The Quest Of a Man

Love is a key to being a man. Loving yourself will ideally mean that you can love anyone else who is external of you. I believe that a person who cares for self has an ability of caring for the next person as well . The reason that you understand why you can't just let yourself go without a coke or any kind of drink will definitely mean that you can share with an extra person. Good fathers are good man , they understand where they are coming from  and will work for their children not to take the same path of life as they took in their process of life. Desperation is a process but what kind are you desiring your own to walk in?

I continued the calling after a few houses then I noticed I was at the gate of my money owing lady. I tried my best not to be rude, you know those instincts of a man who has been borrowed but is not expecting a no. So I continued calling out my orders until I was facing the gate. She came out smiling and said jokingly aya akapera meaning ndipowo chimwe chikwereti ( those ones they are finished borrow me again). I gave her a haze look , she quickly said she was joking and gave me back me my money surprisingly it was triple to  what she took ,she said as she looked at me gratefully "you have a good heart young man keep it up."

My heart was rendered I felt like crying , I looked at her and I asked if I could just speak with her inside her premises. Her countenance fell quickly, she looked so worried. As soon as we found benches to sit on she said worriedly, "is everything okay my son, did I offend you in any way." I just had tears falling on my face and asked her a question why she did this act of kindness to me. "You were so so kind to me yesterday, people here they think I'm arrogant , but you chose to do otherwise." That was her reply and she continued to say, "keep your good heart there are good things ahead of your life , don't forget to always pass here and there when you feel I need tomatoes."

I said my good byes with much thoughts in my heard. I wanted to shout at her before she even came not knowing that she was holding my miracle in her hands. Money is a need it's actually a necessity to life and as humans we totally depend on it. I managed to cancel the worries with the simple self advise that God knows the hair on my head and He does  provide for my every need. I made my morning sells and I was constantly checking my pockets in case that lady's money swallows mine

Life's meaning always shifts as a man seeks a refocus. When one idea is not working shift your thinking to a different one.

My daily routine now in order to cancel stress was  to just read books on business and  Christian literature. I searched for wisdom like a hungry man. I told myself that what if Solomon's wisdom came as a result of studying. I really did carry out much study. Paul says to Timothy

                      2 Timothy 2:15 Study to show thyself.                        a workman not to be ashamed.

That's what I started to do day and night. I read on Angels, Holy Spirit, marriage, salvation, forex trade and business in general. I did this for weeks that my mind was now in volume of much literature.

Still I felt so bad that in all those weeks I really felt the need for me to read my Pastor's book which I was failing to do , the far I got was to randomly look at it without any attention which it required . Since the day he gave me I had  never gotten a chance to read the gold sack of life. I felt so bad, since it was a gift that he had given me and said I would not buy it as others , my only payment was reading this book. "May be the answers to my life's sediments was in the little volumes of this book " I motivated myself with this thought . I took my time to pray that I may get in line with the wisdom that was written in this book. 

The first page made me realise that my Pastor was really a man with the voice to my life. Though as I said earliers that I was having a good income out of this business there was that part of me that was really feeling the need to do something much more greater . No wonder there was that push to read on business literature , I wanted to grow into a man of substance and love my dreams. Imagine having prophecies that claim that you are supposed to be driving by now yet there is nothing that is moving.

I was in a deep mess I could not even really dress myself as I saw in my imgination ,my very best were those Dubai clothes, I also got dressed from the bales and a few flea market Chinese wear. I was really feeling the weight of it on me. My life deserved better even my family deserved something that was much better. My desire was that my children would say that we had it all when they they were growing up, to say the story of their life without any shame . The burden was heavy I really needed help  from man as agents , but God as the ultimate source.

I took my time to count my money before my study for the day. It was surely an amusing terrain for me, specifically the counting of figures. I only returned home with the spoiled tomatoes today. Iam home alone . I'm sure mai Taka has gone for mid morning prayer with other women from church to the mountains. The initiative of my former pastor's wife in seek of the manifestation of the gold in the gold sack of life.