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Chapter 13
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2024-10-29 19:42:56You want me and I know.
Of course he knows—we're mates. That is how mates are supposed to be. So if I'm aware of this, then why am I flustered? What is so shameful about desiring one's ideal match? Maybe it's just me. I know very well that my sober, defensive self would rather die than face this conversation.
"It's just how I feel," I say softly.
"Well, you know there's no need to feel embarrassed. What happened to all of that fire? You're stubborn, Brigette, but undeniably determined."
"I don't know. I know what I should and shouldn't do—according to that fiery girl—but now I just feel lost. If I'm not that girl, then I don't know who I'm supposed to be. I really thought that's who I was. Maybe it is. Maybe
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I don't know what made me detest dependence. Maybe if I flipped through my life like a picture book, I could point out each moment that added a brick to the wall, but I can't. Or maybe I just don't care to know. I'm far too consumed with the fact that I can't help but be dependent on David. I think I would do anything for him. "Perfect," Helena says as I slide the dressed potatoes into the oven. "Now can you watch the sauce?" I stand over the stove and inhale the heavenly fumes of the kitchen. "I'm happy to help every night. It's not like I have anything else to do." "David's mother did all of the cooking; seeing you in here reminds me of her." "Oh, do you know where she is now?
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After Helena and I finish cooking dinner, I find privacy in my bedroom instead of waiting for David and eating with him. I plan to call Lindsey tomorrow to ask her about visiting, which should give me enough time to check in with David about it. I'm sure he could care less, seeing that he has much more going on these days. Jeremy found out that other Alphas in the region are calling for change, and for the change of what, we are unsure. It seems to be a very contained issue for the time being. I feel bad that David has to take on another problem, but I feel there is nothing I could do to better the situation. Like most things, it is out of my hands. I get myself ready for bed earlier than usual. As spring begins to fade into summer, the nights aren't so cold, and I abandon my heavy pajamas for lighter ones. Before showing more skin didn't faze me, but now there is more to consider. I ru
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My smile stretches impossibly wide when the car pulls up in front of the house. Jeremy is standing just behind me, watching as well, waiting for the back door to open. I squint and lean forward, trying to see through the tinted glass windows. My feet tap restlessly against the ground, and the driver gets out. He walks over and opens the door for her. When she steps out, I lose all sense of patience and run to her. Lindsey laughs as I engulf her in my arms. "I missed you!" I shout. "I can't believe it—you're actually here. I didn't think you could leave him." She chuckles and hugs me back. "How could I say no? I'mdyingto see what your new life is like." "It's different," I tell her as I pull back. "Ugh—we have so much to talk about."
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When I enter the bedroom, David is already sitting on the edge of the bed, on his side. He looks up as I continue to the opposite side. These past few nights, we've formed a routine of sorts. I get ready in my room and come over to the master where David will be waiting for me. I get in bed, he turns off the lights and settles down as well. We talk for a little before I eventually fall asleep, not remembering where the conversation ended. This night feels different, however. Lindsey is tucked away in her private guest house; I thought she would enjoy the extra space and seclusion. So as usual, we are utterly alone. Maybe it was the children then—the talk of motherhood that's throwing me off. Something pulls in my gut as I lay down, and when he shuts off the light, the feeling worsens. David lowers down and I turn to face him. He lays
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"Lindsey? When did you and Timothy, you know, go all the way? Like, how long did you wait?" She looks up from her plate and says, "How long? I don't know, maybe around two weeks." "Two weeks? Really?" "It's not like I'm unsure about my feelings for him. The mate bond is for life—there won't be anyone else. Why wait when you're with your soulmate?" I poke around at the breakfast Helena sent. It arrived just as I did, so Lindsey and I decided to eat together at her guest house. The windows are open and a near-summer breeze passes through, blowing softly against my skin before drifting throughout the rooms. She has everything bright and open and the morning has never felt more welcomed.
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The sound of the door has me up on my feet like a dog. Lindsey and Helena watch as I hurry to the archway and peer into the hall. David is at the end in the foyer, closing and locking the door behind him. He's home earlier than usual, and I couldn't have hoped for more. "David," I breathe and rush over, "what happened with the man? He's dead, isn't he? Do you know why she did it?" "How do you know about that?" He asks, taken-back. "Lindsey and I were there." "Why were you there? Were you looking for the scene?" He questions. "No, we weren't. We were just walking to the gardens, and we saw it happen. W-We left right after and ran back home."
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Part 2 I think I fell in love with the idea of running away when my grandfather was dying and we traveled to see him. All of it was so exciting; the airport, the commotion, the flight. The moment the plane pushed from the ground and that strange floating feeling spiked in my gut, I was hooked. My eyes never left the window. My father was apprehensive about the whole thing, but he wouldn't dare keep my mother from saying one last goodbye to her father. While he was quiet and reserved the entire time, I knew being around humans and pretending to be one of them wasn't his style. Like David, he is prideful in what he is, who he is, and the traditions he so passionately keeps alive. It's our culture, our sense of self, and he liked these distinctions between us and them. Humans were so painfully singular—selfish, h
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"Do you have the agreement?" "I got it," David says. I look from my reflection in the mirror over the dresser to see the folder clamped in his hand, hanging at his side. It seems like just the other day that I attended my first Union meeting here, but I don't mind the travel. Besides, the heavy snow outside reminds me of the winters at my old pack, minus the mountains, of course. David scans my body as if something will suddenly be out of place. I turn to him with my hands holding the underside of my rounded belly. "I know," I tell him, "I'm getting big." He approaches with gentle eyes and spreads his palm to feel my belly with a cautious touch. "Twenty-two weeks today—over halfway there." "Do you think you can make it?"
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The sweet smell of cooking blackberries wafts in my face as I stir the fruit over the stove to make jam. Helena places the proofed dough loaf in the oven, and we function seamlessly, chatting through our work. "Do you think they will like jam? I hope they aren't picky." "Children are picky, but they will grow out of it. You know, my daughter was a very picky eater at first, so I would eat the food she feared and act as if it was the most wondrous tasting thing. She would see my reaction and immediately want to taste it. Most of the time, she would act the same way—smiling and sayingyum-my. She was a precious little thing." "I can't wait," I say. Helena comes to my side. "Here, dear. Let me take over. Sit down for a bit, won't you?"
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Lyde and I sit together in the back seat of the SUV that picked us up from the airport. The sun is setting, and I am entirely exhausted, but my excitement to see David keeps me awake. Bonny flew home to Argentina from Germany, so without Jeremy, it is only the two of us returning. The decision to leave without Jeremy was out of my hands, but my guilt lingers and sours in my stomach. He left us, yet I feel the opposite. David is still unaware of everything—especially regarding Maybe Baby—but any moment now I'll be free to tell him each and every detail. We're nearing our territory, only ten or so minutes away. "Lyde," I say, looking from the window, "I just want to thank you for coming with me." Her eyes open and shift to me before closing again. She adjusts in her seat. "Of course,
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The very moment my eyes open, I remain completely still. My fingers twitch, my throat swallows, and I soon realize that nothing happened last night. For some reason, it feels too good to be true. In just over four hours, I'll be giving my speech, and no one has tried to sabotage me. No one broke into my room and knocked me over the head and dropped me in the middle of the woods. No one drugged me and tied me up in the basement of the hotel. And thank the goddess above that I'm not dead. "Maybe Baby?" I call softly then glance under the sheets in search of blood, but there's none of that either. My unease sits on my shoulder as I work through my morning routine, kicking its feet into my chest and grabbing at my hair. I stand in front of the mirror and brush my teeth, but my eyes drif
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Sunlight is diffused into a soft glow by the sheer curtain pulled over the large window in my room. I have been awake for a while already, yet I haven't left the bed. I lay on my back with my head propped against two pillows, and I rub my flat tummy as if casting a spell. The incantation is a murmur on my lips. "If you're in there, just hang on. We're only here for one more night, and then we'll get back home to your Daddy. I just need you to work with me, okay?" It's almost eight o'clock. Jeremy will knock on my door any moment now to make sure I'm getting myself ready for the day. There are meetings in the late morning all through the afternoon, then tonight we have a formal dinner which I packed a very sophisticated dress for—clean edges, all business. Without David, this is no more than a business trip, but maybe next time we can come together and explore Germany for an extra few da
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"They're drawing my circle." I stand at the back doors in the kitchen. It's pitch black outside. We've either launched ourselves into the night sky or have stumbled into a place we are not supposed to be. "It's time," David says as he comes up behind me. His hands reach under my arms and caress my bump. Something moves inside of me, and my eyes shoot down to my round, ripened stomach. I gasp and swiftly turn to my love. David kneels before me and looks at my very pregnant belly. Fear strikes my core. "I-I don't remember—" "It's coming," he tells me. "It's time." I jolt and wake in my seat, submerged in the strange atmosphere of the airplane. Bonny is in the seat beside me, and i
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"I think it's done." I lift my eyes from my computer screen to look at both Bonny and Jeremy as they sit at the dining table with me. Jeremy says, "Let's hear it." "Okay," I mutter and straighten up in my seat. Bonny watches with encouraging eyes, and I loosen up my shoulders. "Here it is." We've been working for the past two days since Bonny arrived. We leave for Germany the day after tomorrow, and the final piece of our preparations is my speech for the main discussion. And I think I've done it. "Hello, good afternoon, I am Luna Amin of the Amin Pack in North America, but please, call me Brigette. It isn't a secret that I am new to the Union, to leadership—I haven't been a Lun
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Part 3 "Good morning, dear. How was your sleep?" "It's was fine," I tell Helena as I enter the kitchen, clad in a robe and shrugging off the mental residue of lovemaking. "Did David get something to eat before he left?" "He did," she assures me. "And I've got some stuff for you as well; the things we talked about yesterday." Yesterday I told Helena that I may be pregnant soon. I couldn't help myself, with all that's been happening, it wouldn't be a complete surprise. I sit at the counter island as she displays some pregnancy-related goods in front of me. "I've got the teas, the salve, and I even found the necklace I told you about." She holds up a dainty metal ch
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"What did you do with the body," I ask, my back to my mate, the spray of the shower falling down on us like rain. "Aurora asked us to dispose of it," David says, rubbing up and down my shoulders. "How?" He sighs. "We burned it." "I'm starting to understand you were gone for so long." He leaves a kiss on my nape, and I turn to face him. "I have to speak with her after this. Tarlo is bringing her to the house, and you're welcome to sit in on our discussion. Maybe she'd appreciate your presence. You're her friend, after all." "How much did she see of it?" "Nothing. She stayed i
