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2021-08-19 01:04:34I spend the morning filling out applications and emailing Jake’s assistant back, over apartments she’s sent me to look over. Choosing a couple that I think look nice I tell her to set me up viewings for as soon as possible. One of them is small, close to the school, and looks cozy and easy to maintain. My instant gut reaction to the pictures is that it is more than a possibility.
Arrick came back so late last night I didn’t even hear him come home. Sound asleep and oblivious to what time he came back after tossing and turning myself into unconsciousness. I don’t want to know anything about where they were, what they said, or what they did. I don’t even want to know what time he showed up, because my mind will probably point in directions that kill me, about what they could’ve been doing half the night at her apartment. I’m so not able to cope with tha
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The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 80
“These are good, Sophs, I mean it. You have skills.” I can’t tell by his tone if he’s joking and mocking me, or if he’s serious. I’m still hanging down his back, using my palms on his muscular shoulder blades to try to lever myself up. Aware my hands are roaming over him freely, and he doesn’t seem to give a shit. It’s obvious that his ‘not appropriate’ sensor is switched off at the moment, and he really is focused on my artwork.“Let me go. You’re an asshole.” I snap at him and then yelp when he slaps me on the ass hard enough to make it sting and ring loudly. I guess my book has been discarded if he suddenly has a free hand and twist to try and get a better look. We’re now at the kitchen counter, and instead of holding it up he has it laid out on the black marble surface and is turning it, page by page, slowly as he takes a proper good look.“Sophs, I’m serious. These are
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 81
“Pretty sure we have, more than once. Maybe you were just too drunk to remember. I carried you to bed twice when you stayed here, after a party. Couldn’t trust any of the guys not to climb in with you and make a play for something more, so you slept with me.” I stare at him in disbelief, trying to recall any time I have ever woken up in his bed and seem to remember hazy memories of doing so once or twice, but always alone. I just assumed he let me use his bed and slept elsewhere. It feels kind of nice, in a warm weird way, to know that I have actually slept with him. That he took care of me that way and shared a bed without even knowing I had. My heart expands with affection, appreciating him with a definite smile and losing all the last ounces of shyness.Still my Arry after all.“Always the gentleman.” I giggle, toying with his shoe with the toe of mine still, distracted by the motion, and happier that we are being more like us,
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 82
The day rolls by in an oddly familiar way. Arrick reappears after lunch when he hears the buzzer from the food place I ordered from, and I guess the smell of it, considering he eats like a horse and is always hungry. I’ve been sensible for once and picked an organic food deli that does salad and wholesome food spreads, knowing he’s still supposed to be on a strict eating regime and lately he’s been eating really badly, mostly because of me. I really can’t cook, so my attempts at making him anything ‘Tasha’ style would probably result in food poisoning or a serious bout of indigestion at the least. I know my limits, and making food is definitely not one of my skills. I also let him off with the sundae search, feeling guilty that he’d be breaking a food rule just for me.We play Xbox for two hours, fight over games, controls, and squabble over the fact he’s a huge cheat who never lets me win at anything. I make him eat pillow a fe
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 83
I walk out of my room sassily when I’m dolled up in the figure-hugging cocktail dress. It’s knee length, has a tight pencil skirt and a bust popping upper bodice that has off the shoulder straps and a serious amount of boning to give me a vampy tailored body. I think I’m even more in love with it now than I was the first time I tried it on and it’s one of those dresses that look bland on the hanger, but stunning on a body. It’s definitely not something I would have worn in the past months, to go to some seedy bar with seedy friends, but Arrick’s friends hang out in upmarket, classier clubs, and this dress will totally fit in.“Wow! You look stunning.” He’s on his feet in a flash, his eyes devouring me in a way that is not Arry at all, and I get that he suddenly feels uncomfortable when his eyes drop away with a slight tense of his jawline. He picks up his jacket and slides it on while avoiding looking at me, then I hand hi
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 84
In heels as high as these, it makes me the perfect height to snuggle up close; my head just past his shoulder and his eyes move to my mouth. I frown away the urge to lock mine on him, as it’s the third time I’ve gotten the vibe he wants to kiss me and get overly frustrated.What’s stopping you already?“Asshole.” I spit back, nestling closer to him in his embrace, encouraging more, but also so I don’t need to face him and see exactly how he’s looking at me if he isn’t going to do anything about it. If he wants it, then he has to make some moves. The elevator pings and the door slides open.“What happened to Massive Douchebag? I like that one, it has a sexy ring to it.” He nudges me suggestively with his hip, so I’m moved but not knocked over, his face sliding close to mine again as he gazes at me with humor. He bites on his bottom lip, very ‘dude’, sexy, playful yet that hint
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 85
We find his group fast, enveloped into handshakes and hugs and I even recognize a couple of familiar faces of people I have accompanied Arrick with over the years. I’m passed from person to person, as we reacquaint and Arrick is caught in the throes of welcomes and back slaps. He’s always been a sociable and friendly guy. He eases into the whole guy among guys thing so fluidly, at home with his circle of friends and at ease to just be Arry. Not a rich Carrero tycoon, or even Arrick Carrero, fighter extraordinaire.The club is pretty cool, one I’m sure I have never been to, and it’s obvious the door fee is higher than most places, by the type of people milling around. It screams trendy, upmarket and stinks of money. I’m surprised that he comes here. I know they usually opt for classier places, but normally he likes more middle ground clubs. Affordable for his friends who are not born into money, and this is not one of those. Knowing him, he probab
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 86
“I’m not really a fan of babies. I don’t know how you do it. I mean, I like my family’s kids, I love them. But I’m not overly fond of little babies and kids in general. I don’t see that happening for me for a long, long time, or if ever.” I shrug as a matter of fact, my nerves and combined guilt giving me verbal diarrhea, and Arrick’s insistence on carrying on a conversation with Nathan, makes me feel like I should fill the awkward gap between Natasha and me.“You sound like him.” She prods Arrick in the arm and he looks down at us nonplussed.“What? What sounds like me?” He’s obviously caught the tail end of what we are talking about and leans in as she repeats it, to hear her over the thrum of music that’s getting a little louder from the dancefloor below
Last Updated : 2021-08-19The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 87
Natasha really cannot dance; it’s so bad, it’s painful, but she seems to embrace it like a champ, and we end up giggling ridiculously. I try showing her how to shimmy but she just can’t, how to sexy wiggle, which is worse than bad, and even for the life of me, I try showing her how to just sway side to side and fake a dance, but each and every attempt is just hopeless. I have never known a woman have such little fluidity to her movements as her, and she seems so prim and proper out there that I have to rescue her before this starts to become embarrassing. I shake my head when it’s clear the new faster beat to the next song is beyond her capabilities and drag her back to the bar above, back into the fold of Arrick’s friends in a happier mood, strangely light and forgetting everything else for a minute.When we get back up the stairs, I notice he’s standing at the bank of windows with Nathan and a couple of other men. They’ve been watch
Last Updated : 2021-08-19
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The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 222
I deserve it, I know I do, probably worse, it’s not even that painful but as I stare at her again, I can’t hide how much it actually wounded my heart. Sophie has lashed out at me before, sure, in crazy ways, frenzy fueled attacks when lost in her pain or triggered with her PTSD, but she’s never slapped me in the face for anything. This was a direct ‘how fucking dare you’ kind of assault that speaks volumes to the depths of the carnage I’ve caused on her soul.“You lost me. You don’t get to do that anymore.” She wails at me, pulling my hands and arms from her body and shoves me back with as much force as she can muster. Prickly, seething, hating me with utter crushing heartbreak. She’s breathing as heavily as I am although her pain and hysteria seem to be calming mine and I know I need to stay patient and cool if I’m going to bring her down from fierce.I know how to deal with her at her worst, I can hand
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 221
Arrick’s POV~ Leila’s party ~Leila’s party is losing its sparkle for me. Too drunk, too miserable at having to see Sophs swanning around with golden boy Christian all night and I am done with being here. I’ve said my goodbyes to my brother and I’m leaving before I do something stupid I’m going to totally regret concerning ‘boyfriend’ and drag Sophs into a dark corner to kiss the shit out of her if I stay here. Seeing her looking this beautiful, this happy with someone else is killing me.I spy Sophs, Leila, and Daniel huddled together at the front door as I head that way, a little too late due to not watching where I was going and swerve at the last second before she spots me. My heart lurching at running into her again when I’m already a complete emotional wreck. Hating that even still, my initial reaction to seeing her is a swift kick in the gut. Almost keeling sideways because I am way too
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 220
Arrick’s POV~ Seeing Sophie again. (Restaurant) ~I push the money in the driver’s hand as I follow Charlie and Tom out of the cab onto the sidewalk. I’m still tired from my three hours in the training ring and starving, it’s my turn to pay for lunch and I got to pick the venue. This place is new and no chance of Natasha hitting it with her colleagues on her lunch break either. I’ve been trying to put distance between us since the breakup, trying to stay out of her way and I hate that she has a knack for showing up wherever I am. It feels like she just won’t let go, and although I understand her pain at our breakup, it’s also stifling, and I just want her to move on. She won’t do that if she keeps trying to cling to me.“Hurry up, man.” Tom, my sparring partner today is impatient as hell and throwing me a look that is supposed to hurry me up. I straighten on the street and glare him down.
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 219
It kills me that I can love her this much and was stupid enough to give that up, to give her up. It’s so black and white in the clear light of my brain defogging and how fucking dumb I am. It was never about what my heart wanted; it was always about what was best for everyone else’s.I don’t want Natasha; I don’t think I ever really did. I want Sophie. If I’m being honest then I’ve always wanted her, needed her. It’s why I could never ignore the two a.m. cries for help. It’s part of my soul to be there for her to fall on, to depend on, to call, and lean on. I grew up for her and became her rock, gave her that safe space to grow and heal and kept the world at bay so it didn’t touch her. I created our bubble together so Sophie could thrive and feel secure, enjoy life without fear and I always told myself it was because I never had a kid sister and she just screamed out for protection. So precious, so angelic and I wanted to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 218
Arrick’s POV~ Breaking up with Natasha ~Sitting on my couch, leaning forward with elbows propped on my knees, I stare at my cell for the millionth time and scroll to Sophie’s name on the list. Last call was twenty-eight days ago... twenty-eight long days of hell, silence, loneliness, and lack of Sophie. Twenty-eight days; the last time I felt anything but the constant absence of her and heavy pit in my stomach, from her disappearing in every single way, and leaving a gaping silent sunless space in my life.I’m missing her like crazy, keeping her last texts messages because it’s all I have left of her to hold on to. I scroll to the very last one, again. It’s a nothing text; I don’t even remember what it was in response too, as it’s not connected to the conversation before it. Just one single text, one that sums her up in so very few words and I stare at it as my chest heaves with that same ingrained weight
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 217
Natasha’sPOV~ Life after Sophie ~I watch Arrick push his food around his plate distractedly, eyes on what he’s doing, yet he seems completely detached from the here and now. We’re in a busy restaurant, the food is good, the company not so much; he has barely said two words the whole time we have been here, and he has had about four beers with dinner so far.Arrick never drinks excessively, normally, but I guess this sums up our life of the past three weeks. I’m irritated, upset but I am trying to keep the pleasantries going. I am trying so hard to not let it get to me, to keep a smile on my face, a positive outlook that we can get through this bump in the road of our relationship, but he makes it so hard.I try not to watch him too much as I eat my own food and give up on small talk. His nods and ‘hmm’ responses make me want to throw my wine glass at him, and I am trying to avoid all forms of naggi
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 216
Arrick’s POV~ Letting Sophie go ~I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling of my room. I haven’t moved from this spot all night, still fully dressed and unable to even get up and function. The weight in my chest is almost holding me in place, crushing me with the pain, and I can’t stop running last night through my mind endlessly. I’m restless, torn, scrunching my fingers in my hair like I can rip this out of my head. The worst sort of agony that surpasses all.I want to go to her room and see her, but I can’t. I can’t get her out of my head, even though she is only feet away and it’s torturing me.I kissed Sophie... I did more than kiss her, and it felt good, it felt right. It made me feel a thousand things about her that I can’t even begin to analyze, comprehend how to, and all it did was make everything fall apart even more than it was, especially when Natasha showed up and slapped me back to
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 215
Arrick’s POV~ After the nightclub ~I sink back on the couch and stare into the semi darkness, cradling my second coffee since we got back here, and try like hell to sober myself up. Head swimming and sinking slowly into the softness of my couch, while trying to get a grip on reality. All I have done since we got home is sit here and try to pull all the shit in my head back together. Try to make sense of the entire night that pretty much went to crap from the moment I downed the first vodka.Drink and I are not friends right now, and if I have any chance of salvaging anything, then I need to sober up fast. Sophie is in the shower, she headed there as soon as we got back, and I sat here waiting for her. I need to talk to her, to figure some of this out and I have no clue what to do. Tonight, taught me a couple of things.One. That drunk, I feel about Sophie the way she feels about me and I want her in every way; physically, menta
The Carrero Heart (series book 2) 214
Sophie grabs my wrist and tries to yank me to the side, but I cannot tear my eyes from her. I want to tell her I made a mistake, that she is who I want, that she is all I can even think about. I want to wipe away the memory of that asshole on her body, and replace it with memories of kissing her softly, cherishing her always. No one should ever touch her, except me.“Natasha.” She snaps at me and slaps my hands down from her face harshly, bringing my focus back to reality again. I tear my eyes from her and glance up as I see Tasha heading our way, looking completely non-plussed and again the accompanying guilt is like a constant shadow with her, and wracks me to the bone and almost smashes me in the skull. Nothing hits home and drills to my shame brain, like Natasha’s appearance.It makes me feel shit for even thinking what I just did. That same doubt and uncertainty hitting me with equal force, and I sigh hard. So much for fucking choosing.&l
