Chapter Two

Tim went back to her apartment feeling as if she was out of her mind. Her knees felt like limp noodles, and she couldn’t even walk properly because of what happened back at the audition venue. She couldn’t even remember how she was able to get out of there. What she only knew was, and what was running in her mind was that why the scene on the script was the same scene that she experienced that night. 

Was it only an accident that her role was Anika? Was it only an accident that she had the same characteristics and personality with that character? Because if it were only coincidental, then she was lucky if that was the case. 

She immediately lied down on her bed after feeling a sharp pain on her head. She could still feel the dried tears on her cheeks because of how much she cried a while ago. She was utterly confused. It was like her memories were tangled inside her head. She felt like destiny was playing games on her.

Tim massaged her temples before shutting her eyes close, feeling the beating of her heart that even when hours had already passed, was still hard. It was adamant to give her a hard time.  

She wanted to cry, but it seemed like there were no more tears left to cry. Her eyes were already tired from crying. Her mind was already tired as well. It was already tired thinking about the possible reasons why things were happening. 

She really just wanted to rest.

Her string of thoughts was cut off when she felt the vibration of her cell phone that was inside her pocket.

She grabbed ito, and saw that there was a text message from Harper. She pouted because of it. It even took her minutes just staring at the screen of her cellphone, her every breath was still heavy. Was she ready to read whatever Harper had texted her? Because if she were to be asked, she still wasn’t ready to read her text message because she knew that if ever they didn’t like her performance, Harper would really tell her.

Tim wasn’t ready to hear the truth because in reality, she was utterly tired deep inside her. She wasn’t scared of the truth. It was just that she still wanted to take a rest before knowing what those people thought of her. 

But even when that was the case, she still knew  that she needed to read the text message because it could be something important that she wanted to tell her, especially when Harper wasn’t the kind of person who liked small talk. She remembered once, the girl told her that it was tiring typing a text message that wasn’t really that important. It was a waste of time and energy, she said. 

She was left with no choice but to read the text message, in case it was really something important. Maybe it was an emergency as well. Who knew? Gathering a deep breath, she opened the text message, still feeling the hard thudding of her heart.

    ‘Girl, you’re very amazing. You got the scene well! They were very happy about you, especially the screenwriters. Let’s have dinner Friday night? I’ll just finish my paperwork,’ it read. Even after reading that, her chest was still heavy. They liked her performance, but she was still feeling bad. 

She got the scene well, they said. How wouldn't she when that scene was literally identical to what she just experienced before? 

It took her minutes just staring at the screen of her cellphone, thinking of what she could reply to her. Her mind was blank, and even when it was literally good news, she couldn’t find the will to be happy about it. 

Her body felt like she was intoxicated. Maybe it was better that she was truly intoxicated because she’d have a reason to explain what she felt as it was hard when she couldn’t really grasp the questions that she was trying to answer. 

Tim breathed deeply before sitting on her bed. She roamed her eyes in the entirety of her room. It wouldn’t focus on anything else so she closed her eyes tightly instead.

“Fuck you, Raph,” she cursed.

Why wouldn’t you let me be? 

It had already been years since they broke up, but he would still appear in her mind from time to time even with her attempt to forget him, and now that she was no longer thinking much about him, the thing that she never thought would happen happened. 

She wasn’t hoping that they’d get back together. She even had no idea where on Earth he was, and she also had no care towards him any longer. The feeling of love that she felt for her before was no longer there, but why? Why was she still affected by him? By that memory?

Maybe that would really happen, especially when he left her just like that. He left her when she still had a lot of love to give. 

Breathing deeply, she started typing a reply for Harper.

'Thank you, babe. I’ll accept the dinner invitation if it’s your treat hehehehe. You know. I still don’t have the cash.'

The girl immediately agreed without saying more about it as she was already used to her since Tim was strict when it came to her budget. Moreover, she also couldn’t afford the restaurant that Harper liked in the first place. They usually ate in fancy and expensive restaurants, but whenever they invited her, it would always be a treat since she had no enough money to pay. 

She still wasn’t ready to spend money on things that weren’t really that important, especially when she barely had any money left from her salary working as a call center agent. If she’d force herself to spend, then she’d starve, and she’d ask Ngel for help once again. Even when the guy kept on telling her that he was happy whenever he got to help her, Tim still felt bad and indebted because she would constantly ask him for help. 

Whenever she had a financial problem, she would run to Ngel and Harper for help because after everything that had happened, they were willing to help her. She needed to lend money in order to survive. 

However, she said that once she landed on a high-paying job, she’d re-pay them immediately, and she’d buy them anything that they wanted, even when they could afford those things.

She promised to herself that she’d return back the favor that they had given her no matter what it’d take. 

Days had passed, and she spent almost all of her time in her room. She’d only go out to buy herself food to eat. What she was doing in that span of time was binge watching her favorite series again. She wanted to think about different things, what happened back at the audition, what happened that time, the memories that Raph and her shared, everything. She  wanted to feel every bit of pain there was to feel so that when the time came and expected things happened, she was already prepared and ready.

It was already Friday when she remembered the dinner invitation from Harper. She hadn’t heard anything from that girl again, but it was no longer a strange thing, especially when the girl was a very busy person. She knew that the dinner would still happen, though, because she’d say so otherwise.

She looked at the time, and saw that she still had five hours before seven. She still had a few more hours for herself, so that she could think about things that were making her feel bad.

Even when there were a lot of things that were running in her mind, she didn’t realize that she had already drifted to sleep soundly. Luckily, she had no nightmares which was something to be thankful for. Her legs were sore, though.

I stretched my arms before looking at the time again. It was almost seven in the evening so she hurriedly took a half bath, and dressed in her normal clothes. She didn’t bother putting some makeup on, and dressing too fancy because they’d only be there to eat.  

She locked the door of her apartment before riding a jeepney to reach their meetup place. While she was inside the jeepney, she could feel the malicious stare that the two guys sitting across her were giving her. She was certain that they were younger than her, as they looked like college students. It wasn’t something that she experienced for the first time, but it didn’t mean that she was already alright with it. It still made her feel disgusted and scared, especially when she could see from her peripheral vision how they stared at her, at her legs. 

What she could do was to stop thinking about what they could possibly be thinking as they stared at her that way. 

That was one of the reasons why she told herself that she’d really buy her own car once her savings were already enough, even when the car that she’d buy wasn’t even that fancy. She just really wanted to avoid those kinds of people whenever she was commuting because it had already happened a lot of times. There were even times when they’d touch her leg or brush their arm against the side of her boobs. It wasn’t just the perverted stares that she got. It was utterly traumatizing, but what could she do? She didn’t have any other mode of transportation.

I chose not to give them my attention, and immediately went off the jeepney, especially when she heard some perverted remarks from them. She couldn’t help but sigh, and chose not to look back. 

Men will be men.

When I was finally off the jeepney, I saw Harper walking out of her car as well. I immediately waved at her before walking towards her direction. 

They went into the restaurant, and her companion was saying something about a perverted driver in the road, which she couldn’t really grasp that much as her mind was somewhere else. 

They just talked about things in their lives while sitting, and waiting for their food to be served. The girl said that there were really a lot of people who auditioned, and they were forced to change the cut off or else they’d all be exhausted to death. There were auditions for minor roles, but as far as she knew, the ones who would be playing as the main roles were already fixed, and a lot of them were new faces just like her. 

That was also the reason why the series had already gotten a lot of attention even when the first episode hadn’t even been released yet. The Second Time Around was the title of the series. As they said, "The series is one big attempt of producers to step out of the Philippine drama's grasp."

She was really happy that she’d be part of the new faces that would be part of the Philippine entertainment, especially when it had been her life-long dream since she was still young, It was her dream to help the Philippines to have films that were new as she could see that the movies that were shown in the television had repetitive concepts. She could really say that The Second Time Around was the Philippine Entertainment’s small step towards betterment of the industry..

"By the way, our screenwriter wants to talk to you,” said Harper as she chewed on the spaghetti that she was eating. She blinked at her, and immediately felt her hair rising. The thought of the script flashed between her eyes, causing her to gasp in silence.

She had forgotten about it already as she told herself not to let it affect her any longer as that thought kept on bugging her. Those lines, those familiar lines. Maybe it was only a coincidence sure. Maybe what she said that night wasn’t really identical to those written in the script.

But even when she had already convinced herself several times, there was still a big part of her that was feeling that something was wrong. Something felt...off. It was a feeling that she didn’t want to believe because she wasn’t really certain whether it was really possible for that to happen, especially when years had already passed. 

They already had their own lives. 

But if her suspicions were true, why now? Did the guy hate her so much that even after years, he still wanted to ruin her life? She didn’t even know what she could’ve done to deserve that. 

I didn’t even notice that my breathing was already very deep until Harper grabbed her by the arm. "Are you fine? You look pale. Is there anything wrong?" she asked, worry was evident in her countenance.

I blinked consecutive times before shaking her head. "Nope, I'm fine. Medyo mainit lang," pagtanggi ko rito.

“Hot? Your seat is literally in front of the air conditioner.” She looked at the aircon behind him, and immediately felt the coldness from it upon realizing. 

The look that Harper gave her was meaningful, making Tim smile in an awkward manner before letting out a small laugh. “I’m just nervous,” she said. 

"You know what, you’ve been acting strange since the audition. It's very not like you," she stated.

She pouted at her. "What am I then?"  she asked her.

The girl’s eyes rolled before pinching her cheek. "You always know what you need to do every single time, that is why it’s a rare occasion that you feel nervous." Tim’s eyebrows lifted after hearing that. "You know, you're that kind of person who just knows better most of the time. You're not easily confused with things. And you know what, you're very very fit for the role."

Once again, she felt the nervousness in her chest upon hearing that. She gave her an awkward smile, not knowing what to tell her. 

Tim gathered a deep breath before shaking her head. Her eyes dropped at her hands that were holding the spoon and fork. "You really keep on giving me too much credits," she said

Her eyes rolled once more. "Eh, I’m only speaking for the truth. By the way, speaking of, our screenwriter wants to talk to you personally."

She looked up before her eyes widened a little because of curiosity. "Who is the screenwriter? Sir Phil?"

She didn’t really know that she would be working yet. That was why she asked as sometimes, there would be multiple screenwriters in a single project. 

Never did she think that Harper’s answer would change her life, and would answer all of the questions in her mind, and confirm her suspicion.

"No, babe. The other one. You know, Raphael. Raphael Liu. He’s also the lead actor of the series, babe. He’s very handsome and fragrant."

Her world stopped when she heard that.