin ako sa suot kong puting hoodie na ngayon ay natapunan ng kape.

"Wait here, I'll just get something," nagmamadaling wika ng lalaki na mabilis na nakaalis sa harapan ko. Hindi ko tuloy nagawang maaninag ang mukha n'ya.

"You're so careless, Amorelle. Sinong may gawa n'yan?" tanong ni Aziel na hindi ko namalayang nasa harap ko na pala. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagawa n'ya pa kong sermonan matapos makita ang sitwasyon ko ngayon.

"Hindi ko nakita."

Pagkatapos kong sabihin 'yon, dumerecho na lang ako ng comfort room para mag alis ng jacket at magtali ng buhok. Mabuti na lang at may suot akong white shirt sa loob. Pagkalabas ko ay nakasandal si Aziel sa pader at naghihintay pa rin sa akin. Hinanap naman ng mga mata ko si Lissy.

"Bakit ka nakasunod sa akin?" nagtatakang tanong ko.

"I just want to know how you will meet him so there's already someone who would watch you for me. At isa pa, nakakapagtaka lang na ilang beses ka ng natapunan ng kuno ano ano pero hindi mo pa rin alam kung sino ba ang may gawa sa'yo n'yan."

That hit me hard. I wasn't able to look at the guy's face again who accidentally spilled the cup of coffee in front of me.

"Could it be your soulmate? Your other half? The one—

I immediately cut him off.

"It's impossible. S-Stop concluding things without valid evidences, Aziel!" naiinis kong sagot dahil kanina pa s'yang tanong ng tanong.

“Don’t you trust my instinct?”

“No, I don’t.”

"Why are you mad?"

I heaved a deep sigh before looking at him.

"A-Ayoko s'yang makilala," sagot ko habang pinipilit na itago ang matinding kaba sa boses.

"Don't say that, Amor."

Halos magtubig naman ang mga mata ko nang mapatingin ulit ako sa dalawang palad ko.

I remember that all of my friends during high school days are all excited to see their other half which is very opposite to me. Maybe some of them are wondering why I always avoided the topic every time that they're asking me when I will find that person who had the identical clock birththmark as mine.

Kung pwede ko lang pahintuin ang oras para hindi dumating ang araw na 'yon. Ayokong makita at makilala ang lalaking nakatadhana para sa akin dahil ang araw na 'yon ang pinakakinatatakutan ko.

The moment our paths crossed, I'll die after.

—because the dates engraved in my two palms are similar.