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The One He Never Claimed. 39.
"What did I do now?"We do this thing where we joke around with each other, this is to ignore the tension that still exists with us.We walk around acting like everything's cool and I guess it is, to an extent but there's clearly stuff that was left unsaid with us. For way too long.That is why,"I just wanted us to talk - to clear the air."If I'm serious then we won't waste time joking around.I want to do more than just 'clear the air'. It's been years and we still haven't really talked about what happened.He takes a seat across from me and then,"Yeah sure."His tone gets a bit serious and that allows me to continue."Where's Bruno?"I don't see him around anymore, for years actually. I know they'd remained friends after we broke up, for a while. I'm not sure what happened with them but clearly something did happen because wherever there was Ezra, Bruno was somewhere around. Never one without the other."I don't know."He says simply.His face is void of emotion, like that was n
The One He Never Claimed. 1.
It's hot today.He said he was on his way, that was three hours ago.He doesn't live that far but even if he did, couldn't he just text to say he's running late? Or that something came up and he can't make it anymore. Anything would've been better than silence.It takes me a while but I finally decide not to wait anymore and then get ready to meet the girls like I'd originally planned, before he made me cancel. There's a party tonight that I honestly would've much rather missed. But now that he stood me up, I don't want to spend the rest of my evening overthinking about it. That's certainly happened before.I know he's not going to be happy but I'm also not happy that once again, he failed to show up for me.I shuffle through my closet for a short tight dress that's also not too revealing but I end up settling for a pair of high-waisted bum shorts with a tight blacktop.
The One He Never Claimed. 2.
After my countless tosses and turns, I finally decide to make my way downstairs to see who's disturbing my peaceful sleep. The whole point of summer is that I don't have to worry about waking up early."Dad!" I shout when the excruciatingly loud noise gets louder as I get closer. What is he doing?"In here Hunny," he shouts back and I finally reach the garage where my darling father and my dear friend and neighbor, Cody seem to be welding onto a metal case, seemingly trying to open it.Could this seriously not have waited until everyone's stopped dreaming?"What are you guys doing?" I ask rhetorically as I put the palm of my hands against my ears to block out the noise."This was Cody's dad's sweetheart. He found it in the basement and we just want to see what's inside," he answers clearly not getting the question behind the question I was asking, or rather the meaning behind it.
The One He Never Claimed. 3.
It's intense.Everyone in the VIP room and everyone down on the field and the bleachers is beyond stressed. The players are all dirty from throwing themselves on the dirty grass and sweaty from all the running around they'd been doing. Michaela is holding on to my hand so tight it feels numb. It's so quiet.The camera points at Ezra and the commentator says something about how even he is stressed.He's sweating and rocking his body side to side slightly. I know he's got his thinking cap on when he does that. I smile gently because they have no idea what's coming. He's about to blow their minds.Two minutes on the clock and the score is a tie. The players line up facing each other then bend down so that their chests are facing the ground. The opposing team has the ball.Soon the players start tackling each other roughly fighting for the ball that's now passed in the air to be caught by their te
The One He Never Claimed. 4.
It's been two days, he hasn't called.The picture was pretty clear but I'm needing him to tell me there was some sort of a misunderstanding. I need him to tell me it was all a prank and that it meant nothing. Whatever lie he can come up with, I'll believe it. What I refuse to believe is that the love of my life cheated on me. My Ezra would never.I wipe the tears off my cheeks for the umpteenth time this afternoon. I'm meeting up with the girls in a bit and I can't be a mess around them. I'd been avoiding them for the two days and I haven't seen them since Bruno Steiner's party. I know they're already suspecting something is wrong and I can't afford to have them asking me questions so I need to get myself together. I'm also in no mood to think of lies so I'm really hoping I'm not left in a situation where I have no choice but to.Today I decided I need to go out, I need a distraction. I've been stuck in my room and I'm h
The One He Never Claimed. 5.
"Hey man what's up?" Bruno greets him after a while.Ezra greets him back with a hug but his eyes stay on mine. Bruno notices but doesn't say anything. We've all been in one place at a time multiple times before but we've never said anything to each other. Ezra and I always act like we don't know each other around people so I know Bruno finds it weird how he's looking at me. Like I carry the key to his heart.I don't look back at him because I didn't realize how mad I was until now. I'm afraid of what I'll do if I look into his eyes. I can feel the anger radiating from within at the sight of him. I was sad before but now I feel aggravated. He cheated on me, how could he?"Hey I'm gonna go look for Liz." I say to Bruno already standing up to leave. I pray my voice came out calm and not shaky like the rest of me. I don't even bother to wait for him to respond before I speed
The One He Never Claimed. 6.
"Babe...""Baby.""Babe!!""What?!!" I practically shout at him. He knows I hate mornings. Don't wake me up if I don't need to be up. I'll wake up when my body is ready to."The boys are coming now. You gotta hide.""What?" My ears must be really playing tricks on me because I thought I heard him say I have to hide. I turn my body to the other side then go back to sleep before,"Oh shxxt, they're here. Babe, go into the bathroom!" He shouts already making his way out of the bedroom. My sleep goes away immediately as I sit upright on his bed. I don't even know how to express the pain that's in my chest right now.Before getting this house, Ezra lived in a small apartment. It wasn't fancy but it was perfect. We'd used to spend the whole day and sometimes weekends just lazying around and watching movies. Never have I ever worried about peopl
The One He Never Claimed. 7.
"Hey baby, I've been worried sick. Are you ok?" is the first thing he asks as soon as I answer the phone. About 60 missed calls later. He actually does sound so worried that I feel a bit bad for ignoring him the rest of yesterday. Only just a bit."Yeah I'm ok babe." I say to him honestly. I feel a lot better today. My chilled evening with Cody helped me out, it always does.But also, hearing his voice oddly calms me, despite him being responsible for the bad mood to start with. He doesn't ask why I disappeared like I did yesterday, I know it's because he knows why. This is one of the many conversations we don't have.It goes alongside the negative effects caused by the privacy of our relationship. We know what it's doing to us but we also know we can't do anything about it. So we ignore it."Will I be s
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The One He Never Claimed. 39.
"What did I do now?"We do this thing where we joke around with each other, this is to ignore the tension that still exists with us.We walk around acting like everything's cool and I guess it is, to an extent but there's clearly stuff that was left unsaid with us. For way too long.That is why,"I just wanted us to talk - to clear the air."If I'm serious then we won't waste time joking around.I want to do more than just 'clear the air'. It's been years and we still haven't really talked about what happened.He takes a seat across from me and then,"Yeah sure."His tone gets a bit serious and that allows me to continue."Where's Bruno?"I don't see him around anymore, for years actually. I know they'd remained friends after we broke up, for a while. I'm not sure what happened with them but clearly something did happen because wherever there was Ezra, Bruno was somewhere around. Never one without the other."I don't know."He says simply.His face is void of emotion, like that was n
The One He Never Claimed. 38.
"He was going through stuff Alex, he's done nothing but try to prove himself since.""I'm sorry, we're talking about the same guy whose actions had us not speaking to each other for two years right?"It's beyond me how she's still on his side after what he did."Alex, he made a mistake. Ok maybe a few but who hasn't? You can never question the fact that this man loves you."I mean I've never questioned it, but love is simply not enough now is it?"I don't know if I'll ever look at him the same again."Yes it's been years, but even though the heart forgives, the mind doesn't forget."You'll never truly know unless you give him another chance."For the umpteenth time, I decide to shrug her comments away. Liz doesn't understand. It's easy to tell someone to forgive and forget but it's different when you're the one having to forgive.Because of this man, I have walls up so high that people can hardly climb them. Because of this man, I have trust issues.So no, it won't be that easy.And y
The One He Never Claimed. 37.
"Let's see. There was Leo, Martin, Dean, and LorenzoI went out with Lorenzo two times though, he was good company. Oh and Dean was cute, he got me a bracelet that I gave to Josh to give to his crush at school.I still don't know how you'd feel about my telling you all this"It's still very weird but I like to imagine this being the relationship I would've had with her if she was still alive. A relationship where I can tell her anything and everything, including who I've slept with.She would cringe but still appreciate my openness."Oh and then there was Grant. He was a little bit, maybe a lot older than me but he really took care of me, for that week at least."That was before I found out he was married with two kids, I'm not going to tell mom that."I'm slowing down a bit now. It was fun."It really was. For the past four years, I've not been 'falling in love' with other people but myself.I'd realized that beyond the two people I was with, I had no other experiences of dating wha
The One He Never Claimed. 36.
I haven't seen Ezra since the game about a month ago, he'd been blowing up my phone but I made it clear I want nothing to do with him. I'd tried building a friendship with him but I can't be friends with people who take me for granted.I certainly didn't invite him to come and spend Thanksgiving with us and I almost ask who invited him but,"Honey, I hope you don't mind that I invited Ezra." This man is clearly wanting to drive me crazy. Of course I mind.Ezra has been nothing but a distraction throughout my life and I don't need that, not anymore at least. I need to rid myself of him and his toxic energy.I know dad knows I'm not cool with him anymore because he hasn't come to visit in a while, also I act deaf whenever he starts asking about him. So clearly he's trying to fish something by not only inviting him, but Cody too. "Hi Cody,"I decide to only acknowledge the other boy. He's usually quiet when he's irritated, I'd learned it was to keep his anger at bay, so as to not do
The One He Never Claimed. 35.
"Dad stop it. You're making me cry."I say wiping the next tear that falls on my cheek."I just want to say sweetheart, that it took a really long time. It took us years before we could finally land where we are. And it's the best place we've ever been in a very long time."It's the best place we've been since mom's death. It's like we were just lost souls trying to find ourselves in a world we never imagined to live without mom in it and we were just winging it.For years.But now?"Ok ok dad! Which one are you gonna go with?" I ask looking at the breathtaking pieces of silver and gold bands."I don't know Hunny, when I proposed to your mom I didn't have a lot of money so I didn't have to go through this. I just went for the cheapest ring I could find." He says earning laughs from the jeweler and myself.It sounds unromantic but I know what was on dad's mind was the prospect of spending the rest of his life with the woman he was madly in love with. Nothing else mattered in that momen
The One He Never Claimed. 34.
This is the first time I'm seeing Josh cry since well - ever. They've got his face on the big screen with the words, 'Hi Josh, this game is dedicated to you.' and it's left on there throughout the game.I might have told Ezra Josh's story.In all honesty, it was in effort to motivate him to get us the tickets but never in a million years would I have ever thought he would do something like this.I hold on to Josh so tight as he sobs on my shoulder silently and I try really hard to keep my own sobs at bay. I need to be strong for the both of us.It's not at all hard to explain, this is an 8-year-old boy who not too long ago lost everything, literally. He became an orphan and lost his arm all in one night, but never have I seen him shed a tear at his tragedy, not once.That easily makes him the strongest person that I know.So finally seeing him balling his eyes out for seeing a picture of himself on a screen in the middle of the field at his favorite football club's game, and having th
The One He Never Claimed. 33.
"Hey, you're not allowed to peek!""But...""Josh!""Fine..."He responds in surrender then lets me put the palm of my hands back on his eyes.He's even worse than me at surprises."Are we there yet?""Almost. Just a few more steps... And - you can open your eyes now!"He conforms and then,"Uh... I don't get it.""Open the box," I say to him in a duh tone but I'm not surprised when he then says,"But what was the point of closing my eyes if it's in a box?"Josh has a smart mouth that I still try really hard not to slap."Ok I guess that was a little dramatic but open the box Josh jeez," I say to him annoyingly but also excitedly. I can't wait to see his face when he sees it.He then doesn't waste any more time before opening the box and then,"You're kidding me!""Nope.""Alex, is this a prank?""Ooh, that would've been a great one hey? But no it's not."I say then laugh when he jumps up and down holding the red piece of paper."My friend is one of the players for the eagles and he p
The One He Never Claimed. 32.
"Hi mom. Third time this week, you're probably already tired of me." I say then chuckle lightly. I've gone from visiting only once a year to a few times a week. This is of course something I hadn't been able to do before but since I'm finally coming face to face with my demons, I feel that it's necessary. For my healing."I started seeing someone."About a week ago I decided to put myself out there again."Relax, a therapist." I release another chuckle. After a while of contemplating, I'd decided to go down this path. I don't think that I'm still crazily affected by the things I'd been through like I was a few years ago, at least not so bad that I need therapy. But I'd decided to seek that just to have someone who doesn't really know me to talk to. For a fresh perspective."My sessions are only once every three months. She said that I don't need frequent visits." I smile when I say that. I'd been shocked at first of course because if there was anyone who needed therapy, it was me.
The One He Never Claimed. 31.
"How are you feeling? About everything." I let myself really reflect on the question. I mean I've certainly had better days but I'm also doing about a thousand times better than I was a few weeks ago. I was a literal mess and it's hard to believe where I am now. I'm not necessarily great but I'm definitely in a good space, in a better space. I don't say all that to him though. I instead say,"You do know I'm the adult here right?"He's 8, what does he know about depth?"Oh c'mon Lex, you never let me ask stuff. How am I supposed to be like you if you don't teach me?" He asks the question I've now heard too many times with a frown. I've begged him to please not end up like me, I'm yet to give him a reason. Putting it in simpler terms would be that I'm the last person anyone should ever look up to. I have no sense of direction whatsoever, but I'm not going to tell him that."You're too young to ask these questions Josh, I tell you this all the time," I say to him. Truthfully he's quit
