Jayden was the first to be released from the spell the video had held us under. He took me by the hand and tugged me from the house before I could begin to process his action. He didn’t stop until we were at the end of the driveway, wanting to be as far away from the chaos and loud relatives as possible.
His face was grave, even more so under the pale glow of the moon. His eyes held a sorrow I couldn’t comprehend.
“I’m…so sorry,” he said.
His words left me dumbfounded. Of all the things I thought he would say—the accusations he would’ve been right to lay out against me—an apology was the very last thing I expected.
“For what?” I couldn’t meet his gaze, too ashamed by the ease with which I’d condemned him without ever giving him a chance to explain himself. I’d been as ready to crucify him as my mother had been. The faith I was meant to have, the trust I should’ve pu
My voice was barely above a whisper when I spoke. “Let me go…”“You don’t want me to.”“Yes, I do.” My tone left us both unconvinced, but my next actions cemented my decision. I pulled out of Jayden’s grasp and sprinted inside without ever looking back. I couldn’t bear to see his final look as I ran away. It would cause me to melt then there was every chance I would’ve gone back on what I knew to be a necessary evil.It had to be done, no matter how much it hurt in the moment.I tossed the front door open then made an immediate beeline for the sanctity of my room. My family, even in the middle of their own business, were shamelessly nosy and I wasn’t in the mood to explain the decision I’d just made to people I was certain didn’t truly care one way or the other. I needed to be alone for the inevitable breakdown I’d only barely kept at bay.Inside my room, I s
That night, I held my cousin until she’d cried herself to sleep. After, I pulled Emi close and held her.My mind was flooded with the information Tara had shared and it kept drifting back to the most harrowing of what-ifs; what if Mom had succeeded in her attempts to remove Emily before she had a chance to be born? The thought sent a cold shiver down my spine and made me hold her tighter.Nana and the others would be leaving in the morning. After everything that had happened, there was mutual agreement between them all that the visit be cut short. It wasn’t worth risking further tension or anyone taking matters into their own hands after feeling they’d been slighted one too many times. They would leave…t
I swallowed roughly but knew there was no going back. “Aunt Jen’s the one on about Mom disowning her grandchild but she’s even worse. She forced Tara to have an abortion. Mom …sometimes pretends hers doesn’t exist but, Aunt Jen, you wouldn’t let yours live in the first place.”I watched my grandmother’s eyes grow wide as she turned to face my aunt. “You killed my great-grandchild?”Aunt Jen was quick to respond even as she scrambled to find words. It was an accusation she couldn’t bluff her way around given my grandmother’s strong sense of family.“Mom—no, I—it wasn’t—”
My heart sank. The street was still warm from Aunt Rebecca’s tires whisking Nana away, and my mother was already defying her orders. I’d thought, perhaps foolishly, that I would finally be able to keep my baby—that I would be able to take care of her and make her truly understand that I was her mother rather than the babysitter who came by.My voice was small when I spoke. “But…Nana said she could stay.”It was the wrong move. Mom whirled around, getting me right in the jaw. The blow sent me staggering until I grabbed hold of the table for support. The woman had had her fill of being told what to do in her own house and wasn’t about to have the likes of me further add to her mounting fr
Blinded by my preoccupations, I didn’t see Jonie until after she slammed me into a nearby locker. It took my eyes an extra second to focus and my brain another minute, but I could see by her creased brows that she was upset.“What the hell’s wrong with you?” The girl had never been one for small talk and didn’t think that day would be a good time to change that.My own brows creased as I took in her frustration. “What…are you talking about?” I’d been at school for barely 10 minutes. In that time, it was unlikely I’d manage to do anything of consequence to the often-elusive girl.“Why did you break up with Jayden? Have you lost your ever-loving mind?”I eased her away from me, not in the mood to deal with something so comparatively trivial when I’d likely arrived at the end of my life and had only hours to live. While I cared for Jayden and was still hurt by the events of the previous night, they paled in comparison to the mortal danger that stared me in t
The bell rang and the others filed in. My only hope was that the responsible student body president would choose to skip the class, but he appeared at the door with a few friends shortly after the teacher did. When he arrived at our workstation, Jayden brought with him a suffocating silence. I couldn’t remember a time I’d ever felt so uncomfortable, not even when we first met.Some part of me understood it was the new normal I would have to acclimate to. However, like everything else, it wouldn’t matter soon.I snuck glances at him through the class, actively fighting the urge to say something. He’d already started on the road to getting over me—no matter how small the progress. Reintroducing myself into his space would only force him to start over. I would have to be strong for both of us.He never looked back. For the entirety of the lesson, Jayden’s eyes remained firmly fixed on the chemistry teacher. He broke his gaze only
At the end of the day, Jayden sat out on the steps with me to wait for my mother. I’d poured my heart out to him during the lunch period, and he was as anxious as I was for what might be waiting for me upon her arrival. He wanted to follow me home and stay for as long as he was allowed but I knew my mother would never go for it.While not shy, she typically preferred to go without an audience when the devil took over.Jayden’s phone rang.I watched his brows furrow as he tried to read the ID but nothing came up. It was an unknown number. Confused, he answered it. “Hello? Uh…yeah, she’s right here…” I shot him a curious look but there was no need for questions. In another second, he handed his phone to me. “It’s your mom.”I hesitated a moment before placing the phone to my ear. “Hello?”“Hello, darling.” The sing-song cadence of her voice coming through the phone
Agitated, I took off at a sprint once more. It was too difficult to stand and wait for someone else to make them safe. There were three people in the building who had my heart, and the thought was enough to propel me toward that peril. However, before I could get far, I was tackled to the ground by a burly fireman who’d put his weight into taking me to the ground.I coughed, both from the smoke and the wind that had been knocked out of me.“You can’t go in there!” he said. “It’s too dangerous; you could die in there. Let the fire department handle it.”I…could die…A few of the men ran by me, rushing toward the burning building without a moment’s hesitation. They beat the front door down then disappeared into the thick, grey clouds of doom. While those on the outside worked at putting down the flames, those on the inside began their desperate search for the people they’d heard screaming m
“There’s…there’s something I need to tell you.” I only needed the courage to find the words.Jayden’s brows creased as he took me in. “What is it…?”“You’ll be angry.”“I won’t.”“You can’t promise that; you don’t even know what it is…”“And you can’t be sure I will be until you’ve told me and given me a chance to react.”We sat at a silent stalemate as several minutes trickled by. I knew he was patiently waiting for whatever bad news I would spring, and I knew it would hurt him. The fear I harboured had nothing to do with ending the new fairytale I’d taken on and everything to do with the hesitation I felt following everything he’d done for me and now my brother.He didn’t deserve what I’d done, and it had been all for naught. I never got pregnant and didn’t h
Three weeks later, my brother and I dutifully attended our mother’s funeral. There were only a handful of people in attendance and even then, they were mostly family. The genuine friends my mother had made were no more than a handful and only one of them shed any tears.Aunt Rebecca was the only immediate family member to cry with even Nana maintaining a wall of stoicism while the pastor carried on with his final sermon. I didn’t hear most of his words. My eyes locked on the casket waiting to be lowered with a detached sense of disbelief. At any moment, it would open, and my mother would come out barking her laughter at all the fools who’d thought a single bullet would be enough to keep her from her children. She would hug Matt and promise she would never leave him then offer me a plastic smile as she assured me we would talk about it all when we got home.I’d spent the better part of the earlier service with my eyes fixed on the woman while the
It was another seven minutes before the paramedics arrived and when they did, there was a race against time to get me stable. I’d already lost too much blood and kept slipping in and out of consciousness. I learned later that the police had also been called but in the haze I’d fallen into, I couldn’t say when they arrived on our usually quiet street.I was loaded into the ambulance with my brother and an officer accompanying us. It was Detective Charles, the man who’d promised my mother he would find out the truth about her ex-husband’s sudden, tragic death. He didn’t know what to make of the scene he’d come onto but knew there was a deep well that buried secrets so dark that two children had no business holding onto them.Conversations carried on around me, but they were too muffled by my fading consciousness for me to hear. The next time I awoke, I was on a hospital bed with my brother asleep on the chair that sat in the corn
“No!” I answered quickly. I hurried to hold the note I’d written up for her to see but she gave it only the shortest of cursory glances before pulling back then throwing her entire weight into the smack she landed on my cheek. The force sent me toppling to the ground faster than I could right myself and by then, she’d begun kicking.“I bet you think you’ve found something, huh? HUH? Think you’ve got the upper hand now; that you can blackmail me because of what you’ve seen? Do you know who I am, little girl? Don’t you know that I will kill you?”I shook my head frantically as I curled into a protective ball. “I didn’t—I didn’t see anything, I swear!”“Don’t fucking lie to me!” Her next kick landed in my face, causing blood to gush from my nose.“I won’t say anything; I won’t, I promise!”“I shoul
I set to decline Adam's offer but, in a flash, he was on his feet pulling on his own pants. “The bus might be a while. I don’t want you standing out by the bus stop waiting for however long.” He pulled for his shirt and slipped it on. “You hungry? We can hit up a drive-thru on the way.”The rumbling of my stomach betrayed any answer I could’ve given. Adam nodded his understanding then led the way from the house. He got me my usual off the menu then dropped me off in front of my house.Adam had tried to fill the ride with small talk, in what appeared on the surface to be a sincere interest in catching up, but I’d already begun to shut down. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to feel, to see, to be.“Hey,” he said as I set to walk away from his car. “Remember what I said, alright? I’m here for you.”I nodded, seeing no need to argue and not wanting to prolong the conversat
I swallowed my pride, understanding the role I would have to play. It wasn’t an unfamiliar one and would require no great effort for me to slip into. I dropped the pitch of my voice, forcing it into a sultry invitation I knew he wouldn’t refuse.“Your pay’s built into this favour.” I hated myself.Adam pulled away to look at me, his eyes glistening hungrily. “I’m listening.”I took a deep breath to steady myself. “Emily’s…dead.”“Who?”A surge of hot anger rose in me at his ignorance, but I was forced to swallow it. Adam’s lack of knowledge was in large part my fault. I’d never allowed him to meet her, nor had I ever told him anything about her. She may as well had been a stranger to him—as she truly was—and in that moment, I realised the small stake he had in the decision I’d made…how…insignificant my plight was been for
“Hey, Kai.” Madelyn stopped me on my way down the hall. “Wait up.”Reluctantly, I brought my feet to a halt then offered her a forced smile. “Hey.”She began rummaging through her bag as she drew closer before pulling out a pastel pink toddler shirt with a crown printed on the front. Madelyn extended it to me with a sheepish smile. “I saw this when my mom took me shopping and I thought…you know…it’d look really cute on your daughter. It’s probably a little big; we didn’t know her size, but she’ll grow into it, right?”I didn’t think I had any heart left until I felt another piece of it break off. She wasn’t wrong, Emily would have looked amazing in it, but she would never have a chance to grow into it, nor would she ever wear it.The strained smile I’d been forcing dissolved. A lump lodged itself into the back of my throat requiring me to take several m
I considered writing him a note asking that he take care of them, but much like everything else, it didn’t matter. What would I care if he ripped through my room like the Tasmanian Devil after I was gone?The air inside my mother’s room was still. It was the first I’d been in there—the first I’d been in any of her rooms since my father left. Matt was welcome to cuddle and watch movies from time to time, but never me. There was an air of reverence that came with the subtle warning I shouldn’t have been there. I was walking on holy ground as a tainted sinner. Such a transgression would normally fill me with fear but that particular feeling couldn’t have been further away.I took the time to sweep my eyes across my mother’s room. How foreign it seemed, as if I’d been transported to another world. Nothing was out of place and the bed had been well-made. The blinds were half open, allowing light into the room while blott
Uncomfortable and uncertain, the nurse returned to her desk. Seeing her whisper about me with her colleagues brought the laughter to the next level. My insides hurt from how hard I laughed, and I could feel a pressure building inside my head, but even then…I couldn’t stop laughing.Those around me grew unsettled by the persistent nature of my unprovoked laughter. One by one, they rose from the chairs closest to me and made their way to stand at the wall at the opposite end of the waiting room or by the nurse’s desk.Their evasion tickled my insides until they screamed. Those people had nothing to fear; I wasn’t the murderer.By the time I was allowed to see Jayden, the laughter had died. It was replaced by a subdued silence that stood in stark contrast to the boisterous half-cackle half-wail I’d carried on with earlier.I didn’t have the energy for it…didn’t have the energy for anything. I’d been dra