31. Another Conversation

PRESENT

Josh still vividly remembers filling his days with schemes of the best he could do after the news of the arranged marriage.

Her mother knew, her father also, her two older siblings probably understood him even better—that he was actually very resistant to the sudden marriage. Even if he finally agreed, they knew that he was only doing it for Sharon's sake. Because by agreeing to all the plans made and all the conditions put forward by his parents, Sharon's life would be saved.

So, with a huge bravery, he was desperate to create a secret scenario behind his forced consent. 

He really couldn't turn away and let his family hurt the girl just like that. To him, Sharon was his responsibility that he could never let go of. There were many things he had to make sure went on as it should, just as it was, without changing a bit even if he had to pay very dearly—marrying another girl.

Just imagining how to explain all that to Sharon didn't sit well with him.

Even to this day, after all the things they've had to go through with wounded hearts, Josh was still sometimes haunted by a lot of guilt towards Sharon.

Although the two of them were able to keep in touch secretly, Josh knew that his relationship with Sharon was no longer the same as before. The presence of another girl between them—even though Josh repeatedly assured his girlfriend that the marriage was just a formality with no personal feelings involved—would still have made Sharon uneasy and worried. And Josh couldn't blame Sharon's fears, which were becoming more and more exaggerated by the day. All he could do was continue to reassure her whenever she demanded the sincerity of his feelings.

It wasn't easy going, even for himself.

Pretending to agree to get married, pretending to be willing to carry out his mother's plan, pretending to break up with the only girl he loved, and covering up his ongoing relationship very carefully—though it was eventually revealed... was really exhausting and draining his mind.

Then now, when his mother was threatening him with destroying Sharon because he had broken their agreement, Min Jinah who might use his scandal to blackmail his family even more, and Ashley who he couldn't quite guess what she would do... the pressure inside his head was even more excruciating.

Ashley had indeed revealed that she wanted a divorce in exchange for keeping quiet about Josh’s relationship with another girl. The assumption was that Ashley might just want freedom as this marriage might also be a burden to her. But he personally—considering his mother's big plans and the huge shares that would save his own company—couldn't decide if he should really betray his mother and give up all those lucrative profits.

His company was in a very fragile state as it had to rely on his grandfather's mercy and intervention. Meanwhile, the favor came because his mother was the one begging his grandfather. When the news of his marriage to one of the Song family members broke, his grandfather became quite lenient with him. So it all makes him hesitant, because if his grandfather finds out he had a scandal with another girl and ruined the bond with the Song family, the company he built from his own sweat and tears might lose favor and potentially suffer a collapse.

From what he could roughly guess, the Song family wanted a strong bond before entrusting a large amount of shares to be given freely to him. And his mother, meanwhile, also wanted strong ties in order to have control over the Song family. The rest was just a matter of how he worked it out.

Clearly, everything might not be too difficult if Josh could force himself to ignore his feelings for Sharon for a while. But how could he—when his heart was only filled with Sharon, Sharon, and Sharon alone?

"My work is done, Miss. After this, I'll go to the convenience store for a while to buy some things to clean the kitchen." Aunt Gong's words broke Josh's reverie. 

The middle-aged woman placed some other side dishes that she had just finished cooking among the other dishes on the table.

"You can leave them here when you're done. I'll clean it up when I get back."

Ashley smiled at the woman, “Thank you Aunt Gong.”

Josh waited until she had walked out to the main door after retrieving her handbag.

“Ash,” Josh opened the conversation, “are you still angry?”

Ashley did not raise her face at all. She seemed to be busy spooning rice and various side dishes into her mouth and chewing slowly. The only thing that could be heard in between her lunch activities was a light ‘Hum’, sound that was almost inaudible.

Meanwhile, Josh frowned at Ashley's behavior which had changed again and was completely opposite to what she had shown a few moments ago.

“Still angry?” Josh repeated it again. "I want to make up with you. What should I do to make you stop being angry and upset with me?"

Ashley finished her chewing and picked up the glass full of water. She mindfully gulped down all the water.

For the past two days, Ashley’s mind had been completely exhausted by this one jerk who was now sitting at the same table with her. She felt that she had lost too much self-control to the point of showing her side with explosive emotions and resentment. Now, from this moment on, Ashley intends to try to deal with everything in a calm manner. That way, her self-image will look more powerful in the eyes of men—who right now might be thinking of many ways to get her cooperation to cover up his scandal.

Of course, Ashley would. Gladly, even. But of course, she wants reciprocity that is commensurate and in her favor.

"What do you want me to do? Get angry, or compromise? Get angry, or pretend nothing happened like I just did?" Ashley replied in a flat tone, without any turmoil.

Josh continued, "I understand you're angry. And it was all alright. But I want you to end it. Because we can't keep arguing like this. It's going to be uncomfortable."

There was a short sigh from Ashley, "Actually, it's been uncomfortable since we first met, right?"

This time Ashley lifted her face and dropped a flat but judgmental gaze on Josh.

“Why,” she continued. Her tone was slightly emphasized, “why did you agree to this marriage—when you already have another girl you can't leave? You know the consequences. This is all making things uncomfortable between the three of us. I feel so dumb for not knowing anything about the situation I got myself into. And so now I feel myself becoming like the bad intruder among you.”