6-Insomnia

Ashlynn POV.

"What happened to your mommy?" Kiara asks me, she's sleeping in my room tonight, her daddy, aka my brother, is out on patrols for the night, we haven't had a sleepover in a while now.

"We broke up," I explain to her, even after all that time, her little space still isn't very familiar with her wolf side or our rules.

"Why broke up?" she asks me.

"She's not my mate Kiara, you know Jacob explained to you what mates are," I remind her.

"Jacob is my mate," she says all excited, I just smile at her, she's lucky to have such a good mate and daddy, I wonder if I'd ever find my mate, if he or she is a human, then I don't want them, I think to myself with a shake to my head, I do not want any human relation, none!

"And she wasn't mine, can you keep it a secret?" I ask her, I don't want my family to know, I'm a big girl, I'm a dominant wolf, I should be able to protect myself, I should be able to kick anyone's bum, I should've but I couldn't I was weak.

"Why secret?" she asks me.

"It's our secret, just between me and my bestie, you're my bestie aren't you Kiara?" I ask her, she nods her head quickly.

"I'm your bestie," she says, hugging me, I don't comment on that topic anymore, I want to forget all about it.

"What do you want to watch?" I ask Kiara, she was ready for bed, laying in my bed, her eyes half asleep, but I wasn't tired, I'm never tired anymore, every time I sleep I remember her, and I don't want to remember, I want to forget her.

"Lucifer," she says with a yawn, I turned the show on, on my tablet, holding it between the two of us, I watched the whole episode, while she fell asleep in the first few minutes.

As the show ended, I was still fully awake, I turned in bed, looking at the clock, it was three am, I turned the table off trying to force myself to sleep, but I couldn't stay asleep, I'd just doze off for a little bit then wake up again, being insomniac is really boring, there's only so much to be done during the night.

"Ashlynn, Ashlynn, daddy is here," I heard Kiara whisper to me, I opened my eyes slightly, checking the time, it was six am, I just nod to her, as she left my bed moving to Jacob's.

By seven am, I was awake, I think I had a solid two hours of sleep last night, the most I've had since I came back was three hours. I yawned left my bed, washed up and got ready for the day, I went down for breakfast, I faked a smile, but I was tired, I'm hardly sleeping anymore.

"Good morning," I say taking my seat.

"You look tired, Kiara was fussy?" Jacob asks, his little girl was an angel, he has her used to her routine, she showered and fell asleep without my help.

"No, I'm just having a hard time sleeping," I answer him, no reason to get Kiara in trouble.

"You feeling insomniac?" he asks me, I just nod my head yes.

"Maybe you should let a doctor check you up Ash, you look like you have lost weight too," Keiran comments, I did lose weight, Amber didn't feed me, and now I have no appetite.

"I'm good," I lie.

"Good? Ashlynn, you either go check with the doctor or I'll drag you there myself like when you were a child," Mom threatens me.

"Kitty isn't here, you can't drag me anywhere!" I inform her, that the only reason I used to go over to the doctor, Kitty would go with me, and hold my hand the whole time.

"I can call him," mom says, I frown at that, even with him away, I'd still obey Jordan.

"Not fair," I say with a big pout, the little side of me suffering to come out, but I'm forcing her in.

"Then you'd go?" Keiran asks, saving me from being yelled at by Jordan.

"Fine, I'd go," I say, I didn't want them to be there with me, I didn't want them to hear anything the doctor would say.

"Thank you, Ashlynn," mom says, we finished our breakfast, in silence, I didn't finish my food, I wasn't that hungry.

I left the house and decided to walk over to the doctor's place, he doesn't live too far away, the whole pack live close to each other, away from the town, although he got a clinic there, he checks his wolf patient at his home clinic until ten am each morning. I walked into his place trying to hide the fact that my little side hates doctors, we're afraid of them, but big me could do it, I was having an internal battle the whole time, but I could do it, I'm stronger than I know.

"Ashlynn, how are you today?" Doctor Joe asks me.

"I'm okay," I say with a smile.

"Then to what I owe you this visit?" he asks me, he must have other patients too, I didn't want to take much of his time.

"I'm, I'm kind of having a hard time sleeping," I say, maybe he could help me.

"Hard time falling asleep? Or staying asleep, do you leave your phone an hour before bedtime, sleep in a dark room?" he asks me.

"I can't fall asleep and when I do I'd wake up after an hour or two max, I don't use my phone, my room is always dark," I explain to him.

"And for how long have you been suffering from insomnia?" he asks me.

"Uhhh...three? Maybe four months now," I answer, since the day I was back.

"Anything major has happened? Any incident or accident that have affected you?" he asks me, she happened.

"Nope none, I'm living a happy life," I lie.

"I'm going to order some blood test, just to make sure everything is okay," he says, I nod, but on the inside I was close to tears, I hate needles.

"Are you shifting regularly?" he asks me, I haven't shifted in the last four months, not since the day I attacked her, my wolf is hiding, she doesn't want to come out.

"Uh, not much, my wolf just doesn't feel like coming out to play," I tell him with a blush.

"You need to shift to let out all the extra energy you have inside you, you know that Ashlynn. Is your wolf going...?" he says not finishing his question, is she going feral?

I was afraid of her, afraid of that side, what if it decides what we've been through is pushing her to going feral, but I could feel my pack, deep inside, I feel connected.

"I've been really busy, that's all, you're right, I just need to shift," I say skipping out of his clinic.