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154
“Look, stop worrying … Jake’s a trained kick boxer, he spent half his life fighting for fun, he’ll be fine. Ben is no opponent.” He shrugs, completely unphased.
I can do nothing but blink at him. So much like his brother but not, the fairer hair thing totally threw me and hazel eyes. Also, the fact that not once that he’s touched me have I felt any repulsion or fear. I only felt what I do when Leila or Sarah touch me. Quiet trust for someone who’s almost family. This is so new to me I don’t even know how to process it.
“Jake will follow as soon as he gets my message.” He grins at me. “He’s got it bad with you. You’ll see.”
I relax back into my chair and close my eyes, trying not to picture Jake sprawling in the street with Ben Huntsberger. Trying not to picture that smug face as he moved in to kiss m
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I sit for what feels like an eternity, waiting with bated breath and extreme anxiety coursing through me. Finally, the door opens, and voices come into the apartment. There seems to be more than one and I can’t tell if any are Jake. I wait and listen. A male laugh that sounds like Daniel, possibly Arrick too and then I hear Jake, low and husky and my heart constricts with relief.The bedroom door opens almost instantly, and he sticks his head around sheepishly, his brows furrowed as he locks eyes with me. Like a child about to meet the headmaster. There’s no evidence of any fighting on him at all, no messy face or mussed hair, no torn clothing. I look away from him, emotion rising in my throat, relief and upset. I want to cry suddenly now that he’s finally here and safe.He walks toward me, I can smell the outside air from his clothes and the faint smells of nightclub and a lot of alcohol as he gets closer.“You still mad at me, bambi
The Carrero Effect 156
It’s what I want. It shocks me, that after everything in my life, every man who ever tried to force himself on me, I want him to do this to me. He’s right though; the thrill of what he’s suggesting has me writhing and arching my body below him in wanton desire, almost begging him to take me with force. I’ve so much anger and aggression within me tonight and it needs release. This endless need to have Jake forcefully take me must have deeper, emotional roots but I don’t care. Whatever messed up part of me switches this on is beyond my comprehension and I don’t want to begin analyzing it. He sits up, letting go of me suddenly so he can lift his weight over me at a distance, giving me space. He releases my legs, too. His eyes meeting mine.“One little word, Emma, and I quit, okay? Just say stop and I’ll leave you alone.” He looks at me differently, apprehension in his eyes for a moment. His voice unsure. I steel my gaze, lift
The Carrero Effect 157
“I don’t think so. I said when I choose, not you.” He lifts me up from the floor around the waist, igniting my flight or fight mode and I begin clawing and kicking furiously. Physically fighting him but he just laughs at me when he dumps me back on the bed. The anger searing now, teen Emma so undeniably on show and spitting teeth. All hands and claws, slapping and launching at him. No hiding my crazy from him anymore, she is on full show and he isn’t fazed by her at all. Instead he handles her like a pro.I was so close to orgasm that his stopping has sent me over the edge. I throw myself at him, trying for a slap, his hand catching my wrist, I try with the other, but he catches that too. Throwing me on my back hard on the bed and following fast, he kisses me harshly, his mouth demanding, his touch forcing me to open and let him in. His tongue pushing against mine almost commandingly. He’s forced my arms at the side of my head,
The Carrero Effect 158
“You took your hair down … It sounds so nothing when I say it aloud, but I saw you at your desk, sitting engrossed in work. I watched you for a moment, transfixed by the difference it made. You looked soft and innocent, almost vulnerable, like losing that polished, school mistress hair had made you forget the mask for a second and I knew straight away that I was in danger of having my head fucked over by a girl who didn’t seem to want to know me.” He kisses me again, more meaningfully this time.“How could you know that when you barely knew anything about me?” I giggle at him and his earnestness. My racing thoughts calming away as we lay here.“Because I had come to realize that you didn’t trust men. You didn’t trust me. There was something about you, a fear about letting me, or any guy, close, I could sense it even though I didn’t understand it … And seeing you just for that moment without the mask, a
The Carrero Effect 159
“You said you wanted to go see her, so we’re going.” He hands me my case to pack, but I put it back down on the bed moodily.“I’ve changed my mind.” I pout, trying to avoid his gaze on me, sitting on the edge and pulling at my hair. I’m emotional again and I’ve no idea why. This was decided by me and yet now he’s making good on my decision, I’ve changed my mind.“Look, Emma … I know things with her are messy, but I don’t want you waking up one day and regretting this. Go, talk … Just do it.” He picks up my case and flips it open, pulling my fingers out of my hair as he passes, wandering to the wardrobe he starts pulling out some of my casual clothes and throwing them toward it.What is this obsession he has with packing for me?“Why do you care if I see her or not?” I snap, irritated by his pushiness. We’ve had a week of lazing arou
The Carrero Effect 160
Strange. “I’m really glad you’re here … Both of you.” She smiles without looking up. I hand Jake the bowl of salad after dishing my own and watch her, I feel like there is so much to say yet I don’t have the words at all.Where would I start? Twenty-six years of pent-up emotions and accusations, yet here we are, acting like me coming home for a weekend with my boyfriend is normal. Not that she’s even asked if that is what he is now. Maybe that’s what that look was all about, maybe it’s obvious.Jake digs into his food, his normally chatty self, quiet, he’s leaving me to take the next step and for once I would rather ultra-sociable Carrero would just step in. He’s a master at idle chit-chat and dominating a conversation, normally.“I’m not sure how long we’ll be staying,” I mutter indirectly to break the silence.Maybe it’s best to
The Carrero Effect 161
“What the fuck?” I spin, yelling at her. “Is that how you justify it to yourself? That I just imagined it?” My pain can’t conceal itself. “Or was it that I asked for it, Mother? Like I seduced Ray?” I swipe the counter in my rage, sending crockery flying and smashing to the floor. Jake’s on his feet instantly and comes to me in two strides, pulling me to him as tears fill my eyes and he tries to reign me in a little. I push him away and turn on her again. Putting myself in front of him so I can face her.“Why do you always do this?” I yell but she continues to sit with her eyes faced forward on the wall across from her, her expression blank as though her child is just having a tantrum. “You always make me feel this way! You always act this way whenever I try to broach this subject.” It’s all ripping loose from inside of me, teen Emma not caring if Jake sees her in all her ugly fury. Jake tries
The Carrero Effect 162
He helps me pack my things back into my bag silently. We had lain in silence, just entwined, until the pilot called to inform us the jet would be ready for take-off by the time we got to the airfield. He watches me steadily but leaves me alone with my thoughts, he knows I won’t talk about this anymore. The wall is up on the matter and I’m already filing it into the back of my head with all the other crap I never want to face. I won’t bring it up again, much like I never bring Marissa up. He knows me well enough to leave it alone, now that he seems to finally understand how I tick inside.I feel like a complete failure. I’m numb from over thinking, pushing it all back into the recess of my mind, back into that little black box with the rest of my heartache and terrors.Back with the child who used to cry herself to sleep in fear of her bedroom door creaking open in the darkness. * * *
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