Chapter 1: Terryn.

HER.

Since our grandmother's death, my brother talked about moving out. He said a new environment would be a great help for us to move forward especially now that we've got no one left by our side.

And speaking of 'new environment', he meant Terryn, our family's hometown. 

At first, I disagreed with his decision, but I just found myself sitting in this goddamn car for almost six hours already.

For the past hours, all I did was think about all the memories I had with Mamala, our grandmother, and with Mom who passed away three years ago.

And it made me teared up somehow dahil wala nang ibang pumapasok sa isip ko kundi pangungulila.

I couldn't help it. Ulila na kami. It was really hard for us when Mom died, ano pa kaya ngayong si Mamala naman ang nawala? Siya pa man din ang tumayong mga magulang namin simula noong mamatay si Mommy especially because our father is nowhere to be seen.

Psh.

It's probably because he has no balls for leaving us— and I couldn't just forget the fact that he left when I was only a freaking baby. Pwede ring he left because he found another woman who can make him happier. Either way, I already considered him dead.

"Ang lalim na naman ng iniisip mo," I heard my brother say as he glanced at my direction while still driving the car.

Honestly speaking, I've been thinking that we're already lost for the past hours now. It felt like we're only driving in circles at parang wala kaming patutunguhan. Kanina pa kaming nandito sa kalsada na bukod sa mga puno, wala nang iba pang makikita. It's also a bit creepy because of the eerie silence dahil wala man lang ni isang kotse ang nandito bukod sa amin. Hindi pa nakadagdag na medyo makulimlim ang langit at may kadiliman ang kalsada dahil sa nagtataasang puno.

"I'm thinking of how am I suppose to continue my life now that we moved out," I told my brother without even looking at him. I was just sulking on my seat while my head's leaning on the window.

"Kat, I already told you," nagpapaintinding sabi ni Kuya bago bumuntong-hininga. "It's for the better—"

I cut him off, finally giving him a glance. "Then I'd rather be at worst," I exclaimed. "You kept saying that it's for the better but it's as if you're saying that we should forget Mommy and Mamala. That we should forget our former lives and just move on like what the hell?"

He looked at me weakly, as if he's already tired of explaining. "Kat... that's not what I meant—"

"Kuya." I sighed. "I didn't want this, okay? So you shouldn't be shock that I am... acting this way."

"But, Kat, Terryn is a great place—"

"I didn't say it isn't!" depensa ko kaagad habang lukot ang mukha. Seriously, if he's already tired of explaining, then I'm already tired of him forcing me to like this new situation. Terryn is a great place, alright, it's our family's hometown! However, though, he can't just force me to feel okay about moving out. Beside, it's not even connected! Just because I'm not into the 'moving out' thingy doesn't mean I hate the place— physically speaking.

"Then what are you upset about?" tanong ni Kuya na para bang nauubusan na siya ng pasensya.

"The idea of moving out, Kuya!" sagot ko sa pasigaw na tono. "I've been telling you that for the nth time already but your brain seems like not absorbing my words! I don't want to move out, okay?! Isa pa, have you forgotten Mamala's words?! Pinakabilin niya sa atin na kahit anong mangyari, hindi dapat tayo bumalik ng Terryn! Kaya nga binili na nila ang bahay sa Manila para hindi na tayo umalis pa, Kuya!"

"K-Katana—"

I lifted up my palm to his face, motioning him to shut up. "If you'll just keep on blabbering nonsense, Kuya, just shut up. I want a peace of mind for at least a minute. So if you don't mind, I want you to shut up."

I may seemed mannerless— well, sabihin na nating oo— pero nangangatwiran lang ako. My point is, huwag na dapat niyang ipilit pa sa akin ang lahat ng 'to dahil wala naman na akong choice. I mean, we're already here! Wala naman na akong magagawa pa! It's not as if I can fly back to Manila with my wings— and for the record, I don't have freaking wings.

Psh.

I pretended to sleep, and I was grateful that my brother listened to my words because he really kept quiet. However, my guilt is forbidding me to take a nap. My conscience kept on scolding me because of the tone of my voice earlier but I fought the urge to apologize. I'm still mad and I guess it'd be a good idea if I just keep my mouth shut. Isa pa, kapag nag-sorry ako, madadagdagan na naman iyon ng panibagong argyumento dahil paniguradong sisihin ko pa rin siya sa huli.

I shrugged the thoughts off my head at tumingin na lang sa labas ng bintana. Saka ko lang napansin na mayroon palang tulay sa harap namin.

But what surprised me more is the view of the bridge. It was unusual, but the bridge is halved and both sides are like walls. But now, it is currently bending for us to pass through.

It was a majestic view, but I reminded myself that I am asleep so my brother shouldn't notice that I am awake and in awe. Kaya naman kahit gustong-gusto kong ngumanga at puriin ang nakikita ko, pinanatili ko ang posisyon ko. I don't want my brother to know that I'm just faking. Baka isipin niyang iniiwasan ko siya— which is true.

When the two ends of the bridge finally met, Kuya drove the car again. Nang makalampas na kami sa tulay, nakita ko mula sa side mirror na muling tumaas ang dalawang parte ng tulay. That's when I realized that it was operated by some guards in the guard house.

Napansin ko ring medyo may kabahayan na kaming nadadaanan kaya napanatag na ang loob ko. At least now, I know we're not lost anymore.

Muli akong napalingon sa tulay and a conclusion came inside my head.

Terryn is pretty secured, and I couldn't help but think if it has something to do with Mamala's words.

"I won't always be by your side, mga apo. There'd always come a point in our life that people will leave, just like how your Mom did. But if ever my time is over, I want you to remember my words. Don't you ever go back in Terryn. Wala na kayong babalikan pa roon."