Chapter 5

I set the table as my mother finishes up dinner. She chats on and on about the things I've packed—clothes, necessities, and other small belongings—as I set out plates and cutlery. Dad is sitting at the end of the table reading some papers, for once home on time for dinner. Of course, it has to be my last dinner. "Oh, set out five plates, Brigie," my mother calls. "I invited Lindsey. I thought you would want to spend some time with her before you leave tomorrow. You have plenty to catch her up on."

"Like how I'm leaving the pack? She'll love that," I say to myself.

My dad peers up from his papers and sighs. "I know this is a big change, but it will be good for you," he says. "A new scenery and new people might be nice."

"It will be very nice," mom adds.

"Is it because he's an Alpha? Is that why you two are fine with all of this? You both know I don't want to go," I argue, and before my mother can say it, I continue for her, "and I know, you came here for Dad, you had to sacrifice, but maybe I'm not willing to do that. At least you liked Dad."

"You don't like David?" My father asks. "I must say that's rather strange."

"Of course she likes him, Dale. He's her mate. She's just being difficult because she would rather run around the world than be a Luna."

I set down the extra plate for Lindsey then cross my arms. "You're right. I don't want to be a Luna. I don't want to go to his pack. I don't want David. I don't want a mate. And I don't want to be forced to do things I don't want to do."

"Brigette," my dad starts, but I talk over him.

"No, it's not fair. He can't just make me go with him because I just happen to be his mate. My entire life is changing while all he has to do is bring me back with him like a new puppy. It's not fair."

"Do you feel it at all?" My mother asks. "The bond. Don't you feel it?"

I shrug. "What does it matter whether I feel the bond or not?"

Dad says, "Just answer your mother."

"Fine. Sure, I feel it. I know he's my mate."

"Then why are you doing this? When I met your father I would have gone to the end of the world for him, and I'm sure he would have done the same. So what's the matter with you? You sure don't sound like you have the mate bond."

I look to my Dad but he seems just as confused as my mother. "Because I don't want this," I clarify.

"So it's on purpose?"

"I don't know," I exaggerate. "Maybe."

Her shoulders drop. "Well can't you just give him a chance? Can't you just see where it goes? Doesn't he at least deserve that?"

"Maybe your mother's right. You just met him yesterday. How about you relax a little and let whatever happens happen."

Before I can counter, a knock sounds against the front door. "That's Lindsey," my mother says. "Let her in, Brigie. I'm bringing the food over now."

We have an alright dinner, considering. My mother enjoys herself while telling Lindsey all about how I have a mate now. My best friend's eyes continually shoot to me, yet all I give her is a shrug to confirm that my mother's words are true. The words Alpha, and leaving, and stubborn are thrown around, but I being to lose focus.

"Maybe you can talk some sense into her," my mother tells Lindsey.

Once we finish eating, I drag Lindsey up to my bedroom so we can actually discuss all that's happened to me in the last twenty-four hours, but the second I close my door, she says, "You are so lucky, Brigette. I can't believe this. You're going to be a Luna!"

I pause and stare at her. "Yes. That's the problem. Do you know me at all, Lindsey?"

"So you really aren't excited? Not even a bit?"

"I am being forced to leave with him in twelve hours. I don't even know when I'll see you again."

She sits down on my bed. "That part isn't so great, but at least you won't be alone. I mean, thinking about you out in the world by yourself worried me, but I feel better knowing that you have an Alpha by your side. And maybe I can visit you. And I'll see you when you come back to see your parents, right?"

"God, Lindsey, you're just like the rest of them. All anyone cares about is that he's an Alpha. No one cares how I feel."

"It's the mate bond. You're supposed to be feeling pretty good right about now."

"You know I can't—I can't let myself—the bond is dangerous."

Lindsey shakes her head. "Oh no, don't do this to yourself. You're going to go crazy if you try to fight it."

"Look," I say seriously, "I'm going to be real with you because you're still the only person I can trust. But, I still want to go. I still want to leave."

She stares at me.

"I know it's going to be more complicated now that I'm mated to an Alpha, but I figured that if I played along with the whole mate thing that I could eventually make him believe—"

"You're out of your mind," Lindsey interrupts. "People don't just up and abandon their mates."

I sigh. "I told him that I don't want this. He knows—"

"Don't you want to be with him?"

"It doesn't matter if I want to be with him. What matters is what I want more. Him or freedom."

"So you want him?"

"I want my freedom more."

"And why is it one or the other?" She questions.

"Because," I take a breath, "because if I go back and become Luna and love him then I'm never going to see the world. I'm never going to do everything I've dreamt of doing because he'll take over my brain. He'll be all I think about, and I can't let that happen to me. I can't submit my mind and body. I can't lose myself because of him."

Lindsey raises her brows as she comprehends my view of this.

"So you understand now, right? You get why I have to leave?"

"Brigette, no. That's not what happens. You don't lose yourself. You don't lose anything—you gain someone. It's not like I lost myself when I met Timothy; I'm still the same girl. I still want the same things and have the same dreams."

"Really? Before you wanted to see the world with me."

Lindsey says, "I would still love to see the world, it's just that I have someone else to consider. That's all that happens. You just add them to the equation."

"So you're telling me that I'll still be able to see the world with an Alpha as a mate? You're saying that I'll be able to leave him behind as I take trips for who knows how long? Could you do that to Timothy?"

She looks to the floor. "I-I don't know."

"Exactly. The two just don't work together. It's one or the other."

"But—but he's your mate."

"Yeah. But it's also my whole life."

I say one last goodbye to Lindsey and my Dad before my mother takes me back to the guest house. We walk in silence until our time together begins to run low. She starts talking about responsibilities and communication; how important it is to be patient with him, to give him a chance. "Just promise me you'll try," she says. "Don't give up right away. Just try to open yourself to the idea of it."

Usually I have plenty to say in response to my mother's advice, but this time I have no desire to speak. When we reach the guest house, she takes my hands and bundles them together between her own.

"You're a strong girl, Brigie, okay? Promise me you'll be okay."

I swallow and say, "I'll be okay. You know I will."

"I know," she murmurs and brings her arms around me. "And you'll come back soon, won't you?"

"I will, Mom. I'm sure I'll need to get away at some point."

My mother pulls back and smiles at me. She tucks a stray hair behind my ear. "Okay. You go on then. And don't worry about your things. The Alpha told me he'll have people come by in the morning for everything."

I break away and take a few steps toward the door before glancing back. "I'll see you later," I say.

She nods and covers her mouth with the side of her fist. With her free hand, she waves. I hurry inside before tears begin to trickle down my cheeks. I don't want her to think that I'm upset to leave her; I have to let her believe that I'll be okay.

I fall closed with the door and face the inside of the guest house, knowing he's here. I squeeze my eyes shut as if all the welling in my eyes will drain back. I refuse to seem weak. I refuse to seem weak. I cannot look weak.

"You're back."

I open my eyes and see the Alpha walking down the last few steps of the staircase.

"You've likely ruined your sleep schedule by sleeping into the afternoon, but we have to get up early tomorrow, so you should try to sleep some," he says.

My lips part, yet no words follow. My gaze slowly sinks from his face to the ground.

"Fine," I manage and move past him.

I climb the stairs and enter the spare room, closing the door behind me. Once I'm sure he won't follow, I reach into my shirt and pull out a small, folded stack of cash I've been hiding since I was young. My eyes fall upon my bag against the wall. Inside is the passport my parents got for me when my mother's father was dying across the country. We didn't have time to travel there through our own means because my Dad had to be back for our Alpha, so they decided we'd take planes to see Grandpa. I swiped the document from my Dad's office before I left last night. I didn't know if my mother would send it off with me, and I was right. Maybe she knew having it would only tempt me.

I stuff my money in the bag where my passport is tucked away. I also have two sets of clothes and bathroom essentials. It won't be enough to last me, but it will get me started.

With my light turned off, I sit patiently on the bed until I'm sure the Alpha is asleep. There will be a perfect time to leave—not too early and not too late. Our Alpha does not have many people out at night. We don't worry about wandering humans or rogues out here; we have never experienced anything having to do with them. My father told me how other packs have guards along their borders, how rogues or even other packs attempt attacks. If David's pack is like one of those, then there is no way I'm getting through a guarded border without risks.

I secure the strap of my bag on my shoulder before slowly sliding open the window. My heart beats relentlessly in my chest and through my ears as I climb through and onto the roof below. Steadily, I inch down the roof until I reach the edge. I turn onto my stomach and push down until the weight of my body yanks me to the grass. I scrunch my face as I drop and hit the ground. Thankfully, I don't land weird or bend a limp in a way it shouldn't be bent, but I'll have to power through the soreness that's already blooming under my skin.

Now I'm on a timer. I have to get as far as I can before he wakes and realizes I'm gone. He said there was no point in running, but if I possibly have a shot here, then I can't think about such things.

I collect myself and hurry along the side of the house. I'll be running South, so if I can cover myself in the trees, I can undress and shift. There's a Grey Hound station in Fairmont where I can take a bus to—

My eyes lift and my stomach plummets.

I swallow and stare.

"Get back inside," he says.

The Alpha stands with his eyes aimed away from me. There's defeat on his face, and despite the urge within me to run, I can't help but feel shame.