THE HANDSOME MEDICAL DOCTOR: CHAPTER NINE

Her thought were blank. What a strange occurrence! Normally her thoughts were always twisting and turning; suffocating her with their whispers. When she is always alone, her thoughts will always turn into tormentors, a torture only escapable by sleep... which had become fleeting. But then she had realized that if she never "replied," if she lets them float by like a call unanswered, then in time they would cease. 

Always they became a little worse, yet soon they ebbed. This night while on bed she noticed they were gone and just the noticing brought them back a little, but only a faint echo of what they had been. They are gone now and she did not know why but she was glad they were gone. Those terrifying thoughts! Her mind was quiet, healthy, and happy for the first time since she was eight. Just like any bully, they go when ignored.

She knew he was the reason. The god she had seen back at the bar. His face seemed so glued to her memory that she could not shake it off. Her mind was free just because there were thoughts about him blocking all the bad and terrible thoughts she had before. She could not forget him nor put thoughts about him away. All she wanted to do was to see him. She did not know why but she hoped she had not fallen in love with him at first sight.

When her thoughts became nonsense, and all the more interesting for it, she knew she was falling asleep. Now all she had to do was let go, at least for the night. As her consciousness ebbed, her mind went into free fall, swirling with the beautiful chaos of a new dream.

A beautiful dream.

Of him.

                           📖

The night sky was juniper-purple. The sound of intoning bees filled the air. The stars were glowing like beacons for the lost souls of the world. A feathered medley echoed through the trees. The garlic smell of ramsons drifted through the air. The clouds were bracketed to the eternal, summer sky. It was like a dome of solar blue. The grass was silk soft. A broth of smells swirled around her as she walked into the bar with a huge smile on her face.

It has been one week since she had met him and now he had asked her on a date on the same bar she worked in. How all these happened she did not know. He just came to her, smiled and started talking. Before she knew he asked her to be his date on the next party. She had taken permission from her boss who gave in but warned her still.

She did not know why the man warned her but her love was so strong for him that she could not refuse his date. It had been her dream for close to a week now and she will not want that dream to come out unfulfilled

For the first time in her entire life she tried to look her best. She wanted him to not regret asking her on a date and so made herself beautiful. She wore a silver v-necked dress which reached her knee. She straightened her hair and styled it to perfection. Her silver shoes and purse matched her clothes.

It did not take long for her eyes to meet his. He was standing at the dark end of the bar looking ever so handsome, putting on a black trouser and a white shirt with a pair of white canvas. She could fall in love with him over and over, even in her next life.

"Looking good Susanna" He said as soon as she had reached him, planting a kiss on her cheek. Her eyes widened in shock as she looked back at him in realisation. He just kissed her!

And it did not seem to affect him in anyway.

Her blush seared through her cheeks and for a minute she thought her face was on fire. She suddenly felt awkward, demure, and coy; even going as far as attempting to hide her rosy features behind her slim fingers. 

"What?" He asked as he smirked.

"You are looking at me as if i am the first guy to peck you"

She glanced away as he said that, turning her head to the side to avert her gaze, but the sudden rosiness of her cheeks gave her away. How she wished he knew what he said was true.

"Wait you mean no man has ever pecked you?" He asked again as he looked at her with an unsure expression.

"No" she said as she bit her lips.

"You telling the truth?"

"I never lie"

"Woah! So you have never had a boyfriend before? Is that what you are trying to tell me?"

"Yes, is that bad?" She asked as she looked at him The paralyzing hurt of he rejecting her sooner than expected spread through her body like icy, liquid metal. What if she said she was not good for him just because no other guy had pecked her other than him?

"Its just i am surprised you are that pure. Care for some drink?"

"Yes please" She heated a sigh of relief as she walked took a glass of wine from him. At least it was better than pure alcohol.

                         📖

It was 9pm, the party was still going on. Susanna had really gotten to know Mike better, especially the part that he had just graduated from school as a Medical Doctor. There was not much to tell him about herself though, because to her, there was nothing in her life to write home about.

They were leaning on his Mercedes in front of the bar. He leaned on his car as he asked her more questions about herself and she in turn tries to find answers for them.

"You mean your parents are not alive?"

"I lost them when i was eight"

"Don't you have any other relatives?"

"They think i was the murderer of my parents and also a witch so they rejected me"

"If you do not have parents or anyone who do you live with and how do you fend for yourself?"

"I really do not want to go into details because i do not want you to see me as a weak person but as you know i am working as a waitress here. I am fighting hard to stay alive, that is all i can say"

She noticed his eyes and his mouth were frozen wide open in an expression of stunned surprise, and although he was staring straight at her her he appeared to be in a trance.

"Uh Mike?"

"Yes?"

"You seemed to be lost in thoughts"

"I don't know Susanna. You must be a brave woman then because a lot of girls like you would have sold themselves into prostitution but you, you are very pure and innocent. You are the first i have seen this pure. Your parents must be very proud of you wherever they are" He said as he smiled.

Susanna smiled as he praised her. She didn't know why but what he said had made her happy. He was proud of her.

"What is your greatest wish Susanna?"

"I still wait for the day when I can show the small beauties of life to someone, but there are no fools like me in this vast world. Perhaps they exist, yet they must be distant, enjoying the same sky with other eyes yet the same thought.

"It's almost imperceptible, those little felicitations few know how to enjoy and admire; I'm proud to say I am one who loves such things. Society, our modern world, is so worried about money, about work, about what other people will think of you, and simply forget about what happiness is. It's not only finding love, setting up your family, having money, or have the job of the dreams. It's just about being happy and living your life to fullness. One thing i want is always to be happy, but i can never be happy" She said as she turned away, not wanting him to see the tears pouring down from her eyes.

"What's wrong Susanna?" He said as he reached for her shoulder and made her turn around, her eyes meeting his.

"You....you're crying. Are you ok?" He said as he used his thumb to clean the tears from her eyes, his face portraying concern.

"I just can't be happy, i cannot even make myself to be happy. I do not know why. I just have the thoughts of harming myself, letting my soul leave this world"

"Killing yourself will not solve anything Susanna"

"I don't have anything to live for so that is the more reason i feel like killing myself"

"Can you live for me?"

Susanna's face washed blank with confusion, like her brain cogs could not turn fast enough any longer to take in the question from her wide eyes. Every muscle of her body just froze before a frown crept onto her face, it soon stretched from one side to the other in a cute way.

"You want me to live for you?"

"Yes. Don't you feel anything for me?"

"I love you Mike, i loved you from the start" She whispered, as tears dropped from her eyes, making it look glossy.

"I know Susanna, and i want that love you have for me to be your strength and will to live. I won't say i love you Susanna, but you make me feel some emotions i have never felt before" He said as he removed some of her hair from her face, placing a kiss on her forehead.

"I will live for you Mike. I promise" She said as she snitched, her eyes not living his, giving him permission to see right through her.

Right through her soul.

He walked closer to her slowly and pulled her closer to him, wrapped her in a warm swaddle of his chest and arms. She did not want to leave. He stroked her long blond hair and pulled him closer into his chest. His embrace was warm, and his big, strong arms seemed very protective when wrapped around her frail body. It felt as if when she was in his arms all her pain went away - mental and physical, mostly the depressing pain. If she could only stay in his arms forever, safe from the world's harmful people.  

The world around her melted away as she squeezed him back, not wanting the moment to end.

One could only hope.

"Are you ok?" He whispered in her ears as she nodded slowly, tightening her grip on him, not wanting him to leave her.

But he pulled away, and as expected her body was cold again, cold and missing his touch. How she wished he could cuddle her and hold her like that forever.

"It is getring late and i know you do not like being out at this time. Mind if i drop you off?" He asked as he smiled at her.

"Yes please, thanks a lot" She said as she smiled. He opened the passenger door and ushered her in, hugging her body as soon as she was in the car.

                           📖

Fifteen minutes later, the car stopped in front of her house. You will not call it house though, it is more like a shed. The window is single pane. It is old but not attractively so. It is just the kind they threw in twenty years ago expecting it to last fifteen at the most. Even inches away it's like standing in front of an open refrigerator. No matter how much heat she pumps out from that three-bar gas fire it just flees out of the window or up the chimney. 

Last year she had bought that thin plastic stuff that is supposed to make it double glazed, this year she had spent the cash on a thicker coat at the thrift store. Doesn't make the skin on her face any warmer or stop the condensation that pools on the peeling ledge, but it made more sense at the time. Now at least she does not look so poor out on the street, unless they look closely at her shoes. But who does that? Who cares anyway?

"Thanks for the ride" She said after getting out of the car and walking to the other side so she could see him and also bid him goodbye.

"You live here?"

"I know what you think but this is the only place i find solitude in. I was born and lost my parents in this house so this house holds lots of memories i do not want to forget"

"Ok, i will see you later" He said as she smiled and stepped back. tried to start the engine but it seemed to not give in.

"What is wrong?" She asked as she looked at him.

"Damn! I do not know and it is quite late. I have to go home on feet now. I'll call my mechanic to come check on it tomorrow"

"But it is late, how will you walk so late at night?"

"I am a man Susanna, it is not a big deal for me" He said as he got out of his car and locked the door.

The fear thoughts suddenly started looping around in her mind until there was no room for anything else. The "loop" played like this; "If i let him go then he might get hurt judging by the time of the night. If i don't tell him to stay, goodness knows what will happen to him, and if he gets hurt it is all my fault. The thought loop included plenty of worry about Mike. She had to do the right thing and that was to let him stay over at her place.

"Do not worry Mike, you are welcomed at my place. Please accept my offer and rest here for the night, i do not want anything to happen to you so please even if i do not live in luxury, at least it is a shelter, please accept my offer"