Chapter 2

My eyes were closed as I felt every beat of the first verse. Trying to loosen up and release all the negativity of my freaking life, I tried to feel the water up until my neck. The pool area was dim so the reflection of the arctic blue tiles filled the room because of the lights under me.

I swayed my arms to make waves so I smiled. I looked down and check my suit, bandeau style top and thin-stringed bottoms, while mimicking the song “Strip” by Little Mix on my Playlist. “If you got little boobs, love it. If you got a big ass, grab it. If you got nothing big, rock it. It's your life, go get it, if you want it,” I sang and swayed my hips this time.

Up in the mirror like. “Ah, yeah!”

Lovin' my figure like. “Ah, yeah!”

When I'm slim or I'm thick, I'm like. “Ah, yeah!”

I followed the last line, “Swear I’m a kill `em like, Ah!” Then laughed because of the weird sound that I created. It felt like arousing to hear because of the accent I used. I let the song played this time and focus on the water, my home. This was my favorite me time. Here, I did what I wanted and I got what I wished to have and what I had to need. This made me feel mellifluous and I waas loving how cold water touched my skin.

I roamed around the pool since I was the only one who was here. This place was mine and when I said mine, I mean I bought this place, and designed and built this pool for myself, which also had a small condo unit—like house suitable for me if I wanted to stay here for good. I stored things and goods here so whenever I wanted to be isolated from everything, then I had this place where nobody knew. I didn’t let anyone know it and all that I said to them whenever they were looking for me, I was somewhere I should be. Water.

THE OLD WOMAN in front of me literally snapped as I entered the door of my house. I raised a brow when I saw her because... “How did you get here?” Mabilis kong ibinaba ang pouch ko sa side antique table malapit sa pinto.

She sarcastically laughed. “Ikaw pa talaga ang ganyan sumagot? Hindi ba dapat ikaw ang tinatanong ko? Saan ka na naman galing? Death Anniversary ng Mommy mo pero ayun ka gala nang gala at hindi man lang inisip—”

“I always think of Mom!” I cut her off. “Lagi ko siyang iniisip at never kaming naka-miss ni Oshlov sa pagbisita ng puntod niya at kahit na walang okasyon, pumupunta pa kami roon. How `bout you? Naaalala niyo lang siya sa death anniversary niya kasi you are partly involved to her—” Hindi ko pa tapos ang sasabihin ko pero natahimik ako nang sampalin niya ako. Mabilis akong humarap at sinamaan siya ng tingin. “You did not visit Mom when she needed you!” I continued.

“Bastos kang bata ka! Buti na lang at wala na ang mga bisita rito pati na rin ang mga kamag-anak natin sa mga kapatid namin kung hindi ay nakita pa nila ang bunganga mong b****a! Hindi ka napalaki ng maayos ni Ate Cerann o sadyang nagmana ka lang sa manloloko mong ama?” she shouted which made me furious, idagdag mo pa ang sinabi niya.

I whispered a curse and I didn’t care if she heard that. Respect begets respect. If you could not give that damn thing to me, I could not give it back to you.

That’s it. Bago pa ako tuluyang sumabog, I managed to grab my pouch and went outside. I blinked and shook my head, convincing myself not to cry. I won’t waste a single tear because of asses that I didn’t give a single poop.

I got my phone and called Dad to console myself by just hearing his voice. “Daddy,” I immediately spoke when he answered the call. “I... Can we talk for like five minutes or more?” I pleaded and I heard him sigh.

“Sure, my little monster.” I could feel his smile while saying those words and damn, it freaking made me soft. I wanted to cry but of course, I wouldn’t let that happen. I was that strong girl he knew and I couldn’t disappoint him. Kahit man lang sa bagay na iyon, maipagmalaki niya ako o maalala man lang na, may anak siyang sobrang tapang. “What do you want to talk about?” he asked.

“Caroline and I fought,” I simply announced and he chuckled. I pouted. “What’s funny, Dad?”

“You,” he responded. “You are sad because of that? You lost the conversation with your aunt? I am on your side and you—”

“Nawp!” I cut him off, emphasizing the p sound. “Yeah, you should be on my side. Hindi ako nagpatalo. It’s just the idea of Mom and death makes me sad tapos dadagdag pa ang babae na iyon,” I confidently objected but he just, again, chuckled.

“Dad! You’re always laughing. You’re too happy.” I sensed that so I sighed. “Wish I am too,” I murmured.

“Do what makes you happy,” he replied.

There and then, that moment, I thought of something beautiful to make me happy. I had the money for my survival and materialistic side’s happiness and I thought, one more thing was the only lacking as of now.

“How will I make you come home, then?” Me, trying to give a hint out of having here by my side. That made me happy.

Kung gaano ako kabilis nagtanong, ganoon siya katagal sumagot. It wasn’t just a pause, it was like he read a long period in a fragment or a sentence. “Dad,” I called his attention again.

“I can’t, little monster.” Now he spoke, and I didn't like it. I smiled short and just nodded, telling my inner lone soul that it was fine for not having him. Yeah, damn right. Freaking fine.

“I know. You prioritize your family there,” I just told him.

“Ibiza—”

“I will just go somewhere else, Dad,” I convinced him.

“Take care. Have fun with that black soul,” referring to Oshlov. He knows I will be with her.

“Oshlov is a good person,” I claimed.

“I mean that black literally. Oshi is a girl like you. I understand,” bawi naman niya kaya natuwa ako. Unlike other people, Dad knew us, Oshlov and I, for being too free, liberated and chill about life. He even convinced us not to worry much of what’s happening with the social issues and just enjoyed everything. He also said that what’s important was what made us happy, good and financially stable.

“Okay, Dad. I love you.” I smiled.

“I love you more, my little monster,” he ended the conversation so I cut the call. Hindi ko maiwasang mapangiti tuwing tinatawag niya akong little monster. It softened my heart and soul and it felt like he really accepted who I really was, which what all I freaking needed.

As the call ended, I texted Oshlov to come with me and chilland my phone rang. She replied, immediately.

Oshlov: Hey, bitch. Sorry. I can’t. Tired because of vape shop shits. Magpahinga ka naman dyan. Bawi ako next time. Know what? Hindi ba’t may dare pa ako sa `yo?

You: Dare? Hahahahaha

Oshlov: The cheating game, eh?

Mabilis na napakunot ang noo ko at inalala ang bawat inom na gumagawa kami ng dare ni Oshlov tuwing bored kami dahil sa drama ng mga kaibigan namin, pero hindi ko na talaga maalala.

You: What? Can’t remember, bitch.

Oshlov: Cheat with Cydeo.

After reading the message, I stopped. Hindi ko malaman kung anong ire-reply ko kasi wala yata akong lusot sa bagay na ito. Cydeo got a girlfriend and they were good together. I liked Cydeo and I liked flirting with f-boys but I still became sofhearted when he was involved. Kaya ko ba? For what reason?

Oshlov: Come to class so you could see Cydeo, the love of your life.

Ibiza: Iw

That’s the only thing I replied. Two letters which tells that what she said is disgusting but—

Fudge. Why does my heart beat so fast?