New Start

Bella's pov

I roamed around my room, here and there, looking for a perfect outfit to wear. Trying my best to match the colours, patterns, accessories. I was really tempted to wear sneakers,—but who wears sneakers for an interview?

I don't want people judging me again and definitely not because of something this small.

After what seemed like an eternity, I decided for a white long sleeve and a beige circular skirt right below my knees. Flat shoes, because I can't handle the idea of torturing myself with high heels just because of some stupid pattern of this stupid society I live in.

A little make up. Just lipgloss and a thin layer of mascara. No foundation. I'll let my beautiful dark skin shine with its freckles and acne scars. 

My long black curly hair tied up into a messy bun, just like always, the way I like.

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, not sure if it was enough—if I was enough. 

Is this really it? I questioned myself, Is this enough to face this world I've been trying to escape for so long.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, “I'm going to be ok.” I said to myself, but my words weren't enough to convince me.

“Ella, hurry up. We are going to be late.” My brother yelled from outside my room. Lier.

We are one hour early and it's 20 minutes to the place of the interview. Only the girl in the mirror knows how much I don't want to leave this place, my safe place.

“Ready, Ella?” He knocked impatiently on the door, 

“Coming…” Step by step. My body denying my mind's orders—denying to leave. 

Deciding against it, I managed to get out of my room, and before I could utter a word, a loud gasp filled my ears.

“Wow, Sis. Are you trying to get a job or get married?” Get married?! I won't commit the same mistake again. Only to get hurt by this world's feelings, so fake. Or to be judged for not being like someone else. “You know I can drive myself, don't you?” I asked instead.

“I know you don't want to go to the interview, Ella. I'm not dumb. You need to go out, and I'm here to make sure of that.” He said, crossing his hands on his chest, his caramel eyes with a look of someone who knows me too much.

“I have everything I need at home.” I reasoned.

“This is not a home, Ella. This is a prison you locked yourself in.” He said, looking me in the eyes. The truth in his words was too much for me to handle, making my eyes divert from his, looking around my house. 

Those pastel colours surrounding everything. Shades of someone whose colours were washed away. 

Silence. Just like I designed this house to be. The melody of someone who doesn't have much to say nor hear.

I've been here for a year now. I moved here a year ago. Right after that happened, my wedding... and divorce.

These walls heard me cry for months. This floor witnessed me passing the whole house searching for answers.

Why would the man I loved for so long cheat on me? Why would my best friend since childhood steal my husband, my love? Why would the people I love and care so much, make me feel so much pain? Make everything I beleaved was true, fake.

This is my safe place. No one can hurt me here.

Lonely? NO!

I am not lonely. I'm just alone. 

“Let's go?” He asked, taking me out of the infinite thoughts overwhelming my mind.

“Let's go.” I said. There is no use of arguing, he always wins. I think this is it. My fate. My new start...

The ride was quiet, my mind screaming. The world outside my house wasn't much different than the last time I went out. Huge buildings, busy streets and people just playing their almost insignificant roles in this big universe and their small lives. 

We got there in no time, and I didn't know the feeling.

This is the chance I've been waiting for since I finished college. A dream I erased from my mind not too long ago. And the reason, too painful to remember.

“All the best, Ella. I believe in you.” My brother said, a big smile placed on his lips, as if telling me this is the right thing to do, even though I'm not so sure.

“I don't. Is it too late to give up? I'm not qualified for this. I…” I tried to reason, but he cut me off, “You are everything they need, Ella. Your designs are amazing.” 

“Thanks, Ed...” I know I'm good. But, am I good enough?

He gave me a hug and I was fast alone. 

A huge building met me. 'Crystal hotels', written big enough for anyone to notice miles away. Glamour and eccentricity present everywhere, but not screaming. 

That huge door waiting to swallow me in this world filled with fake smiles, judgmental eyes, loud whispers of people that think they're better than everyone else, but make no effort to be the best version of themselves.

“Hello, I'm Bella Miller. I'm here for the interview.” I said as soon as I reached the reception. 

The receptionist looked at me for a second or two before giving me a card with the descriptions of the place.

“It's on the 9th floor. Good luck.” The look on her face was saying otherwise. Fake, Bitter.

This is why it's better to be at home.

The eyes I received on the hallway there were making me doubt myself.

Is it my outfit? Is my skirt too long?

What is it? Is my chocolate skin color not good enough?

Is it my hair? Do I have to smooth it out? 

The shoes? I knew they'd make a big deal out of it!

I quickened my steps and got in the elevator as fast as I could. I was alone but still suffocating. I pressed the button to the ninth floor and the door finally closed. As time passed my heart beats were increasing. The pressure was too much, the air was short.

The door opened, displaying a spacious corridor, lots of doors on each side and a magnifying room with glass walls, impossible to see through, right ahead. 

The corridor was empty. Not a single soul. At least a chance to breathe. Calm down Bella. You can do this! I encouraged myself, It's just an interview…not a big deal. Once you're done, you'll be gone! The thought was enough to lighten up my mood.

I looked again at the card, ninth floor, office number 535. 

I was ready to rock on and maybe give this thing a change. But all my expectations turned into nothing at the moment someone bumped straight into me, making me lose my balance.

I fell miserably on the floor dropping my glasses.

My vision became blurry. It was impossible to see. 

I have myopia. Without my glasses I'm nothing more than useless...

“Watch out women.” I heard a man's voice.

“Sir, please, my glasses.” No response. What on earth! “Sir, I can't see!” Again, nothing. The only thing I could see was his blurry figure vanishing as he went far away.

What is wrong with him? What is wrong with people? “Sir, please help me…” I said, my voice sounding more like a whisper. Why is he so bad?!

I used my hands to try to find it, but couldn't... I was getting desperate. I hate this feeling. I hate this…

Trying not to fall, I used my hands to guide myself through the wall till I could feel the bench I first saw when I got there. 

I sat there trying my best to calm down.

There is no one nearby to help me. I bet I'm already late for the interview. I can't use the elevator, or I might end up lost somewhere. Looking stupid—People will ask questions and what will I say?

‘Oh, I just dropped my glasses, and as I'm almost blind, I thought it was a great idea to just walk around.’ So stupid.

This is a disaster... I'm stuck here.

My vision became more blurry, it didn't take long till the moment I felt my cheeks warm. I'm… crying.

My hands roamed my bag looking for my phone and thank goodness I only need my fingerprint to open it.

I used the assistent and called my brother, who answered in no time.

“Hello sis. Is everything ok?” He asked, “Aren't you supposed to be at the interview?”

“Mano…” I couldn't finish.

“Ella... are you.. crying?! Why are you crying?” He asked, worry in his voice.

“Can you come pick me up? I'm on the 9th floor.” He didn't ask further… 

“Coming, sis. Calm down.” He said and disconnected the call.

I knew this was a bad idea.

This would never have happened if I had stayed home.

At home no one can hurt you.

What am I going to do now?

The sound of a door opening and closing violently diverted me from my thoughts. I quickly wiped my tears and kept my head down, looking at my lap that I couldn't really see.

Someone lost his precious time—the last thing I want is to be the reason...

At that same instant I heard the sound of the elevator opening. I looked in that direction and could easily sense who it was.

“Ohh, Ella. What happened?” Ed. 

His steps quickened towards me and soon I was engulfed in a very tight embrace.

“I... lost my glasses... I'm so scared…” I said in between my sobs and this time I couldn't stop the tears.

“Shhh, It's ok. I'm here.” He said, hugging me like the most precious thing in the universe.

“Someone bumped on me... they fell. I asked for help but... but no one came.” 

“Don't worry. I'm gonna solve this, ok.” He assured.

He took my stuff on the bench, and apparently my glasses that were... somewhere.

“They're broken. Let's get you new ones, okay?” I'd be so damned right now if it wasn't for him—Probably still locked in my room staring at my reflection and regretting my existence. Ed is everything I have, the only one that makes me feel at ease.

“Come on. Let's get out of here.” He said, but my mind couldn't process his words. We were about to get in the elevator, but I couldn't ignore the feeling, the sensation of eyes… eyes eyeing me. 

I turned around to the direction of that same corridor.

“Is something wrong?” Ed asked, “What is it?” 

“Is it someone over there? I asked. I couldn't see, but the sensation was undeniable. 

“No,” He said, “there is no one.” I couldn't help but frownat his answer.

What is this? Am I hallucinating?