Chapter 5

Chapter 5

(Rowen)        

I waited for Katrina to start talking, she looked like she was contemplating something in her mind. “Rowen, I’m so sorry… I..” She started to say, but I stopped her with my hand. 

“Do I look like I want excuses right now? Because I don’t, Katrina. I want answers. I want to know why I had to rip the heart out of my mate… My mate that I’ve had for 176 years… All because of a fucking necklace!” I shouted. 

I was trying so hard to hold it together, but I was furious. All of this over a stupid necklace, and for what? I could tell I was scaring Katrina but I didn’t care, I was going to kill her anyways, but I needed answers. She took a deep breath in. 

“Rowen, I need you to calm down so we can talk. I can explain. It won’t change anything and for that I'm sorry, but I need to feel safe with you.” She said calmly. I closed the gap between us instantly and grabbed her shoulders.  

“Give me one good reason why you shouldn’t be next?” I snarled, knowing that was the only reason I came to her. I was planning on killing her.   

“Because, I love you. I still love you, even after all these years.” She said, without a lick of hesitation. Her words hit me like a freight train. 

I relaxed my grip on her shoulders while trying to fight back the tears threatening to break through again. 

I tried to just rip her heart out, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t even move my hand. Instead, I just let her go and fell to my knees in defeat. 

I put my head down and just contemplated how I could get enough strength to do what needed to be done. 

I knew she needed to die, and I knew that would start a war with my brother… But at this point the betrayal was the only thing on my mind. 

Just when I thought I would be ok and be able to go through with it, Katrina sat down next to me and wrapped her arms around me. 

I should have pushed her away, I wanted to. But I also didn’t want to. Instead, I just laid my head in her lap and silently fought the urge to snap her neck. 

“Leaving you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my entire life. Ivy was my saving grace. She was my assistant. I didn’t know it, but she was only there because she was working with The Others. She was trying to get close to me, in order to get close to you. Get close to a Keeper... They promised her immortality, in exchange for her keeping an eye on the amulet until they were ready. When I brought it home, it was basically a godsend for her. She was able to watch it for them with ease.” I said, I paused to try and gather my thoughts. 

Katrina was running her hand through my hair while I spoke, and I honestly didn’t realize how much her touch calmed me. 

“I didn’t know about any of this, I fell in love with her. She helped me through a very dark time after I left you. I owed her everything. We were happy together. I came home from my coven meeting this afternoon and heard her conversing with someone, a man. Tall, dark hair, dark eyes. He wasn’t a Vampire… I don’t know what he was. He told her to get the amulet and not make him come back to my house for a second time.” I said. Then I sat up and locked eyes with Katrina. 

“How was I supposed to let her live? How could I have let her continue on, knowing that she’s a traitor? That she only cared about me to get closer to this fucking thing? I didn’t want to do it… She forced my hand. I fucking loved her... Now that you know what Ivy meant to me, explain to me why you should still be breathing after all of this?” I asked. 

My anger was starting to boil back to the surface again. 

Then my heart did something I never thought it could do again. It completely shattered when Katrina let a single tear fall onto her cheek and she angrily wiped it away. 

I never thought I could be so angry with someone but be so heartbroken when I hurt them. This was fucking unreal. 

“You’re right, Rowen. You’re fucking right. This is entirely my fault, all of it. I shouldn’t be allowed to live, not after all this hurt I've caused for you. I’m so sorry.” Katrina said and she started to cry. 

“Please just make it quick, I don’t want to suffer.” She said between sobs, taking her face in her hands. I knew I should have just done it then, but when I tried I couldn’t go through with it. 

How is it that I can kill my own mate, but I can't kill Katrina… Who is nothing to me? “Because she isn’t nothing to us, and you know it.” Viper said. He was right… As much as it infuriated me, I couldn't control my feelings. 

I grabbed her arm and she flinched at my touch. That hurt my heart. But I did it, I scared her… I came here to kill her, and she knew it. I lifted her up so she was standing. She was wiping tears but they just kept flowing down her pretty cheeks. 

I couldn’t fight the urge any longer, I just pulled Katrina into my arms. “God damnit, Katrina. Why, just why!” I growled. “Because, it needed to stay safe, and I knew it would be safe with you. I never thought they would find it. I never thought they had spies… I should have said something, I should have told you. I was scared, and I know that's not an excuse. I’m sorry.” She said. 

"I’m so sorry.” She cried into my shoulder. I held her tighter, fighting the urge to kill her, or comfort her. I pulled away and we locked eyes. 

“Are you going to kill me?” Katrina asked me softly. I tried to fight the sadness and rage that flooded into my chest at her words. Sadness because she believed I was going to kill her. Rage because I was fighting myself on whether or not I should... “I should, I honestly should.” I said.      

“But I can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve tried about six times, and I can’t bring myself to do it… Why, why can't I kill you?” I said with an exasperated sigh. I knew why, but I loved Ivy too. 

Or did I? I truly thought I did, but maybe she was just the person to fill the void left by the person I truly loved... 

Not that I didn’t love Ivy, because I did. But maybe it wasn’t what I thought. Maybe it was a love out of convenience. 

"It's because I love you, doll. I apparently still fucking love you." I said with a groan, pulling away from Katrina and turning my back to her. 

So obviously I cant kill her, what the fuck do I do now? After much deliberation with myself and Viper, I turned around to face Katrina. 

She was so goddamn beautiful even with swollen eyes and tear soaked cheeks. I instantly felt bad for scaring her, and making her cry.   

“What do we do now?” I asked. “We keep the amulet safe, that’s the only thing we can do. The only thing that matters.” She said softly, and she held her hand out for me to give her the amulet back. 

I went to take it off, but then stopped. This amulet hasn't left my chest in 176 years, taking it off now feels foreign. 

“I haven’t taken this off since you gave it to me all those years ago, I can’t take it off. It’s like a part of me now…” I said. I let it go, letting it fall back onto my chest.

 It was a little strange though, like I didn’t want to give it to her, or maybe I couldn’t? “I’m still upset, and I mean really upset with you. I’m not sure I can ever forgive you for this… Don’t take this as anything other than it is, but how do I keep this fucking thing safe?” I asked her. 

“I don’t know. We, The Keepers, have been trying to keep it safe for thousands of years. There are only two of us left, myself and one other. Once we are both dead, the amulet will be in their hands, and we can’t let that happen.” She said. 

“What happens if The Others get it?” I asked. 

“It opens Pandora’s box, and releases all the creatures that have been trapped there. It will be hell on earth…” She said.