Chapter Thirteen

Brielle's POV.

Lucien and I returned to our regular lives, acting as though nothing important had happened. It was easier said than done, especially with the fact that  the secret mission was not something to be taken lightly, and I, for one, had decided to keep Zane in the dark about everything.

   "Where have you been?" Zane asked when we finally saw him later that evening. He looked worried.

   "Oh, just running some errands." I said, trying to sound casual. "You know how it is. I had to take a walk."

Lucien was right behind me.

   "How are you?" Lucien asked, completely disregarding the question, just like he had the tendency to do on a normal day.

Zane looked at us both with suspicion in his eyes, but he didn't press the matter further.

   "Alright. Just glad you're back."

The thrill of our secret mission and the deception added a layer of excitement to our daily interactions, Lucien and I.

Lucien and I would exchange glances whenever we saw each other, all while trying to maintain a facade of normalcy. It was somewhat exciting.

I was in the common room of the pack house one evening, and Lucien came in to sit with me. It was the hunting season, so others were out hunting or attending to other duties, including Zane, and that left the both of us with a rare moment of privacy.

   "Brielle." Lucien said, his voice low. "We need to talk about what happened with Laurel."

I nodded, feeling a knot tighten in my stomach.

   "I know. It's hard to keep this from Zane, but we have to. At least for now."

Lucien's eyes were intense as he looked at me.

   "I wasn't planning on telling him anything. Brielle, I know this is complicated. But we need to focus on the bigger picture. Chase is a threat, and we have to be prepared."

I nodded.

   "I know. But it's still hard, and it's not like we can do much to help."

Days had already turned into weeks, and the strain of keeping our secret began to wear on me. I found myself pulling away from Zane, unable to look him in the eye without feeling guilt. At the same time, I was drawing closer to Lucien. Crazy how all it took to get Lucien and I to talk normally was a little secret.

I sighed, and Lucien looked at me.

   "Brielle, are you okay? You seem... distant."

I hesitated, then sighed.

 

   "Not as distant as you."

   "Yes, but I saw you when others were engaging in training. You looked weak."

   "I just told you now, it's everything. The lies, the secrets. I hate keeping things from Zane."

Lucien's nodded.

   "For the best. Keeping a secret for this long could harm his heart, but aside that, it's for his safety. If Chase finds out we're onto him, it could put everyone at risk."

   "Yes, you're right." I said. "But it's tearing me apart."

   "That's alright. Just remember that you're not the only one holding this information. We both are."

I don't know if his words were meant to comfort me, or if he was just stating a fact, but I was affected by them. I realized I couldn't stop thinking about Lucien.

Because we spent so much time together, working to stop my nightmares and seeing the priestess, and these little moments we had alone, my feelings for him were growing stronger in spite of my relationship with Zane.

Days passed and I found myself constantly on edge. On one hand was my loyalty to Zane and on the other was the undeniable emotions I felt whenever I was with Lucien. The more I tried to ignore my feelings, the more they kept me awake.

Eventually, I was unable to bear the emotional torment any longer, and I decided to confront Lucien. I hoped that talking things out would help ease my mind and the tension between us.

I found him in his office, and he looked lost in thought when I opened the door. I took a deep breath and approached him, my heart pounding in my chest.

   "Lucien, we need to talk." I said straight up.

He looked up, his eyes locking onto mine.

   "What do you want to talk about? I'm not exactly a pleasant conversationalist, am I?"

I sat down beside him, feeling the warmth of the fire on my skin.

   "It's about us. About everything that's happened. I can't keep pretending like everything is fine."

Lucien's expression was serious, but there was a hint of something else in his eyes, something I couldn't quite place.

    "Oh really? For all I know, everything is fine." He looked like he was challenging me. I wanted to get up and out of the place, but I stayed put.

   "No, Lucien." I said, my voice shaking. "Everything is not fine. I've been lying to Zane, and it's eating me up inside. And there's something else."

 He leaned back in his chair, eyes narrowing.

“What else is there, Brielle?"

   "It's us." I blurted out, unable to hold it in any longer. "I can't stop thinking about you, about everything we've been through together. It's confusing, and I don't know what to do."

 Lucien's jaw tightened, and he looked away, staring at the fireplace.

"Brielle, this isn't..: easy for me either. I've been trying to keep my feelings in check, but it's hard when you're around all the time."

I was shocked to hear him say, because he was never one to confess.

   "So what do we do?" I asked, feeling tears welling up in my eyes. "I can't keep living like this, pretending everything is normal when it's not."

 He sighed deeply and stood up, walking over to the window.

"We can't act on these feelings, Brielle. It wouldn't be fair to Zane, and it would only complicate things even more."

   "I know." I whispered, my voice breaking. "But I can't help how I feel."

  Lucien turned back to face me, his expression torn. "Neither can I," he admitted. "But we have to be strong. For the pack, for Zane, and for us. Our time is over."

 The room fell silent, and I felt like I was suffocating, the weight of my emotions pressing down on me.

   "Lucien, I—" I started, but he interrupted me.

   "Brielle, please." He said, his voice strained. "Don't make this more complicated than it already is."

I nodded.

   "I understand." He said and got up to stand next to where I sat. "But I have to stay focused on the bigger picture. Chase is still a threat, and we need to be prepared."

 I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself.

"You're right. We'll get through this. Somehow."

 Lucien nodded. I stood to leave, but he reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me close.

   "Brielle." He whispered, his breath hot against my ear. "I do want you. More than you know. But we can't do this."

 My heart ached as I looked into his eyes, seeing the same pain reflected back at me.

"You're right. We can't."

 Our faces were inches apart, and then, before I could stop get out of his hold, he leaned in and kissed me. I couldn’t stop myself from kissing him back.

 The kiss was intense, full of all the emotions we had been holding back. It felt like a release, a moment of pure passion. But as quickly as it started, I pulled away, realizing what I had done.

   "I can’t believe—" I gasped, stepping back. "Look, we shouldn't have—"

   "It's okay." Lucien said, back to his usual self as he picked up some papers from his desk. "But we can't let this happen again."

 I nodded, feeling a mix of regret and longing.

"I know. Goodbye, Lucien."

   "Goodbye." He replied curtly.

 I turned and hurried out of the office, my heart pounding. As I walked away, I couldn't help but feel a sense of loss, knowing that things would never be the same between us.

 After that day, Lucien and I avoided each other as much as possible. Our interactions were brief and tense, and I felt guilty every time I saw Zane, knowing that I was keeping such a big secret from him.

   We couldn't go on like this forever. Something had to give, but I didn't know what. All I knew was that I couldn't bear the emotional torment any longer. Something had to change, and soon.