THE HANDSOME MEDICAL DOCTOR: CHAPTER SIX

The kitchen was sleek, professionally designed, bespoke, with granite counters, stainless steel appliances. It was very spotless, and expertly scrubbed, well equipped, utensils on hooks, matching cups uncluttered, clean folded tea towel, gentle swish from the dishwasher, and an efficient hum of refrigerator. Dried flowers hung from beams with a professional knife block, nothing superfluous, minimalistic. 

Susanna's eyes drip with tears as she washed the dishes. Her walls, the walls that hold her up, which makes her strong just... collapse. Moment by moment, they fall. Salty drops fall from her chin, drenching her shirt. Perhaps these tears will help wash the pain out. She pressed my head against the wall. She was trembling. She could not stop. Even as she press her hand on the plates it shakes, it trembles. It's raw, everything, raw tears, raw emotions. She couldn't stop... She just could not stop. Why can she not stop crying?

All her life she had been regardless as a witch and that was what had made her to be very isolated from people. No one wanted anything to do with her.

 The four women who worked as the kitchen staff had taken a break, not and so she was washing the used plates. 

Her thoughts wandered to him as she tried to get rid of the thoughts. Seeing his face had just given her a chill. Well it was not her problem anymore. He would be gone before she realized, and that was a hell of a relief for her. Her life will return to normal, with the constant stares and curses a daily routine.

Her tears poured uncontrollably as her thoughts were all about him. She was in pain but she did not know which pain she was crying for. Was it because of Mike's betrayal and he coming back or because of what people see her as and the names they call her?

 She was so deep into thoughts, her tears still running down her cheeks as the door to the kitchen opened. She did not notice someone came in because of how detailed she was.

She did not realize someone's constant stare on her.

She did not realize he was right behind her. Not until he was quite close enough for her to smell his colgne. 

Her heart started beating faster as her tears seemed to have stopped. She turned softly, meeting his gaze, her hands behind her on the sink.

"Hey" he said softly as he came closer, so his head was almost touching hers, his both hands closed to hers on the sink. He trapped her as he looked into her eyes, as if he could see right through her.

"Get lost" Susanna said as she tried to push him, but she would have known better because Mike was a strong man and he could not  be easily shaken off because of a woman.

To her surprise, he leaned closer, his eyes still not leaving hers. His hands went up to her cheek and cleaned the tears that were on them. It surprised her the more when she had seen the concern and worry in his eyes, as if he cared about her.

"Do not cry Susanna. You know who you are so what they say should not affect you. All that matters is that the things people that matter to you are with you. What people say about you does not mean anything because i know you will never touch someone talk more of murder" He whispered softly as he touched her temple, his face closer to hers.

"Why does that concern you? I never mattered to you. Why does what they say affect you? As far as i know you, you supposed to condemn me and call me a killer or murderer like they would"

"I have changed Susanna. I am not the Mike you knew years ago. I know i hurt you and i know i am not worthy of your forgiveness, but all i can say to you is that i am sorry. I will do anything to make you forgive me because it hurts to see you mad at me. I do not know why but it hurts"

He looked so vulnerable that she did not still understand why he is being all sweet to her. Whatever is the reason she did not want to care, all she wanted is to get away from him.

Far far away.

"People can grow strong enough to whisper at the iron bars that hold them and see them bend out of their way, like the most crazy magic. That's what love can do: kill souls, kill brains, weaken the victim who bears the torture of love. I wish I could have mastered that way, but it is hard when you have shown your face after a long time. You can just go away and never show your face again. 

"I always act like there is no cage, wear a mask of coping and normality. I can rage against the bars. Yet what love makes hard, no other thing or plan thought of can ever solve the puzzles set out to solve. There is another escape route, yet it is one into another great pain. It is possible to be so emotionally starved that you slip through the bars, no longer bound but with your soul crumbling. 

"That was my way out. What followed was endless emotional marathons on bleeding knees. I learned how to hide the pain, how to look normal. I understand why some go cold inside to escape the pain of isolation, why they let their empathy wither and die: numbness over feeling, mental anesthesia. I refuse. 

"The thing is, regardless of the pain, I believe that living with an incomplete soul is a form of death, and I'd rather be a humane human in pain than a zombie needing to beg a man who never loved me for love. Go and leave me alone in utter peace. I have told you that what liners for you in my heart is a hate that will never melt. Seeing you or your face makes me remember all you made me go through" She said as she bit her lips, trying to control the tears which were threatening to fall.

"I am sorry Susanna. I know what you have been through and i know it is hard for you. I just want to sew you happy. I do not know why but your happiness suddenly is my highest priority. All i just want is your forgiveness"

"Forgiveness is a letting go of all negative emotions and memories, it is moving on with whatever positives remain. For me nothing at all remains, and that makes everything about me and the relationships i share with people negative - abusive, even if invisibly so. 

"For many years I had punished myself, feeling that if I forgave more fully then love would blossom; yet in truth it had never been there at all. The guilt of failure, the weight of accusing tongues, took me into a living nightmare - and my mind conjured them as grotesque bodies under ice. Yet when I learned what forgiveness is, there was nothing but water under my ice, everything was crystal clear. Forgiveness is a waste of time Mike, because all you will do is leave me again and this time, there is no certainty that you will come back, especially when you know what i had left behind belonging to you" She said as tears steamed down, her gaze not leaving his.

"What did i leave?"

Susanna, biting her lip as she saw she had almost let out what she had hidden for seven years looked away. She could not afford to tell him.

"It is nothing. Please get off me, i need to work"

"There is something bothering you and i want to know. I really do"

"Please leave. I will not want my boss to see me and you like this. It will look like we were flirting and she might minimise my pay"

"She will not even dare. You do not even deserve working here. You deserve much better Susanna"

Susanna closed her eyes as she tried to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.

Not this time.

Mike Harrison will not emotionally blackmail her this time.

"Let me be"

"But....."

"Get off me or i will scream" Susanna said, making Mike to leave her alone and Susanna ran out of the door, crying as she ran further and further leaving Mike in a worried state.

He did know where she ran to neither did he have the will to follow her because he clearly did not want to see how hurt he had made her to be.

Walking out of the room, he walked to the table in which he was sitting with Ben to see him discussing with a friend.

"Where have you been Mike? I have been waiting for you" His brother said as soon as he had taken his seat.

"We have to go now Brother. Sorry for wasting your time" He had said as he stood up and made his way towards the car, his brother following him behind.

"Is it about Susanna?" His brother asked as soon as they had entered the car.

"No it is not"

But that was far from the truth because he was very angry with his aunt for what he had said to Susanna. He was angry at all he had done to that woman.

He was angry that he was not worthy of her forgiveness.

His eyes covered with immense anger as all he wanted to do now was to meet his aunt and give her a piece of his mind. He wanted her to know that this little flower (Susanna) did not deserve all she had lashed out on her. 

And soon, they were on the road, Mike's car in full motion, heading towards the hospital.