It was another seven minutes before the paramedics arrived and when they did, there was a race against time to get me stable. I’d already lost too much blood and kept slipping in and out of consciousness. I learned later that the police had also been called but in the haze I’d fallen into, I couldn’t say when they arrived on our usually quiet street.
I was loaded into the ambulance with my brother and an officer accompanying us. It was Detective Charles, the man who’d promised my mother he would find out the truth about her ex-husband’s sudden, tragic death. He didn’t know what to make of the scene he’d come onto but knew there was a deep well that buried secrets so dark that two children had no business holding onto them.
Conversations carried on around me, but they were too muffled by my fading consciousness for me to hear. The next time I awoke, I was on a hospital bed with my brother asleep on the chair that sat in the corn
Three weeks later, my brother and I dutifully attended our mother’s funeral. There were only a handful of people in attendance and even then, they were mostly family. The genuine friends my mother had made were no more than a handful and only one of them shed any tears.Aunt Rebecca was the only immediate family member to cry with even Nana maintaining a wall of stoicism while the pastor carried on with his final sermon. I didn’t hear most of his words. My eyes locked on the casket waiting to be lowered with a detached sense of disbelief. At any moment, it would open, and my mother would come out barking her laughter at all the fools who’d thought a single bullet would be enough to keep her from her children. She would hug Matt and promise she would never leave him then offer me a plastic smile as she assured me we would talk about it all when we got home.I’d spent the better part of the earlier service with my eyes fixed on the woman while the
“There’s…there’s something I need to tell you.” I only needed the courage to find the words.Jayden’s brows creased as he took me in. “What is it…?”“You’ll be angry.”“I won’t.”“You can’t promise that; you don’t even know what it is…”“And you can’t be sure I will be until you’ve told me and given me a chance to react.”We sat at a silent stalemate as several minutes trickled by. I knew he was patiently waiting for whatever bad news I would spring, and I knew it would hurt him. The fear I harboured had nothing to do with ending the new fairytale I’d taken on and everything to do with the hesitation I felt following everything he’d done for me and now my brother.He didn’t deserve what I’d done, and it had been all for naught. I never got pregnant and didn’t h
We moved again. It was always the same; bills, nosy neighbours, new men, suspicious authorities, they made it difficult for us to settle in any one place for too long. My little brother, Matt, hated it; he’d throw a fit every time we had to start packing and Mom would get him whatever he wanted to ease the transition. It became obvious, sometime after he turned eight, that he didn’t really hate the moves but loved getting the presents. After that, his tantrums only ever got worse, and Mother’s indulgence only served to encourage them further. I never fussed. In the beginning, my compliance was a result of my intricate understanding of the correlation that existed between my protests and my mother’s unbridled retribution. But, the older I got the more I found myself looking forward to each new place. It was always a chance to start fresh where no one knew me and I could be anyone I wanted to be. Once, I was a hard-core goth girl who fastidiously washed her face and chan
When it started, it was the same as it always was; school dances, student body elections, pep rallies—I led two of those—and sporting events. Something about rules got sprinkled in but by then I’d completely checked out. Sitting still had always been difficult and, exacerbated by the monotonous droning of the school’s vice principal, I was in real danger of falling out of my chair. Sufficiently through with the sanctioned torture, I asked to be excused to the bathroom and then took off in the direction that seemed more promising. I wanted to check out the music room, chat up the teacher for a bit, and make sure he understood what a prodigy I thought myself to be. Mr. Roberts…I think that’s the name they’d given. It didn’t matter that I’d never been particularly gifted at any instrument. He would find my enthusiasm and passion too hard to resist and once I explained my fateful back story of belonging to failed musicians, he’d stumble over himself to help me actualise my dreams. Teach
"What . . .?" I challenged, hoping I’d only misheard him. "And you are?" The voice I’d intended to be strong had failed me, coming out with frail hesitation. "The guy with the power to get you in trouble.” He continued in a whisper as he leaned in. I could feel his breath against my ear and it sent a violent shiver down my spine. No. I was going to be in the band—I was going to play the drums and tell odd stories about Iggy my iguana. This…this wasn’t the start to my new school life that I was looking for and the more I thought about it was the less I could feel my lips. They remained stubbornly shut, trapped in their own uncertainty. I stared up at him, immobilised by the same fear that I had grown accustomed to at my old school. There were too many variables, the most pressing of them being my concern he was the type to ‘assert’ whatever power had been bestowed upon him by the school administration. I’d run into enough of those to last me another ten lifetimes. "Jayden, are you
In the hours that followed our orientation tour, thoughts of the convincing prankster relentlessly plagued my mind. It was that boyish grin, the ease in his movements and the way he’d been so sure of himself. It was the firmness of his chest and the mischief in his eyes that dared you to join in. They were silly little things that shouldn’t have mattered and yet, against my better judgement, I was entranced.It happened like that sometimes. You saw someone and everything just clicked in all the right—or wrong—ways. Jayden was trouble, I was nearly certain of it but that dimpled smile had etched itself into my memory in ways I’d never willingly admit.Listen to me, I sounded like a love-sick middle-schooler who’d never held hands with a boy. The disdain I felt for myself at having entertained such wayward thoughts was palpable, but even that wasn’t enough to silence the pounding in my chest every time his image flashed across my mind.Jayden had the charisma of a politician. I hadn’t y
While I was hardly the hopeless romantic, I liked a good challenge. Misguided as the idea was, they were my chance at redemption. Whenever I won, if only for that brief moment, I felt like I was finally good enough for my mother to love me. After winning anything, I’d be all beams and smiles, eagerly recounting my victory, then we would become the only two people in my world. She’d happily show me off; she’d call the rest of the family and spend hours with them on the phone bragging about what a brilliant kid I was. For just that moment…we would be a happy family.Those moments were always short lived, of course. After that, things would go back to normal and I’d have to work to convince myself that I never wanted her love to begin with all over again.It didn’t always work, but it worked often enough that I fell back to it each time the magic faded and the carriage turned back into a pumpkin.Would Mom care that I’d ‘won’ the student body president? I didn’t know, but winning had bec
"Are you crazy?" Madelyn countered, nearly shoving out of her own seat before catching herself. "You can’t just walk up to them. You gotta wait for one of them to acknowledge you and call you over first.""Why?" My eyebrows were rising ever higher with each new thing said about this mysterious body and the image I had cultivated was constantly changing. This…this was secret society cult business confirmed and that only made it more exciting.The sweet smiling politician was proving to be more interesting than I’d first imagined. It would be a shame when the time came to leave him behind. Madelyn shrugged, seeming at first to be at a loss of words that would make real sense. "That's just how things are done around here.""I think it's time we changed that," I said before turning on my heels and stalking off. I had to strike while the iron was hot and my nerves were still steeled. This would be nothing, a cakewalk, a…an…other metaphor that would make me think it was a good idea. All I