Novels by Peb Sy

“You’re still an early bird even until now.” The moment I heard that familiar voice that she hadn’t heard for years, I immediately felt her heart racing fast and hard against my chest as if it was wanting to get out, and to punch the guy who just talked. Huminga ako nang malalim at pinigilan ang sarili kong lumingon habang ramdam ko ang presensya ng lalaki mula sa aking likuran, naglalakad papunta sa direksyon ko. Umikot sa utak ko ang sinabi niya at may isang parte sa loob kong pinagsisihang ako ‘yong naunang nandoon. Parang nasaktan ‘yong pride ko. White polo shirt ang suot niya. Naalala kong iyon ‘yong paborito niyan

Ramdam ko ang malakas na pagkabog ng aking dibdib habang nakatitig lamang sa text message na nakuha ko galing kay Harper. Gusto kong magmura pero alam kong magtatanong lamang si Ngel kung may problema ba ako. Ayaw ko na siyang idamay pa sa mga problema ko kasi totoong nakahihiya na. Bakit ba niya ako gustong makausap? Hindi ba’t ang sabi niya sa akin ay ayaw na niya akong makita at nandidiri siya sa ‘kin? Kaya bakit?Siguro’y gusto niyang isampal sa pagmumukha ko na may utang na loob ako sa kanya, kung meron man.Now that I thought about it, nandoon ba siya noong nag-audition ako? Napanuod niya ba ang pag-iyak ko dahil sa script na sinulat niya? Iniisip ko pa lamang ang pagmumukha niyang pinagmamasdan ako ay hindi ko na mawari ang aking nararamdaman. Natuwa ba siya? Ginawa ba niya akong katuwaan? Nakakatuwa ba

“Have you lost your mind?!” pangangaral ni Harper sa ‘kin sa telepono nang sagutin ko na ang mga tawag niya. Naglalakad na ako papunta sa aking apartment, ramdam ang samu’t saring emosyon sa aking dibdib.Hindi iyon ang unang beses na napangaralan ako ni Harper kasi control freak talaga ito, lalong-lalo na kung alam nitong tama naman ang mga pinagsasabi niya.Ang ginawa ko na lamang ay tanggapin ang lahat ng iyon at tumahimik na lamang kasi alam ko rin naman sa sarili kong naging pabaya ako at wala akong excuse sa naging actions ko kagabi, kung bakit ako nagsinungaling sa kanya. Anong sasabihin ko? Na nasaktan ako kasi bumalik ang ex ko at mukhang siya ang isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit ko nakuha ang role na matagal ko nang hinihintay? Na malala kasi magkakasama kami sa set? Iyon ay ang mga bagay na kaila

Nagising ako kinabukasan nang sumasakit ang ulo. Ni hindi ko napansin na nasa loob na ako ng isang hindi pamilyar na kwarto. Kaagad ako tumayo mula sa hinihigaang kama, ramdam ang umiikot kong kalamnan. Hindi ako makapag-isip nang maayos habang hinahanap ng mga mata ang banyo. Mabuti na lamang ay natagpuan ko kaagad ito nang pinihit ko ang unang pintong aking nilapitan.Banyo!Banyo!Paulit-ulit iyon sa aking utak na parang sirang plaka.Mabilis ang aking kilos papunta sa lababo bago isinuka rito ang lahat ng pagkakamali ko kagabi. Ang boses ng aking pagsuka ay rinig na rinig sa kabuuan ng kwarto ngunit sa pagkakataong iyon ay ni kititing na pakialam ay wala ako. Sumuka ako na wari bang wala nang buk

Matagal ko nang alam na bastos kung maglaro ang tadhana. Minsan, hindi ito sumasama sa nais na gawin ng isang tao, kokontrahin at kokontrahin nito ang kung ano mang planong iyon. Minsan din, kabaliktaran, na kung iisipin ay masuwerte na kung tatawagin.Sa buhay ko ay ilang beses ko nang gustong unawain ang takbo ng tadhana ngunit nakatatawa mang isipin, tadhana na rin ang nagdidiktang ito ay kailanman hindi ko maiintindihan. Marahil ang mga utak ng tao ay may limitasyon lamang at hindi iyon maiintindihan ng isang katulad kong mas maliit pa sa tuldok kung ikukumpara sa laki ng sansinukob.Naaalala kong ang tadhana rin ang una kong naisip noong dumating si Raphael sa buhay ko dahil iyon ay hindi ko kailanman inakalang mangyayari.Masugid niya akong tagahanga dahil noong

Umuwi ako sa apartment nang balisa at wari bang wala sa pag-iisip. Nanlalambot ang aking mga tuhod at halos hindi ako makapaglakad nang maayos dahil sa nangyari roon sa audition. Ni hindi ko na matandaan kung paano ako nakalabas doon. Ang alam ko lang at ang paulit-ulit na umiikot sa utak ko ay kung bakit ang ipinabasang eksena sa akin ay ang esktaktong nangyari noong gabing iyon.Nagkataon nga lang ba talagang ako ang kinuha sa role ni Anika? Nagkataon nga ba talagang masiyado kaming magkaugali ng tauhang iyon? Kasi kung nagkataon lamang iyon, edi ang swerte ko naman kung ganoon.Kaagad akong napahiga sa aking kama nang maramdaman ang biglang pagkirot ng aking ulo. Ramdam ko pa rin sa aking pisngi ang mga butil ng luhang natuyo na dahil sa pag-iyak ko roon kanina. Lubos akong nalilito. Parang nagkabuhol-buhol na ang mga memorya sa a

For years, Timothee thought that everyone was the main character of their own lives. That even when things seemed boring from time to time, every single person in the world would always have stories to tell about their lives.After all, writers tend to only write the parts in a story that were interesting. No one wanted to read about the mundane parts of the character’s life in detail.And that was when she realized that it was just like her case as well. A lot of things had happened. Good and bad things. Maybe she was in a story as well? That was a thought that would always make her smile.“Okay, eyes on the camera, three, two, one…and action!”Her life flashed between her eyes as the camera rolled and as the lights that were set up pointed right at her—the star of the day.She was the main character for sure.Everyone was all claps and cheers the moment the scene was cut, and she was finally done for the day.

Why should love be so complicated?She tightly held her cup of coffee as she walked towards the railings of the rooftop, overlooking the view of the busy city nightlife. She chugged it down as she felt the night breeze brushing against her skin as the warm drink flowed down her throat.She took the time just staring at the view, taking time to breathe properly. Inhale, exhale. It had been a tiring day for sure, but her body still felt like she was in an adrenaline rush. Maybe it was because of the coffee, but her heart was already beating so fast that she was already catching her breath.Turning her head, she saw that there was a trash bin in the corner, which she immediately used to throw her empty coffee cup to before walking back towards the railings of the rooftop.Luckily, she was only alone there, and luckily, she wasn’t afraid of hospital ghosts, if there were any, because she couldn’t possibly stay there if she were the opposite.

Her heart was loud and clear that the beating of it was even deafening already. She said it. She already said it. All the confusion that she felt during those times when things were still way too hard for her to handle, when destiny was like trying to destroy her life, was all now washed away.It was now crystal clear. It was like she was already watching her reflection in a clear body of water, and there was no turning back already. She had already said what she had to say, and no matter what the outcome was, she knew, deep inside her heart, that what she said was the truth.Ngel was already about to say something when the door of the hospital room opened and Celestine and the rest of their family came in. Surprise was evident in their faces when they stopped talking and saw that the guy was already awake, st

His stares were even more intense after she said that. It was even like the tension inside the room was even more evident, as if she hadn't said the same thing before, as if he wasn't expecting her to talk that way.Was that really how he viewed her?Was she really that bad of a friend that it wa surprising for her to talk about stuff like that?She heard him let out a sigh, making her raise her head to meet his eyes. She saw that there was already a hint of sadness in there, making her chest pang in a sudden wave of sadness as well. For a moment, she was afraid that he was gonna bring up anything about what happened, why the accident happened, because the truth was, she didn't want to hear about that.She didn't want to hear that she might actually be the reason why that accident happened, although it was already clear that it wasn't the case because accidents were meant to beacciden

“You’re awake,” she said in disbelief. When she turned her head to look at the rest of the room, she saw that it was only her who was in there. She didn’t exactly know where his family was, but by the looks of the time on the clock, it seemed like they grabbed dinner.It was only the two of them.His eyes were loud, loud in a sense that they were trying to communicate a lot of things to her, but they were too loud for her to understand what he meant to say.Somehow, she couldn’t even help but miss those times when things weren’t complicated between the both of them, when it still wasn’t hard to read his mind.Things were already different. Way different than before.“And you’re awake as well,” he said before letting out a small smile in his face that immediately made her chest flutter.She tried her best to gather her composure back before clearing her throat. She was po

Timothee had drifted off to sleep without her noticing, her eyelids finally closed even when she was already fighting the urge to do so as she didn't want to miss Ngel waking up.it wasn't a dreamless sleep.In her dream, it was like a memory. In there, she was sitting inside a familiar. She would never forget the car because of the scent of it that was already stuck at the back of her mind. The lemony scent that was lingering in the air embraced her with nostalgia.She was no control of her body as her head turned towards the guy who was driving. She immediately recognized the scenario, the memory, but there was nothing that she could do to change how things would turn out.She memorized the memory like she memorized the back of her hand.That was when Raphael wanted to show her the surprise that he had been keeping from her, the land where they would bui

All of her life, Seleen believed that she was a mistake. Truth to be told, maybe it was really a mistake that she was even born in the world. Afterall, she was a product of an affair that shouldn’t have happened.She believed that idea as she grew up. That was why never did she ever thought of complaining about his stepfather’s behavior towards her. She thought that she deserved it, that she deserved to be hated because her existence was a mistake, and even when it had already affected her physically and mentally, she never opened her mouth to complain about it, to protect herself. The only reason why she didn’t give up even with her tragic childhood was because of her mother and sister who were so good to her that she even thought that they were angels themselves.As Seleen grew up, she didn’t have lots

Losing Seleen was almost as painful as losing Ride, maybe because it happened almost at the same time, the girl didn’t even allow him to breathe before she left without saying anything. That day when Sane went back to the rooftop, and saw that she had already left with no trace that she ever lived there, he felt as if he had grown insane. For a moment, he thought that she was just a figment of his own imagination. He thought that he had already grown insane, and for the past months, he had only imagined the girl, that she was just in his imagination all this time. But of course, that couldn’t be possible because he still had the photo that they took in the photo booth back then, and his friends, Haniel and Illiana, knew about the girl as well. He wasn’t insane. He gathered a deep breath.

What Sane really wanted at that time was to see his brother alive. He’d even kill to see him alive even for just ten seconds. He was willing to do anything just for him to be able to say his goodbye or to go to the past and watch his younger brother’s innocent face a little bit more. He wanted to stay by Seleen’s side, and cry on her shoulders, tell her everything that he felt, everything that was going on inside his mind. He wanted to tell her every regret that he felt, every wish, every hope that he had at that very moment. He regretted that he hadn’t spent more time with him, that he hadn’t asked him enough about the things that were troubling him, that he even felt ashamed to ask his brother every single thing that he should’ve asked him before. He couldn’t help but think whether doing all those things that he wasn’t ab

When Sane’s father was sent to jail, and he saw with his two eyes how the police aimed the guns that they were holding at his head, he thought that that was already the most painful thing that he would experience in his life. When he saw his brother and mother nearly on their deathbeds, sick and had nothing to eat as they were shivering under the cold of that winter night, he thought that that was already the most painful thing that he would ever feel. When he saw Seleen crying, and hearing her pondering over death from time to time, he thought that he would never experience something more painful that what he had experienced at that time. But he was wrong. And the universe had a very bad way to slap him across his face how wrong he was. His mind, the moment he w

Dreams about death were really unsettling, especially when it was the death of a loved one. Who would want to see someone dying in the first place? Even in dreams, it could still make people feel unsettled. Sane could no longer remember where he had heard that when people dreamt about other people dying, it didn’t literally symbolize actual death all of the time. Sometimes it meant other things such as the desire to close a chapter in life or problems that a person had about herself. There were literally a lot of interpretations that could be used to make sense of those dreams, and some would even argue that dreams didn’t really need to be interpreted because they didn’t mean anything. Even when that was the case, Sane couldn’t understand why what Seleen said made him feel utterly uncomfortable. It was like the idea of someone dying was creeping against his skin, making his hair stand. He d

Seleen had a blank expression on her face after she heard those people talking about that thing that Sane had been meaning to talk about, making the guy feel various emotions on his chest as he stared at her countenance. What a play of events the situation was because he was still planning for the perfect time to tell her as he didn’t want to ruin the night for her. Not when she was so happy about the concert of a band she didn’t even know about. He didn’t have the courage to tell her in that circumstance because he didn’t want to be the one who would erase the happiness in her face. But it looked like destiny was really doing things for the girl to know, for her happiness to be replaced with sadness just like that. It didn’t even wait for the day to end. It didn’t even let her happiness settle. Sane couldn’t help but curse fate, but he knew, deep inside him, that most often than not, thing